by Aya Mai
Grayson placed the flowers on the sofa table, making an important decision. He wasn’t going to give Ava the space she wanted. He wasn’t going to give her time to think about only God knows what. He was going to show her he was serious when he said he was going to be there every step of the way, that she was stuck with him. He damn sure wasn’t going to let her walk away from him that easily and without a fight.
With a newfound determination, Grayson hurried to the door and drove to Ava’s apartment.
****
‘’Open up, Ava!’’ Grayson shouted, pounding his fist against her front door.
‘’Go away, Grayson. I said I needed time to think,’’ Ava replied, sounding like she was standing just on the other side, taunting him with her close presence.
‘’I’m not leaving until we have talked. I don't care how long I have to wait. I’ll stay here and wait all night if I have to.’’
Grayson heard Ava unlock the door and immediately stood up straight, anticipation and nerve-wracking suspense making him rub his fingertips together.
When he laid eyes on Ava, he finally relaxed. Seeing that she was okay and unharmed always calmed him down.
Grayson pushed past her, forcing his way inside the apartment.
‘’What the fuck, Ava! What’s your problem? What do you think you’re doing going back here on your own?’’
Ava raised her brows and placed her hands on her hips. Grayson’s hard and accusatory tone wasn’t the right way to handle things, but he was in turmoil, his emotions raging as waves during a storm.
‘’I sent you a text, what part of the text didn’t you understand?’’ Ava sassed.
‘’Why?’’ Grayson shouted, once again letting his emotions take charge instead of letting the calm, calculative businessman be on point. ‘’Why do you need space and time to think?’’ Grayson bit out the words. They tasted awful on his tongue.
‘’I don’t know, I just do.’’
‘’What is it that you need space from? What is it that you absolutely must think about?’’
‘’You...and me…and us…everything. I just need a minute.’’
‘’Too bad, you’re not getting it.’’
‘’Excuse me,’’ Ava replied, her voice sounding stronger, almost as it did before the surgery.
Grayson inched closer, not stopping until his face was merely an inch away from hers, his large body hovering over her small frame.
Ava gulped, her eyes widening with excitement and...could that be lust. That couldn’t possibly be true. She couldn’t be turned on, could she? Grayson had read all there was to read about breast cancer, and most women experienced a lack of lust and want for intimacy after undergoing such hardship, which was why Grayson had completely turned off that side of him. He never wanted to put that kind of pressure on Ava. She was the one in charge. She was the one deciding their speed.
‘’I said, too bad, I’m not going to give you space or time to think,’’ Grayson repeated. ‘’Do you really think that I’m that stupid? I’m not going to let you brood around on your own, thinking up stupid scenarios where you come to the conclusion that you’d be better off on your own. Better off without me. No way, sweetheart. If you want to be in your apartment, then so will I,’’ Grayson announced, dropping a duffel bag to the floor filled with clean clothes and toiletries.
‘’You are impossible,’’ Ava screeched.
She looked good. She looked more alive than she had for the past three weeks. Grayson felt his heart burst with joy, watching her as she angrily stomped back and forth. His little church mouse was starting to get claws again, but no way was he going to let her claw her way out of his reach.
‘’Listen, Grayson, I think it would be best for both of us to take some time apart. I need to heal, and you are busy with CPH and Montgomery Inc and Annabelle Hart and her wonderful book.’’
‘’Are you jealous?’’
‘’What? Jealous? Me? No, absolutely not. I have no reason to be jealous of Annabelle Hart,’’ Ava said.
Grayson almost believed her. He stepped in front of her, their breaths mingling with each other.
‘’You’re right. You have no reason to be jealous of Annabelle Hart or anybody else, just as I have no reason to be jealous of Martin Johnson and his flowers, right?’’
‘’Right,’’ Ava said, nodding obediently, completely tantalized by the great Grayson Montgomery, which he was cowardly going to take advantage of right now.
‘’Good, because I kind of destroyed his flowers when I saw that you had left my apartment and thrown my bouquet on the floor.’’
