Despite the pain, Simone’s fingers are magic. Or I’m that fucking inexperienced with a woman. She kisses my jaw as her fingers go to my fly. Shit. I want to be normal.
But I’m not.
Letting go of her tit, I grab her hand. I go to move it off my dick, but I don’t want to. I hold her hand over my crotch as she clutches and claws at me, and I guide her to where it feels good, even if it’s temporary.
When she sticks her tongue into my mouth, she pulls down my zipper. Against me, she whispers, “I want to fuck you.” This time I squeeze her hand, which makes her squeeze my dick harder.
“No,” I whisper, pushing her hand off me.
Simone freezes but then puts fast distance between us, scooting away from me. Her face is panicked and confused, maybe. “What did I do?”
Standing, I go to the kitchen doorway for my own distance. “I refuse to be another goddamn substitute.”
“For what? What’re you talking about?”
“I know what you’re doing, Simone. You’re drowning your sorrows, jumping to the next available dick. I’ve been there before. It fucking hurts.” More than she knows.
“Greg!” She gets up from the couch and faces me. “I’m not doing that!”
“Go tell that to all the other dicks you’ve fucked.” Simone glares at me. And realizing I went a tad far, I say, “Shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
“The fuck you didn’t. I thought you were different.”
“I am different.” That’s the problem.
“No, you’re not. You’re just like the thousands of dicks I’ve fucked. Right? Shasta called me a slut, so it must be true. And you believe her, don’t you?”
“No.”
“You’re a liar.”
“Yeah! Maybe I do! What the hell am I supposed to think? You’re running after Ricky Manwhore Tesco!”
She laughs. What the fuck? “Of course, that’s all you see. But it’s totally okay that you screwed Shasta.”
“I didn’t want to.”
“Someone held a gun to your head?”
“No.”
“It’s fine when you’re a manwhore, but because I’m a woman, I shouldn’t enjoy sex. So, I’m a slut.”
“You’re not. It was one time with her.”
“More than you’ll give me.”
“Jesus Christ, Simone. I made a damn mistake with her.” I cross my arms, leaning against the doorway. “We barely know each other, and you want us to fuck. Right now. I don’t operate that way.” I don’t operate at all.
“How well do you know Shasta? She’s fucking Grant! Did you know that?”
I squeeze my hands into fists underneath my crossed arms. “No.” Oh, fuck.
“She’s fucking two married men! I mentioned a few ex-boyfriends in passing and maybe said a few things about sex. I don’t carve a notch anywhere or make fun of anyone. But I’m the whore. She brags and bashes her conquests. You were one of them. And she wasn’t bragging.”
“When?”
“The beginning of this softball season.”
“What did she say?”
“That you hid from her. Wouldn’t let her see your dick. She called you a crybaby and said you weren’t worth the lube.” Simone bitterly laughs. “Looks like I know Shasta better than you.” I swallow, enraged, and I’m unable to speak. Simone puts on her boots, and she storms to the door. “At least you didn’t make another mistake tonight. What a close call.”
“Wait.” I go to the door, shoving it closed but move away from her. “It’s not... I have major issues, Simone.” My hands go to the top of my head. But I’m agitated, so I throw them out, yelling, “You’re goddamn Finn Wilder’s sister!” And I’m in love with his wife.
“Why in the fuck does that matter? He doesn’t run my life or have a say in whom I have sex with!”
I hang my head as I stare at the floor. “I’m not into having a casual fuck. I did that once. I won’t do it again.”
“I wasn’t trying to trap you. God. You make it sound like we’d fuck, and you’d never see me again. I like sex, Greg. Stupid me for wanting to experience it with you.”
“You’re not stupid. I have serious problems.”
“Then tell me!”
“I can’t.”
“I’m sure you told Hadley about them.”
“No. She doesn’t know.”
“And I bet nothing will stop you from sleeping with Rhonda.”
“I’m not going to sleep with her.”
“Why not? She’s perfect for you. She’s practically virginal compared to me. Right?”
