by E. L. Todd
“So, don’t blow her off. I know she’s acting like a weirdo right now but she’s really not like that. She’s usually confident, funny, and smart. Honestly, you couldn’t find a better woman than she—when she’s herself.”
“I’ll have to take your word for it.”
“So…please give her another chance.”
“Did you think I was going to sneak out the back or something?”
“No.” I shook my head. “But I have a feeling you aren’t going to ask her out again.”
He put his hands in his pockets, a guilty look coming over his face.
“Please?” I wasn’t above begging at this point.
“Maybe you should have let it just be she and I.”
“She wanted us to come along. But next time we won’t.”
He rubbed the back of his neck like he’d been cornered. “Okay. I’ll ask her out again. But only because she’s really cute.”
Thank god. “Great. I promise, it’ll be worth it.”
“If she has a girlfriend who’s willing to corner me in the bathroom, then she must be an incredible person.”
“Exactly.”
“Or she’s crazy.”
“Uh…maybe both.”
The door opened and Axel walked inside. He halted in mid-step when he spotted me. “Baby…what are you doing?”
“I just wanted to talk to Cameron alone.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
Axel still looked confused. “In the bathroom…?”
Cameron walked passed us. “I’ll see you out there.” The door shut behind him.
Now that he was gone I lowered my hands. “I wanted to talk to him without Francesca knowing.”
Axel bent over and peeked under the stalls to make sure we were alone. “Since we’re here…” He wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted my dress. “How about a quickie in the stall?”
“Ew.” I swatted him on the shoulder. “The bathroom is the most disgusting place ever.”
“And you’re dirty.”
I swatted him again even though I liked what he said. “You’re a pig.”
His hand gripped my bare ass and he kissed me hard on the mouth, feeling my lips with his. He gave me a little tongue as he played with my thong and pulled it over.
His touch excited me in ways I couldn’t explain. The scene of the bathroom stall and urinals disappeared from my vision. All I thought about was Axel. He kissed my jawline then moved up to my ear. When he got there he whispered something. “Oink oink.”
***
The four of us walked to the front door at the end of the night. Francesca was still tense, looking frightened of everyone and everything.
“Well, good night.” I unlocked the door and Axel and I walked inside. I shut the door behind me and pressed my ear to the wood.
“What are you doing?” Axel asked.
“Shh.” I waved him away.
Cameron’s voice came through the door. “I had a great time tonight.”
“You did?” Francesca blurted out the words like she couldn’t believe him.
“Yeah,” he said. “I mean, it was a little awkward but first dates can be that way.”
He was being so patient with her, and that made me like him a great deal. Most guys would take off once they realized she was damaged goods.
“I’m not normally this awkward,” Francesca said. “Honestly, I haven’t been on a date in a long time. I was in a serious relationship a few months ago…”
Cameron pretended that was new information. “Break ups are hard. I’ve been there.”
“Yeah?” she asked, hope in her tone.
“Yeah,” he said. “We were together for a few years then she dumped me. She never really explained why. I struggled for a long time until I finally got over her. I went on a lot of first dates that never led to second dates. It took some time for me to regain my confidence and personality.”
“Oh…then you understand.”
“I understand very well. So, don’t beat yourself up over it.”
“Thanks…” It was the first time her voice was free of fear. She actually seemed happy.
“So…you want to go out again?”
I clutched my chest and smiled because this conversation was going so well.
Axel shook his head. “You’re such a weirdo.”
I threw my wallet at him.
Francesca’s voice came through the door. “I’d love to.”
“Cool,” he said. “And how about it just be you and I? Marie and Axel are nice but…I’d like to get to know you better.”
“Great idea.”
“Cool. I’ll see you later.” His footsteps hit the stairs.
“Run.” I left the door and pulled Axel with me into the living room. “Act cool.”
“Why?” he asked. “You were just listening to the door like a child. You’re anything but cool.”
“What was that?” I cupped my ear with my fingers. “No sex tonight?”
He glared at me.
“You got it.”
Francesca walked inside and shut the door.
Axel leaned toward me and lowered his voice. “You want it as much as I do.”
I pushed him away and tried to act natural. “So, did you like him…?” I pretended I didn’t hear their conversation through the door, but it was difficult to act like I didn’t know anything.
“Yeah…I think I did.” A small smile formed on her lips.
This was awesome. “Great. Are you going to see him again?”
“He asked me out,” she said. “I was a little surprised.”
“A little?” Axel asked. “I’m shocked. You asked if he liked cheese then proceeded to tell him about your bowel movements.”
“Axel, shut up.” I excused him from the conversation. “So, you’re going to see him again?”
“Yeah,” she answered. “He said he went through a bad break up a few years ago so he understands what I’m feeling. It’s nice to be around someone who gets it.”
“Yeah,” I said. “It must be.”
“And he was nice and sweet…I’ll give it a try.”
It kept getting better and better. “Axel and I really liked him. You should go for it.”
“I think I will.” She drifted away down the hallway and entered her bedroom.
I turned back to Axel with a large smile on my face. “She’s going to be okay. I can tell.”
