by Erin Trejo
“I don’t need you now,” she says her voice firm and full of strength. That’s my girl.
“What is she doin’?” I ask as the haze covers my vision.
“She’s gonna shoot his ass.”
“Xena, baby! Don’t do it,” I try to call out to her as the room sways. My stomach trembles, bile rising in my throat. This is fucked up.
“He deserves it,” she says.
“He does but not on your conscious. You don’t deserve that, darlin’. Let the guys handle it.” I hear her laugh under her breath like the stubborn little thing she is.
“This is for my brother.” I vaguely heard the words she said before the shot went off. As soon as it did, my world went black.
50
Xena
“It’s called Vitreous hemorrhage. It can take months to heal,” I remind his stubborn ass. I can’t believe him.
“I don’t give two fucks what it’s called. All I see is little web lookin’ things in my fuckin’ eyes, Xena.”
“That’s because it still has blood, asshole. If you were listening to the Doctor you would have known that,” I tell him once more before passing him his water.
“This is bullshit. And why the fuck am I sleepin’ on so many fuckin’ pillows? This is the most uncomfortable shit in the world,” he complains a little more. I can’t help but smile. At least he can see. At first the Doctor was worried about the vision loss but Ryder hit his head pretty hard. They said he was lucky that this should heal up on its own without the use of laser surgery.
“Helps the blood settle.”
“The fuckin’ blood don’t need to settle. It needs to get the fuck outta my eyes,” he grumbles. The bedroom door flies open and Joey rushes in. He jumps on the bed and scoots closer to Ryder.
“Are you better yet, Uncle Ryder?” I can’t help but smile. Ryder turns to look at him and smiles.
“I’m getting’ there. You bein’ good? Not givin’ your mom a hard time?” He asks him.
“I’m good! I did everything she told me. I remember the deal,” Joey tells him excitedly.
“Good. Once I’m better we’re rollin’ down them hills at top speed.” My chest constricts a little more. Ryder has been the best uncle those kids could ask for. Joey jumps off the bed and runs back out of the room as I sigh.
“Come here,” Ryder whispers. I scoot up the bed and lay on his good arm. The other is still healing up from the bullet he took for me. He wraps me in his arm and pulls me closer to his body. His heat seeps into me and I relax into his grasp.
“I need to tell you somethin’.” I tense. He laughs. Asshole.
“What is it? If you’re leaving when this is over, please don’t say it. I don’t think I can handle hearing it.”
“You think too much. I’m not goin’ anywhere. I just…I need you to know that I love you, Xena and whatever you are holdin’ onto from the past, you need to let it go. This is us now. We’re together and I don’t plan on leavin’ you again.” My heart leaps into my throat. The last few weeks since the warehouse, I’ve held onto a lot of guilt and regret. I’ve tried to get past it, move forward but it was so hard for me. I know what I did wrong and I know that having Dawson around played a huge part in what happened to Jack. I can’t just forget that.
“I can’t move past it. I don’t know how just yet. I feel so guilty for all of it, Ryder.”
“I know you do. I can feel it and see it in your eyes but nothin’ was your fault, Xena. He knew what he was gettin’ into with them.”
“Ryder’s right. It wasn’t your fault. None of it is.” We both look to see Jenny walk in with Jackie in her arms.
“I don’t know how to stop feeling it,” I admit.
“Talk to someone. We can go together if you want,” Jenny offers and I smile.
“How’s my niece?” Ryder asks changing the subject.
“Wondering how her uncle is.”
“I’m fine, Jenny. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be good to go soon.”
“You are sticking around aren’t you?” She asks him. I know this has been hard for her too. She feels safer with Ryder around, content even.
“I’m not goin’ anywhere. You girls are stuck with me.”
“Thank God I’m not.” We all laugh when Billy strolls in. “You owe me a damn truck.”
“I know Pop. I got you covered.”
“All that aside, I’m damn glad you’re okay, son.”