‘’It was an accident. I didn't mean for it to happen. I was just upset and needed time to think.’’
‘’Think about what, sweetheart?’’
‘’A lot of things. My head constantly feels like it’s about to explode.’’
Grayson gently gathered one of her chocolate-colored locks and twisted it around his finger before placing it behind her ear.
‘’Tell me what it is you’re thinking about and ask your questions. I’m not a mind reader, Ava. I’ve tried my best to make you happy, haven’t I done a good enough job? I’ve taken care of you. I’ve entertained you. I’ve watched chick flicks with you. I’ve made sure you had manuscripts to read. I’ve told you all about the latest office gossip. I’ve cooked you dinners. I’ve literally done everything for you, what is it that I’ve done wrong?’’ Grayson asked helplessly, desperately wanting to possess the superpower of being able to read her gorgeous mind.
Ava muttered something so quietly Grayson couldn’t hear her words.
‘’What?’’ he asked, gently touching the tip of her jaw, guiding her head back so she once again was looking at him, making it impossible to avoid his questioning gaze.
‘’You haven’t touched me!’’ Ava exclaimed, taking a step back. ‘’You haven’t laid a finger on me since before the surgery. You haven’t touched me or looked at me. You haven’t even called me sweetheart or honey or love. The mastectomy changed things even though you promised it wouldn’t.’’
‘’That's not true.’’
‘’Yes, it is. Since the surgery, you have only kissed me on the forehead and always after telling me not to exert myself. I’m sick and tired of you treating me like a child. And I’m tired of you throwing beautiful female authors in my face. I know I’m lacking. I know I’m not pretty anymore, but you promised you wouldn’t change your mind. You promised you wouldn’t stop loving me.’’
Grayson felt wrecked, finally realizing the mistakes he had made. Even though Ava was sobbing, he couldn’t help but laugh. A loud, freeing laugh escaped him, and it felt good.
‘’Get out,’’ Ava shouted through her tears, pounding her hands against his chest. His little church mouse was demonstrating her claws, and he would gladly welcome the pain. ‘’Get out!’’ Ava shouted again.
Grayson took hold of her wrists, keeping her hands to his chest, stopping her onslaught and forcing her to remain close to him. A hint of strawberry caught his nose. He had missed the scent of her shampoo, he made a mental note to buy that shit for her when he had her back in his bed.
‘’No,’’ Grayson replied seriously, all hints of laughing gone. It was time to get down to business. He had never lost a deal, and he wasn’t going to start now. He bent his head, gazing into Ava’s sad, teary eyes. ‘’Do you really believe that something has happened between me and Annabelle?’’
Grayson held his breath; her answer was important. If she still didn’t trust him, he would just have to work harder to earn it. He swore to himself that no matter what, he would find a way to earn her trust.
‘’She’s beautiful,’’ Ava whispered, her voice breaking at the end.
‘’Do you really believe something has happened between me and Annabelle?’’
‘’She’s a great author. Her book is amazing.’’
‘’Do you really believe something has happened between me and Annabelle?’’
Grayson asked for the third time.
‘’You met with her in your office. After office hours,’’ Ava sobbed.
Grayson flinched, knowing what pictures must have gone through Ava’s head. He had been a damn thoughtless fool.
‘’Do you really believe something has happened between me and Annabelle?’’
‘’She looks like me, except she has breasts.’’
‘’Do you really believe that something has happened between me and Annabelle?’’ Grayson asked again.
‘’No,’’ Ava gulped, letting out another string of sobs. ‘’No, I don’t. I trust you, but I also know you, Grayson.’’
‘’And what’s that supposed to mean, honey?’’
‘’I know when the last time we had sex was, and I know your sex drive. I can’t ask you to be celibate until I’m ready to be intimate again. Have you ever gone a month without sex?’’
‘’No, probably not, but there is a first time for everything, right?’’
‘’You make it sound like it’s no big deal, but it is. Besides, I know...’’ Ava sobbed.