“Maybe if she gets laid she’ll be back to normal.”
“Don’t be gross.”
“I’m just saying. Sex has healing powers.”
“Does not.”
“You want me to show you?” He leaned in and wiggled his eyebrows.
“Is that supposed to be sexy?” When he made faces like that he just looked ridiculous.
“You tell me.” His hands wrapped around me just as they did earlier, and his fingers gripped my dress and slowly pulled it up.
“This is sexy.”
He wiggled his eyebrows again.
“That is not.”
He chuckled then lifted me into the air, wrapping my legs around his waist. “Believe me, I can make it sexy.”
Pizza and Beer
Axel
I made the trip to New York on Friday evening to meet up with Hawke. He had tickets to a Ranger game, and we got pizza and beer afterwards. Our friendship was slowly returning back to normal. Now that Francesca was getting back on track I didn’t resent him as much.
“Dude, have you ever had sex without a condom?” I couldn’t get over how good the sex with Marie was. It was a million times better than that casual screw we had months ago. We were connected on a spiritual level. It wasn’t just about the movement we made. It was a lot more.
Hawke was about to take a bite of his pizza but stopped when he heard my question. He gave me a dark look, like I just asked him something I shouldn’t.
And then I realized what I said. “Oh right. I forgot…sorry.” Enough time had passed that I forgot he and
Francesca were ever together. “Don’t answer that otherwise I’ll puke all the shit I just ate.” I took a long drink of my beer to wash away the bad taste in my mouth.
Hawke set his slice down. “Why do you ask?”
“Marie and I don’t use rubbers anymore.” There were no words to describe how good it felt. Being inside her, skin-to-skin, was the most amazing experience of my life. And coming inside her was even better. I’d never gone bareback with a woman because I was never monogamous before Marie. But now she and I were exclusive I made love to her every chance I got.
“Whole different experience, huh?” He grabbed his slice and took a bite.
“It’s so different. I don’t think I could ever go back to condoms.” I shivered in repulsion just thinking about it.
“Then it looks like you’re going to be with Marie for the rest of your life.” He gave me a teasing look.
“Whoa, I never said that.”
“It’s implied.”
“I like Marie and I don’t want to be with anyone else…but marriage isn’t on my mind.”
“Axel, there’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I’m not lying.” Marie was the only woman on my mind. I didn’t even check out other girls anymore, and when I slept alone I tossed and turned all night without her next to me. When I was at work she was all I thought about. I didn’t think I could be a boyfriend to anyone but I realized I was doing a pretty good job with her. But marriage…not on my mind.
Hawke finally backed off. “You guys haven’t been together very long so I get it. But when you love someone they’re the only person you ever want to be around, and not just now but forever.”
“Whoa, who said anything about love?”
Hawke gave me a blank stare.
“Look, I don’t love Marie. I really like her and care about her. I don’t want to be with anyone or anything like that. But I don’t love her.”
“Are you sure…?” Hawke rested his hand on his beer and gave me an incredulous look.
“Yes.” I think I would know if I loved someone or not.
“I think you’re in denial.”
“I’m really not.”
He chuckled before he took a drink. “Whatever.”
“Whatever what?” If Hawke thought I loved her, maybe Marie thought the same thing.
“Nothing.” He set the glass down then took another slice.
“No,” I pressed. “What are you laughing about?”
“It doesn’t matter, Axel.”
I glared at him. “Spit it out.”
“What does it matter what I think?”
“It doesn’t…” But I still wanted to know.
“Love is a strange thing. No matter how much you want to deny it, it comes after you. Push it away all you want but you can never escape it. If it’s there, it’s there. You know what I mean?”
“No, not at all.”
He shrugged then took a bite. “Why are you so determined not to fall in love?”
“I’m not. I just…I don’t know.”
He silently egged me on.
I couldn’t tell him that Francesca tried to kill herself. I’d take that secret to my grave. “My dad was a coward. I’m afraid I’m a coward too.”
Hawke gripped his beer and stared at me for nearly a minute. His eyes changed, dilating and hiding something deep within. “How do you figure?”
“When things got tough, he took his own life. He and I are very similar. I’m afraid I’m not any different. If times get tough I’ll do something stupid and reckless. I’m not reliable.”
“You’re making a lot of assumptions, Axel.”
“I just don’t think I’d be a very good husband and father. Right now, I really like where Marie and I are. She makes me happy and I can’t picture my life without her. But beyond that, I don’t see a future. I just want to enjoy her as long as I can.”
He gave me a sad look. “For what its worth, I don’t think that.”
“Think what?”
“That you wouldn’t be a good husband and father.”
“Shows what you know…”
“You look after Francesca.” He faltered when he said her name. “I know she’s not your daughter but you always have her back. That’s the kind of man you are.”
Hawke would never understand. He didn’t walk in and see my dad’s brains all over the walls. He didn’t see the way he closed off from us when my mom passed away. He didn’t know my dad didn’t even show up for the funeral. He didn’t know Francesca almost killed herself too. If Francesca, the strongest person I knew, couldn’t carry on then I was no different. When it came down to it, I was weak. I wasn’t reliable. I was shit.
