by K. C. Hamby
“I’m fine,” I clip, sounding like an asshole without meaning to. I inwardly sigh at my masterful socializing skills.
“That’s good. I know we could have brought your car, but I wanted to talk to you.” I don’t react, mainly because I’m wondering what the hell she would want to talk to me about, and apparently that’s the go ahead for her to keep talking. “I wanted to let you know, the past is the past and you can always come to me if you need someone to talk to. I know we aren’t exactly the best of friends and I’m the girl dating your brother, but I think of you as family. I care about you as if you were my own sister, Fal.” I immediately feel the heat of guilt all over my face for being a dick.
“Thank you, Invidia.” I give her a small, genuine smile. “I appreciate all of your help and kindness. Really.” I look over to her and she cuts her eyes to me for a split second before smiling and turning her attention back to the road. “Ash is so happy and that matters to me more than you know.” I open up and show her some of my sappy side since she’s decided to be so vulnerable with me.
“Ash means a great deal to me.” She giggles. My heart warms at her words and we sit in comfortable silence for the rest of the drive.
***
I walk into Cosma’s office without knocking, still pretty annoyed and numb about what happened to me last night. I know I look pissed off. I don’t even try to hide how I feel in front of the Alpha when she stares, surprised to see me. I slap the Proof on her desk and cross my arms over my chest, waiting for her to inevitably give me another mission.
She glares down at the Proof and back up to me with raised brows. “How did you manage this in one day?”
“Less than a day. Justice shows no mercy,” I repeat the line I gave to Carrie before I shoved my blade in her throat with a shrug. Cosma squints her gray eyes at me, searching for something.
“Why don’t you take a few days off? The next few missions I have lined up are simple and can be given to someone else.” She looks me over, inspecting every inch with contemplating eyes. I nod once.
“Can I get back to training Nathan?” My voice is frigid. I don’t why I’m being such an ass. What happened last night must still be lingering.
Cosma seems like she wants to deny my request, but nods in agreement anyway. I turn around quickly and trudge out of the office without so much as a departing glance. I nearly run across the Complex through the snow in the direction of the school buildings. I lean up against a leafless tree and wait for Nathan to be done with classes. The bitter breeze blows across my face, actually giving me a chill. Lupi do not get cold. Something is wrong with me.
As if the weather is trying to prove itself, it begins snowing again, but these aren’t annoying flurries. These are huge snowflakes falling from the sky and taking turns smacking me in the side of the face, compliments of the breeze. I love snow, but it makes it so much harder to clean up blood and keep yourself concealed on missions. Nothing says hunt a killer like bloody footprints in the snow.
I’m perplexed because I’m not supposed to be cold. I wonder…
The school bell rings sharp and shrill, making me flinch as the sound hits my sensitive ears. Little Lupi pour out of the doors and immediately whisper when they see me.
“She’s here again.” I turn my eyes to the sky.
“I wonder how Nathan got her to train him.”
“She’s so cool. I want to be as good as her!”
Not going to lie, I have to force myself to remain impassive on that one.
Nathan walks outside, no doubt listening to the whispering around him. Bafflement covers his face until his gaze finds me. A toothy grin spreads across his lips as he runs up to me. I smirk.
“What? You miss me?” Snowflakes catch in his dark hair and he scoffs.
“Pff. Whatever.” He ducks his head and bumps his wrist to mine. “My trainer at school was impressed with me today.”
“Oh? Is that so?” I motion with a jerk of my head in the direction of the training gym and we head that way.
“Yeah, I told him it’s because I have a great teacher.” He pauses and smirks. “I don’t think he realized I wasn’t talking about him.” Nathan laughs devilishly, and I let out a loud, obnoxious snort.
“Funny.” I pull my jacket close to fend off some of the cold and clear my throat while adjusting my black beanie on my head. “Did you practice yesterday after I left?” I ask, attempting to slide into business mode.
“Duh. Even though you were on some super important mission.” He grimaces like I’ve insulted him. I smirk and hold out my wrist for another bump.
