by K. C. Hamby
Everyone grows silent, waiting for the next part: me. It’s my turn to speak and I’m terrified. I send my own silent prayer to Hecate, needing strength. My body is quivering with the effort of holding back my rage and heartbreak.
I speak and my voice rings out like that of a leader; of someone who has their shit together.
I’m a good liar.
“Goddess of Darkness, hear my call.
Death is so final for a life so small.
Carry this soul with your gentle care,
Bring forth the peace, releasing despair.
O’ Mater Luna, you’ve Chosen this soul,
And in your hands, once again whole.”
I take a breath and grab the torch posted in the sconce beside me. I stare at Nathan one last time and touch the torch to the pyre. It catches immediately and soon engulfs the entire structure. Everyone shifts. Everyone except me and Cosma. Wolves stand everywhere, waiting for me. I can’t do it. I can’t shift. Instead, I nod my head and sorrowful howls rip from everyone’s mouths. Cosma sits beside me, silent as I am. There are no words or howls that can make this okay, so we don’t even try.
I stay a respectful five minutes; minutes filled with fire, pain, and the horrid smell of burning flesh. When my time is up, I leave the platform and break into a run, not caring who sees me. I run to the woods at the back of the Complex as fast as I can. As soon as I’m out of everyone’s sight, I shift in an instant as I run. My paws hit the ground and I run faster. I don’t stop until I’m in the middle of the woods, secluded and somehow out of breath. I sit on my haunches and throw my head back, a howl ripping from my throat. It’s like fire burning through my body and taking away some of the torment.
I howl for nearly an hour, needing to get the pain out and fill it with wrath; wrath I need to kill the fucking bastard who did this.
I eventually shift back to my person and walk back to my apartment on autopilot with my brain shut off.
As I walk up to the apartment, though, my chest fills with such indignation, it’s overpowering me. I want to kill something. I want to kill someone. I slam the door behind me and scream as loud as I can, needing an outlet. I punch the wall beside my door, pounding a hole in the surface. My arm swings down, hitting Nathan’s dagger on my belt. I yank it out and throw it across the room, aiming at the target I so lovingly think of as Damien’s head. The blade zings through the air and digs all the way through the target, dead center.
I fall to the floor, exhausted from everything. My brain is back on.
He’s gone. My little, annoying Nathan is gone and there is nothing I can do to bring him back. I can’t do anything right now except sink to the floor and pound my fists on the hardwood, hearing wood splinter under my skin.
There’s a knocking in my head; the throbbing sounds echoing throughout my body. It turns to pounding.
It’s my door.
I stand and walk to the peephole to see who the hell would be stupid enough to bother me right now. My breath catches when I put my eye up to the hole. I throw open the door to pull in hooded honey hair and black painted blue eyes. Ash follows her inside and locks the door behind him.
“Ash, what the fuck is Nina doing here?” I snarl, taking a step toward him. “How could you do this? They would kill her if anyone even got the slightest whiff of her. Has someone knocked you in your dumbass head?” I yell at him, glaring into his painted amber eyes, betrayal sitting between us.
“Falen.” I scoff. He never calls me that. “I wouldn’t have brought her here if it wasn’t important.” His jaw clenches tightly as he catches sight of the hole I put in the wall. He turns to Nina and I finally look at her. She’s in all black pants and shoes with a too-big-for-her hoodie that smells like Ash. She pulls off the hood and her hair is braided on top of her head, preventing it from falling. I have to admit, she would look like one of us if I didn’t know her.
“I have something to show you,” Nina admits with worry in her hooded eyes. I furrow my brow and watch her. She pulls out a folded piece of paper from the pocket of the hoodie, unfolds it, and hands it to me, not taking her eyes off mine. I grab it and break our gaze to see what the hell could be important enough to put her life at risk.
“A poem?” I glower at Ash.
“Shut up and read it dammit,” Ash scolds. I give him my best eat-shit look and read the poem. The farther I read, the more I have a heavy feeling of foreboding in my chest.
The inner chaos can be tamed
When dark and light collide.
The purest of lights will be claimed;
The evil will no longer hide.
