heartless jade."
She was deeply troubled. I was her friend for several years
before she went to London. I do not deny that certain changes
came over her after she left Upper Stickleford."
Changes?"
I confess I was concerned, especially when she ceased to write.
But I thought that those changes were caused by her marriage."
Something in her voice alerted Matthias." You've altered your
opinion? You no longer believe that Vanneck was responsible for
Lucy's unhappiness?"
Vanneck had a great deal to answer for," Imogen assured him.
But I now believe that Lucy had other problems."
What the devil are you talking about now?"
I have been thinking about what I have read in her journal thus
far. As I told Aunt Horatia, I have come to the conclusion that
Lucy was ill."
Matthias was stunned.""
I believe that her state of mind was not a healthy one. She was
always plagued by a high-strung temperament. At times she
suffered from bouts of melancholy. But her moods became far
more volatile after she married Vanneck. The tone of her journal
reflects her increasing agitation. And there is no doubt but that
she became obsessed with Alastair Drake."
Matthias gazed at her in stark disbelief." Let me be certain that
I comprehend this fully. You have concluded that Lucy may have
been mad?"
Not in the manner that we associate with those poor souls who
end up in Bedlam. She did not see things that were not there nor
did she hear strange voices. Her writings in the journal are quite
lucid. Indeed, when I visited her here in London she was always
rational. But I see now that something was very wrong. Her
consuming passion for Mister Drake does not seem ." Imogen hesitated, obviously searching for the right word." Healthy."
She was committing adultery," Matthias observed derisively.
Perhaps that worried her. After all, she had not yet given Vanneck
his heir. He would have been furious if he had learned of her
indiscretions. The good wives of the ton always provide their lords
with an heir before they take up a career of illicit liaisons."
" No, there is more to it than a concern that Vanneck would
discover the affair. She wanted Alastair Drake with a single-mind
edness that does not seem natural. She was furious because he did
not agree to run off with her."
Matthias got to his feet behind the desk." If I listen to any more
of this babble, I shall likely go mad myself. Imogen, your aunt
came to see me today."
Aunt Horatia paid a call upon you?" Imogen gave him a quizzical look." How odd. I went to see her this morning. She did not
mention that she intended to speak to you."
It was no doubt your visit to her that inspired hers to me."
Matthias's jaw ached from the tension that gripped every muscle
in his body." After you talked to her she realized at once, although
you did not, just what I had done when I gave you Lucy's journal."
I do not understand."
That much is obvious." Matthias flexed his hands and flattened
them on top of his desk. He leaned forward slightly and forced
himself to look straight into Imogen's clear eyes." I made you read
Lucy's journal because I wanted you to face certain facts about
your so-called friend. I wanted to force you to see her for what she
was. God help me, I practically blackmailed you into reading the
damned book, even though I knew you would be hurt by the truth.
It was a cruel, callous act on my part."
Imogen's eyes never wavered." I do not believe that for one
moment."
Damnation, it's the truth," Matthias said savagely." Look at me,
Imogen. See the truth. Surely you must realize that in giving you
Lucy's journal, I demonstrated just how cold-blooded I am."
Matthias"
The day we met you said that I was not the man you had
believed me to be. You were right." Matthias did not take his eyes
off her." You did not know then just how right you were."
A terrible silence fell on the library.
The chamber was suddenly filled with ghosts. They surrounded
Matthias, mocking him with their voiceless mouths, scorning him
with their empty eye sockets. Their soundless laughter rang in his
ears.
Why destroy her illusions? They served you well enough, did
they not? You did not hesitate to warm your ice-cold soul with the
heat of her sweet passion. You reveled in the false image of yourself
that you saw in her eyes. Why could you not leave well enough
alone? Now you have ruined everything.
Matthias did not need the old specters of his haunted past to
tell him that he was a fool. But there was no going back. He had
told Horatia the truth that morning. He could not live a lie. Not
with Imogen.
What are you trying to say, my lord?" Imogen asked carefully.
Do not be obtuse. I am called Cold-blooded Colchester for a
reason. I earned that name, Imogen. I am not the kind, noble, high
minded man you believe me to be. I do not possess delicate sensi
bilities or refined emotions. I proved it when I forced you to read
Lucy's journal. A kind, thoughtful husband would not have black
mailed his wife into learning the truth about a woman she once
called friend."
Imogen studied him for an eternity with eyes that seemed to
burn through his skin. Matthias braced himself for the endless
night that waited to engulf him.
And then Imogen smiled. It was the smile of Anizamara herself.
