“You’re a riot, Mary Jane.” The pink in Jessie’s cheeks turned a brighter shade of red.
“Thanks for seeing her on such short notice Carolline, I’ll catch up with you later. I think the department chief arranged for us all to sit at a table together tonight at dinner. I remember him saying The Guild members were going to introduce you to the community now that you’re settled in here. We’re all going to be there to show our support for our newest team member.”
Carolline nodded and saw Jessie to the door. “Thanks. See you at dinner.” She knew the intro was coming and hoped her reception would be well received. It wasn’t the time to think about that, however. There was someone who needed some answers and, hopefully, she would have them.
Carolline took her seat and focused on the young woman in front of her. MJ didn’t look like most hybrids. The long blond hair, blue eyes and creamy white skin told her the woman was a bundle of recessive genes. That would make her development, her bonds in the world, and the way her body perceived things a bit more different. She opened her notebook and jotted down a few notes without thinking.
“Um, what are you writing?” MJ was leaned over looking at the notepad.
“Oh, sorry. Habit. I don’t think there is ever a time when I’m not making observations. I learned a long time ago to make notes as I went so I could sort out my theories later. You provide quite an interesting case. I don’t know if I have ever seen a shifter with such prominent recessive genes.”
MJ blinked a couple of times. Her brow furrowed. She opened her mouth to say something but just as quickly closed it.
Carolline wanted to soothe the woman who was getting more and more nervous the longer she sat there. She nibbled on her bottom lip, probably a nervous tick she didn’t even know she had. “It isn’t a bad thing, MJ. It just means your reaction to different situations will be unlike others.”
MJ released her tortured bottom lip. “Oh.”
Carolline dropped the pen on the desk and sat back. Now was not the time to write her observations down, she would have plenty of time after they were done talking. “So, what do you want to know?”
MJ drummed out a tattoo on her leg, the steady rhythm gradually calming her nerves. The woman sitting across from her seemed genuine and a little intimidating. She would have to get over that.
Carolline was a tall, slim brunette with gentle curves and a beautiful face. She was the type of woman she would expect Sam or Devon to have hanging on their arm. The quick stab of jealousy shocked her. Not where Devon was concerned. No. Maybe because she knew Devon had already given his heart to someone else, and he would never trust it to another. No, she only felt the pulse of jealousy when she thought of Sam being with another woman. Of him giving his love to someone other than her.
“MJ, are you okay?” Carolline asked.
“What?” MJ put her attention back on Carolline.
“I asked if you were okay.”
“Honestly, I don’t know. If you’ve talked to Sam, then you know he says we are mates. He feels all of the traditional signs of finding his one true mate and claims it is me. I, on the other hand, haven’t felt those same things. Not a tug or pinch of pain anywhere. And I love him too much to let him settle. He deserves to have someone that feels everything he does and in the same way.”
“And since you don’t feel those feelings and powerful urges, you assume he’s wrong?”
“Yes. I can’t be the right one for him. But if I have to be truthful, I want to be. I’ve loved him since I was fifteen. When Dewasa was supposed to start I felt like I always did. I didn’t get antsy or have this itch to find my mate. Then, on my birthday, the time period we are told we would feel this switch being flipped, there was nothing. All day I waited for it to happen. There has not been a tug, shove or jerk in any direction toward the man I’m supposed to be with. And the only men drawn to me are Sam and Devon. Devon is only there because he wants a companion. My parents have convinced him I will never have a mate and voila, I’m being toted around town like the newest handbag. So, what I guess I want to know is—am I ever going to react like I’ve been raised to believe?”
“Just looking at you and knowing what I do about hybrids, I would say no; you aren’t going to get those signs smacking you in the face when your mate crosses your path. But that doesn’t mean you’ll never find the one for you.”
“Well, how the hell am I supposed to know then?”
“From past research, I can tell you that hybrids had to go with their instinct, they picked the person that felt right in every way; emotionally, physically, intelligently. I’ve heard stories of feeling an invisible tether that connected them to their mate that grew over time. Some hybrids even had to rely on their shifter side. The animal instinct is better at ferreting out the truth than the human mind and emotions. When you’re with Sam, do you feel any sparks? Is there anything out of the ordinary?”
MJ worried her lip again and Carolline was afraid the woman was going to chew right through it.
“There were a few times my Liger bumped to get out, but I assumed she just wanted to go for a run. I’m not really in tune with her though. I usually only shift when I’m with my friend Corrine, so my Liger is a little non-social when there are shifters around that she doesn’t know well. We had a bad experience with a Purest a few years ago.”
“Okay. So going with your beast might not be the best indicator. What else? Have you seen anything that you thought was a trick of your mind?”
MJ looked down to study her trembling hands. “There was one time I thought I saw tiny sparks, like miniature fireflies, drifting through the air after a particularly bad ending to a night with Sam.”
“Hmm, that’s interesting. A high emotional state leading to a powerful reaction. Probably much like the primal power of Blood Legacy. Do you mind if I write that down?”
MJ’s gaze slid to the notepad on Carolline’s desk. It certainly wouldn’t hurt her if the woman took notes. Maybe she could use what MJ was going through to help some other half-breed misfit. “Go ahead,” she said.