Two of Chosen birth
Set the wheel in motion.
One of Chosen worth
Will show their true devotion.
One will have to fall,
But four will surely die.
One deceives them all,
Seen through the evil eye.
The stone of bravest blue,
That protects the third eye,
Will pierce it straight through,
Deep where secrets lie.
I stop reading and look up at Nina. “I wrote that three days ago,” she whispers.
“I’m sorry, three days ago?”
What the hell is going on? There is no way she did this three days ago. I’m not an English major, but it’s not exactly a secret that it mentions Nathan’s death. But, Nina nods slowly and a drowning feeling suffocates my heart. I look up at Ash with questions I can’t voice.
“I was sitting with her at her apartment and she flips her shit because she remembered the poem. I read it and, usually me and poetry don’t mix, but I made her put Invidia’s clothes and my hoodie on to mask her scent and come show you.” He believes this. His voice doesn’t waiver. I regard Nina with wary tension and I close my eyes, turning my face to the ceiling. I don’t understand this new reality. At all.
“I can’t handle this right now,” I whisper, my voice cracking. This is all too much. Nina grabs my hands and all I see are her freckles and black painted, swollen, sapphire eyes.
“That’s okay. We can meet up with Ash tomorrow and figure it out.” She cuts her eyes at Ash, asking with a look if that’s okay. He nods and Nina sweeps her eyes back to me.
“Please stay.” I croak in a voice so broken, it sounds like it can never be repaired.
“Of course, Fal. Of course.”
Ash makes his way to the door and I turn my gaze to him, trying to make him understand I’m sorry for being an ass. The corner of his mouth tilts in a small smile. I’m forgiven.
“Be careful getting out of here tomorrow,” he commands and leaves, closing the door behind him without a sound.
Nina and I meander to the bathroom and help each other clean off the paint and tears from our faces. I give Nina one of my shirts to sleep in, mainly because I didn’t like someone else’s scent on her. We climb into my cold, neglected bed and I put my head on Nina’s chest, calming myself with her touch and every beat of her heart.
“Emotions hurt so much, Nina,” I mourn. “This is why I gave them up in the first place. I couldn’t handle when Mom died, so I just….didn’t.”I’m simultaneously ashamed and full of despondency.
“You didn’t have me then. I’m here now and I’m going to help you.” She squeezes me closer. “I need you. Please don’t shut me out.” She breathes her sweet breath against my hair.
I can’t go back to who I was. I hate that part of myself. I was cold and alone. Of course, I had Ash, but I wouldn’t let him in. I didn’t want to hurt if I lost him. I don’t want to be that person anymore. It’s not the person I was around Nathan. The kid loved me, and that didn’t happen by me shutting him out. I didn’t remember what love had felt like before him and Nina, but I do now.
“I won’t leave you.” I promise her and myself. I have to stay. I can’t go back to that dark, lonely place. I love Nina too much. I love Nathan too much.
We don’t speak anymore, having said everything nee
ding to be said. Nina drifts off to sleep as I listen to the deep echo of her breathing. My muscles release their tension and I sink into the mattress. It’s as if bricks are weighing down my eyelids, so I stop fighting. I give in to the deep sleep that wants to take me away from this pain, even if only for a little while.
Chapter 34
I open my eyes and realize I’m under the dark night sky. But, I’m not at the Complex. Now that I think about it, I don’t know where the hell I am. I’m in the center of a crossroads in the middle of nowhere. How the hell did I get here?
Fog pools around my bare feet and a chill covers my body. I know this feeling. I’m not alone and I know who is here with me.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
I just want to sleep in peace.
“Why would I ever joke, Kóri?”
That voice calling me daughter. That voice I know. That voice I want to scream at for the rest of my life.
I turn around and lock eyes with Hecate in all of her dark glory. Clad in a long, flowing black dress, her porcelain skin glows against the night. Her hair is so black, the long, wavy strands shine a deep violet. A necklace of many different types of skeleton keys dangle around her neck, but they make no sound as she walks over to me. She pulls a sheer black veil from her face, uncovering her crown of horns and the triple moon mark on her forehead. Her eyes are so gray, they are almost white and surrounded by natural smokiness, not a wrinkle in sight. Her face is as sharp as stone and her lips are pouty and mauve. I should be in awe of her, but all I can muster is absolute fury.
