“Yup,” I replied with a pop. “So, I don’t really want to talk about Della. There’s nothing between us anymore.”
“Well, you never know, honey.” She patted my hand before standing back up. “Della is such a sweet girl, and she seemed to be pretty perfect for my baby.”
I didn’t respond but the word “baby” made my whole body cringe. If my mom only knew, but no, if she thought Della was so perfect, I would let her think that. I knew the truth, no one was perfect, and even though Della had been in my eyes, she never really was either. I knew I messed up at the start of our relationship by not telling her the truth from the get-go, but she kept things from me, too. Yeah, I guess they didn’t affect our relationship as much, but still.
So, now I was moving on. Della was doing that with her life, obviously, and I needed to do the same. Yeah, it sounded a whole hell of a lot easier in my head than I think it would actually be.
“I STILL CAN’T believe you got busted by the cops, and of course Justin had to be one of them.” Callie looked at me sideways as we walked across campus, and I rolled my eyes.
“Callie, it’s been like a week. Why are you still bringing it up?”
“Oh, no reason,” she replied in a singsong voice, looping her arm through mine. “I just think maybe it’s a sign that you two really are meant to be. He just keeps showing up like some knight in shining armor or some shit.”
“What?” I stopped our walk, yanking her backward and she stumbled slightly before righting herself.
“Jeez, Della.” She pulled on a blonde ringlet that had escaped from her ponytail and tipped her head toward the other end of campus. “I need to be going in that direction. Like now. So what’s the hold up?”
“Um…I don’t know, maybe the fact that you’ve been all Team Nash, and suddenly you’re rooting for Justin or something. What’s up with that? It’s not like he’s been helping his case recently or anything. He’s been a complete ass.”
“Oh, Della.” She tugged on my arm to continue our walk. “I don’t know, I guess I’ve just warmed up to Justin or something. You know he was totally doing that to make you jealous, right? And then he drags your ass out of that frat house, and takes you home in the back of a police car? I would’ve paid money to see that little spectacle. I still don’t understand how you ended up going out with Mia, anyway. You’re lucky she didn’t spike your drink with ecstasy or something. You could’ve ended up surrounded by a bunch of naked frat guys the next morning.”
“Ohmigod, Callie.” I briefly closed my eyes as I shook my head at the image she painted, biting back a grin at the fact that she was probably right. I guess I should consider myself lucky after all. That was me, one lucky girl.
“And I’m sure it pissed him off even more when Nash showed up at Shorty’s and had his hands all over you.”
“What?” I asked in disbelief, stopping to look at her with narrowed eyes. We were in front of Hassler Hall, where Callie’s next class was, and I didn’t have another one for thirty minutes.
“Della, don’t play dumb. Nash had his hands all over you, probably just to stake his claim on you, like you’re a freaking prize or something. Not that you aren’t or anything,” she added with a bright smile. “Nash knew exactly what he was doing.”
I shrugged one shoulder. “Nash and I are just friends. He’s with Mariah. I honestly didn’t even notice.”
“Yeah, because you were too busy avoiding Justin, but watching his every move. Nash still has the hots for you. He just can’t do anything about it. Trust me on that one.” She poked me in the arm as I mulled over her words, trying to remember that night and how Nash had acted. I really couldn’t remember, because Callie was right, I did focus on Justin, even though I tried not to. When he was around it was like I had tunnel vision and he was all I could see.
By the time I snapped my attention back to Callie she was already walking toward the front doors. “We’re still on for shopping tonight, right?” I called out to her, and she snapped her head back, her eyes widening.
“Della, are you insane? When would I ever pass up shopping? Let’s plan to finish out the night with some pedi’s because our feet are gonna be killing us by the time we’re done.”
“Sounds like exactly what I need,” I replied with a wave while scooping my ringing phone out of my purse with the other hand.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hello, Della. How are you doing today?”