It glowed with the warmth of the sun.
It strikes me that you have taken this whole thing much too
seriously, Colchester," Imogen said." I suppose that is only to be
expected of someone who possesses such a sensitive temperament."
Too seriously?" Matthias went swiftly around the desk and
seized her by her arms." What is the matter with you? What sort of
mirror does it take to show you what I am?"
She reached up to touch his cheek with trembling fingers." I
have already explained that you and I do not always see the truth
in the same light."
His hands tightened on her arms." What truth do you see when
you look at me?"
I see many truths. The most important of them all is that you
and I are very much alike in some ways."
For God's sake, we are opposites, not kindred spirits."
You once told me that we had passion and Zamar in common,
if you will recall."
Desperation and hope swept through him with the force of a
wild, uncontrolled fire." We share those things, but they do not
make us soul mates. They do not make us alike."
Ah, now, that is where you are wrong, my lord." Imogen's eyes
were brilliant with an unreadable emotion." You are a man who
prides himself on responding to logic, so let us consider this in a
logical fashion. We shall consider passion first. It speaks for itself,
does it not? I have never felt what I feel for you with any other
man."
You have never lain with any other man. How can you know
what y
ou would feel with someone else?" He could barely speak
the words. The image of Imogen in the arms of another man now
that she had given herself to him was excruciatingly painful to
contemplate.
Hush, my lord." Imogen closed his mouth with her fingertips." I
do not need to experience the act of love with another to know
that what you and I share is quite unique. But enough on that
point. Let us proceed to the subject of our shared interest in
Zamar."
You think that our mutual interest in ancient Zamar binds us
together in some grand, metaphysical manner? Madam, you have
been reading too much Coleridge and Shelley. There are a
hundred members of the Zamarian Society who share our inter
ests. I assure you, I do not consider myself bound to any of them,
metaphysically or otherwise. I do not give a bloody damn if I
never see a single one of them again so long as I live."
Matthias, don't you understand? It is not the study of Zamar
that joins our spirits on the metaphysical plane. It is the fact that
we both sought its secrets for the same reason."
What reason is that?"
Imogen stood on tiptoe and brushed her mouth against his.
Why, to escape the loneliness, of course."
Matthias was bereft of speech. The shattering truth of her
simple observation hit him with the force of dawn on the lost
island of Zamar. Everything was suddenly illuminated in a light
that was so spectacularly clear, it seemed unnatural.
He had used his quest as a means of holding his ghosts at bay.
It had not occurred to him that Imogen might have been battling
her own gray specters.
Don't you see?" Imogen persisted softly. The search for the
secrets of ancient Zamar filled up the empty places in our lives. It
gave us passion and purpose and goals. What would we have done
without Zamar?"
Imogen He swallowed heavily.
I know what Zamar is to you, Matthias, because it is the same
thing to me. Indeed, I owe you more than I can ever repay because
you did what I could not do. You discovered that lost island. Your
researches and writings opened doors that I was in no position to
open. You will never know what your explorations did for me.
They brought a grand mystery to Upper Stickleford. I gloried in
the search for solutions to the enigma of Zamar."
Matthias finally found his voice." It is not enough."
She stilled in his grasp." You said that it was enough, my lord.
You said that it was a better basis for marriage than most couples
had."
I meant that it is not enough to explain why you persist in crediting me with a nobility that I do not possess. Surely you did not
marry me because I found ancient Zamar. What if Rutledge had
returned after the second journey instead of me? What if he had
opened the doors for you? Would you have married him?"
Imogen grimaced." No, of course not. I've told you why I
married you, Matthias. I love you."
You said that only because you thought I was in danger of
getting myself killed in a duel. You were distraught that night.
Emotional. Fearful. Agitated."
Nonsense."
And, God help me, I took advantage of your overwrought
condition to coerce you into marriage."
How dare you, sir? You did no such thing. I was in full
command of my faculties when I agreed to marry you. How many
times must I explain that I have excellent nerves? I do not become
overwrought. The fact is, I loved you then and I love you now."
But, Imogen"
Her eyes narrowed." You are the most stubborn man I have ever
met in my life. I cannot believe that I am standing here arguing with
you about my feelings for you. One would think that we were quar
reling over some obscure reference in a Zamarian scroll."
Matthias stared at her." I find your love for me to be far more
incomprehensible than any mystery of ancient Zamar."
Some truths one must simply accept because they are self
evident, my lord. Love is one of those truths. I have given you my
love. Will you take it or reject it?"
