NOMADS The Box Set

by Erin Trejo

  “Fuck,” I hiss as she rises up and lowers back down. Each time she does it the closer I get to coming. My hands move to her hips as I raise mine to fuck her harder. She screams my name just as she comes and so do I. We both hit our orgasms colliding as I grunt and groan my release.

  “Get the fuckin’ phone. I need to make this shit disappear,” I tell her. She moves to raise herself up and I thrust one last time getting another moan from her lips before she stands. She moves to get her phone and clothes as I do the same. After getting dressed again quickly, I put the truck in neutral and shove it into the pond. It takes it a while to sink and the sound of the fire sizzling out pisses me off but that’s that. It’s gone and so are his drugs.

  46

  Xena

  Jackie. My newest nieces name is Jackie. Jenny kept calling while I was out with Ryder and when we finally got back, she already had her. I was pissed that I missed it but Jenny wasn’t. She said she thinks she needed to do that alone. I asked her if she wanted me to stay the night and she said no again. Now I sit on the back porch watching Ryder rolling down the hill with Joey. Carmon laughs her little heart out and it’s the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard. Joey smiles and the smile on Ryder’s face couldn’t get any brighter. My chest nearly caves in while I watch the three of them. Joey would have been close to the age of the baby I lost. They could have played together, laughed together. Sometimes I dream of what it would have been like if me and Ryder were still together. It makes my heart ache. Tears roll down my cheeks before I realize that he’s pulling me from the step and into his arms.

  “It’s okay,” he whispers.

  “I’m so sorry. I ruined it all.”

  “You did what you thought was right, Xena. I get it.” He holds me, telling me it’s okay over and over. In my head, I hear him. In my heart, I don’t. I ruined so much with that lie. I hated myself for a long time for it but at the time I was younger and thought it was for the best. If he knew it was a miscarriage, he may have seen me as weak and that’s one thing I couldn’t have from him. It didn’t matter what happened to me, Ryder always looked at me like I was the strongest person in the world. I couldn’t lose that.

  “Aunt Xena?” Pulling out of Ryder’s arms, I wipe my cheeks before looking down at him.

  “Yeah, buddy?” he laughs.

  “You call me buddy like Uncle Ryder.”

  “Yeah I do.”

  “Can we order pizza?” He asks. I’m about to answer him when I hear a car pulling in. Ryder and I share a glance when he leans down and grabs me by the back of the neck.

  “Keep them quiet. You take them and run to my dad’s. You got me?” I shake my head when he crushes my lips with his quickly.

  “Ryder.”

  “No, Xena. Get them outta here. I’ll deal with him,” he says in a harsh tone. I turn and grab Joey pressing my fingers to my lips as we head toward Carmon. When I kneel down, I look at Ryder over my shoulder as he stalks toward the driveway.

  “We need to play a game. We need to be super quiet but move super-fast. Can you two do that for me?” They both nod their little heads as I smile and grab their hands. Leading them out into the trees, I head toward Billy’s place. His dad doesn’t live far and as I trek through the trees with both the kids, my heart hammers in my chest. I don’t like leaving him alone there. What if Dawson came with more men? What if they know the drugs are missing? I don’t know how they would just yet but there’s a lingering feeling in the pit of my stomach that I just don’t like.

  The closer we get to Ryder’s dads the higher my anxiety shoots. We step out of the trees just as Billy steps out of his back door.

  “Xena?”

  “Hey. Someone came to the house. Ryder told us to come here,” I say quickly dragging the kids toward the door.

  “Of course. Get in here,” he says quickly ushering the kids and me inside. He locks the door behind us before I turn to look up at him. “Don’t get any ideas. He’s fine.” I nod my head as Billy sets about getting the kids something to eat. My mind wanders to places it shouldn’t go. Dropping onto the couch in the living room, Billy appears at my side, patting my knee.

  “He’s a mess, isn’t he? Doesn’t know which way to turn.”

  “Aren’t we all that way?” I ask glancing over at him.

