by Alexis Anne
I destroyed five careers to save myself.
I didn’t completely destroy my father but he lost the Nashville franchise and was banned from football—the sport he loved more than his children—for a decade. It cost him millions. It hurt him.
It was enough. At first I was relieved to escape all of it without going to prison. Later I realized how much damage I’d done. No matter what I did I never quite fixed it all.
“You’ve refilled my bank accounts, Rosalind. There’s a difference.”
Did he hate me? It felt like he hated me. It felt like he’d always hated me. All he really wanted was an heir. He got that with William. I was the mistake. He dismissed my mother and financially provided for me, but he had no use for me until he realized my ability.
“You have your football back. You’re the sole owner of the Renegades.” Not part owner like in Nashville. He should be thrilled.
“And yet,” he snarled, suddenly standing up from the desk, coming at me with alarming speed, “you’re fucking with me again.”
I stumbled backward, my heels betraying me as my ankle rolled. I managed to catch my balance and moved for the door.
“It’s locked, Rosalind.” He dismissed my attempt at escape. “Why? Why are you doing it again? I let you go. It’s what you wanted and honestly I don’t need a whore with my name. Your mother was enough.”
That hurt. It stabbed my chest just like a knife. “I’m not doing anything.” I should understand, but I didn’t. His train of thought didn’t match mine.
“Like hell you’re not. Ramirez just so happened to drop a touchdown that was in his hands. Covington missed a snap. Do you know how many snaps he’s fumbled in his career? Zero. Not one.”
“Sounds like he was due then.” For some reason I tried the door again. When it didn’t budge I began looking for an alternate way out. Maybe I could get out a window? It was the ground floor. I just needed to get it open and then I could flee.
But what exactly was it I was fleeing from? Edmund wouldn’t hurt me. How would he explain that to the public?
“I don’t fix games.”
He shook his head, almost laughing at me. “I’m not as smart as you but I’m not completely stupid. I know what the rumors were in Nashville, and I’m not talking about your slutty club. Games were being fixed and there’s only one person I know smart enough to do it, one person who also had access to the personnel and files.” He backed me into the bookshelves. “Stop it or I’ll make you stop.”
Intellectually I knew he meant he’d release the photos and videos from ten years ago. He’d threatened it many times over. I’d lose my job. No university would employ me again. My life and my research would disappear.
But with my back against shelves and nowhere else to go, it felt more immediate than that. I swear my father was one movement away from stopping me by killing me.
“I can’t stop what I’m not doing.” I was very careful with my words. The last thing I needed was for Edmund to record me saying I had anything to do with Nashville.
“Who did you work with? You were far too young and naïve to have done it all on your own. I always believed someone in my management team got to you, convinced you to help him. That person is now most likely pretty well placed in the national organization. I’m guessing that’s why you’re doing it again, at such a grand scale. Do you know I’ve been visited by the FBI every fucking day for the last two months?”
“Yes.” Well placed. And the timing . . .
“Yes what?”
“I know you’re being visited. They visit me as well.” I pushed my father out of the way. My brain moved fast as it spun through the data.
Who? Who was doing this? And why. This person chose this time on purpose. It framed my father perfectly.
“If you stopped maybe they’d leave us both alone,” he growled. “They can’t have anything concrete or they’d be arresting us.”
I hated the way he said us. “You’re not hearing me. I’m. Not. Involved.”
But he kept speaking as if I hadn’t said a thing. “I’ll ignore you. I know you don’t need money so I won’t bother offering you any, but I can guarantee that I’ll leave you alone. I’ll never speak to you again. I’ll pretend you never existed.” His voice took on a desperate quality. “Just please, don’t take this from me too.”
“I’m not taking anything from you!” I threw my hands out in desperation that he’d finally hear me. “You’ve taken everything from me. My mother, my childhood, my brother . . . and even after I walked away and built my own damn life . . . you want that too. You’ve concocted this insane story all so you can justify—”
He choked off my last word as he slammed me against the office door, his hands around my throat. “You fucking slut. I heard you like it like this.” I gasped for air that didn’t come. He moved closer until we were nose to nose. “I’ll take it all from you. Your boy toy, your career, everything. I’ll destroy you piece by piece.” He tightened his grip. “Do you like being choked now? Just as fucked up and pathetic as your mother.”
He let me go, stepping back to give me room to gasp for air, then he reached around me and opened the door. “Get out. Fix your shit. Or else the next time we talk it will be you begging me to stop.”
CHAPTER 7
Did you know you can squeeze into the tiny space between a toilet and the cabinet in a bathroom? Well you can. I discovered this when I was fourteen and hiding from . . . everything . . . and it was a habit I continued. Take right now for instance. When I feel like my insides are exploding or maybe my skin might come to life and leave me, I squeeze in to keep it from happening.
Kind of morbid I know, but when my skin starts crawling and I can’t breathe, well . . . it’s either have a full public meltdown or crush myself into the smallest space possible. Luckily my father has an army of maids and rarely uses any room in his many houses. Otherwise I might be grossed out to be squished against a strange toilet while wearing a cocktail dress.