Matthias looked into her clear blue-green eyes and saw no
ghosts." I may be stubborn, but I am not stupid. I accept your gift.
God help me, it is more valuable than anything I discovered in the
library of lost Zamar. I swear to you that I will cherish and protect
it."
She smiled a mysterious smile that held all the secrets of his
past, present, and future." I would not have given you my love if I
had not believed that you would take excellent care of it."
He wasted no more time attempting to comprehend the
womanly secrets of her smile. He pulled her into his arms and
crushed her mouth beneath his own.
Chapter 18
Imogen heard a rasping, inarticulate groan and realized it had
come from Matthias's soul. He swept her up into his arms and
carried her to the dolphin sofa. His eyes met hers as he set her
down amid the silken pillows. She saw the unmistakable gleam of
desire mingled with an almost unendurable longing in his gaze.
She was both astounded and intrigued." Matthias? What are you
about? Surely you do not intend to . to make love to me here?
Now?"
I have often sat in that chair behind my desk and wondered
how you would look lying naked here on this sofa. It was a form
of self-inflicted torture."
Good heavens."
I have been waiting for an opportunity to make my fantasy a
reality." Matthias lowered himself down onto the cushions beside
her and reached for her." I believe today is the day."
But it is the middle of the afternoon and we are in the library."
Matthias nibbled her earlobe as he began to unfasten her gown.
The ancient Zamarians often made love during the day."
They did?"
Most assuredly." Matthias loosened the bodice of her gown." I
have it on the best authority."
That would be your own authority, would it not? You are the
foremost expert on the subject of ancient Zamar."
I am delighted to hear you admit it, I. A. Stone." He bent his
head to kiss the swell of one breast.
Sweet anticipation swirled inside Imogen." Lovemaking in the
afternoon. How very unusual. You did write that the Zamarians
were an uninhibited lot."
For want of a better word." He reached down to tug Imogen's
skirts up to her waist.
Delightful sensations bloomed inside Imogen. She felt light
headed, almost giddy. She had given Matthias her love and he had
vowed to cherish it. Colchester was a man of his word. He was
also, she told herself, a man who could learn how to love.
It was up to her to teach him.
At that moment he found the hot, moist place between her
thighs with his powerful, elegant hands and all thought of the
future fled temporarily from Imogen's brain. She surrendered
to his exotic Zamarian lovemaking techniques with joyous
abandon. Matthias stroked her until she was breathless. Until
she shivered in his arms. Until she twisted a
nd turned in his
embrace.
She fumbled with his breeches, freeing his rigid staff. He pushed
himself between her fingers and shuddered with pleasure when
she caressed him.
I love you," she whispered.
Oh, God, Imogen." Matthias rolled on top of her.
He drove himself into her, crushing her into the pillows. She
clung to him, glorying in the weight and strength in him. Her
fingers sank into the muscles of his shoulders. When he found his
release deep inside her, Imogen heard him whisper her name.
It was enough for now.
Lucy's journal ended with unnerving abruptness. An ominous
sense of foreboding descended on Imogen as she read the last few
entries.
My dear, charming Alastair is the most handsome of men,
but he shares the common weakness of his sex. He talks too
much in bed and his chatter concerns naught but himself. He
no doubt assumes that I did not notice his small slip of the
tongue the other night. Perhaps he thinks that I did not
comprehend the implications of what he said as he
succumbed to the ennui that afflicts men in the aftermath of
spent desire. He may have actually convinced himself that he
did not say it aloud. But I am no fool. I heard and I under
stood. Alastair is my true love and I will force him to
acknowledge that we are meant for each other. We shall go
to Italy and live the golden, glorious life of lovers who are
destined to be together.
I am so consumed with excitement that I can scarcely
breathe. My hand shakes as I write these words. The Bow
Street runner I hired to investigate Alastair's small indiscretion has finally returned from the north. The information he
has provided is more useful than I had dared to hope. My
naughty Alastair is not at all what he professes to be. I am
certain that he will do anything to keep the truth from
Society. Anything. When I tell him the price of my silence, he
will surely pay it. He may be angry at first, but when we are
safe in Italy he will come to the realization that we are fated
to be together for all eternity. He will forgive me eventually
for what I am obliged to do. It is for his own good.
A chill went down Imogen's spine as she closed the journal. She
sat quietly for a long while, gazing unseeingly out the window of
her bedchamber.
There was no question about it, she thought. Toward the end,
Lucy had been living more and more in a strange world of her own
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