Grayson couldn’t take it anymore, so he crushed Ava to his chest, wrapping a hand in her hair while drawing soothing up and down motions on her back with the other.
‘’What is it that you know? Please tell me.’’
‘’You can’t stand to touch me or even look at me.’’
‘’That’s not true, sweetheart.’’
‘’Even when you help me take baths, you don’t look at me, you don’t even sneak a peek. I get it. I’m ugly.’’
‘’You got it all wrong, babe.’’
‘’Stop calling me all those things when you don’t mean them. I don’t want your pity.’’
‘’Enough!’’ Grayson’s voice boomed. He yanked her back, making sure she could see his face and the honesty in his eyes. He needed to make sure she understood the things he was about to say. ‘’For the past three weeks, I’ve tried to be on my best behavior. I’ve read everything there is to read about breast cancer. Me not calling you endearments, or touching you, or looking at you has nothing to do with me not wanting you, Ava. You have no idea how badly I crave you. I constantly have to pound out my frustrations in the gym.’’
‘’I don’t understand.’’
‘’I haven’t touched you because I’ve read that a lot of women don’t like being touched or being intimate after undergoing such a life-altering surgery. I haven’t looked at you because I don’t wanna make you feel any more uncomfortable than you already feel. I see the look on your face when you look at yourself in the mirror. I see the disgust in your eyes. Trust me when I say that I have been losing my mind not being able to hold you, to kiss you, to tell you how beautiful I think you are. I just want everything to happen at your pace. You’re the one in charge, Ava. You're the one deciding the speed.’’
‘’You could have told me that,’’ Ava sobbed, her tears turning from sad to happy. ‘’Does that mean that you still care for me.’’
‘’334 days.’’
‘’What?’’
‘’334 days. That’s how long we’ve known each other. 334 days ago, I saw you for the first time.’’
‘’You were trying to get in my pants.’’
‘’Actually, I was trying to get in your skirt, and can you blame me?’’ Grayson smiled wickedly. ‘’Then five minutes later, William showed up and made the official introductions.’’
‘’I remember. I was a nervous wreck. I bit down on the nail of my thumb so hard it broke.’’
‘’It was red.’’
‘’What?’’
‘’The color of your nail polish that day was red. You were the most stunning and paradoxical creature I’ve ever laid eyes on. Your wardrobe choice and behavior were polite and proper. But your nails were a fiery red. It made my blood pump even harder through my veins. It was the first time ever that a woman made my cold, womanizing, business-heart skip a beat. And then you started talking. You had me mesmerized by your knowledge, your passion, your feisty tongue whenever I went out of line. You were just something else. You are something else, Ava.’’
‘’I can’t believe you remember the color of my nail polish.’’
‘’I remember everything, love. And I do love you, Ava. I love you with all my heart, which is why I’m here sorting out our misunderstanding and not letting you get a second to yourself to think that we’d be better off apart. I may never be worthy of you, but I’m selfish. You’re mine, and I’m not letting go.’’
Ava gasped, her face lighting up with happiness. Grayson thought she would say it back. Her mouth opened in a pant, and she said the word I, but then she stopped, closing her mouth again.
Grayson smiled. He wouldn’t let her lack of declaration of love stop him from loving her. Someday she would say it and mean it, and that day would mean the world to him. Grayson Montgomery didn’t wait for anybody, except for Ava Campbell. He would wait a lifetime for her.
‘’And understand this, you stubborn and adorable church mouse - I’d rather fight with you than make love with anyone else.’’
Ava laughed, the sound sounding like a choir of angels. ‘’Are you seriously quoting Dermot Mulroney from The Wedding Date right now.’’
‘’Well, you did make me watch it, so it serves you right.’’
‘’You play dirty, Mr. Montgomery.’’
‘’Never said I wouldn’t. I am a scoundrel after all.’’
Grayson’s lips devoured Ava’s. He didn’t want to leave anything for her to be uncertain about. For the past three weeks, he had held back, giving her space and taking things slow, doing everything at her pace. Clearly, they had misunderstood each other, and Grayson was going to make sure there would be no further misunderstandings.