“I don’t want her.”
“She can join my club, then. I may have kissed some frogs on my pursuit to fall in love, but I’m not looking for Prince Charming. He doesn’t exist. He’s a goddamn fairy tale.” Her eyes tear up, but she doesn’t cry. “But I’m just an untrustworthy whore who doesn’t know shit.”
“You’re not. Simone, come on. Just... I’m sorry.”
“Fuck your apology and your bogus hang-ups. We’re not even handshaking friends. Instead of feeding me excuses, you should’ve just admitted I nauseate you and reminded me that you wouldn’t touch me with a 10-foot pole.”
“I’m not trying to hurt you.” My eyes water, but I keep myself in check since I’m a crybaby.
“You didn’t hurt me. I make mistakes too. So, thank you for helping me avoid this one.” Simone jerks open the door again and leaves. Her boots scrape fast against the cement and then down the stairs. I stand in the doorway, listening to her car until it’s gone.
Slamming the door, I look around for something to break or throw. Going into my bedroom, I pick up Eden’s diary and throw it into the hallway. The pages flutter as I return to my room, slamming that door, too, and being a crybaby, I do the second thing I do best.
CHAPTER 19
“What kind of nuts do you have?”
“I might be the newjack here, but shouldn’t you go about that differently? I mean, maybe if you buy me a drink...” I scrape together a shitty smile for the Hardware department manager, Myrtle. She’s a gray-haired, tough-as-nails broad who reminds me of Gloria, but Myrtle is a self-proclaimed team player and doesn’t have the infirmities or the boytoy. She also resembles Mario and Luigi’s arch nemesis, Bowser.
As I shake the two metal pieces in my hand like dice, her grim expression doesn’t shift. “You think you’re the first one to crack jokes like that? Everything is so crude now. Hammers, nuts, screws, nails, rods... Even those damn Eighty Shades movies with the ropes and zip ties.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s wrong.”
“I wasn’t born yesterday. I’ve been working here for 15 years. I don’t have time for the crap. Cut the comedy and tell me what nuts you have.”
I frown, opening my hand and holding up each one. “A hex nut.”
“And?”
“Wing.”
“The other?”
“Uh... Shit.”
“Nope. A nylock. A hex with a nylon lock. You need to know these.”
“Yeah, okay.”
Myrtle’s phone rings in her apron, and she answers it with, “What?”
How did I get to the point of wearing an orange apron with my oldest designer shoes and jeans? Not exactly a fashion statement.
What is a statement is my name tag. Needing to separate myself from this soul-sucking job, but unlike my other job, I willingly opt not to use Greg.
I shouldn’t be here until tomorrow, but Phil Fox called this morning wanting to start my training a day early. I’ve taken many hardware tests on a computer, and I still know nothing. What the fuck was he thinking? Weekends are busier than hell, and since I’m a noob, I’m in the way. That’s nothing new, though.
My entire body is heavy as I put the nuts back in their bins. Last night. What I did to Simone was a dick move without a dick move. I wanted to kiss her, but it was temporary insanity. When she wanted more, it became a reality, and I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. Ricky’s not the
only one who isn’t ready for Garrison. And along with all the other complications, Simone isn’t my type, and I’m nowhere near in love with her. I’ll never be. All I could think of was Hadley, just like I did with Shasta. It’s an endless cycle I can’t fucking escape. I need off this never-ending ride because it’s getting me nowhere and fucking sick.
“Excuse me.” An overly hairy man gawks at me like I’m some hardware guru. “I’m looking for rod anchors.” Son of a bitch.
“You and me both.” We both laugh as Myrtle approaches, stomping on any potential good time.
She tips her head slightly, peering through the bottom of her glasses. “Rod anchors? Looks like you picked the right man to ask. Right, Rod?”
“Absolutely.” I have no idea.
Jesus.
“Did you do anything over the weekend?”