Things with us were still a little tense, but that had eased up a little bit over the past year. She seemed to be happy with the direction that my life was going, and I started to forgive her for some of the things that happened. I know I wasn’t exactly easy to deal with, but she could have handled things a whole lot differently, and I didn’t think I could ever really forget that.
She still had a major stick up her ass, and thought she was better than pretty much everyone else, but at least she seemed to be trying with me.
“I’m doing good, just heading to class.”
“Oh, well, I don’t want to bother you, but I scheduled an appointment for you on Friday at one o’clock. Do you think you’ll be able to make that work?”
“An appointment for what?” I cradled the phone on my shoulder as I put the exact change for a water into the vending machine.
“You’re due for your womanly checkup. Actually, you’re very late, since you’re supposed to do those yearly. Your birth control implant is set to expire, and we don’t want any accidents happening.”
I rolled my eyes at her use of words, slipping the bottle into my purse as I straightened up and continued my walk. “Well, I don’t have anything going on, but you can cancel the appointment.”
“And why, may I ask?”
“Because I’m not going, Mother.”
She huffed loudly before clearing her throat. “Adelaide.” Oh, now she was using my full name. When that happened, I knew things were serious and I was starting to get on her nerves. Did it make me a bad person to feel a teensy bit gleeful about that?
“You need to go. You refused to go to your annual checkup last year. What if you’re wandering around with some disease? God only knows how many different boys you’ve been with, the thought just makes me shudder.”
“First of all, Mother, I think if I had any diseases I would know. I mean, the whole downstairs area would just be a mess, don’t you think?” I smothered a laugh with my hand when I heard her cluck her tongue.
I loved teasing her, especially when it was so easy, and she acted all high and mighty. My laughter died quickly though when the guy walking in front of me snapped his head around, and I could only guess that he heard every word. By the look on his face and the twist of his lips, I couldn’t tell if he was grossed out, or turned on, and I really didn’t want to find out, so I quickly changed my direction, choosing to take the long way.
“Besides, I’m a born-again virgin,” I added on, in a quieter voice this time. “I don’t need birth control.”
She snorted loudly. “Really, Della? I find that very, very hard to believe. Are you attempting to be serious with me? Or are you trying to pull my leg? Because, really, it isn’t funny, dear. I know a little bit of that old Adelaide that I loved so much has come out whenever Mother is used.”
“I’m being one-hundred percent serious. No joking about it whatsoever. I’ve had a revelation. These legs are closed for business.” I was serious. I think Justin ruined me, or something. Beside that one awkward, drunken time with Nash, I hadn’t been with anyone else. I just didn’t feel the urge, which was surprising. Before I always used sex to fill an empty void, and now I didn’t have that need. I guess it was a good thing, but I didn’t want to be a nun for the rest of my life.
“Oh, Della. Sometimes I wonder about you. Well, nevertheless, you still need to go to the doctor. I just don’t understand what the big deal is.”
I sighed loudly and sat down on a lone bench, away from the steady flow of college students hurrying from class to cl
ass. “It just reminds me too much of the…incident.” I borrowed the word she typically used to describe the whole abortion situation, because really, I couldn’t make myself say the word aloud that often. “I don’t want to be sprawled out in one of those ridiculous chairs with some random doctor poking and prodding around. It always brings back way too many memories that I just want to forget.”
“I see,” she responded quietly. “Well, just give it some thought, sweetheart. Maybe I’ll call the doctor’s office and explain the situation, and they can figure something out. I just want you to be safe. You have a bright future ahead of yourself, and I don’t want anything to happen.”
“I’ll think about it,” I promised before we said our goodbyes and hung up, walking into my classroom right as the professor took his place behind the podium at the front of the auditorium.
My classes for the rest of the afternoon passed by in a blur, all I could do was think about my mom’s call. I knew she was just watching out for me, in her own special way, and I felt a little guilty for getting an attitude with her. But I really wanted to avoid that kind of doctor’s appointment like the plague.