Hawke sensed my mood and backed off. “What else is new with you?”
“The internship is slowing down.”
“Meaning?”
“I’ve learned everything I need to know. I’ve pretty much gotten everything out of it as I can.”
“Then leave.” Hawke took off to New York and got a job pretty quickly.
“I might apply for a few jobs here in the city.”
“What about Marie?”
“She wants to move here anyway. So that works.”
“Perfect.” He took a drink. “And…does Francesca still intend to move here?”
I didn’t have a clue. After their breakup I wasn’t sure if her plans had changed. “She hasn’t said otherwise so I would assume so.”
He nodded then took another drink. “How is she?” Whenever he asked the question it didn’t seem like he wanted to know the answer.
I was glad I finally didn’t have to lie. “Really well. Almost done with school. She’s seeing this guy named Cameron. He’s nice. I like him.” At this point I didn’t care who she dated as long as she tried to move on. But Cameron was patient with her. When she made an idiot out of herself he didn’t give her a hard time about it. And he asked her out again because he knew she was nervous. If it were me, I’d take off. Obviously, Cameron was the bigger man.
Hawke stared at me in silence, the pain written all over his face.
I didn’t know what to do. He was the one who asked about her.
“Are they serious…?”
“No, I don’t think so. They’ve just been seeing each other for a while.” That was a lie but he didn’t need to know that. I refused to tell him how much she struggled. I had to make sure my sister looked strong in his eyes.
He nodded slowly, like he didn’t know what else to do.
“Have you been seeing anyone?” I assumed he was back to his old ways, hitting the sheets with a different girl every night. But I asked anyway since he asked about Francesca.
He shrugged. “Nothing serious.”
I didn’t ask any more questions about it.
“I’ve never been so miserable in my life.” He looked out the window and didn’t meet my gaze. “I’m glad she’s doing better than I am. She doesn’t deserve anything but happiness.”
When he said things like that I became even more confused. If they loved each other, still, why couldn’t they make it work? I’d given up on their strange relationship. Hopefully, Francesca would settle down with a normal, boring guy. It’d make my life a lot easier.
***
I was exhausted when I came home that night. It was a long drive, and the clock on the nightstand had an unearthly hour on it. I threw my clothes off then collapsed into bed. I didn’t even brush my teeth because I was so tired.
But when I closed my eyes I couldn’t go to sleep.
I kept tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable in the large bed. The sheets were just washed so they were more comfortable than usual, but even then I couldn’t find the right position.
Just a few minutes ago I couldn’t keep my eyes open. But now my body was buzzing with alertness.
I didn’t want to admit the truth, not even to myself. After everything Hawke said tonight I was even more uncomfortable. My body didn’t crave a warm body beside me.
It craved something much more specific. It needed that soft hair to brush across my skin, exciting me and calming me at the same time. It needed that random sigh that escaped her lips softly, waking me up every few hours without truly reaching consciousness. It needed to fight for the sheets she always stole from me. It needed the tangle of our legs when I spooned her from behind.
It needed the one woman I couldn’t live without.
***
Even though Francesca was working I knew the girls still struggled to get by. Francesca wasn’t working as many hours as she used to, so she was barely making rent. No one asked me to, but I still took care of the groceries. I didn’t make a whole lot at my internship and I was breaking even every month, but they didn’t need to know that.
I walked inside the house with bags tucked under my arm.
“You look great.” Marie’s voice came from around the corner.
I walked inside and set the bags on the table. “Thank you.” Francesca stood in the kitchen wearing a dress with a pink cardigan.
Marie rolled her eyes. “I’m not talking about you.”
Francesca eyed the clock on the wall. “He’ll be here any minute…”
“Why are you nervous?” I asked. “You’ve already gone out with him.”
“I don’t know,” she answered. “Still nerve-wracking.”
Like he knew we were talking about him the doorbell rang.
“Shit, that’s him.” Francesca breathed hard and fidgeted with her hair.
“Girl, you’ll be fine.” Marie tucked the clutch under her arm then fixed her hair. “You look perfect. Now strut out there and flaunt it.”
Francesca had a blank look on her face. “I don’t know about all of that but I’ll go.” She walked to the entryway and opened the door. After a short conversation, they left in his truck.
Marie unpacked everything and put it away. “Thanks for the food.”
“No problem.” I stood with my hands in my pockets, watching her move about the kitchen gracefully. She had a steep curve in her lower back and a nice ass. Her legs were lean and toned, and her hair was always done in cute ways. I could stand there and watch her forever.
While I noticed her obvious beauty because it stared at me right in the face, I also noticed the way she shifted her weight when she walked. Her dominant foot was her left one even though she was right-handed. Whenever she was trying to solve a problem she always scrunched up her nose and bit her bottom lip at the same time. Even though the milk in the fridge was empty and expired, she left it there and added the next carton beside it. She always did this, and I suspected she assumed it was Francesca’s job to take care of it since she didn’t drink milk. I noticed all of her little quirks, all the things that made her who she was.