“Me too.” I try to pull away from him so that they can all talk but he keeps his grip tightened.
“We need to talk later,” he whispers against my temple before pressing a small kiss. I smile and snuggle back into his arms.
“We’re cooking on the grill. Well I am. I don’t trust those girls around fire,” Billy adds as we all laugh. “Think you’re up to coming down?”
“Damn right I am. I’m sick of bein’ in this bed. I’m not an invalid.” I snort a laugh that has Ryder looking over at me. “Somethin’ to say smartass?”
“Nope. Not a word… Okay just that you did have to have that nurse hold your cock so you could take a piss at the hospital,” I remind him but I don’t think he remembers that part. They had him on so much medicine.
“What the hell are you talkin’ about?”
“Oh yeah! That was a Kodak moment. Too bad I didn’t have my phone,” Billy adds.
“What are you two talkin’ about? I don’t remember a hot nurse holdin’ my cock and I’m sure I’d remember that.”
“Male nurse,” I add. Ryder shifts and looks down at me, anger simmering in those eyes.
“You were there and you let some dude touch my cock?”
“He was a nurse,” I remind him but that does little to ease his anger. I smirk, sucking my lips into my mouth trying not to laugh.
“Laugh it up. I can’t believe you would let some man touch my cock, Xena!”
“Calm down, son. He’s a nurse. It’s his job.” Now Billy chuckles.
“Fuck all of you,” Ryder grumbles under his breath. We all laugh as throws his legs over the side of the bed and stands.
“Where are you going?” I ask wiping the tears from my laughter away from my cheeks.
“To the bathroom, asshole.”
“Want me to hold it for you?” Billy asks him before laughing again.
“Damn, Pop. I at least thought you’d be on my side here,” he grumbles as he walks past him and into the bathroom.
“I do love you, son.”
“Fuck off!” We all laugh again when the bathroom door slams shut. Billy and Jenny turn and walk out of the room as I snuggle into the warm spot Ryder left on the bed. I close my eyes and I can almost hear Jack laughing. It makes me smile to think that he’s still here with us in some way. I don’t know when I dozed off but I can feel the bed shift. Prying my eyes open, Ryder lays there facing me, his eyes burning through my body.
“You laughed in your sleep,” he says softly reaching over and brushing my hair over my shoulder.
“Jack was laughing. It was the best sound in the world.” A tear slips down my cheek. Ryder wipes it away.
“I know we talked about this house and how it felt before but I don’t feel it now. Do you?”
“No. It feels peaceful now.”
“I’m gonna clean out the attic. I was thinkin’ maybe the kids could use it as a play room. What do you think?” My heart thuds in my chest as my eyes begin to water.
“You’re giving them a piece of their dad back.”
“I don’t know if it’s the best piece to be honest.”
“The attic was a rough place for everyone but he came out calm. I think it’s perfect,” I whisper.
“I paid off the house.”
“You did what?” I jerk back and start to get up but Ryder grabs me and pulls me back down.
“Don’t get pissed, Xena. I told you I was stickin’ around. This place doesn’t just hold bad memories for everyone. We had good times here too, yeah?” I nod my head.
�
��That was a lot of money.”
“Money worth spendin’.”
“But it was your money,” I sigh.
“And you’re my old lady. You’re mine, Xena. You always have been. Nothin’ is changin’ that and I’m not goin’ anywhere.” His words wrap around my heart and hold on tightly.
“I love you, Ryder.”
“I know. I love you too.”
Epilogue
1 year later
The hot Georgia sun beats down on my already burnt skin. Sweat trickles down my back as I grab another nail and hammer it into the wood.
“You know I’m seven now,” Joey says as he grabs his small hammer and tries to help.
“I know. You’re gettin’ old.”
“No I’m not. You are!” He laughs a little more.
“Are you helpin’ me with this or not?” I tease him.
