“The tailor,” Stahg murmured, the first words he had spoken direct to her this evening.
She followed his regard and found the tailor, far down the receiving line with his gaze locked on Thalia. Much had passed between tailor and princess, though Thalia would not speak of it. “I see him.”
They watched in silence a moment, the tailor coming closer as the line advanced.
Thalia greeted the guests, but judging by the wild look in her eyes, she would be pushed over the edge by the tailor. “She will run.”
“Yes. The antechamber besides the ballroom?”
“I would think so.”
Stahg inclined his head slightly in agreement. “I will check.”
“You do that.” She couldn’t stop the tartness in her tone.
“Bharia—“
“Go, Stahg.”
The faintest hint of frustration crossed his expression before he left silently to ensure the princess’s safety.
Pushing any feelings regarding Stahg to one side, Bharia returned to her charge. The tailor stood three deep from Thalia, his eyes burning as he watched her. The precise moment Thalia saw him was documented by the sudden tensing of her shoulders. The tailor advanced and abruptly Thalia abandoned her guests. Shocked gasps and whispers abounded as the tailor followed her.
So did Bharia.
Thalia stormed into the antechamber besides the ballroom, the tailor close behind, slamming the door closed as he passed the threshold. At the end of the hall, Stahg stood guard. Bharia raised her brows and he nodded sharply, indicating none were near and it was safe for the tailor and Thalia to determine what was between them.
Taking position at the door, she trained her gaze forward. Stahg took place on the opposite side, his arms crossed across his broad chest. “We need to talk.”
Surprise whipped her gaze to him. “Talk? Of what?”
“Of us.”
Incredulity filled her. “Now?”
“Not now. Tonight.”
“Then why mention it? We are working.”
He exhaled sharply.
She knew that sound. “Don’t be irritated with me. You are the one who thought it a good idea to bring this up now.”
Again silence, but his hands tightened on his biceps. “I am simply saying we need to talk.”
“Yes. Ensuring it is something we talk about now and distract us from Thalia.”
“That was not my intention.”
“And yet, the result.”
He exhaled again. “Do not suggest I am derelict in my duty.”
“This is distraction from Thalia—”
“We are already distracted!” Closing his eyes, he swallowed. Tone lowered, he said, “I think of little else and it must be resolved, Bharia.”
A lump rose in her throat. She wanted it resolved also. She wanted to be back in his arms, lying in bed with him, his fingers slipping through her hair as she drew a pattern on his chest.
A flash of something in the corner of her eye, a colour that didn’t belong.
She frowned.
“What is it?” Stahg said, the anger dropping from his voice as training took over.
“There is something…” Another flash of colour that didn’t belong. Of a sudden, screams spilled from the ballroom.
Bharia drew her daggers. Beside her, Stahg armed himself, the great broadsword deadly in his grip.
Pounding footsteps, too many to count.
Widening her stance, Bharia waited.
Attackers poured into the hallway, brandishing sword and shield. A man with clothing marking him a potion master threw a black sphere. It broke at Bharia’s feet with a flash, a strange black smoke emerging.
Coughing, she fell back, her daggers at the ready. Through the smoke, a form rushed her, and another, and she felled both, her eyes stinging from the smoke.
“Stahg! The door!” She didn’t know where he was, if he heard her, if he was hurt, if he was dea.... No. She would not think such.
Slowly, she moved backwards, desperate to find the door herself to protect Thalia, but she couldn’t see anything. Warrior’s blood, she couldn’t see.
Out of the smoke, a glint of steel and then another, and another, and another. Five rushed her, their swords held as if they knew how to handle them. She slashed, disarming one and sending him to the ground. Another slash and another fell, the clang of the woman’s sword dull as she, and it, hit the ground.
Grimly, Bharia faced the three that remained, her daggers held before her. A glance amongst them and then in unison they rushed her.