  “I suppose we are. He’s a good man, Xena. Loves you with all his heart.”

  “He hates me too,” I add softly.

  “I don’t know about all that. I know what I see in him when he looks at you. I know that’s a look he hasn’t had in a very long time. Things change, people change. That’s the beauty of life isn’t it? We make mistakes, we can fix them. We just need to be smart enough to fix them before it’s too late.” A sound outside pulls our attention. Billy stands with his finger to his lips, grabbing his gun and moving toward the door. I watch as he pulls the curtain back before lowering his gun and opening the front door. Ryder stalks in with a smirk on his face.

  “Really, Pop? You gonna shoot me?” He asks nodding toward the gun in his dad’s hand. I stand, eyeing him. Was it Dawson? I want to ask what happened and who it was but no words will form on my lips. I’m scared to death of what Dawson will do now that his drugs and shit are gone. That uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach still lingers there.

  “You never know. You come creeping in here and shit,” Billy laughs when Ryder looks over at me. His smile slowly fades.

  “It wasn’t him. Just some of Jenny’s friends droppin’ of gifts for the baby.” Closing my eyes, I sigh before I feel him wrap his arms around me. His lips press into the top of my hair before I hear him whisper, “You’re safe. I won’t let him hurt any of you.”

  “I was thinking that maybe you guys should make use of the cabin for a bit.” I pull out of Ryder’s grasp and look over at Billy.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, with all this shit going on with Dawson. He isn’t going to just up and walk away.” It’s true, he won’t.

  “Might not be a bad idea. Kids would be safer,” Ryder says looking down at me. I don’t know that I could argue that fact with him but I don’t want to run either.

  “Jenny and the kids could go there.”

  “What the hell? You think you’re not goin’?” Ryder asks moving in front of me once more. His hands are on his hips, his gaze burning straight through me.

  “I’m not going. I’m not running from him, Ryder.”

  “You’re not sittin’ around waitin’ for him to strike either, Xena!”

  “Don’t tell me what to do. I’ve had years of that asshole telling me what to do. Don’t think you can come in here and start just because he’s gone!” Anger burns through me but that sparkle in Ryder’s eyes tells me he likes it. He likes when I challenge him. I was never like this before Dawson. I never wanted to challenge anyone but living with him taught me how to have a backbone and I damn sure will be using it.

  “You like testin’ my patience don’t you?” He asks stepping into my space.

  “Told you he loves you,” Billy says. Neither of us smile or laugh. We stand here in our own little showdown.

  “I grew up, Ryder. I lived and I learned. I won’t let anyone tell me what to do or when to do it again,” I say with my teeth gritted.

  “Is that right?” He asks tilting his head to the side as he watches me.

  “Yeah, that’s right. I’m sick of running from everything. I’m tired of being used and tossed to the side. If he’s coming after someone, I want it to be me. Not those kids. Not my sister. They have had enough heartache to last them a lifetime.” He watches me intently. His stare is intense and I almost slink away but I’m stronger than that. I know I am. Dawson may have knocked me down a few pegs over the years but I’m back and stronger than ever. He messed with the wrong family and whether Ryder wants to see it or not, I am going to see this shit end.

  “Love. It’s all about love,” Billy says in a singsong tone. I almost smile but I can’t do that right now. Not u
ntil Ryder sees that I’m serious.

  “You think Pop might be right?” Ryder asks keeping his eyes on mine.

  “About what?”

  “This love shit?”

  “No. I think he’s old and becoming senile. He doesn’t see love between us. He sees lust and passion. He sees a past that I fucked up and you ran from. There can’t be any love between us, not anymore.” The look on his face changes. I only said the truth. I don’t think Ryder and I can love each other after what I did. There has to be forgiveness and I won’t allow him to forgive me for that. I ruined his life and I know I broke his heart.

  “You mean that?” He asks his face scrunching in a way that looks like I assaulted him. Did I say the wrong thing again? No, I know what this is. It’s all a rush from seeing each other again. Nothing more.