“Haven’t you done enough!” I scream at her, but she doesn’t even flinch. The only acknowledgement she gives of my outburst is a raised, dark eyebrow.
“Kóri, do you have such little faith in me?” she inquires in her musically dark, silky voice. “If I had control over the lives and their lengths, I would be a Fate. Why would I have created you if I could control such things? You know the world needs a balance of both dark and light. You were created to keep the balance.”
She’s right. I know that, but I’m still angry.
“So, Nathan’s death was a part of this…balancing? He had to die? Why?” I sob at her, not able to control myself anymore. Her face becomes soft and her eyes fill with sorrow. She moves to stand right in front of me and places her icy hand on my cheek.
“No. His death has upset the balance. He was meant to do great things. He was going to be an amazing Lupi and Alpha,” she whispers and a tear slides down her face. I suck in a gasp, sorrow filling my heart. “It is you I choose to make things right; you will take his place and continue to fill yours. You must right what has been wronged.” Her eyes lose the sorrow and instead sharpen with determination.
I have to take on Nathan’s path as well? Goddess, how the hell am I going to be strong enough for that? But, I can’t tell her that I won’t do it. That’s not how this works. I just…I can’t fail again.
“You will not fail,” Hecate clips, reading my thoughts. “You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.” She pulls her hand from my cheek and traces the new scar striking down my neck. I nod once and she nods back sharply. “Before I let you go, I need to tell you something. You and Nina need each other. Listen to her. Protect her. She is wise beyond her years.” I nod my head adamantly. I will never let her go, but she doesn’t have to tell me that. Hecate turns to leave and I stand in the middle of the crossroads, making my decision. I will avenge Nathan. I will take his place and carry my own.
“Oh.” She turns back around. “One more thing. Your mother wants you to know she is proud of you.”
My legs shake. Mom?
“And Nathan wants you to always be happy. He was also adamant about me telling you that he has finally mastered becoming one with the darkness.” She smiles as fog engulfs her and then she’s gone.
I drop to my knees. Nathan is with her. Mom is with her. I smile through my tears.
“I love you, Mom. And Nathan, I promise,” I whisper and the dream fades away.
I jerk upright in bed, scaring Nina into a sitting position. It’s dark in my room and I’m covered in sweat. My Chosen mark burns as Nina fumbles for a light.
“What is it? Are you okay?” She’s frantic, still pawing around for the lamp.
“Hecate, she…she came to me in my dream.” I watch Nina jerk her head back to me in surprise. She clicks on the light, making this cute, squinty face as her eyes try to adjust whereas mine adjust instantly.
Still squinting, Nina says, “What happened? What did she say?”
“I’m to right the wrongs of Nathan’s death,” I growl, wanting to rip Damien apart right now. “I’m to take Nathan’s place as well as my own. Oh, and we need each other.” Nina grins bashfully. “She also told me my mom is proud of me and Nathan….Nathan said to keep seeking happiness.” A sob escapes my throat and a tear slides down my face. Nina pulls me into her warm arms.
“Then do it. Do it for Nathan, but mostly, do it for yourself,” she whispers in my ear. I nod into her messy hair and we lie back down. I fall asleep peacefully with my head resting on Nina’s back.
***
Getting Nina out of the Complex was more anxiety inducing than it was difficult. Lupi around here have tanned skin and dark hair. Dark dark dark. And then there is blonde haired, blue eyed Nina. I hid her in one of my pullovers and we walked briskly through the Complex. We slipped by fellow Lupi, but, thanks to my wonderful reputation as a hard ass, no one stopped to chat. One Lupi got a little too close for my comfort, curiosity taking over. I pushed Nina behind me and snarled at him, sending my Alpha power thundering all over his being. He fell to the ground at the force, and Nina and I kept walking.
