by Arianna Hart
He rushed through his shower and dressed in record time, only to catch a glimpse of her walking out the front door. He’d missed her again.
He’d thought for sure he could corner her at the bar that night, but when he went downstairs to help Oscar set up, Tiger was the one setting up the bar.
“Where’s Marley?” Hunter asked Tiger as the enormous man lifted a full keg over the counter without so much as gasping for breath.
“Don’t know. She called me this morning and asked if I’d cover for her tonight. I owe her so I didn’t ask why. Figured you’d probably know if anyone did.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hunter asked him wearily. Tiger was easily the biggest man Hunter had ever seen. He might not like the tone of the man’s voice, but common sense said a little caution might be a good idea.
“You two been awful chummy lately. I just figured she wanted a night off to spend with you.”
“Well if she did, she didn’t fill me in on it.”
What was she up to? She’d been avoiding him all day, and now she’d given up a shift. That wasn’t like her.
“Well, there she is, by the front door. Why don’t you go ask her?” the big man rumbled.
“I think I will. Are you going to need me tonight?”
Hunter asked, keeping an eye on Marley out the window.
“Go on and talk to her, I’ve tended bar long before you came. I imagine I’ll be doing it again when you leave.”
“Thanks, Tiger.”
“Don’t thank me yet. If you hurt her, I’ll kill you.
Slowly.” he said succinctly, pointing his sausage-sized finger right at Hunter.
Hunter got the message. Loud and clear.
He raced out the front door, the heat and humidity slamming into him like a brick wall. It had to be ninety hazy degrees outside. The sweat started to trickle down his face and he’d only been in the heat for milliseconds.
Hunter went in the front door to the apartment and caught Marley as she was heading up the stairs.
“Hey, Mar, I missed you this morning.” Hunter tried to breathe in the confining heat of the stairway.
“Oh sorry, I decided to go running before it got too hot outside, then I had to go to—“ she hesitated “get something,” she glanced at the envelope in her hands.
“You went running in this?” His wild hand gesture encompassed the humid, muggy, air.
“It wasn’t so bad this morning.” She seemed distracted by the envelope. “Did you want something?”
“I just thought we could have had breakfast together or something.” Hunter wasn’t going to admit that he could feel her pulling away from him and that he didn’t like it.
Searching for something to say to break the awkward silence that had settled over them, he turned his attention to the official-looking envelope she was holding.
“What do you have there?” Hunter said as he tried to get a look at the seal on the back. “Hey, that is from Fordham University! What’s in there?”
“My grades,” Marley said defensively.
“I didn’t know you went there. Open it up, let’s see how you did.”
“I’m afraid to. Seamus had gone down hill right around finals, I was really distracted. What if I flunked my business final?” Marley’s hands were running over the envelope as if she could divine its contents by using her fingertips.
“There’s only one way to find out, open it.”
“Easy for you to say. If my grade point average drops below a three point oh, I’ll lose my scholarship.”
“You earned a scholarship? That’s great!”
“You don’t have to sound so surprised, I do have a brain in my head, you know,” Marley said tartly.
“I know you are business smart, I just didn’t realize you were book smart, too.
“Gee, thanks.”
“Come on, open it!”
“You do it, I can’t look,” Marley said, handing it to him.
Hunter tore the envelope open without further invitation.
“Oh, man,” he said with a whistle and a shake of his head.
“What, what is it?” Marley asked, trying to get a look at the paper Hunter held just out of her reach.
“You didn’t get a three point oh.”
“I didn’t? Which one was it? I bet it was that Ethics in Business course. The professor and I got into major battles in that class.” Marley was jumping up and down, trying to see the paper.
“Nope, you didn’t get a three point oh, because you got a three point eight!” Hunter whooped, picking her up and spinning her around the narrow space.
“A three point eight? Are you sure, let me see,” Marley demanded, grabbing the paper out of his hands. A dazed smile crossed her face.
“This calls for a celebration! I’m taking you out for the best steak you’ve ever eaten,” Hunter said, giving her a resounding kiss on her lips.
“My Ethics professor put a note on here that said I was an asset to the class, and an outstanding student. He gave me an A on my final. I don’t believe it.”
Marley was staring at the report card as if the grades would change if she blinked. “I made the Dean’s List.”
“From what I saw, you’ve been carrying a three-four or better all four years, that’s Dean’s List, isn’t it?”
“Yes, but I never made a three-eight before. I can’t believe it. I have to show—“ Marley trailed off as tears suddenly filled her eyes.
“Mar, honey, what’s wrong?” Hunter asked pulling her into his arms, panicked at the sight of tears running down her face.
“I was going to say I have to show Seamus, but I can’t because he’s gone,” Marley cried into Hunter’s chest, big wracking sobs that shook her slender frame.
“Oh, honey, I know just how you feel.” Hunter had no idea what to do. High-speed crashes he could handle, a crying woman left him feeling helpless.
“No, you don’t. You can’t possibly understand.”
Marley pulled herself away from him and wiped away her tears with the back of her hand.
