Bryn jumped when her phone trilled in her purse from a text message, breaking the silence. Not ready to face the inevitable, Bryn got off the floor, making her way to bed. Her overwhelming emotions had left her drained as she flopped onto the bed. Her phone chirped again, and then moments later it started to ring. Bryn let out a raged scream as she picked up the phone and threw it as hard as she could across the room. It landed on the floor, and the battery was broken out from the back, making it mercifully silent.
Bryn tried lying on her bed again, but her arms had started to tighten, signaling a panic attack was imminent. Corey was almost two hours away, and she had no phone to call him, nor could she call for her sister. Her options were limited as she made her way into the kitchen, yanking open the cabinet where they kept the hard booze. Yanking down a bottle of Patron, she took a healthy swig before capping the bottle. The burn down her throat was excruciating as she stood with her shoulders slumped, leaning against the counter.
Warmth started to buzz through her veins as the liquid started to ease her ache. Needing more, she opened the cabinet, pulling down a bottle of Absolut vodka. There was no way she could handle another pull of pure booze, so she opted to make herself a mixed drink with soda instead, filling a huge tumbler to the brim. Needing to feel close to anything that would comfort her, she decided to sit in Corey’s room. Maybe his scent would be enough to hold her together until she passed out. Sticking a straw into her glass, she stumbled to Corey’s room, curling up in his papasan chair with his pillow clutched to her chest. She quickly drained her glass, making her buzz turn into a full-blown drunk in no time.
Bryn’s limp body sank deep into the chair as she closed her eyes, praying for the pain to stop, wishing that she could stop her heart from breaking any more. The glass slipped from her fingers as the numbness took over, sending her into oblivion.
Bryn could hear the water running in the bathroom as she tried opening her eyes. A cool wash cloth pressed against her head as someone lifted her up, carrying her back towards her room. Bryn’s mouth was dry as the desert as she tried to open her mouth to speak. A moan came out of her mouth as her savior laid her down on her bed.
“Shhh, Bryn. I’m here.”
Bryn could feel someone brushing her hair out of her eyes, replacing the cool wash cloth against her skin. Her stomach was turning, as her head pounded inside her skull. A wave of nausea overcame her as she tried to lunge for the bathroom. Strong hands helped her to lean over the bed, as she threw up into a strategically placed garbage can.
“That’s it, kitten. You need to get that poison out of your body.”
Bryn recognized the endearment, launching herself backwards to get away from Charlie’s gentle hands. She had almost landed on the floor in her attempt to get away from him.
“Go back to your perfect girlfriend or wife, or whatever the hell she is, Charlie. Get the fuck away from me!”
Charlie put his hands up in a placating gesture, “Bryn, that was not my girlfriend, and I sure as fuck am not married.”
Bryn scoffed as she moved around her bed, trying to get away from his lies. Her pounding head was making her unsteady on her feet. “I guess fuck buddy would be a better term for that whore that I saw at your house.”
Anger splashed across his face as he reached out to grab her arm. “Bryn, stop it right now.”
She tried pulling away from him, but he yanked her closer, keeping her flush with his body. Fury was coursing through her veins as she wound up and slapped him across the face. “Let go of me, you bastard.” She stomped out of her room, yanking open the front door, which had obviously been kicked in, since Charlie didn’t have a key. Using her hand, she motioned for him to leave, “I don’t date men that fuck around, Charlie. Get out.”
Charlie tentatively walked over to stand next to her, trying to reach out for her hand. Bryn jerked away, turning around to keep her tears to herself.
“It really hurts that you would think that of me, Bryn. Call me when the booze wears off and you realize the mistake you made.”
Bryn steadied herself with a deep breath before saying the thing that would hurt him the most, forcing him to leave and never try to repair their relationship. “Don’t wait for that, Charlie. The only mistake was me falling for someone that I knew would hurt me more than the bastard that raped me.”
The next sound that Bryn heard was the front door closing, and Charlie walking out of her life.