Sitting in my car Ash somehow dropped off, we take large breaths into our lungs, trying to drown the anxiety. Nina bursts into a fit of giggles that kind of makes her sound a little senile. She’s chipper and wired, turning on the radio and blasting a Whitney Bleers song I haven’t heard yet. The whole ride to Ash’s house, she sings every song radiantly, attempting to cheer me up with her weird dancing.
“How did you write that poem?” blurts from my mouth. The question has been sitting at the tip of my tongue since I woke up this morning. I’m okay now. The dream with Hecate healed me in some way. I can talk about this.
She turns down the music abruptly. “I honestly don’t know. It was like I got this itch and it just flowed out of me when pen hit paper.” She creases her brow in confusion. “It was strange.”
I nod in acknowledgment, mulling it over on my own. But, I come up with no explanation other than some freaky shit is going on. We pull up to the house and walk inside without knocking. The door was unlocked and we make ourselves comfortable on the couch. Ash comes out of his room a minute later, pulling on a shirt and smelling fresh from the shower.
“Alright, team.” He slaps his hands together dramatically as he sits across from us. “Let’s get down to business.”
Nina pulls out the poem and slaps it on the coffee table in front of us.
“I think it’s a prophecy,” Nina announces in radiating confidence. Ash’s eyes fill with disbelief. I’m skeptical, but I need to listen to Nina. She somehow knows what she’s talking about.
“Okay, I’m with you,” I tell her and she smiles in triumph. “Let’s do this.”
Ash rubs his hands together like he’s looking at an evil plan. “Line by line, shall we?” We nod. “Cool, so let’s start at the beginning. ‘The inner chaos can be tamed when dark and light collide.’ Okay, that’s obviously two lines, but they seem like they go together.” Ash shrugs.
I already know what it is. It’s instinct. It’s….weird. I felt it when I met Nina and I feel it now, banging the answer against the inside of my skull. “It’s about me and Nina,” I whisper. They both look to me, waiting for an explanation. “My inner chaos. I’m the dark, that much is obvious. Nina is the light. She tames my inner chaos.” Nina’s eyes soften as she grabs my hand. Ash writes wha
t I said beside the two lines.
“Dope, okay. ‘the purest of lights will be claimed; evil can no longer hide.” He pauses, sorrow mixing with his scent. “Can we all agree the pure light was Nathan?” I nod automatically and Nina whispers an affirmation. “What about the evil part?” I want to scream ‘Damien,’ but I need to save my rage. I want to give him the generous gift of all of it when I find him.
Nina taps her nails on the table, thinking. “I think it means we know now Damien will do anything to get what he wants, which is Fal’s life. Like, we know how evil he is.” She gulps and cuts her eyes at me. I just squeeze her hand in comfort. I’m not dying anytime soon.
“I agree,” Ash says and I nod again, squinting to hold back pure wrath lying just below the surface. Ash scribbles on the paper and we continue. “Mmkay, ‘two of Chosen birth will set the wheel in motion.” I clear my throat.
“Nathan and I. We were born of Chosen blood and birth. I started this with Damien and set it in motion. Nathan’s death pushed it right along. But, what wheel?”
“The wheel. The wheel….” Nina repeats, thinking. “Oh!” she yells suddenly and I jump. “Tarot cards!”
“Oh, goddess, duh! Why didn’t I think of that?” Ash exclaims and runs to his bedroom, coming out with his laptop. “The Wheel of Fortune,” he explains as he types furiously on his laptop, “is a tarot card.” He flips the computer around for us to see.
“Yeah, it stands for destiny,” Nina adds without even glancing at the computer. I eye her, amazed by her once again. She catches me looking and shrugs with a wink. I blush and turn back to the computer.
Ash points to the card on the screen. There’s a wheel in the center with runes along the edges. Different kinds of weird, flying creatures dance in the sky around the wheel, while a thing that looks like a demon creeps in from the ground. That’s….ominous.
“Okay, moving right along now,” Ash says, grabbing my attention and his laptop. “’One of Chosen worth will show their true devotion,’” he reads and stops. “Chosen worth? I’ve never heard of that.”