“Yes, I am.” He gets back to work hitting random nails into the wood. I just smile and keep going. We’re building a treehouse. Jack promised him one but never got to do it so here I am. I keep working until I feel a spurt of cold water hit my back. I leap off the ground and spin around to see Xena with a water gun in her hand and a smirk in place.
“What the hell was that for?” I ask her with a crocked smile.
“You looked hot,” she says with a shrug.
“I always look hot, babe.” She laughs, throwing her head back before aiming and firing once more. The ice cold water hits my skin as I lunge for her. She turns and runs as Joey and I follow.
“Grab that one,” I tell him pointing to another water gun that I see sitting on the steps. He rushes over and grabs it following behind me. I hold my finger up for him to be quiet as we sneak around the side of the house. I’ve never seen his smile this big and bright. Over the last year I’ve come to love being with the kids. I’ve always known that I wanted a family but after everything that happened between Xena and me, it all kind of shifted. Now though, I can’t see not having children in my future.
Joey and I round the house when I see her. She’s pretending not to see us but I know she does. Her smile could light up the fucking world. I motion for Joey to go and he does. He takes off and squirts her as he laughs. She screams and puts on a show for him when Jenny yells for him. I watch him run toward the sound of her voice when I stroll over to Xena. Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her back against me and kiss the side of her neck.
“You happy?” I ask running my fingers over her stomach.
“Very. What about you?”
“You know I came back here for my brother but I stayed because of you. I didn’t think I’d want to be here. There was too much pain and regret for me back then.”
“And now?” I sigh and nuzzle my face into her neck.
“Now I couldn’t think of any other place I’d want to be. This is home for me, Xena. You’re home. Fuck, I miss Jack like crazy and I don’t think there will be a day that I don’t hate myself for not bein’ here for him but this is it.”
“I know I played a huge part in all that and I won’t forgive myself for doing things the way I did but you’re right. You are home to me too, Ryder. You always have been.”
“Are you gonna kiss?” I laugh as I look down at Carmon. She’s the spitting image of Jack.
“Why? You want one?” I tease her. She laughs but I release the grip I have on Xena and grab her into my arms. Throwing her into the air she squeals and laughs before I place big kisses all over her face.
“Uncle Ryder?”
“Yeah?”
“Mommy said daddy was an angel in the sky. Is she right?” This is what hurts the most. The kids not knowing him as they grow up but I make sure to tell them all the stories and all the laughs we had when we were kids. They will know him in some form.
“Yeah, he is. I bet he’s smilin’ down at you right now.”
“You think so?” She asks looking up at me with those big doe eyes.
“Yeah, I do. Probably laughin’ at our treehouse too.” Carmon giggles and wiggles out my arms. I set her back on the ground when Xena steps into my arms once more.
“How many?”
“How many what?” I ask looking down at her. God, I love this woman.
“How many kids do you want?” I place my hand on her stomach, tickling the small bump.
“I probably put two or three in there now,” I tease her. She shakes her head and smiles at me before pulling my lips to hers.
“I want at least three.”
“You think you can handle me that many times, darlin’?”
“I can handle you. It’s this little one I’m not sure of,” she says softly bringing her hand down to cover mine.
“You’re scared?” She nods. “Don’t be. You got this, Xena. You took care of your sister and her kids. You took care of Jack and you take care of me every day. This will be a cake walk for you. You’re gonna be the best mom.”
“And I’m gonna be the best uncle!” I groan when I hear his voice. Looking over my shoulder, Core strolls toward us with a smile.
“What the hell do you want? Thought you died already,” I tease him.
“Don’t you wish? I brought the swing for the damn treehouse,” he says holding it up to show us.
“Treehouses don’t have swings, asshole.”