Chapter Sixteen
Two weeks passed by in a haze, as Bryn tried to put back together the pieces of her life. Charlie didn’t make any attempts to contact Bryn, for which she was grateful. Her pain was still too raw to see him. Eventually she knew that they would cross paths, but for right now, she was glad he stayed away.
Corey had quietly watched Bryn fall into a pit of despair for over a week, until he finally took matters into his own hands. He hauled her out of bed on a Saturday morning, throwing her in his truck. Ending up at Mitch’s house north of town, Bryn groaned as he led her to the large shop next to the house. She walked in and found Mitch polishing the gas tank of a beautiful blue Sportster Harley. The V2, four-stroke engine needed work, but Corey and Mitch promised to have it purring like a kitten within a week.
She sobbed into her boss’ shoulder when he told her it was a gift to her. “Promise me that this will make you smile again, Bryn. It’s breaking this old man’s heart to see you hurting this badly,” Mitch told her when he gave her the keys.
The Fourth of July was already here, and Bryn had agreed to go with Corey down to the Bandshell on the east side of the lake to watch fireworks. It was almost dusk when they pulled up amongst all the blankets spread out on the grassy hill, waiting for the show to start. Driving her very own bike seemed a lot easier, especially with both Mitch and Corey working with her.
Corey plopped down close to the water, near the only residence on this side of the lake – Mr. Denhart’s. The older gentleman took great pride in being able to list all his illnesses to anyone that would listen. It was the same man that was had been spying on Charlie across the lake, and had tried making him his own personal doctor.
Bryn’s heart dropped when she thought about that day with Charlie, when she was in love with a man so completely wrong for her. She wasn’t good enough to be with a doctor, she wasn’t good enough to be with anybody. Shaking her head, she willed herself not to fall into a self-pity spiral right now.
No sooner had the local fire department started shooting off random volleys of different fireworks up into the sky, Mr. Denhart came walking out on the lawn with a can of pop in each hand. He slowly made his way over to the two of them, stopping mere inches from Corey’s head. Mr. Denhart looked down at the two of them as he reached out with the drinks.
“Here, kids. It’s damn hot out here.”
“Thanks, Mr. Denhart,” Bryn answered as she took the can from his hands. The next set of fireworks came with a loud thundering BOOM that set off a few car alarms.
Mr. Denhart looked around at all the people and started to walk back towards his house. Bryn felt sorry for the aging man, making her want to say a few kind words to someone that was obviously alone. She jumped off the ground and ran to catch up with him as he made his way back to his house. He hadn’t made it very far, as Bryn walked next to him. “Mr. Denhart, would you like to join us?”
He stopped the shuffle of his feet, turning to look at her. “That’s nice, Bryn. But it’s too hot out here for me. You go back to your friend,” he said as he patted her hand.
Bryn was shocked that he knew who she was, he had only recently moved here a year ago and she had never been introduced. “How do you know my name?”
He tapped his head with his index finger, “I remember that you were Dr. Glynn’s girl. Shame you two didn’t work out. He needs someone to remind him how to have fun. He’s always at the hospital.”
Bryn could feel her heart plummeting as she remembered the caring Charlie that was sweet and kind. Always lookin
g out for everyone else’s best interests first. Those images quickly faded as his leggy whore flashed before her eyes, swallowing any remaining love that she felt for Charlie.
Whispering to no one in particular, “He has someone else to keep him occupied now.”
Mr. Denhart nodded, “Ahh, that’s right. I doubt he looks at his sister the way he looks at you, Bryn. But that is for you to figure out.” He quietly walked back to his house, leaving Bryn stunned.
Bryn’s blood ran cold as Mr. Denhart’s words replayed in her brain, his sister. She started wandering aimlessly through the throng of people, covering her ears when the grand finale started to thunder overhead. Bryn spun in circles, trying to keep control of the devastating emotional pain that was surrounding her. It didn’t take long for the pain to morph into the familiar numbness that spread throughout her body. A full-blown panic attack was starting deep inside her body, leaving Bryn gasping for air. I’m going to be alone; I can’t help but hurt everyone around me. Her head started to spin as she collapsed to the ground, the overwhelming emotions gagging her. People around her came running over, closing in on her, making her panic multiply. She curled up into a ball in the grass, sobbing.