Training took control and she whirled and dipped, blocking each attack and feinting her own. A bright burn of pain bloomed in her side, but she focussed only on felling those before her. One, and then another, and there was only one remaining—
The blast of an explosion threw her from her feet. Heat scoured her back and then the ground broke her fall. She screamed, pain overwhelming her. Smoke teased her nose, and then blinded her, and all she could think was Thalia. Was Thalia well? Where–
Oh gods. Where was Stahg?
She dragged herself up by her arms. Those who had attacked lay about her, most without life. Where was Stahg? She couldn’t force herself to her feet, couldn’t get any higher than she was.
A warm hand cupped her cheek. She looked up and Stahg crouched next to her, some indefinable emotion moulding his features. “Bharia.” he said, his lips brushing hers.
She curled her hand around his, gratitude and relief making her weak. He was well. “Stahg.” For a moment she allowed herself this before duty returned. Swallowing, she pushed aside the pain and focussed. “Stahg. Where is Thalia?”
Briefly, his forehead touched hers before he pulled back. “She is injured and with the healers.”
“Injured?”
“I do not know how badly.”
“And the attackers?”
“Subdued. They were Spindles, Bharia.”
She nodded. She had thought as much.
His gaze ran over her. “You require a healer also.”
“We should go to Thalia.”
“Others are with her, and you have need of a healer yourself.”
“You should be with her.”
“I will be. Once you are safe.”
“Stahg—”
His thumb brushed her cheek. “The quicker you allow me to take you to a healer, the quicker I’ll return to her.”
A great wave of exhaustion flooded her, quickly followed by pain. Closing her eyes, she nodded.
Arms around her, Stahg cradled her to him as he rose. She was not a small woman but he held her with ease.
She had something she had to tell him. She had to tell him how she felt. He had to know… “Stahg.”
“Shh.” Lips brushed her forehead.
“But—”
“It can wait, Bharia.”
It couldn’t. It couldn’t wait, but she was so tired….
Always
This inactivity was driving her insane.
Arms crossed, Bharia glared at the open window, the gentle breeze barely reaching the chair in which she was seated. The seasons didn’t change in Queenstor, and it was as warm as it had been seven months ago when first she had been brought to this room. Her leg ached, her head pained her, and she was annoyed. Some might account it a lethal combination.
What at first she had thought to be inconsequential injuries had turned serious, her left leg broken in three places, her right arm in one, and the wound on her right thigh cut closer to an artery than any healer preferred. She’d spent a week asleep in a glass coffin, an exorbitant cost but as guardian to the princess she warranted such. Broken bones had knitted, flesh had been repaired, and torn muscles had been made strong once more. The coffin had accelerated her healing and when it was determined she would heal without it, she’d been taken from it.
An infection had set back her healing, such it was only this last month or more, she’d begun again exercises to strengthen her mus
cles, lax from disuse. It was harder than she’d supposed. Her leg would never move right again, the scar tissue too extensive, but the healers had assured her she could compensate for the restricted movement and it would not affect her abilities as guardian. The princess herself still slept, locked within the glass coffin that kept her alive. Stahg had told her the healers looked to wake her soon, that her healing was almost complete.
She glared resentfully at the floor. She had the healer’s permission to strengthen her leg with slow, stumbling shuffle, but the effort tired her. She had been outside this room, but she tired easily and often, which frustrated her to no end. She was guardian and should be able to rise beyond the limits of flesh, instead of inching towards wellness.
The door to her chamber opened. Stahg entered, his eyes downcast. Her heart leapt and then began a rapid tattoo. Starved for the sight of him, she drank him in. They had not spoken much since the attack. He visited her daily, but his visits were limited to less than half of the hour and he had returned to his taciturn self, as if those months they had spent together had never happened. She gave him a tense smile.
He did not return it, his features without expression as he regarded her left ear. “She is awake.”