“Fuck that shit. That treehouse is gonna have everything those kids want. Joey asked for a swing, he gets a damn swing. Now stop tryin’ to reproduce and let’s get that thing built.” He walks off heading toward the backyard as I lean down and kiss Xena once more. This is it. This is what I was always missing and too stubborn to see. All I needed was my family and this woman. Everything else is secondary. My love for Xena never faded over the years. It is strong as ever. I might last it along the way but I sure as fuck found it again.
“Let’s go before he comes back,” she whispers against my lips. I lean down and scoop her into my arms, carrying her around to the backyard. Jenny and Core laugh together which causes my chest to clench. I won’t say that he isn’t a good man but it’s different seeing her with someone that isn’t Jack. They aren’t officially together but I do love seeing the way she lights up when he’s around.
“How do you think that’s going to end?” Xena asks as I set her on her feet in front of me.
“Who cares. I got my endin’ right here.”
The End.
BOOK 3
Trust Fuck Kill
51
Keaton
Life is full of nothing but liars, cheaters, murders, and more. You might think they don’t exist in your community because you live in an upper class part of town, but little do you know that they live around every corner. Fuck, I could be your neighbor.
I grew up in a small town and was bullied at every turn. I was small back then. I’m not a big fucking hulk now, but I can hold my own these days.
I’ve learned how to fight not only with my fists, but also with my mind. Sarcasm was my best friend throughout school. Some thought I was funny and it earned me some new friends, while others thought I was just being an asshole and it earned me yet another fight.
Either way, I grew up and I moved on. I left my family behind in that small town to find something better. Something bigger. What I found was trouble in the form of a biker. Riley was a big motherfucker. He was a hell of a lot bigger than I was and the day I ran into him, literally, was the best day of my life. My old, torn up, Ford truck slammed right into his sparkling, chromed out Harley. I thought for sure I was a dead man, but Riley laughed about it and bought me a beer.
He was a lot like me in a way. He hated his upbringing and was looking for something more. We clicked and that’s what brought me here today. I’m sitting in the Nomad clubhouse in Georgia with a redhead wrapped around my cock. Well, her lips are wrapped around me anyway.
“Hey Keaton I’ve got a job for you,” Riley calls out as Red keeps bobbing her head up and down.
I clench my jaw trying to ignore his shit right now. They only job I need
is to blow down her goddamned throat.
“I’m a little busy here boss,” I grunt as she sucks me even harder.
Riley chuckles and grabs his notebook off the table before he walks toward me. Jesus. That man has no patience. He bends down and smacks Red on her ass which causes her to yelp around my cock.
“Fuck,” I mumble as her teeth slip across my skin.
“Speed it up sweetheart,” Riley grabs the back of her hair and forces her to take my cock further into her throat.
She gags, but fuck it, because I come. I blow a fucking load right down her throat as my hips jerk. I barely have time to react when Riley drops down next to me. Tossing me his notebook, Red stands up wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. I use my free hand to tuck myself back in before talking business with Riley.
“What’s this?” I ask as I look over the words scrawled across the page.
“A job. You want it? It just came in.”
I read over what’s written in front of me and run my free hand through my hair.
“Guard duty?”
I glance over at Riley and he nods.
“I need three guys on it. Constant rotation. One of you outside at all times.”
“Who the hell is she?” I ask curious as to what this job is about.
“No information was left. All we have is how to find her. Don’t know who the fuck we’re protectin’ her from or why,” he grunts as he speaks. Well, that’s one fucked up job I suppose. I’ve taken on guard jobs before but I mainly know who and why I’m protecting.
“That’s it? How the fuck are we supposed to know who to shoot?” I ask playfully. Riley chuckles and motions to the whore across the room that we need two beers.
“Fuck if I know. I was gonna take it, but they want someone there asap. I gotta head out in the mornin’ to handle somethin’ else. Figured I’d ask you first,” he says as the girl walks over and passes each of us a beer. I take a long pull and stare at the paper in my hand. It’s a little fucked up not knowing who you are protecting someone from. Most of my jobs are guard work or protection, but we’ve always known the target.