“He was the one who helped me get into college. He was the one who covered my expenses the first semester before I got the scholarship. He was the only one who believed that the daughter of a white trash tramp could make something of herself and get a Business degree. He was the only one who loved me,” she trailed off, sobbing again.
Hunter could barely hear her words she was crying so hard.
“That isn’t true. There is a whole bar full of people in there that love you and are proud of you. Old Tom loves you, Tiger loves you, Oscar loves you, and Johnny worships the ground you walk on. I—“ Hunter stopped before he blurted out that he loved her too.
“You what?” Marley asked looking him in the eye.
“I love you, too.” Hunter held his breath waiting for her response.
“How can you say something like that when you know you are going to leave before Christmas?”
Marley asked him her voice sounding a bit panicky.
“I don’t know. I never expected this to happen. It’s never happened to me before, and honestly I didn’t even know it was happening now until the words popped into my head. I don’t understand it, all I know is I need you, and I don’t want to be without you.”
“You can’t just say something like that to a person out of the blue!” Marley’s eyes were as wide as saucers.
“Well, I hadn’t exactly planned it, you know. What is your problem? I thought women always wanted to hear that the guy they were sleeping with loved them.” Hunter was confused by her attitude, and hurt by the fact that she didn’t return his feelings.
“I don’t know about other women, I only know about me. And right about now I don’t know what to think. I need to get out of here.”
Marley turned to flee up the stairs, but Hunter grabbed her arm and stopped her.
“That’s always your way out when things get tough, isn’t it? You run away whenever someone gets too clos
e,” Hunter said angrily.
“That’s not true!”
“Oh, really? When I wanted to spend the night, you froze me out and ran away. When I wanted to comfort you after your idiot mother showed up and hurt you, you ‘needed space’. And now I tell you I love you, the first time the words have ever left my lips, and you are running scared.”
“Just because I don’t fall at your feet in gratitude doesn’t mean I’m running scared. And just because I don’t want to have ‘comfort’ sex with you doesn’t mean I’m running away.”
“I didn’t want sex. I wanted to be with you when you needed me!”
“Who said I needed you? Did I ask you for help? Did I?” Marley screamed at him.
“Oh, yeah, that’s right. You don’t need anyone’s help for anything. You have everything under control. Well here’s something you can’t control.”
Hunter pulled her roughly against his body and ravished her mouth. He wanted to force her to feel what he was feeling. All the hurt, the anger, and yes the love came pouring through his kiss.
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her as close to him as he possibly could. Marley’s luscious body was plastered against his instantly aroused one.
Her hands grabbed his head and held on for dear life.
Her lips and tongue were fully engaged in this battle of love and lust.
When Marley reached her hands under the waistband of his jeans Hunter suddenly broke off the kiss and pushed her away to arms length.
“You can plan, and run, and do whatever it is you feel you need to do to stay in control,” Hunter said gasping for air, “but you can’t control that and you can’t run from me, and sometimes you can’t plan for every twist and turn in the road. Think about that tonight while you have the space you so desperately want.”
Chapter Thirteen
Marley couldn’t believe the nerve of that man.
Who did he think he was, her shrink? “Running away, my ass!” she growled as she stormed into her apartment and slammed the door. Who was he to talk about running away; after all he’d been running away from his past for the last ten years.
Boy she’d give him an earful the next time she saw him. Just because he said he loved her he expected her to say the same thing. What good was love going to do them if he was running around the country and she was working here at the pub?
Yeah, love had done so much for her growing up.
She’d loved people and look what’d happened, they all left. He had no business telling her he loved her when she wasn’t prepared for it. What? Did he expect that would just make everything better? Or did he expect her to say it back?
No way was she going to tell him she loved him just because he blurted it out first. She was smarter than that. She knew better than to trust in love.
Did she love him?
Marley sat down on Seamus’ chair with a thud.
The anger draining out of her with the thought. Oh God, did her heart slip past her guard and fall for the golden boy?
She closed her eyes and tried to imagine the two of them together. Instantly a picture of her big with pregnancy bloomed in her mind. She was trimming rose bushes and Hunter was pushing a little boy on a swing. The image made her heart swell with joy and longing.
Marley shook herself out of the daydream with a racing heart and sweaty palms. The picture was so real, so vivid she could see the freckles on the little boy’s nose. Her heart gave a painful squeeze. Man, she had it bad.
Most women would be overjoyed knowing that they were in love, knowing that the object of their affections loved them back. Marley was terrified. She didn’t want to be in love. Love made mindless idiots out of reasonably intelligent women, and that didn’t even include what it did to someone like her mother.
Love meant being dependent on someone, leaving yourself open to a stab in the back. Or in the heart.
Marley got up off the chair and paced. She had no room in her plans for falling in love.
Hunter’s words came back to haunt her. So what if she liked to be in control? It was better than just existing from race to race, never knowing where you were going to spend the night, or with whom.