When it was finally time for my shopping trip with Callie, I was more than ready for some retail therapy. We both made a decent-sized dent in our bank accounts, and pedi’s were the cherry on top of the hot fudge sundae. Zoey hadn’t come along, as usual. I think she tried to make herself busy just so she could have an excuse not to. Shopping wasn’t her thing, she said. Callie and I just couldn’t grasp that whole concept, but whatever, that’s what made Zoey, Zoey, and I loved her for it.
“Oh, I so needed that.” I sighed loudly as Callie parked in front of our house, and I wiggled my toes that were painted a bright tangerine color. We passed on manicures for the night, but I really shouldn’t have; now I was all mismatched. At least my feet felt nice and silky smooth, though.
“I know, right? Okay, I’m gonna go finish my night off with my man.” She waggled her eyebrows at me from the driver’s seat and I made a gagging sound as I grabbed my bags out of the back.
“Well, you have fun with that. I’m going to go finish my night off with a carton of ice cream that these hips don’t need and catch up on Pretty Little Liars.” I stuck my tongue out at her as she scowled at me through the window. That show was our favorite to watch together, but if she needed to rub her fun time with Drew in my face, then I was going to watch it without her. Point for Della.
I waved to her as she pulled away, both of us knowing that I probably wouldn’t end up watching it without her. It was just so much more fun when you could bitch to your friends about A while you watched it together.
“Della.”
As I walked up the dark pathway, I jumped at the sound of my name, pressing a hand to my hammering chest to calm it down, since I instantly recognized the voice. I thought for a nanosecond there was some creepster lurking in the dark, waiting for me, but it was just Nash.
“Hey,” I called out as my feet hit the first step, and he stood up from one of the many neon-colored Adirondack chairs that lined our front porch. “What are you doing here? I’ve been trying to—”
I wasn’t able to get any words out of my mouth, because suddenly, Nash’s covered it. My hands flailed wildly out to the sides as he wrapped his arms tightly around my waist, crushing my body against his. I froze in place, not knowing what in the hell to do, as his lips assaulted mine, so warm and familiar, all too comforting, but wrong. So, so wrong. This was not right.
“Nash.” I pushed him away, slapping at his hand that had slipped under the bottom of my shirt without me even realizing it. “What in the hell was that?” I rubbed at my lips with the back of my hand, noticing that it was slightly shaky.
His mouth hung open as he stared back at me, lacing both hands behind his neck. I looked at him for the first time since I arrived, the porch light just barely giving me a glimpse of him. I mean, I really looked at him. He seemed worn out. His sandy brown hair was messier than usual, sticking up on one side. The clothes he wore appeared to have been slept in, and there were deep bags under his warm brown eyes.
“I’m sorry, Della. That shouldn’t have happened,” he responded hoarsely.
“No shit, Nash. What’s going on? I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for the past week.” Not that I was looking for that. If I’d known that’s how he was going to greet me, I would’ve ran straight back to Callie’s car. This was so not happening. We were supposed to be only friends. He had Mariah and a baby on the way. Nash and I just weren’t meant to be, and I was totally okay with that. Maybe he had other ideas?
“I know.” He swallowed thickly, and tilted his head toward the door. “Think we can go inside to talk?”
“Um…I don’t know, that depends. Are you going to keep those to yourself?” I pointed at his lips, still puffy from the recent assault on my mouth, and he gave a slight nod of his head.
I wasn’t so sure if I could believe him, so I pulled out my keys while never taking my eyes off of him and opened the door. I threw my bags on the couch, flipping on lights as I walked through the living room into the kitchen, stopping to sit down at the table, and motioning for him to sit at the chair across from me.
He sat there silently, staring at me for what felt like ten minutes straight, while I squirmed in my seat over the awkwardness between us from that stupid kiss. Why did he have to go and ruin everything like that?