She frowned. He did that frequently. He never met her gaze direct, always regarding her cheek or her forehead or somewhere over her shoulder. She had not noticed at first, focussed on managing the pain, but as pain receded, her awareness rose and Stahg…he did not meet her gaze.
Then, his words made sense. Her throat seized. “Thalia?”
He nodded sharply.
Emotion welled in her, threatened to spill. She jerked her gaze to her hands, biting her lip to keep it from expression. Thalia was awake. Finally, after all these months, she was awake. “And she is well?”
“Disoriented. Confused. But well.”
Biting her lip harder, she nodded sharply. The small pain distracted her, holding the tears that threatened at bay. Since her accident, her emotions were never far from the surface, erupting at the oddest of times. Thalia being well should be cause for celebration, not a time for tears.
She had seen Thalia but once. The princess was locked away in her chamber, only those close to her allowed access. As he stood her guard, Stahg was one of the few with access and he had smuggled Bharia into the princess’ chamber. A fiercer pain stabbed her. Pulling back the covers, she rubbed at the scar snaking down her leg from thigh to ankle. The healers had need to cut her open before they could mend her broken bone, setting it with metal and mending her flesh with thread and then the coffin. Strangely, the wound on her right thigh that had almost taken her life was barely noticeable.
Slowly, the pain eased its grip, becoming again manageable. With a sigh, she lifted her hand and stretched her fingers.
Stahg’s eyes were locked on her leg.
Following his gaze, she studied the scar. It was ugly, a riot of purple and red that ruched her skin. They both wore numerous stories upon their skin, a legacy of a life spent in protection and conflict. “Another tale etched in flesh.”
His gaze jerked to hers. She smiled ruefully. Slowly, his expression collapsed. Step staggered, he came to her, laying down beside her on the bed and carefully gathering her in his arms. He buried his face in her neck, his grip almost desperate as his great body began to shake.
Her hand shook as she stroked his back while her other smoothed his hair. She had never seen him so…destroyed. “Stahg?”
He did not respond, instead gripping her tighter.
“Stahg?” Her voice rose, panic striking her.
He was mumbling something into her skin. Straining, she couldn’t make out his words but he repeated it like a chant, like a mantra, as if to assure himself of its truth.
Breath stuttering, her fingers convulsed, digging deep into his back. “Stahg, what is it? What is wrong?”
He pulled back. Tears wet his cheeks, emotion etched deep into his face. A trembling hand cupped her head, his fingers trailing over her skin as if to reassure himself. “You are well.” His forehead touched hers. “Gods damn all, you are well. You almost died. So easily, you could have gotten worse instead of better and then you would have… I wouldn’t… Bharia.” He took a deep, shuddering breath, his hand running over her shoulder, her arm, back and again.
She made soothing noises, hiding her panic as best she could. This was not Stahg. Stahg did not show emotion. Stahg did not worry. He was stoic and unreadable, and she had never seen him so, never seen such naked emotion shape his features.
“You could have died, Bharia.” His voice was stronger now, more the tone she knew. “You could have died, and I would have been without you.” He smoothed hair from her face. “How can I ever be without you?”
“You aren’t without me, Stahg.”
He exhaled shakily. “I love you.”
Her mind froze. She had not— She didn’t think—
“I love you, Bharia. You mean everything to me. I don’t remember my life without you in it.” He took a breath, and it shuddered. “I do not care if you do not feel the same. I had to tell you.”
What—He did not know? How could he not know? “Stahg—”
“Maybe one day you will, but I could not allow another moment without telling you. I would spend every moment of my life with you, should you allow it. I would father your children, should you allow it. I would be by your side, your champion, your friend, your lover, should you allow it.”
A lump rose in her throat, even as it mingled with annoyance. Why now was he verbose, when all his life he had been taciturn? And of course he said perfect, wonderful things, words she didn’t want to interrupt even as she wanted to scream at him to stop, to allow her to tell him she loved him, too.