Carolline’s face lit in a soft smile. “Thank you.” She scribbled on the pad for a couple of minutes while MJ waited, taking the time to study the doctor more.
She couldn’t help but wonder how someone got into the field of studying hybrids. The shifter culture, to this date, liked to pretend cross breeding didn’t happen. More people were opening their minds to it, which was fantastic; however, it would take years before it was as accepted as traditional, pure blood unions.
MJ couldn’t hold the question back. She was too curious. “Why Hybrid Development and Studies?”
“I’m a Tigon. Growing up, I refused to believe there was only one way to experience life’s biggest moments, those milestones that marked every shifter’s life. You see, I got most of my physical traits from my father who was a Tiger. On rare occasions we would visit my mother’s pride. They acted differently, mated differently and smelled differently. I noticed that I had some of their behavioral traits, just not on the same heavy dosed level. I started to think that depending on the mixture level of the genes, a hybrid’s habits and visceral reactions would vary.”
MJ knew her mouth dropped open in surprise. “No way! I’ve never met a Tigon. I’ve never met another Liger either, though, so that isn’t saying much. I was beginning to think I was the only one out there. I feel like such a misfit most of the time.”
Carolline smiled indulgently. “You definitely aren’t the only one. Back east there are more. Some hybrids are getting together and forming their own little colonies. It really is fascinating. I wish I could go back and study them but I can’t. Not now. But enough of that, we are talking about you. I have a feeling your recessive genes are muting your mating instinct even more. Emotionally, how do you feel when you’re with Devon?
The question brought MJ up short. For some reason, she didn’t think he would really be a discussion point, especially since Sam was the one who contacted Carol
line in the first place. “Shouldn’t we be talking about Sam and me since he’s the one that says we’re mates?”
“I don’t think you can ignore Devon. He’s part of the equation. You have picked him over a man that wants to claim you and love you the rest of your life. You chose to not believe in the man you say you love. Is it because you want what Devon is offering? Is he a better prospect for your future?”
MJ didn’t like the question so she avoided it. “Are you sure you aren’t a psychologist as well?”
Carolline laughed and leaned back in her chair. “I’m working on it actually. When I talk to other hybrids, I like to delve into their psyche as well. I need them to dig under all of those erroneous thoughts they were brought up on and look inside for the real person. In most instances, they will diagnose the problem and see the answer with only a little guiding from me.”
“Well, you’re doing a fantastic job of peeling back my layers,” MJ grumbled
“I’ll take that as a compliment; though, you didn’t sound happy about it.”
MJ grunted. “Devon is the safe choice. I don’t love him, he doesn’t love me and we are both good with that. Picking Devon means I don’t have to risk my heart and my dreams. The future is built in and the ground rules have already been laid out. With Sam, shit, picking him scares the daylights out of me. I’m risking everything on the hope that he won’t resent me later on down the line when he finds out he made a mistake claiming me and is shackled to me for life.
“It sounds to me like you want guarantees: a guarantee that Sam is your true mate; a guarantee that he’ll love you forever and never leave you or resent you. I bet you also want a guarantee that your children will happy, healthy and never know what it’s like to be a misfit or unpopular.”
MJ looked away and felt the heat rise to her cheeks in embarrassment. Carolline was right. As stupid as it was, she wanted all of those things. She wanted someone to say, without a doubt, that life would be perfect with Sam.
“I’m right, aren’t I, MJ? This whole thing really isn’t about being a hybrid and not feeling like you’re supposed to. This entire problem was because you didn’t want to listen to your instincts and take a risk on the man you love. I hate to tell you, but that’s what being in love is all about. The rewards in life only come on the heels of risk.”
MJ’s head whipped around and she gawked at the other woman. “Are you serious?” she asked heatedly. “My biggest problem is not knowing if what I’m feeling, or not feeling for that matter, can be trusted?
Being a hybrid, being a Liger, has brought me nothing but heartache and fear. We were shunned by my father’s pride because of me. The people who teased and taunted me made my life miserable and no one did anything about it. We had to pack up and leave. When we moved in next door to the Hart family, Corrine decided we would be the best of friends. She didn’t care that I was different. She dragged me to dances and to the mall. We had sleepovers and spent every summer together. It was the first time in my life someone loved me for me. I don’t even think my parents can claim that.
But Corrine couldn’t be with me all of the time. She wasn’t there for those awkward classes when we learned to control the change. She didn’t hear the other girls whisper what a freak I was when they would see my Liger. She didn’t see any of the notes shoved into my locker calling me a half-breed who should be put out of my misery.
I was the only one who was moved to the furthest seat in the back of development class when the studies were about Remaja, Dewasa, Eseni or Jiwa, because it would be wasted on me. Classmates and teachers didn’t ridicule Corrine about not being a ‘normal shifter’.