  “It’s true. We were ruined the day I lied and you left. It is what it is, Ryder but I can tell you that if you are staying to fight these assholes, so am I.” He watches me closely, something bubbling under the surface of his hardened exterior. I can feel it but he doesn’t say a word. Just stares at me.

  “Senile? I might be a lot of things but senile isn’t one of them. See that look? The look that says I’m about to bend you over and spank your ass? That’s love, sweetheart,” Billy adds making me laugh this time. Even Ryder’s stance relaxes as he shakes his head and looks over at his dad.

  “You are gettin’ nasty in your old age, Pop.”

  “No I’m not. I’m old, Ryder, not in the grave. Maybe I have a lady friend.” He wiggles his eyebrows and I completely lose it.

  47

  Ryder

  We got Jenny and the kids settled into my dad’s cabin. It’s been a long time since I’ve been here but sitting here holding my new niece in my arms, I don’t think I’ve felt this good in a long time.

  “It suits you,” Jenny says sitting on the deck in the chair next to me.

  “Is it okay that she’s outside?” I ask quickly not even thinking about it. I’ve never been around a newborn before.

  “It’s fine. The fresh air is good for her.”

  “I wish he was here,” I say softly already knowing she must be thinking the same thing as me.

  “Me too but not the way he was. It probably makes me sound like the worst person in the world but he wasn’t much of a dad toward the end.” I don’t miss the hitch in her voice. I know this is hard for her too.

  “I get it, Jenny. I’m not lettin’ this go either. I’ll handle whoever did this.”

  “Is it worth it, Ryder? Your dad doesn’t want to lose another son. I…I don’t think I can lose you too. I get it, we aren’t close like we all used to be but that doesn’t mean that I don’t still miss you. The kids love having you here. She loves having you here.” I blow out a breath and look down at Jackie. The spitting image of my little brother. It makes me wonder what kind of man he would have been if I was here then. Would that have made a difference?

  “She made it clear I’m not what she wants anymore,” I tell her. It’s far too quiet but when I look over at her, I see her holding in her laughter. “What the hell?”

  “You really think she doesn’t want you?” Jenny laughs harder until tears roll down her cheeks.

  “She said it to my dad, so yeah.”

  “She’s stupid. I love her but she’s dumb. She hasn’t been the same since you left, Ryder. We all kinda went the wrong ways back then.” Just as I’m about to say more, I hear Xena gasp. Looking over my shoulder she stands there staring at the baby in my arms. Jenny shoves out of the chair and walks back inside when I nod to Xena.

  “Come get her.” I can see the look in her eyes. I know what she’s thinking too and I can’t say that I blame her. I often wondered what our baby would have looked like. Would she take after me with blonde hair or dark hair like her mom? Xena moves and comes to sit next to me but doesn’t take the baby. She just stares.

  “Did the other two look like her when they were born?” I ask needing her to say something.

  “They did. They could have been triplets if you look at their baby pictures.” I love seeing that light in her eyes.

  “You can always try again, Xena.”

  “That isn’t the point, Ryder. I don’t want kids with anyone else,” she snaps before standing and walking off. I stand behind her and follow her inside. Jenny watches us confused by what’s happening.

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  “Just what I said!”

  “That doesn’t fuckin’ make any sense, Xena.” She huffs out a breath, her hands on her hips as she glares at me. I move to pass the baby back to Jenny before moving in on Xena. She watches me, not blinking or giving a damn that I’m in her space.

  “What the hell does that mean?” She rolls her eyes but doesn’t answer me. At least not until I lean in and grab her face in my hands.

  “What are you doing?” She asks all breathy.

  “Gettin’ answers.” Bringing my lips to hers, Jenny laughs behind us but Xena? She panics. She pulls out of my grasp and takes a step back.

  “What the hell, Ryder?”

  “You said at my dad’s that we were done. Then you say you don’t want kids with anyone else. What the fuck is goin’ on in that head of yours, darlin’?”