I blankly stare at my computer screen, too tired and sore to move. Even my fading ass bruise hurts again. Standing on concrete all day is an agony I wish I had known beforehand. “No.”
“You busy tonight?” I have a date with Myrtle.
I swivel my chair to see Amos standing in his office doorway. His cloud tie is cheap and tragically ugly. It’s too early for this shit. “Uh, why?”
“Simone asked me if I could help her move. She didn’t ask you?”
I look at my desk, surprised how that stings. “No.”
“You want to help?”
Choosing defense, I say, “Sorry. Can’t. Visiting Birdy.” I do need to take her for a weekend I don’t have to work. That could be 12 years from now.
I also need to tell my parents. I fucking can’t wait for that one.
“She should be all moved in tonight. We’re ordering pizza. You should stop by after your visit. I’ll text you Simone’s new address. She’d love to see you there. Her mother, Finn, and Ricky are helping her too.” I try not to gag out loud from the last two.
“Yeah, sure.” Not on your life.
I hear him jingling change he doesn’t need in his pockets. Side-eyeing him, I see Amos walking further into my side of the office, squinting at me. “Is something going on between you and Simone?”
I try to remain neutral as I flip through a file. “No. Why?” Like I need those rumors too.
“She’s not helping you with Birdy anymore?”
“Birdy’s not with me, so no.”
“I think she’s upset. Even through text, she’s not her bubbly self.”
“Bubbly. So that’s what you call it?” I roll my eyes as I shove the file folder away and pick up a pen, tapping it hard on my desk. “That’s because she didn’t get what she wanted.” Ricky or pity sex from me.
“And what’s that?” Neutral. Neutral. Neutral.
So, I frown. The fucking opposite of neutral. “Nothing. She’ll be all right. Just a bruised ego.”
“Ego? That doesn’t sound like Simone.”
I frown on top of the one I already had. “How would you know? You only have known her on the softball field.”
Amos chuckles like he’s in on some joke I’m not, which is usually the case. “I assume you do know her more than I do since she stayed with you for a week, helping you take care of your daughter.”
Fucking restless, I sit back, now flipping the pen back and forth in my fingers. “Did you know anything about a certain underling here spending quality time with one of the counselors, who happens to have a legal relationship with a woman?” I glance at the open doorway. Nobody would be able to decode that.
Amos apologetically grins as he studies the damn ceiling. “I would like to say no, but it’s been floating around here for a while.”
“Where in the hell have I been?”
“Another underling’s office.” He looks at me, his grin doubling. Fucker.
“How long has it been going on?”
Amos shrugs but shuts the door to our office suite. “Since sometime last year at least. But you’re on the birth certificate, aren’t you?”
“No.”
“Did you sign an Acknowledgement of Paternity?”
“No.”
“But she’s making you pay child support?”
“So she doesn’t drag me into court. Yeah. Brandon will annihilate me. I send what I can.”
“How do you know you’re even the father?”
“I had a paternity test done. It said I’m Birdy’s father.”
“You had this test done on your own?”
“No. I went with Shasta and Birdy to a clinic on Leigh Street.”
His eyes grow larger than his head. “Leigh? You do know her mother is a registered nurse at a clinic there, don’t you?”
“Oh. So?”
“I’m just putting that out there.”
“For what reason?”
“With Shasta being the way she is, and her mother... I went to high school with Kim. I’ll just say the rotten apple doesn’t fall far from that dead tree. Be careful.”
“Where in the hell were you last summer? I could’ve avoided this mess.”
“You didn’t ask, and I didn’t know what you were planning to do with her.” Amos sighs and then clears his throat. “I would seriously consider having that test redone. On your own. Somewhere else.”
“Shit.”
“I’m not saying it was falsified. I’ve never heard anything bad coming from that clinic or anything like that about her mother. But it’s Shasta. I’m just telling you to double-check. And if you need my help, Rod, just tell me. I’m here for you. I’ll help any way I can.”