If I said anything or complained, my parents told me to deal with it and never tell anyone. Ever. I was to act like it didn’t bother me and pretend I was like the rest, even with my best friend. So I started to act like I felt the same changes as everyone else. I did my best to blend in and somewhere along the way, the real MJ got lost. Being with Sam all of these alien feelings started to come out. It was fine to lust after him from a distance. I could handle that. It was when he kissed me like I was his last breath or caressed my skin like it was the most fragile thing that I freaked out. Emotions and feelings bubbled to the surface and I had no idea what to do with them. Was it even real? Could it be real?”
MJ slumped back in the chair. Holy shit, where did that all come from? Her mouth was dry and her throat sore. She had a feeling she raised her voice and even started yelling at one point.
Carolline didn’t seem to be phased though. She turned to a small fridge MJ hadn’t noticed earlier and grabbed something out. She pushed a bottle of water across her desk.
“Here, take a drink.”
“Thanks,” MJ croaked. Twisting the cap off, she greedily drank the cool water. She put the cap back on and looked at Carolline. “Sorry about that.”
“Oh no! You needed to get that out. You are just like eighty-five percent of the hybrids out there. We all tend to adapt to culture or community around us. We want to fit in and pretend we aren’t different. It makes the people around us more comfortable and easier to tolerate. You’ve been living your life for someone else for long enough. Now, I’m sure you aren’t like that all the time. It sounds like your friend Corrine got to stay with you behind that wall you’ve built up, at least some of the time. You need to tear down the wall completely and trust your instincts again. I think when you do, you’ll be able to see what you’ve been refusing to believe.”
The words settled into MJ’s brain. Quietly she sat across from Carolline drinking her water, thinking about what was said. Carolline didn’t seem to mind the silence and after a bit, she began writing again.
Taking one last sip, MJ stood and tossed the bottle in the trash. Carolline stood and moved around to the other side of the desk. “I hope you’re okay, MJ.”
“I am. I’m going to take some time to let me be me. I think I’m close to being the person I really am, I just got sidetracked with all of the pressure from family and friends. A day or two away from everyone in Garden and Cascade seems called for. I have a cousin that works at a lodge near Steamboat, Colorado. I can go and visit him. He’ll understand my need to be alone and can get me a room for a couple of days.”
“That sounds like a really good idea.” Carolline reached out and hugged MJ. “I think you’ll find who you are pretty quick. You were on your way to finding her. Questioning and knowing something isn’t right was the first step. You only needed an outsider to nudge you. If you ever need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.”
MJ returned the woman’s hug. “I will and thank you. I know I’ll be contacting you again. Another hybrid living less than two hours from me, it’ll be fantastic!”
Carolline stepped back and chuckled. “I think so too.”
MJ turned and walked out the door. Pulling her phone from her purse she called Devon, who answered on the second ring.
“Hey Devon, it’s MJ, we need to talk.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Sam reached for his phone on the bedside table, pressing the power button to wake it up. The bright screen blinded him for a second. Still no messages or missed phone calls. His hand dropped to his chest, extinguishing the light, the phone clutched tightly in his fist. The ball of dread in his stomach pitched and rolled. As much as he hated the feeling, he was starting to get used to it.
It had been two weeks since he last saw MJ. Two weeks since the night of the first dinner at the Gathering. Two weeks of worrying and wondering where she was. Wondering if she was okay. Wondering if he was ever going to see her again.
The distance and silence from her was driving him crazy, both physically and mentally. His body ached from the constant pain of being without her now. His Tiger prowled, demanding to be let out. Sure in his belief he could find her. Sam couldn’t think about anyone or anything other than MJ. It was so bad that he took to drinking every night; just enough to dull his senses and allow him to pass out for a couple of hours of
uneasy rest.
Bodie and Soren were so concerned they wouldn’t leave him alone. They set up a schedule and took turns keeping watch over him when they weren’t running his gym. When they couldn’t babysit, Jett or Corrine, or both, were there to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid, like hunting down Devon Andersen and demanding to know where MJ was. And by demand, he meant physically torture the man until he talked.
Sam was convinced Devon knew where she was. They were practically joined at the hip for two weeks from what he was told. When he arrived for dinner the night after giving MJ the card, neither Devon nor MJ were there. Afraid something went very wrong Sam tracked down his sister to see if she knew where they both were.
According to Corrine, MJ was gone. She got a very quick, not very detailed call telling her not to worry. MJ told her she needed some time away from everyone and everything to find out who she really was and what she wanted. Corrine told him the call lasted maybe five minutes. MJ refused to answer any of Corrine’s questions and just asked her friend to be patient; that when she came back, everything would be back to normal.
Sam pinned all of his hope on that statement. Back to normal would mean MJ living in Cascade again and working at the bakery. She would be where he could see her beautiful face, hear her sweet voice, and touch her to his heart’s content. His pain would be lessened and he would finally be able to think again. Not that he needed to think about what he wanted to do to her. First on his list was locking her in a room with him and never letting her out. Not until she was bound to him, craving him as much as he craved her.
He regretted not claiming her that night in Sweet Confection. He second-guessed himself and, instead of biting her while in the throes of orgasm, he merely tried to bind her to him with sheer will and physical connection. He could see now that it the plan was doomed to fail from the start.
Claiming More (Tiger Nip) Page 16