  “Nothing. I just…”

  “What? You just what?” I ask getting louder. Xena looks anywhere but at me. It’s a little funny to see her this nervous but at the same time there is something deep inside of me that needs to know what she’s thinking. I’ve always been able to read her but I can’t anymore and that bothers me. She has a wall up around herself that I plan on crushing.

  “I can’t not love you Ryder! Is that what you want me to say? Is that what you wanted to hear? I don’t think there has been a day that I haven’t thought about you or missed you. It was selfish, what I did but I did it! I messed us up. I basically forced to you leave. This mess we’re in is all my fault!” Tears spring to her eyes as emotions flood her. Pulling her into my chest I hold her as she lets it all out.

  “It’s not your fault.”

  “It is. Jack’s gone because of Dawson. I know he has something to do with it, I can feel it. My sister is a widow, Ryder,” she cries harder before pulling out of my arms. She steps back, wiping her eyes as she wills herself to calm down. She’s pushing me away and I get it, fuck, I do.

  “Don’t do this to yourself.”

  “Why? It’s my fault!”

  “No it’s not.”

  “He’s dead and I’m the one that brought the monster into that house!”

  “He was selfish! Jack was a selfish bastard! He didn’t think about his family. No one forced those drugs into his system. Goddamn it, Xena! Jack fucked up. Not me, not you, not Jenny. He did it all on his own! He decided to get involved in that shit and he did this! He fucked us all!” The room is suddenly too quiet for my liking. I just unleashed every fucking feeling I’ve kept bottled up inside of me. Every thought, every ounce of hate that I felt for what my brother did. Before anyone can say anything further, I run my hand through my hair and head for the steps. I take them two at a time before slamming the bedroom door closed. What am I doing? I’m supposed to be here for them, to help take care of what my brother left behind.

  I’m not alone long. The door opens and closes softly as I sit on the edge of the bed with my head in my hands.

  “I don’t know what to say,” Xena says softly as I feel the bed shift next to me.

  “There’s a part of me that hates him. I actually feel hatred toward my dead little brother.”

  “It’s natural, Ryder.”

  “There were days when I thought about comin’ back. Hell, there was more than one that I found myself halfway back to this place before turnin’ back but that day dad called and told me he was in a bad place, I said I would come. I shouldn’t have ever left. I feel responsible even if I’m not. When mom died, dad did what he could for us. He raised us into good men. What the fuck happened to us?”
Her hand comes to rest on my back, running up and down.

  “Jack was proud of you. He wanted you to go out and explore the world. He knew that’s what you always wanted.”

  “Does that make it right? I explored the world and what happened? My brother died before I got the chance to say goodbye.” The tears sting my eyes. I might be a ruthless bastard but I have feelings. Family was something that I always took pride in even if I wasn’t around enough for them. I love my family with all my heart. Xena shifts, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me closer to her. “He was my brother, Xena. Fuck.”

  “What I meant was, no one ever made me feel the way you did. I’ve never been with a man that I wanted to start a life with or have kids with. No one but you, Ryder.” Her words burn straight to my heart. Even now that she sees what kind of person I am and she can admit that. I lift my head and turn to look at her. She reaches up and wipes the tears that slip down my cheeks.

  “And now?”

  “And now I think I love you even more than I did before. It’s been a month. A month of mourning but for me it’s also been a month of feeling content. Time didn’t heal every wound for me. It made it worse. It made me ache for you in a way that I never thought a person could.”

  “You still love me?” I ask needing to hear the words. I need to hear what she feels because right now I feel like I’m slowly falling apart. Piece of piece, I’m breaking.

  “I still love you, Ryder.” I lean in as her eyes sparkle with her own unshed tears pressing my lips to hers. I kiss her slowly but that isn’t what she wants. Her kiss is full of need and lust. Her kiss is savage and brutal. My tongue snakes into her mouth teasing her. Xena moans right before I shove her back on the bed. Climbing on top of her, she tugs me down on her. Her hands run all over my body working to get my clothes off. I smirk as I pull back and strip out of my clothes quickly. Xena does the same as she watches me but when she starts rubbing at her nipples, plucking and pulling, her back arching off the bed.