Marley winced at that thought. If she really did love Hunter, how could she let him leave for months at a time, never knowing where he was or what he was doing? She had seen too many examples of the lower rungs of the relationship ladder and knew how easy it was to stray.
Could she leave all her dreams and follow him around the country? She pictured their life, living out of the back of the truck with only the clothes on their backs. Always waiting for Hunter’s big chance.
Marley shuddered. It was too much like life with her mother, and she swore she would never go back to that. She was right back to where she started.
God, she wished Seamus was here right now. He would tell her what to do, or at least listen to her as she figured it out for herself. He always had a way of making things look a little clearer, a little less desperate.
Needing that connection, however faint it was, Marley grabbed her purse and headed to the subway station. She had a long way to go.
The ride to the cemetery was long and hot. She had to take a subway, a train, and bus just to get within walking distance of Seamus’ burial place. She had blisters on her feet from her sandals by the time she made it to the gates.
She was tired, sweaty, and a little confused about where Seamus’ final resting place was, but she didn’t care. She needed to talk to him, and this was the closest she was going to get.
Turning around to get her bearings, Marley recognized the little office building, and figured out which way to go from there. As she walked up the hill she looked around really seeing the cemetery for the first time. Her memories of Seamus’ burial were fuzzy at best.
The rolling green hills reminded her a little of the pictures of Ireland she had seen in the bar, and she thought Seamus would be happy here. When she finally found his grave she sat down in the grass and burst into tears again at the sight of his birth and death dates.
“Oh, Seamus! What am I going to do? Everything is such a mess since you’ve been gone.” Marley wailed, searching her purse for a tissue. “Vivian showed up yesterday and embarrassed me in front of Hunter, he’s mad at me, and I don’t know what to do about it!” Her sobs echoed over the hills as she poured out everything she’d been holding inside of her for so long. As the incoherent ramblings continued to gush out of her, she was glad none of the residents could complain about the storm of emotions that swept her along. It was still so easy to talk to Seamus about whatever was bothering her.
She poured out her misery to the only person she ever trusted to listen to her. All her fears, insecurities, and angst came rushing out of her in a flood of words, leaving her emotionally drained. It was like she was a balloon filled up with all of these feelings, and someone had just let the air out.
Marley took a few deep breaths and pulled herself together. Now that the emotional volcano had erupted she could calm down and put things into perspective. Maybe Hunter had been right about not keeping everything under control. Being angry was so much easier for her than being sad.
“Hunter is doing what you asked, but boy, was he mad about having to stay at the pub for six months. He’s getting over it. I think he might actually even like it, although you’d never get him to admit it.”
Marley absently picked at the weeds that had sprung up around the stone marker. Words tumbled out of her mouth like water from a burst dam. “It was hard at first, I didn’t like him. Well, I didn’t want to like him anyway. He seemed so arrogant, and I was mad because he left you alone.” Marley stopped talking long enough to take a breath.
“I know you said you never cared, and that a man had to find his own way. But I cared. I guess I felt like he deserted you. Anyway, the more I got to know him, the more I realized I might have judged him a little too hastily. Yeah, I know. Big surprise there.”
The weeds had grown up around Ma
ry Catherine’s grave as well. Marley crawled over to Seamus’ wife’s grave and started pulling weeds there, too, before she continued her one-sided conversation.
“Hello, Mary Kate, I’ll just clean this up for you a little. Hunter told me how you liked things neat and tidy. In fact, Hunter told me a lot about you. I wish you could have stayed alive long enough for me to have met you. I didn’t tell Hunter at the time, but when he talked about you making cookies for him every day I was so jealous. I was lucky if my mother left me enough bread to make a sandwich.”
Marley sat back on her heels and surveyed her work. She took a look around to make sure no one was close enough to hear her mad ramblings. She could see the fender of a car near the office, but no one else seemed to be about.
“Well, Seamus, I need your help. You see, against my better judgment, I’ve gone and fallen in love with your son.” There, she’d said it. Amazingly enough, she didn’t break out in hives; in fact, she actually felt a warm glow move through her.
“I know you are probably jumping for joy, you always told me I was too independent, but it isn’t that simple. You see, I have my dreams, and he has his, and neither one of us wants to give them up.”
Marley stood up and brushed the dirt off her knees. “You know Seamus, this isn’t anything like I had planned out. I figured I’d finish college, build up my savings, buy the bar from you, meet someone nice, settle down, have a few kids, and live happily ever after. When I pictured who I was going to fall in love with, I thought maybe a nice, safe accountant, or a teacher or something. I never thought I’d fall for a racecar driver. Like mother, like daughter, I guess.”
The wind blew across her face, and she took a deep breath. A warmth spread through her, as if someone was hugging her tight. She was sure in that moment that Seamus had heard every word.
“Seamus, my friend, I think I’d better head back, it’s a long ride into the city. Oh, I got a three point eight this semester. That pompous Ethics professor said I was an asset to the class, can you believe that? And you always said my argumentative nature made me a pain in the ass. I guess now I’m a pain in the asset!”