I open the door to the gym and Nathan runs inside, shaking snow from his clothes. I stomp my feet, trying to hide the chill the snow has caused and, when I look up, Nathan has disappeared. I turn in all directions, but I can’t sense where he went at all. I can’t even pick up his scent. That’s an advanced skill Lupi learn when they’re about to graduate.
I shake off the disbelief and cautiously tiptoe to the middle of the gym and take notes of what my senses pick up.
Nothing. I can’t hear him. I can’t smell him. I definitely can’t see him. It should be impossible for him to do this at his age. I still have trouble doing it in my person form on bad days.
Suddenly, I’m rammed in the stomach by a furry brown and white wolf pup. I fly backwards and land right on my back, my sore and cut head banging against the floor. Nathan’s paws press down on my chest as he stands on top of me, the toothiest goofy grin on his furry face. He yips in excitement as I sit dumbfounded and slightly dazed from the knock to my head. A slight annoyance fogs my brain.
Actually, the slight annoyance is building, turning in my stomach and creating a whirlwind of anger not coming from me. It’s coming from my wolf and she does not like Nathan trying to be more dominant. I know he isn’t, but she doesn’t.
“Nathan….” I cough, trying to warn him. He licks my face and my wolf wants to snap his neck.
No. You will not hurt him.
“Nathan..you need…to..get..off…” I pant and the unfamiliar pain of shifting bones crack through my hands so suddenly, it knocks the breath from my lungs. I scream with what air I have left. Nathan jumps back, puzzlement and worry in his scent as he paces beside me, occasionally nipping at my jacket, trying to comfort me.
Goddammit, it hurts. My face, my chest, my whole being is seemingly being broken into tiny pieces. I scream bloody murder. I scream like I’m on fire. I hold up my hands and watch in horror as fur pushes through my skin. My knuckles pop like bubble wrap as they shift into big, black paws with claws so sharp, I could rip a person in two.
My scream becomes a howl as my jaw breaks and helps my nose and mouth extend into a snout. My spine shifts and my tail stabs through my body like I’ve been speared.
Nathan whimpers as he lies down close to me, wanting to help, but not knowing how. He pulls himself closer with his claws, crawling on his belly until his paw reaches out to touch mine.
My body shifts immediately, with one blood curdling howl ripping from my throat. I land hard on the gym floor, panting on my side and disoriented.
Oh, goddess. I shifted.
I fucking shifted.
I peer down at my front legs lying black and trembling beside me. Nathan nuzzles my head and I look up into his misty eyes full of concern and….excitement?
I sigh, shivering at the strange sensation of air flowing from my wolfy nose. Sitting up with a grunt, I look around the gym. No one came? I was screaming my fucking head off and no one came?
Then again, screams are often heard here because of new shifters. They have a different ring to them than, say, a scream from being stabbed to death. No one came because this is normal.
That was the most excruciating pain I have ever felt, aside from the time I nearly died being away from Nina. My skin still tingles, and my fur is standing on end from the tension my body released. I’ve been holding back my wolf for years. I guess the pain was a consequence of that stupidit
y.
I push myself up into a sitting position and Nathan quickly follows suit. He tilts his head and nips at my neck, trying to coax me into standing. I growl low at him, not necessarily to be mean, but to let him know to chill out so I can figure out how the hell to be a wolf again. His ears flatten and he ducks his head so it’s lower than mine in submission.
I lick his face to let him know I’m not mad and his tongue falls out of his mouth, showing me all his teeth in his smile. I snort and push myself up on all fours. My legs wiggle and wobble and it takes everything I have not to fall right back down on my ass. Nathan paws at the floor in front of me, wanting me to walk forward. I stare down at my raven black paws and concentrate on lifting one leg and then the other. I carefully take a few steps, nearly stumbling because of the foreign hardness of the floor on the pads of my paws.
Nathan yips again, full of excitement and happiness I’m wanting to ignore, but I can’t. I open my mouth to cheer, but barks come out instead. I tilt my head—I think it’s called a baroo—at the sound. Nathan nods his head several times, coaxing me into walking some more.
One paw in front of the other, I walk across the gym. The movements become more natural and I’m soon running as fast as I can. I’m flying around the gym with Nathan on my heels, yapping in glee.
