by Alexa Verde
“Thank you.” He bowed his head and said grace. He included her in the list of people he prayed for.
“Amen,” she said when he was done.
She admired his simple, trusting faith. But after wandering in the wilderness of addiction for so many years, she didn’t know if she really dared to drink from the fountain of faith. Even if it was close to her... Even if she needed it badly.
She said a silent prayer of her own and included giving thanks for Junior’s doing better. She’d called Joy many times a day to confirm it.
Rodrigo took several sips of the soup. “This is delicious.”
“Thanks.” Emma beamed at him.
If only other things in life could be corrected with food. A warm feeling spread inside her. She enjoyed taking care of Rodrigo, being needed, even if for several days. She could easily imagine cooking for him every day if they were husband and wife...
Whoa.
Where did that come from?
They weren’t even in a relationship. The chances of them becoming man and wife were slim to none. A stab of regret told her she wished it could be otherwise.
Amigo trotted from the kitchen and settled on a rug near the bed.
Rodrigo took several spoonfuls of soup. “I pulled some strings to get more information about Carl and the man you called Gnat. Carl recently got into a bar fight, yelling he hated all junkies.”
“His brother died because of a drug addict. A car accident,” Emma whispered.
“Then he might have a grudge against you. He could want to take out his anger, his pain on you, as misplaced as it sounds. And did you know that Gnat had several cases of breaking and entering?”
“Gnat told me of them. He needed money to get drugs. But I don’t believe he or Carl is behind the threats.” A chill ran down her spine. Could she be wrong? And if so, was either of the guys capable of doing something more than just threatening her?
“Somebody is.” Rodrigo ate more of the soup, but his gaze was trained on her.
Could Caleb be behind the threats? She’d talked to him yesterday, and he’d changed into a different person again, adamant about her coming back to Chicago. He’d shouted insults at her for refusing to do so. Her pleas for him to quit drugs had fallen on deaf ears. While usually kind, Caleb could become violent when high, and she’d once had a black eye to prove it. But what would he accomplish by sending alarming texts to her?
“Who else might want to do you harm? I need to know that you’re all right.”
Emma’s eyes narrowed. The last thing she needed to do was to drag Rodrigo into the mess her life was. “I didn’t ask you to do this investigation. The threats are my problem.”
“Your safety is important to me. You are important to me. I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Concern rang in his voice.
While she didn’t appreciate him meddling in her business, the fact that he cared enough to do so made her heart shift in her chest. This wasn’t fair. How could she not fall for this man, though she was wrong for him on all counts?
He finished the bowl. “You’re really an outstanding cook. Besides being a very beautiful woman.”
His praise made a pleasant wave spread through her. “Thank you.”
Even in wonderful times like this, she had cravings so bad she had to fist her fingers, making her fingernails dig into her flesh painfully.
How much longer would she last? A day? A week? A month? A year? Two years?
He coughed, then studied her. “What are you thinking about?”
“You don’t want to know.” She handed him an over-the-counter bottle of pills. As she couldn’t carry Rodrigo to the car, she’d been unable to take him to the doctor. So, she’d picked up over-the-counter medicine at the pharmacy. “Please make sure you take these pills.”
“Yes, boss.” He gave her a mocking salute, mimicking her gesture from days ago.
Emma took the empty bowl and headed to the kitchen. She came back with a cup of hot tea, the herbal scent spreading throughout the bungalow.
Rodrigo frowned. “Really?”
“Just one more, to take the pills.” She handed him the cup, the porcelain surface warm under her fingertips. It was sort of amusing to see a strong man being so cranky.
“I will if you tell me what you were thinking about.” He took the pills and flushed them down with the tea.
She accepted the cup and the pill bottle from him and placed them on the nightstand. “I was thinking about drugs.”
His eyes darkened. “Is the pull that strong?”
“You have no idea. I don’t know a single person who was addicted to heroin and quit.”
His jaw set in a stubborn line. “Nobody stopped using drugs?”
“Oh, plenty of people I knew did. Some because they overdosed. One stepped out of a balcony on the seventh floor. Another one was in an accident while high.”
Amigo lifted his head and whined softly.
Rodrigo swallowed visibly. “You mean, all of them died?”
She nodded. “If I could tell my young self anything, it would be not to take that shot the first time. I felt justified in trying something to numb the pain after losing my family. I thought I could control it. I mean, it was just one shot, right? No harm done.” She paused.
He watched her.
“And then one more. Then another one. Again and again and again. Before I knew it, I needed higher dosages, and more often, too. Or I’d start getting symptoms of withdrawal.”
A shadow passed over Rodrigo’s face.
Amigo got up, nudged her hand, his nose cold against her skin, and returned to his place on the rug.
She sighed. “We should talk about something else.”
“I feel bad that after a long day at the restaurant you have to take care of me.” A muscle in his jaw twisted.
Some men just didn’t know how to be sick.
“This is coming from the man who took care of me for days.” She studied him.
His eyelids weren’t drooping, and he didn’t seem to be drifting to sleep.
“How about watching a movie?” She reached for the remote on the nightstand and passed it to him.