“I do not care if no one knows of us. I only care we are together. I know our lives are not calm. I know you will again face danger, and I would not keep you from it. We are guardians, and it is our duty and our honour to serve the princess. I only—” He took a breath. “It is not easy to see you harmed. It never has been.”
“Stahg—”
“I do not take unnecessary risks and I know you do the same. My head knows you are cautious, and skilful, and any harm that befalls you is an anomaly. I know this with my head. My heart….” He rubbed a hand over his face. “My heart urges me to keep you safe, even as I know you are not Bharia if you are not guardian. I—”
“I love you,” she interrupted.
His gaze searched hers. In one fluid motion, he cupped the back of her head and his lips took hers.
She returned his kiss, her arms going about him, telling him without words he was her all, her everything, that she never wished to be without him either.
They parted, and his lips trailed over her brow, her cheekbone, her jaw. Her eyelids fluttered as emotion again overwhelmed, such that it almost could not be contained. “I did not trust we would be for always. I did not think—” She shook her head. “I am sorry.”
“You are everything to me, Bharia. There is no one else. There never will be.”
“You are everything to me as well.” She closed her eyes. How could she have been so stupid?
“Why did you speak now?”
He paused. “I did not mean to burden you. You still heal—”
She placed a finger on his lips. Blue eyes watched her. “Why now? You have these last months said little. It was so I began to believe I had imagined we were ever together.”
He flushed. “I could not say anything. I could hardly look at you without remembering…. And you were healing, Bharia.”
“Why now, then?”
His gaze drifted to her leg. “Your scar. It reminded me….You could have….” Closing his eyes, he drew a shuddering breath.
She cupped his cheek, traced his brow with her forefinger. “So we are together now.”
He leaned into her touch. “Yes.”
“We will tell all.” Now she knew he loved her, she would tell all, and gladly.
> His lips quirked. “Yes.”
“Your family, the guard, the warden—” She squeaked as he tickled her.
He stopped immediately. “Did I hurt you?”
“No.” She curled into his side. His hand stroked her back, the fingers of his other mingling with hers. “I will need help.”
His fingers stilled.
“With my leg. The healers tell me the damage will impair my movement. I think they have never met a guardian, but…I will need your help.” Stomach churning, she swallowed the small voice that said she should do it herself, that she was complaining by asking even as she knew she wasn’t. She knew she wanted his help and she knew he wanted to give it. She bit her lip.
Sweetly, he kissed her, soothing her lip with his tongue. His hand, gentle, twined in her braid as he tipped her head back, kissing her upper lip, her lower, soothing her flesh, making her burn.
Pulling back, he resumed stroking her back. “When will you be ready to train?”
Blinking, she forced her body to calm. They had all the days of their lives to attend to its needs. “Tomorrow?”
His gaze flicked to her leg and the briefest expression of pain crossed his features. “So soon?”
“I do not wish to wait. With Thalia awake, we will need to return to her side.” She traced a path from his brow to his chin, loving that she could do so. Loving him. “Will you help me?
His lips brushed her temple. “Always.”
Acknowledgments
Awaken started as a serial offered to my newsletter subscribers, which helped me find time to write Bharia and Stahg’s story. I couldn't be more grateful to my newsletter subscribers for helping me realise their tale.
None of this would have been possible with my family and friends, and without my incredible F4E, A L Clark, who in addition to being an awesome cheerleader, edited Awaken. Thanks also to Tori Piper for her outstanding copyedit skills.
Finally, thank you to you, the reader. Without you, this wouldn’t be nearly as much fun.
About Cassandra Dean
Cassandra Dean is an award-winning author of historical and fantasy romance. She grew up daydreaming, inventing fantastical worlds and marvelous adventures. Once she learned to read (First phrase – To the Beach. True story), she was never without a book, reading of other people’s fantastical worlds and marvelous adventures.
Awaken (Tales of Dormiraa Book 2) Page 4