“Fuck,” I grumble, shooting out of the chair and grabbing my Spongebob mug. I head for the door. “I need coffee.” What he’s suggesting... I can’t even... It seems too convoluted for Shasta to pull off without anyone noticing. Well, except for me because I’m completely oblivious, even when she wouldn’t let me near her pussy. Jesus. I need to get to the bottom of this shit.
Not knowing what to really think and having waited long enough for the usual morning kitchen crowd to have died down, I head to the kitchen. I take the long way around, wanting to avoid Rhonda. Are things supposed to be weird between us now? Does she think I want to keep dating her? Where do I go from here? What the hell do I want?
On my way there, I see Crick leaving the bathroom. “Crock! How the hell are you doing? How’s the injured wing?”
With a weak smile, he nods toward the sling his left arm is sporting. “I’ll be okay. I just need to wear this for another day or two.”
“I’m so glad you’re okay. This place wasn’t the same without you. And nobody knows how to work the pop machine in the kitchen like you.”
He kind of laughs, which wasn’t expected. “Putting in the right amount of money takes real talent.”
“That’s like knowing a magician’s tricks. Total let down, Crock.” He smiles. At least I’ve achieved a goal for today.
I leave Crick to get my coffee. Seeing the kitchen’s empty, I then do something stupid. I bypass the kitchen and go to Hadley’s office. Leaning against the doorframe, lightly tossing my mug from left to right, I watch her studying a paper for a minute before clearing my throat.
She jumps, dropping the paper. “Rod, you scared me.”
“My specialty.”
A frown polishes her lips, and she looks away from me. Taking this as her wanting to talk, I go into her office, shutting the door since Val isn’t around. Instead of grabbing a seat at one of the chairs next to Hadley’s desk, I set down my mug and go for the window, seeing the cemetery. “A new resident. Roses and peonies. Definitely a grandma. Though, mine had empty beer cans strung together with her flowers. Uncle Todd’s idea. She was retired from a brewery, and he’s a career drunk, so—”
“What was going on with you Saturday night?”
I turn from the window and lean my back against the wall, crossing my arms. Hadley’s green eyes are wide and insistent. “What do you mean?”
“You and Rhonda. And then you and Simone. I don’t understand.”
&nb
sp; “I’m just having fun. That’s what guys my age do, don’t they?” I have no fucking idea.
She shrugs, stacking papers on her desk, not as a real task, but to keep her busy, so she doesn’t have to look at me as much. “What about Rhonda? You went on a date with her. And then turned around and went out with Simone. Two dates in one night with two women. Rhonda would want to be exclusive with you.”
“Christ. We had one date, Hadders. Is she naming our kids now?”
“No.” Hadley frowns as she keeps stacking an already stacked pile. “I don’t know if she is, Rod. But if you’re going to date Rhonda, you can’t be kissing Simone. You can’t string them both along or mislead them. That’s not fair.”
“I’m not stringing them along. For your misinformation, they each asked me out. I’ve never dropped so much as a hint that I was serious with either one.”
“I think Simone has the wrong impression, then.”
“The wrong impression?” I shake my head, laughing. If she only knew what Simone’s motives were, but it’s not my place to blab. “She doesn’t.” She has a pretty good impression of me by now.
“You’re wrong. I know Rhonda wants to date you, but... Simone had that look in her eyes too.”
“Look?” I laugh again, adjusting my Pac-Man tie. “It’s just an illusion.”
Hadley makes eye contact with me, and I see her uneasiness. “Then what is it? I hope she’s just not another lay for you.”
I stare at Hadley, unable to defend myself at first because I did do that before. But it still hacks me off she has to bring up that colossal mistake. I finally say, “What the actual hell? I never said Simone and I were fucking.”
“You refuse to deny it either.”
“Does it bother you if we are?”
Ignoring that, she says, “She’s not Shasta, Greg. You can’t just use Simone. She won’t let you.”
“I’m not using her.” Not in that way at least.
“What, then? Are you in love with Simone?”
Unscrewed Page 30