But as it is, I’m so close to having an all-out panic attack that I stopped caring.
Why? Why did I do this to myself? Every moment in his world is a moment sucked from my life. I knew tonight was a risk . . . I just didn’t realize how desperate Edmund had become.
I touched my throat; grateful he hadn’t done more than cut off my air supply for a few moments. He’d never hurt me before and the combination of physical threat thrown together with a taunt at the way I lived my life . . . well let’s just say I was having a hard time getting my shit together. That’s why I was here, squeezed into a bathroom instead of screaming toward an exit.
“Fuck, Esme. Are you okay?” Leo stood in the bathroom doorway scowling down at me. It wasn’t a mean or even a judgmental frown. It was a worried, heartfelt, helpless frown.
I hate that I did that to him but I don’t know how to stop.
“I’ll be fine as soon as I stop shaking.”
There was a growl and then the door was locked and Leo was pulling me into his arms. God I love his arms. They always feel so safe. So secure. Most of the tension melted out of me as he positioned me in his lap and held me tight—tighter than any toilet-cabinet combination ever could. Fixtures and particleboard were cold and unforgiving while Leo was warm and tender.
Seriously, he had to have been sent to me by some sort of divine power. He’s so good and kind and he gets it. Gets me, gets my father, gets this entire fucked up problem I somehow created and he doesn’t judge me.
I sank into him a little deeper, shivering as his hands ran up and down the exposed skin at my back and I nuzzled his neck. His skin was so warm and just a little salty under my lips. Before I knew what I was doing I had his tie loose and the top button undone. Touching Leo calmed me but having Leo inside me blocked out every single thought in my head . . . well except for thoughts of Leo. And those thoughts were good thoughts.
“Here?” His fingers gripped the back of my neck, tilting me up until I had no choice but to look int
o his searching eyes.
“Please?”
He growled, causing my stomach to flip. “What happened?”
“It doesn’t matter right now.” It didn’t. My father was going to threaten me and there was nothing I could do about it.
Leo searched my eyes. I willed him to simply give in to my request, to leave the questions until after. After I would be able to think again. Now? Now I was a spinning mess of fear, panic, and worthlessness.
But that wasn’t how Leo operated and really, that was why I loved him so much. He took stock of me as he held me to him, as if he were taking inventory of every piece of me from my hair to the speed of my heartbeat.
Then his gaze locked on my throat and I knew Edmund had left his mark because Leo froze. His nostrils flared and fire blazed in his eyes. I could read the thoughts in his head. He wanted to kill my father. He wanted to walk right out of this bathroom and strangle Edmund the same way he’d strangled me. Only Leo wouldn’t stop.
He didn’t move though. He didn’t even speak. Instead his fingers brushed over the skin of my throat with soft, tender strokes. He watched as I relaxed, a look of determination transforming his elegant face. He pulled towels out of the cabinet, creating a makeshift bed on the tile floor. “Down, Esme.”
I placed my knees on top of the folded up towels. He bent me forward until I was on my hands, then pushed my skirt up over my hips. God yes. I needed this. Needed the reset only Leo could give me with his strength and security.
“Look at you,” he murmured. “That beautiful ass on display for me. I love seeing you plugged, Esme.” He bent his long form over mine, his breath whispering over my neck just before his teeth gently nipped at my earlobe. “Do you remember our first night? Do remember begging me? I do.”
I dreamt of that night often.
It was the night I finally felt safe. It was the night I was found. “Yes, Leo. It was the most important night of my life.”
He hissed. “Jesus Esme. Yes. It’s the night that changed my life too.” His hands roamed, soothing me until I was practically ready to purr. Then he freed his cock, sliding into me, pulling me up so I was on my knees with my back molded to his front. He pulled frantically at my dress, lowering it enough to free my breasts from the strapless bustier.
“I love this dress.” He pinched my nipples lightly, then rolled them again and again until I was gasping for air and my core clenched at his cock in erratic patterns. Then he took my throat with one hand, pressing my head back onto his shoulder. He whispered in my ear. “Does this hurt?”
“No,” I whispered back, surprised by how emotional it was to be touched like this, how carefully Leo was banishing the ugly reality of what just happened.
“I will never hurt you.” His warm breath danced along the sensitive skin of my ear. “My touch is for pleasure. It’s to love you and make you feel safe. Does this still feel safe?” His voice broke on the last word and that made my chest ache with joy.
“Yes. With you I’m always safe.” No matter how scared or broken or vulnerable, I was always safe with Leo.
“That’s right. Now I’m going to give you what you need. Are you ready for me, Esme?”
“Yes. Please. Make it all stop. I can’t—” The panic rose quickly, like a giant wave crashing on the shore and there was no way I could escape it in time.
“Shhhh,” Leo whispered, his hands gently moving me the way he wanted. “In the bathroom, on your knees, taking all of me. You can’t move like this, can you my darling?”
“No,” I whispered. His soft and gruff words making me so hot I thought I might combust. Sweat broke out all over my skin. He knew the dirtier the better when my mind was twisted up like this.