“What kind of movie would you like to see?” He clicked the TV on.
“A romance.” Emma moved her chair to be able to see the screen.
His fingers circled around hers, and her heart did a flip-flop in her chest. A warm wave swallowed her, and now she couldn’t attribute it to fever.
He flipped through channels and found some love story. Amigo shifted to her and closed his eyes, apparently interested in being nearby but not in watching the romantic movie.
Emma laced her fingers through Rodrigo’s, wanting the moment to last forever, though, of course, she wanted Rodrigo to feel better soon.
She longed for simple happiness: a good man to love her and a family.
Too bad it wasn’t meant to be for her. At least not for the second time around.
Or was it?
CHAPTER NINE
THE NEXT DAY, RODRIGO BROUGHT plates to the room in the bungalow that overlooked the ocean. Emma might like to watch the sunset while they ate.
It appeared he’d had a twenty-four hour bug and not the flu, because he felt much better. The steak and baked potatoes Emma had just cooked made his mouth water.
She smiled at him as she arranged plates on the table, and something changed inside him. The conversation last night had confirmed his fears. There was no guarantee Emma would quit drugs forever. She’d been open about it. He’d be a fool to think he could change it.
Still, here he was, falling deeper and deeper for Emma.
Her blonde hair was swept back in a ponytail, and several wisps had gotten free and framed her lovely face. There was a new softness about her today. She wore an aquamarine-colored dress that made her blue eyes look brighter. The dress was similar to the one he’d seen her in the first time he’d met her on the ocean shore. Her skin was a healthier tint, and she wore lip gloss that
made her lips shine.
It took all his willpower not to draw her into his arms and kiss her senseless.
She looked over the table critically. “You know what’s missing here?”
Rodrigo studied the table. “Napkins?”
“That, too. But I was going to say candles.” She headed to the kitchen and returned with candles and napkins. She lit the candles.
He bowed his head. “Would you like to say grace?”
There was a pause.
“Just say what’s in your heart.”
Emma nodded. “Dear Heavenly Father, please bless this food. Please help Junior and... his parents. Please keep Rodrigo safe in Your care. And please help me stay on the right path. In the holy name of Your Son, Jesus Christ, Amen.”
“Amen,” Rodrigo echoed.
It touched him that she included him in her prayers. After watching a movie yesterday, he’d read several passages in the Bible to her. She’d listened attentively, then asked questions. He’d answered the best he could.
“I’d like to study the Bible together after we eat.” He looked attentively at her.
Emma nodded. “I also thought to join Bible studies at church after...” She paused. “After you leave.”
Rodrigo winced. He didn’t want to remember that his vacation would be over soon. No matter how much he loved his job, he didn’t want to leave.
“Good idea.” His voice came out lower than he’d intended.
He tried to concentrate on the positive. Emma was obviously eager to grow in her faith, and teaching her made him grow in his faith, too.
The food was delicious, like everything Emma cooked. They watched the sunset as they ate, the bright colors of golden, peach, and yellow reflected in the water. It made Rodrigo marvel at the beauty of the Lord’s creation.
Amigo waited patiently near the table.
A vise squeezed Rodrigo’s heart. In two days, he’d have to go back. He had difficulty imagining his life without Emma now.
With her tumultuous past and uncertain future, Emma was the last person he’d expect to bring him peace. Yet it was exactly what she’d done.
Thank You, Lord.
Rodrigo stilled. He still grieved Corina, or rather his life without Corina’s smile and laughter. But now he had hope that one day he’d heal.
Will I?
Because he already missed Emma with his entire being, and he hadn’t even left yet.
“I’ll try to return here as soon as I can,” he said.
Emma reached out to him and touched his hand. “No, don’t. When your vacation is over, this... whatever this is... is going to be over, too.”
His heart sank. This couldn’t be good-bye. “What if I don’t want it to be over?”
Amigo whined.
She shook her head as she finished her steak. “Don’t make it more difficult. Things are the way they are. You’ll forget about me soon enough.” Her eyes were tormented when she said it, and her lower lip trembled for a moment.
He raised his chin in indignation and pushed away his plate. “I’ll never forget about you.”
“Ditto,” she whispered. “Let’s enjoy these last several days, okay?”
He nodded. He knew she wouldn’t let him get too close to her, and she had valid reasons for that. He had valid reasons for walking away.
Rodrigo reached over the table and squeezed her fingers as he resolved to cherish every moment he had left with Emma. There was something about Emma, be it her fragility, her beauty, or her desperate attempts to turn her life around that drew him to her, more with every passing moment.
At the same time, she made his heart beat faster and soothed the deep ache inside him. Who knew that by helping Emma he could help himself?
Rodrigo imprinted her image in his memory, hoping against hope there could be a future of them together.
He looked in her eyes, knowing that an invisible bond had already formed between them. He didn’t know how to break that bond, and neither did he want to. “I’m grateful to God I met you.”
A soft smile touched her lips. “I’m the one who should be grateful. You helped me see a different me. A person worthy of God’s love.”