Corey’s stern voice broke through her panic-induced haze, snapping her back to reality, “Get the fuck away from her. Give her some room to breathe.” He quickly picked her up, Bryn wrapping her arms around his neck as she sobbed into his neck, “I’m gonna end up alone, Corey.”
Corey quickly carried her to the other side of the hill, back towards Mr. Denhart’s house. Away from the crowd, he sat down in the grass, cradling her to his chest, rocking back and forth. He kept whispering “shhh” in his soothing voice as he gently ran his hand over her hair. It wasn’t long before Bryn could feel the numbness leaving her arms, the panic receding back inside.
Bryn took a deep breath before she raised her eyes to look at Corey. The look on his face was more than Bryn could handle; no longer did she see her carefree best friend. She looked into his eyes and saw pity. Corey didn’t know how to handle her anymore, and she was afraid that she was breaking the only person she had left that loved her. The man was alone, never went out anymore, except to ride with her. Silent tears slid down her face as the realization hit her, hard. I need to put this behind me. Now. I am destroying every relationship around me with my problems. There are people that have been dealt with far worse than I have, and walk away stronger, not a sopping mess.
Bryn sat up, carefully peeling herself away from Corey’s arms. “Thank you, I’m okay, now.” Leaning back into him, she placed a tentative kiss on his lips. “I mean, I will be.”
Corey pulled back, his face devoid of emotion. “Bryn, you need to…”
Stopping his words with her fingers, she said, “I know. I can see now that my problems are affecting more than just me. I’ll get help, Corey. I promise.”
Corey crushed her against his chest, holding her tight. Not needing to say the words, Bryn could feel the tension falling off his body as he clutched her. Letting go, he jumped to his feet, pulling her up.
“Let’s go home, baby girl.” Most of the crowd had dispersed by the time they had made it back over to their bikes. Corey waited as she straddled her ride, making sure she was steady enough to drive. He watched her for a minute before he finally spoke, “I’m proud of you, baby girl.” Corey quickly turned his back to her, walking over to his bike. Bryn could have sworn she heard him sniffle.
Bryn filled her lungs with as much air as she could, closing her eyes as she let the air back out. The fresh air made her body feel lighter, and her decision to get help was making her mind feel lighter, too.
Chapter Seventeen
The heat on the first week in August was unbearable; the humidity was almost oppressive as Bryn carried boxes of custom parts to the trailer. The guys were busy strapping down the spare bikes on the trailers, drilling each other about their plans for the upcoming week. It was Friday and the entire crew was leaving for Sturgis in the morning. Bryn still had not made a decision about how she was getting there, or even if she was going.
Bryn had been making great strides over the past month with her therapist. She had opted to go to a local counseling center rather than using the psychologists at the Amulet Medical Center. At her initial appointment, they recommended she start seeing a “trained listener” twice a week for the rest of the summer. Bryn was determined to make this work, so she did everything they asked her to do, even taking an antidepressant drug to stabilize her mood. Within the last week, she could feel that they were making things easier for her to process, her thoughts weren’t so scrambled.
Sara and Bryn had been spending a lot of time together as well. There was even talk of both of them attending a counseling session together in the near future. Bryn knew that Sara was holding back about something, but she wasn’t sure what it was. Neither of the girls talked about their mother; it was going to take a lot of therapy to tackle that subject, for both of them. Bryn was happy to see that Sara and Darrin had become physically and emotionally closer. They were more affectionate with each other, but it seemed like they were still distant. Sara didn’t bring up the subject, and Bryn didn’t know if she could offer any advice on love right now, seeing as how she had royally trashed her own. It would be best if the girls kept things light, at least for a little while longer.
Her therapist had given her the green light to ride along to Sturgis, as long as she avoided alcohol. That was easy. After Bryn’s attempt at drowning her sorrows in booze early in the summer, she still hadn’t touched the stuff.