His hips jutted in a quick pattern. At this angle he was shallow and the head of his cock ran over the bundle of nerves that drove me wild. The first few times we were together I was so tight—too tight. My abstinence had changed me. But after a few weeks of very healthy sex with Leo things began to change again. We learned each other, our limits and preferences, but my body also acclimatized to having a varied sex life again.
So it was with excitement, not nervous anticipation, that my body responded when his other hand moved between my legs. He played with the tip of my clit at first, then began massaging down with his index and middle finger. It drove me higher and higher. His hand on my throat held me in place. I had to accept his gifts even if they overwhelmed me.
“So wet. You like being plugged, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“And you like fucking in the middle of a party.”
“I do.”
He squeezed my throat at the same time his fingers moved around his cock. “You like knowing my fingers and my dick are inside you at the same time.”
I shuddered and moaned as he did just that, stretching me wide with just the right nip of pain. “Yes.”
“So dirty, Esme.” He chose the exact right moment to use my name—to drive home that it was me breaking all the rules and defiling this bathroom.
I came hard but Leo didn’t relent at all. He drove into me harder, held me more firmly. I couldn’t curl into myself or bury my face in his chest, I couldn’t back off when the orgasm became too much. I clamped my lips shut, muting as much of my cries as possible.
Leo came too, his hand moving to my breast and squeezing as he thrust into me hard. “Fuck, Esme. Is it just me or do we have the most insane sex in this house?”
I nodded a few times, leaning over the tub again for leverage. “I get wild when I feel caged.”
His forehead dropped to my back. “Are you okay?” His body shuddered and I didn’t think it was from the release we’d just shared.
“I’m fine now thanks to you.” Ten minutes ago I couldn’t walk through the house, squeezed myself into a bathroom because it was the only coping mechanism I could call up on short notice. Now I was calm and almost back to normal.
Almost.
“I’ll kill him.”
I didn’t want that. I pulled away from Leo, reaching for the toilet paper to clean myself up, then perched on the edge of the tub as Leo tucked himself away. “Murder won’t end this, Leo.”
“I really don’t care. He put his hands on you.” A shiver raced over my skin as he touched my throat with his fingertips.
“I care. My whole life I’ve wanted one thing.” I looked up and into his eyes. “I just want to be happy. Simple as that. I won’t be happy if you’re in prison for murder.”
“Edmund can’t get away with this.” He took my chin between his thumb and index finger. “You deserve justice.”
And I would have it. I stood, slipping my arms around Leo’s neck, so very happy to be able to mold my body to his any time I wanted. “Do you know how incredibly mad it will make him to see me walking around, smiling, and having a good time? After he went to all that effort to intimidate me?”
Leo’s gaze hardened. His lips flattened. He hated what I was about to suggest but he didn’t stop me from saying it.
“Will you dance with me, Mr. Hancock?”
He dropped a kiss onto my lips, his eyes closed and his jaw clenched. “I’d rather take you home and hold you for the rest of the night, but I can’t say no to you.”
CHAPTER 8
“If I’d realized you were going to come to lunch right away I would have told you to wait until tomorrow.” I guided William to my favorite booth by the windows in the research cafeteria after he surprised me by appearing in my Monday morning lecture.
“Why? What’s on Tuesday?” He jumped out of the way of a student running between tables—probably late for class.
“Food truck. I eat pork tacos on Tuesday outside on the lawn.”
“No food truck on Monday?”
“Nope. Just Tuesday and Thursday. Sometimes Friday.” I slid into the booth and frowned at my chicken salad. Pork tacos were way better. “Oh, and sometimes on Wednesday, but never on Monday. I think the owners take Monday off.” William dwarfed his si
de of the booth. “Maybe we should have grabbed a table instead?” That way he would have more room.
“This is fine.” He patted my hand. “Trust me, I’m used to squeezing in places.”
I swear his words had a double meaning. Like he was used to squeezing physically into places and metaphorically into the box designed by our father. “Well there’s a table over there if you change your mind. I just like how the light filters in here at this time of day.”
He picked up his Italian sub and examined it before taking a bite. “I’m starved. It’s been a wild goose chase to find you. I went to your lab and they sent me to your office. Then the secretary directed me to your class. How many places do work exactly?”
“Matilda isn’t a secretary. She’s the office manager.” Every department had one captain that kept the ship of absentminded professors afloat and she was ours. “And you’ve now covered most of my sales territory. You know you could have just called and arranged lunch. That would have saved you at least a mile of walking.”
“I wanted to surprise you.” He shrugged, studied his sandwich before deciding on tackling a new angle. “Seeing you this weekend . . . I decided I didn’t want to wait anymore.”
“Wait?” For what?
He shrugged again. “I keep thinking there’s going to be a right time. A safe time.”
“For us,” I waved between us, “to have a relationship without consequences.” I wondered if Edmund really cared if we spent time together. Or maybe this separation was part of his control. Who knew? I certainly didn’t. I just hoped it didn’t hurt William. “Why do you work for him anyway?”
William glanced past me at the room—a move I knew all too well because I’d done it to Leo more times than I could count. Who was watching? Listening? How carefully should we choose our words?
I was so fucking sick of it all.
“There are advantages,” he finally said.