I don’t know why I kept my wolf, or rather kept me hidden for so long. This is the best feeling in the world—aside from the things I feel around Nina—and I’ve missed it so much. I test myself and blend into the darkness. It’s as easy as doing it in person form. Maybe easier.
It’s payback time. I stop running and lie down. Nathan shoots past me, not even realizing I’ve stopped. I stalk him. My paws don’t make even the slightest sound on the floor. Nathan has stopped now, turning around in circles, attempting to find me. I crouch low and wait.
He turns away from me and I pounce, landing right on top of him. He yelps as I tackle him to the ground and put my jaws around his throat gently, showing I’ve won. He rolls me off, standing up and shaking himself. I snort and play bow, wanting to keep on with this game, but something shiny catches my eye.
On the other side of the gym, there are mirrors for combat classes. I trot over, not knowing what to expect from my reflection.
I stand tall and threatening, with strong, lean muscles covering my body. Raven black fur fluffs out from my skin. I’m all black. Not one trace of white on me like Ash or Mom. It’s like I’ve been completely submerged in the blackest shiny paint. I wag my tail just so I can see its fluffiness swinging behind me.
My face is what pulls my attention the most. A bright amber eye shines like the brightest of stars on my left, but on my right, a large scar slashes across my eye, showing nothing but black skin. There is no fur. Just scarred, dark skin around a milky, gray eye.
I learned a long time ago to embrace my scar. It’s a part of me and it’s made me the person—or wolf—I am now. It’s just surreal to see it in my wolf form. Don’t get me wrong, I look intimidating as hell. I just wasn’t expecting my scar to follow me into this form.
I stare at myself for a while, in awe of my wolf. It doesn’t look like I haven’t shifted for years. I pick up each paw and watch myself move in the mirror. It feels like I never stopped shifting. Everything is so natural. I sit on my haunches and my tongue falls from my mouth in a smile.
Nathan walks up behind me, having shifted back into his person form, and grins.
“You shifted,” he says plainly. I sigh, exasperated and he giggles. “You’re so….lethal looking. I’ve never seen a full black wolf before. I didn’t even know they existed.” I tilt my head in befuddlement and he shrugs like that’s all he knows. “Okay, now shift back. We’ve been in here for almost two hours.” He turns to walk to the door, but I don’t follow. I peer down at my paws, worry beginning to take over. I bark at Nathan and he turns around. “Oh. You don’t remember how to shift back, do you?” I paw at the ground in affirmation.
He runs back over and sits in front of me. I lie down because I’m so big, I’m towering over him. I cross my paws in front of me and he rolls his eyes. “Ah, Lady Fal. I see you haven’t forgotten your manners,” he jokes in a weird accent I can’t place. “Now, close your eyes.” I do. “Picture your person form in your head. Remember how it feels to stand on two legs, what the wind is like blowing across your skin. Think of….a smell you only know in your person form.”
Nina. I think of Nina’s lips on mine and her soft, mess of hair tangled around my fingers. I think of her sweet lavender vanilla scent that drives me wild every single time I’m near her.
My bones begin to pop, but it’s not as painful this time. It’s kind of like cracking my knuckles when I’m about to spar with someone. The tension builds in my muscles as my body changes. I watch my paws become gross, hairy fingers. The fur pulls back into my skin and suddenly, my body releases all the tension and I fall on the floor with a thunk.
“Holy shit,” I say, not really caring if Nathan hears my sailor’s mouth or not. “I shifted.” I glance up at Nathan and he smiles so wide, I want to cry. He looks so…proud of me.
“Yeah, you did. It. Was. Awesome!” I laugh from deep down in my belly. It was awesome and amazing and wonderful. I can’t wait to tell Nina.
Nathan helps me off the floor and my legs wobble a bit until I remember how to walk like a person.
Suddenly, I remember an idea I thought of after our last practice. “Hey, Nathan? What’s your favorite color?” I beg my voice not to sound suspicious. He looks at me confused anyway.
“Uh, blue.” He doesn’t question why I asked. I guess he trusts me enough not to. I wink at him.
“Great! See you tomorrow!” I take off in a run out of the gym before he can ruin the surprise.