Bryn knew that Charlie was also going to ride out to Sturgis next week. He had told Mitch as much when he called to order saddlebags to be added to his bike over two weeks ago. Mitch had brought in Charlie’s bike on Monday, and the install had only taken a few hours, but the bike still sat in the shop, waiting to be picked up. Bryn knew that he was avoiding her and she didn’t blame him.
Her outburst at him in her apartment replayed in her brain. Bryn could remember seeing the anger on his face when she inadvertently called his sister a whore. It made sense now, he was upset that she had called his little sister something so vile.
Bryn tried to square her shoulders, remembering that she was trying to right as many wrongs as she could in her world. It didn’t matter if Charlie had given up on her; maybe it was for the best that she be alone for a while and pull her act together. Maybe she would see him out there, she could apologize and they could work on building a bridge to common ground with each other. Yeah, right, she thought. He is probably breathing a sigh of relief that he doesn’t have to deal with me anymore.
Bryn calmed her racing mind by counting backwards from 10 as she closed her eyes. By the time she reached 1, she had regained her composure. She turned back to the shop to grab the last of the boxes. Bryn could hear the guys talking with someone else, their voices getting louder. Whomever they were talking to was coming in to the office. Bryn walked to the bathroom to wipe the sweat off her face and neck. She yelled from the bathroom, “I’ll be right with you.”
Bryn quickly wetted a paper towel, dabbing at her sweat soaked face. She pulled her hair down from her ponytail, redoing it to smooth out the fly a ways. She shut off the light as she walked around the corner, stopping at her desk to grab her water. She took a long pull on it before turning around.
“Thanks for waiting, I was loading boxes outside…” Words failed to leave her mouth as she looked into the same blue-green eyes that were haunting her dreams. Charlie stood there with a tight smile on his face, dark circles under his eyes.
“Charlie. Um, hi. What are you doing, I mean, you’re here to pick up your bike. Of course. Let me get the invoice.”
Bryn turned away, afraid that if she looked at his handsome face, she would launch herself across the room into his arms. The problem with that was, he would probably drop her on the floor rather than catch her.
Tears started streaming down her face, and she tried to busy
herself at her desk. Charlie didn’t make a move towards her, his only reaction was to say, “Bryn, please don’t cry. Corey said that I should come in. I can come back another time.” He turned to leave, pain etched across his face.
Bryn stopped him, “No, it’s fine,” wiping away her tears with the back of her hand. “I just didn’t expect to see you, that’s all.” Bryn didn’t want to lose this opportunity to apologize; at least set things straight. She started rubbing her thumbs across the pads of her fingers in a nervous gesture as she spoke again, “Your neighbor told me that your sister stayed with you for a few weeks in June.” She laughed nervously as she sat down in her chair, “I bet that’s who was in your kitchen that day.”
Bryn busied herself with finding his invoice in her files. He gingerly sat down on the edge of her desk, crossing his arms over his chest, “Yes, she just showed up at my place, wanting a break from her busy life in Ohio. I didn’t know she was coming.”
Bryn tried to keep her cool as he sat so close to her, their knees almost touching. The urge to reach out and touch him was making her arms heavy. Charlie hadn’t said anything else, and Bryn was at a loss for words herself. She decided to look up to gauge his emotions that he often wore plainly on his face. Bryn was shocked to see that he was smiling at her. She quickly looked back down, trying to hold back her unshed tears as she said, “Please don’t smile at me. I don’t deserve it.”
Charlie quickly answered, “It’s hard not to smile at you. Even though it pains me to see you and know that you’re no longer mine. But you seem more relaxed. Corey told me outside that you have been seeing a therapist at Moline Counseling?”
Bryn was a little shocked to hear that Corey had told Charlie about her therapy, deciding that he was only trying to help her. Bryn was usually so stubborn that Corey probably thought that she wouldn’t want to let Charlie know that she was trying to get her life back together.
Let Me Fly Page 11