I know, we kind of did stuff behind Mariah’s back when they were still dating before, but now, it just felt so wrong. I knew that Nash and I weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend material, and I certainly knew that he was going to be a dad. I wasn’t about to be some home-wrecker. Maybe I was overthinking things. Maybe he was drunk or something. Did I taste liquor on him when he rammed his tongue down my throat? I couldn’t remember. My brain wasn’t really functioning at the time. I had been busy trying to figure out what in the hell was happening, not what his tongue tasted like.
Nash blew out a loud breath, and I sat up straighter, snapping my attention back to him. “I don’t want to be like my dad.”
I could see the deep pain in his brown eyes as he stared back at me, and that one simple sentence hit me hard. Nash suffered over the years at the hands of his dad, by the abuse he dealt out almost on a daily basis. I questioned myself over and over, how had I never seen it during the summers I spent at my grandparents’ house? Nash never really talked about it, other than the one time when he finally told me about the abuse. He didn’t want it brought up, and really, I could understand why. It was in the past and it needed to stay there.
“Nash.” I reached across the table and gripped his hand in mine, giving a light squeeze as I tried to think of the right words. “You’re not your dad. You will never be your dad. You’re too good of a person for that. I’ve seen you with your niece, remember? You’re amazing with her, and she loves you so much because of the person you are. We can’t let our parents’ actions mold our futures. You’re going to be the best dad any little boy could have.”
“I’m scared shitless, Della. I get what you’re saying, but what if it’s in my genes?” He shivered, and I wished that I could get inside of his head to pick out those painful memories that haunted him. “Like an alcoholic or something? I don’t want that kind of life for my son.”
“Nash, the fact that you’re so worried about that happening really just proves my point even more. You’re thinking about this way too much.” I stood up to walk around the table, and wrapped my arms around him from behind, giving him a light squeeze. “What’s brought this up all of a sudden?”
“I don’t know. I guess because the baby is coming soon and it’s freaking me out.”
“Well, that’s understandable. I think I would be freaking out, too. But I know you’ve got this. You will never be your dad, and if I even think for one second that you’re turning into him, don’t worry, I’ll be sure to bring you back to reality.”
He smiled weakly at me. “Thanks.”
“So, the kiss was….” I trailed off as he pursed his lips at me, scrubbing one hand over his weary eyes.
“I don’t know, Della. I’ve been sort of out of it, and then I started thinking about turning into my dad, taking care of little Nash and Mariah. It was overwhelming. Then somehow I ended up on your porch, and as soon as you stepped out of the car, I felt this calm wash over me. Like you would just make everything better.”
“And you thought attacking my mouth would help because….”
“Because you don’t make me feel so numb. Because you offer some sense of normalcy that I can’t find anywhere else right now. Everything around me is getting ready to change pretty quickly.” He paused and I swallowed thickly, letting his explanation absorb and wondering if things were going to be uncomfortable between us. “I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have happened. Can we please just forget that I had a lapse in judgment and acted like a complete asshole? I swear, it won’t happen again.”
“Sure, Nash,” I replied, giving him a tight smile and continuing to listen as he went on to tell me about Mariah’s latest doctor’s appointment. He told me how he saw the baby on the ultrasound, explaining how he looked like a tiny alien. I kept my comment to myself that the alien part was most likely courtesy of Mariah, not wanting to ruin Nash’s good mood. I could tell how excited he was about being a dad, and I knew he would be a good one.
No, Nash wasn’t perfect. He made mistakes just like the rest of us—kissing me had been a major one in my book. I just hoped that everything could go back to normal between us. As normal as they could get, I guess.
EVERY DAY THAT passed without my dad was one in which I realized just how much I missed him even more. It was weird how you didn’t see how much someone influenced your everyday life until they were gone. I couldn’t just pick up the phone to call him anymore and tell him about my day, to get advice about being a rookie on the force, or to hear his encouraging words.
Twisted Bliss Page 6