He was surprised when Ava responded to the kiss with just as much ferocity. Apparently, he hadn’t been the only one suffering the past few weeks. Love certainly made people do stupid things.
Their tongues battled for power. Grayson kept a firm hold on her jaw with his one hand while the other disappeared into her soft, chocolate-colored curls. He had missed her. It had been torture to be so close to the person you love and still not being able to touch them. He would never make that mistake again. He would never let Ava doubt herself or her beauty again.
Grayson reluctantly pulled back as not to perish due to oxygen deprivation. He rested his forehead against hers, staring with awe down on her vibrant brown eyes. Ava seemed more alive than she had since the surgery, and it made him smile a big, boyish grin.
‘’Come on, beautiful. Let’s go to bed and get some shut-eye.’’
‘’You won't sneak off in the middle of the night to go work out?’’
‘’No, I’m planning on getting a full night’s sleep with you wrapped securely in my arms.’’
As they laid in bed, Ava’s body tucked against his, Grayson finally felt content and at peace. He could taste it. Happiness.
‘’I want to have plastic surgery done as soon as possible. I want to have breasts. I don’t care that they’re fake, but I want them,’’ Ava said into the blackness of the room.
‘’Whatever you want, it’s yours, sweetheart,’’ Grayson responded in a slur, kissing her on top of her head.
‘’I could even get some bigger ones.’’
‘’Hmm..’’
‘’Would you like that?’’
‘’I don’t care, Ava.’’
‘’What do you mean you don’t care?’’
‘’It means that I don’t care. If you don’t want plastic surgery, then don’t do it. If you want to have plastic surgery, then do it. If you want smaller breasts, then get that. If you want bigger breasts, then do that. Whatever you decide on doing, do it for yourself and no one else. Don’t think about me in that equation. No matter what you decide on, I’m here and my feelings won’t change.’’
‘’Stop being so damn irresistible.’’
Grayson chuckled. ‘’Never.�
��’
‘’Why do you always headhunt female authors? Why Annabelle Hart? Why someone who resembles me so much in looks?’’ Ava mumbled quietly.
‘’First of all, her story was great. The woman knows how to write a book,’’ Grayson whispered, afraid if he spoke too loud, it would ruin their bubble. ‘’I also wanted to sign her because I thought you would like Annabelle in a private capacity. I thought she could come over for dinner, and you two could become friends. You are constantly complaining about how you never see anyone during the day besides me and Nicole, so I thought that maybe…I’m sorry it was a stupid idea.’’
‘’It was a very sweet idea. You are a very sweet man, Grayson Montgomery.’’
‘’Only for you.’’ Grayson kissed the crown of her head again. ‘’Please don’t tell anyone; it’ll ruin my street cred.’’
Ava laughed. Grayson smiled with joy at the sound.
‘’And as an answer to your first question,’’ Grayson continued. ‘’I only focus on female authors because you only focus on male authors. A man can only take so much competition, you know.’’
‘’Not to inflate your ego even more, but you have no competition whatsoever. And I did sign that Swedish woman, Ingrid Larsson.’’
‘’And she is gay and way more interested in you than me.’’
‘’Touché,’’ Ava mumbled on a yawn
Grayson could feel Ava’s breath even out, so did his own. It wouldn’t be long now before they were asleep.
‘’Love makes people do crazy things, eh?’’ Grayson mumbled, hoping Ava would agree and indirectly say that she loved him, but she didn’t. She did, however, let out a soft snore.
Grayson chuckled, kissing her forehead, drifting off to a peaceful sleep. The first one in weeks.
****
A ringing sound woke Grayson from his slumber. He looked down on Ava, who was positioned securely in his arms. She didn’t stir as he reached out to grab his phone from the nightstand.
‘’What,’’ Grayson asked, listening to William on the other end of the line. ‘’I’m at Ava’s. Why? What’s the matter, William?’’