Chapter 30
Nina and I walk out of the silversmith’s shop and I’m super giddy. We went to eat at some sushi place Nina is obsessed with and it was amazing. We came here afterward, and I’ve been smiling like an idiot all night. It’s like I’m a new person.
“Okay, I’m not really good with weapon talk. What the hell did you just place an order for?” Nina asks, scrunching up her beautiful, freckled face. I laugh and smooth out the wrinkles formed between her eyes with my thumb.
“A small silver dagger with a blue stone in the pommel. It’s for Nathan. He’s been working so hard.” My pride is evident in my tone.
“That’s sweet of you. I bet he will love it. Lupi like shiny and pointy presents, correct?” I wrap her under my right arm and give a throaty laugh.
“Yeah, something like that.” My words mist out in front of me through the falling snowflakes. It hasn’t stopped snowing since before Nathan’s lesson. Or…I guess it was my lesson. It’s dark out now and everything in the city is covered with a blanket of white. I’m not the least bit cold anymore. I guess shifting fixed that for me.
We walk in comfortable silence for a few minutes as I steer Nina in the direction of our destination. I hope she likes this surprise. I got the idea after I saw a flier pinned to a post when I was on my way to pick her up tonight.
“The anticipation is killing me, Faligator. Can I have one hint? Please?” She’s almost cute enough to make me give in.
“Sure. Your hint is…..” I pause dramatically, “that we will be there in a minute.”
She groans, and I laugh, pulling her closer. Her scent is driving me crazy and igniting a fire in me that’s been waiting for more oxygen since I met her. It wants to burn bright. So bright.
I abruptly turn us right around a corner and stop. I wait for Nina to understand what her surprise is.
“What…is this? I’ve never been here before.” She squints to read the sign above the door. “The Smoking Bird. What is it?”
“A dive bar. The title is a play on words. People read their poetry here.”
“The Smoking Bird..the spoken word? Oh my god! A poetry bar? Really?” She jumps up and down and claps her hands rapidly.
“I remember you s
aid that you want to speak your poems to an audience. Of course, you don’t have to. I just want you to know, I do listen and care about what you want..”
I’m interrupted by her lips crashing into mine, cold and smiling lips that make me weak. “Let’s go!” she yells and drags me in by my wrist.
It’s dark in here and it smells like alcohol and broken hearts. My eyes adjust to find there are a shit ton of people here. Nina pulls me to the bar and I order my old faithful, Jack and Coke and she orders an Amaretto Sour which smells like melted sour candy. It tickles my nose.
We turn and face the small stage where a blonde-haired guy is pouring his heart all over the bar, speaking loudly about his significant other who doesn’t understand how he feels inside about something I think we missed when we were ordering our drinks. I really have no idea what he is talking about, but the way his words echo across the room make me want to understand him. I want to know what has moved him so much that he needs to yell about it to strangers. It’s powerful and weird at the same time.
He finishes and everyone in the bar snaps their fingers in solidarity or applause or something. I’ve never been in this environment before, so this is all very foreign to me. I tap Nina on her side and she squeaks, getting us a few strange looks. She laughs it off and turns to me. “Why do they snap?”
“Because clapping would wake the people who usually lived above poetry bars when they first became a thing. The sounds would reverberate through the shared vents when the audience clapped, and the tenants above would call the cops.”
“Huh. I guess that makes sense,” I concede, taking a sip of my drink. The bubbles and wood burning taste slide down my throat as a short woman walks up to the stage. Her hair is fiery and everywhere. She has a rainbow on the front of her shirt that glitters in the spotlight shining down on the small stage.
“Alright everyone, since it is open mic night, I need a volunteer to come up here and share with us!” Her shrill voice echoes through the room, distracting me so I don’t exactly comprehend what’s happening until Nina’s gone. She hops off the barstool and skips right up on stage. My eyes are wide and my heart races. I get to finally see Nina in her element. She’s magnificent under the spotlight with her mess of honey hair falling around her face shining with excitement and anticipation. She’s so cute in her extreme bell-bottom jeans and tucked in green sweater. I can hear her heart beating quickly and she’s picking at her nails. She’s nervous, but I’m so proud she has the courage to bare her soul in front of all these people.