“I meant every word I said.”
He paused, feeling the need to share the burden, the pain, and the beauty of his memories. It was easy to talk to Emma, who always listened without judgment but with understanding and compassion.
He talked to her about Corina, and it didn’t hurt nearly as much as before. On the contrary, it was as if a heavy mountain that had pressed on his chest for the last two years was suddenly removed and he could breathe easily again.
Thank You, Lord.
Emma told him about Junior and then the conversation switched to her friends, Caleb and Gnat. After his wife’s death, Rodrigo had hated all junkies for a while, just as Carl apparently had. But the way she described Gnat and especially Caleb, with their distinct personalities, struggles, and sorrows, with their unique talents, he couldn’t hate them. Her voice trembled a little, and it was clear she cared about them. And he definitely couldn’t hate Emma.
“Drug addiction is a much bigger problem than people realize. There are many more of the likes of me than the public knows.” Pain reflected in her eyes. “When a person is drunk, it’s easy to see.”
He nodded. “Or to smell, for that matter.”
“True. It’s not easy to see the early signs of addiction, unless you know what you’re looking for. At the restaurant, I sometimes see customers who are just starting on the road of addiction. It hurts me when I see them. And it hurts me to know that every one of them is somebody’s son, daughter, sister, or brother. When I think how much they’ll suffer, or how much damage I’ve done to my son, it makes my heart ache... Let me tell you about Roy and Harry.”
For some time, she talked about two men whose children had succumbed to addiction. She’d depicted their sufferings so vividly that Rodrigo’s heart squeezed from compassion for men he’d never even met.
“It’s like the only time the public hears about drug addicts is when we do something bad. I met many people who hated the likes of me, Carl included. They might have valid reasons for it. But we’re living, breathing beings, and our hearts bleed, too. And so do the hearts of people who love us. I wish I could help them.” Her voice rang with sincerity. “But I don’t know how.”
The thought of Corina’s dream entered his mind. “Corina once wanted to open a treatment center, with at least part of the services pro bono.” He stilled. Was he ready for it?
Emma’s eyes lit up. “I think it would help. But... that’s something for when you retire, right?”
Rodrigo shrugged. He hadn’t given it much thought after Corina’s death. The idea of the treatment center had died with her. But Emma gave it a new meaning.
They spent some time talking about God.
Then the conversation switched to Emma’s life in Chicago and whatever things about his job Rodrigo could disclose to the public.
After they cleared the table and he placed dishes in the dishwasher, he recalled about the surprise. “I have a little gift for you.” He headed to his bedroom and came back with a steel medallion. “It’s simple, but I hope you like it.” From what he guessed about her character, Emma didn’t care about expensive jewelry. But this... Maybe it would mean something to her.
He watched her face as she opened it, a little tense with worry whether she’d like it.
She smiled at the picture inside. “The ocean. It’s beautiful. Thank you. I’m sorry I don’t have a gift for you.”
“These moments with you are the best gift I could wish for.” He meant every word.
Amigo barked.
“I think he agrees with me.” He opened his hands for an embrace and drew her close.
She stilled against him and didn’t move for a while. Her flowery scent, her proximity wreaked havoc on his senses. A wave of tenderness swept over him.
He couldn’t let her go. He just coul
dn’t.
When she eased out of his embrace, the emptiness he felt surprised him.
“It’s getting late.” Regret coated her voice. “Too late. In many senses.”
“I don’t believe in too late. I believe in not yet.” He forced himself to step away from her. “It’s dark outside. I’ll follow you home.”
Amigo trotted to the door.
“Correction. Amigo and I will follow you home to make sure you arrive safely.” For several moments, neither of them moved.
The dog sat down near the door, as if wondering what the holdup was.
Rodrigo resisted the urge to draw her close again. He couldn’t even break eye contact with Emma. How exactly was he going to drive away?
But drive away he did when later he made sure she walked to her apartment and closed the door behind her.
His mind told him he shouldn’t even like her, much less fall for her, but he didn’t want to listen to the voice of reason.
He wanted to listen to the voice of his heart.
And his heart told him he couldn’t say good-bye to her forever.
A WEEK LATER, EMMA walked along the beach. Letting out a scream, a seagull dove into the water to catch a fish. The breeze gently caressed Emma’s face. The sunset was breathtaking.
It looked like so many other days at the beach before Rodrigo’s arrival and departure. Nothing had changed.
And yet, everything had changed.
She missed Rodrigo.
He’d left an emptiness inside her that hurt with every breath she took. He’d texted her and called her several times. But she’d ignored the texts and calls, no matter how much she’d ached to answer him. They needed to make a clean cut.
Rodrigo deserved better.
A handsome, kind-hearted, strong man like him wouldn’t have difficulty finding a good woman to love who’d love him back and make him happy.
A sharp stab in her heart made Emma freeze, and she had to wait until the pain passed.
She picked up a pebble and threw it in the water. She knew an easy way to fill that emptiness. She wanted the way out that heroin offered badly. So badly that she let her fingernails slice into her palms to stop herself from getting the remedy her body demanded.
