NOMADS The Box Set

by Erin Trejo

  “Look, we might have a past but don’t think you have to change shit since I’m here. I appreciate you lettin’ me stay, Josie,” I say, catching her gaze.

  “It’s just, she doesn’t really have anyone but me and Luke and he’s barely around.”

  I shake my head. “It’s fine, darlin’. I promise.”

  “Well, we’re cooking on the grill and I’m inviting a few guys I work with. You might make some new friends while you’re here, Lynx.” I nod my head at Stan before he turns and heads back inside.

  “I meant what I said,” I reassure Josie. I can see the look in her eyes. She doesn’t want to be in the middle of this mess, but she is either way you look at it.

  “I just don’t like leaving her alone is all. I know how she gets.”

  How she gets? What does that mean?

  “What do you mean?” Josie fiddles with the hem of her shirt, looking everywhere but at me. It’s annoying as fuck, but I get what she’s doing. She’s afraid to tell me too much, and to be honest, I don’t know how much I want to know about her. I’m still pissed, five years later and that anger still simmers inside of me.

  “She gets depressed a lot. She thought about killing herself once,” she says softly, a hitch in her voice. I curse under my breath, tugging at my hair.

  “I didn’t know.”

  “You couldn’t have. She just gets in these states where she can’t think straight. Memories plague her more than she lets on. I can see it in her eyes. She thinks I don’t notice, but I do,” she explains. “She cries her little heart out and then she just shuts down. It’s been getting harder and harder to pull her back out of that darkness each time.”

  “I could stand here and lie to you, but that’s not the kind of man I am. I loved her, Josie. With all my goddamn heart, but when she took off and never came to see me. It fuckin’ crushed me. I spent five years in hell all because of her and I didn’t even get a goddamn note. She never said goodbye.”

  “I tried to find you,” her voice says softly behind me.

  I lower my head before I turn to face her. She’s killing me. All over again and I can’t handle that this time around.

  “Don’t you think that I deserved to hear you say goodbye?”

  “Yes. You did but when I went to the clubhouse your d-”

  “You went there? Are you fuckin’ insane, Harper?” I thunder. Why the hell would she go there without me?

  “I wanted to know what happened to you!”

  “So fuckin’ stupid, Harper. What the fuck were you thinkin’? How many damn times did I tell you to not go there without me? Huh? And you still fuckin’ went there!” Rage courses through me as I let it all sink in. Is that how they found her? Did they follow her after that? Who the hell would want to follow her anyway? I’m so fucking confused and she isn’t helping at all.

  “You were gone, Lynx! I wanted to know what happened. The cops wouldn’t tell me anything. Your dad said you were in for life. That’s when I left!”

  Josie moves down the steps, walking over to put her arm around Harper’s shoulders. “Let’s calm down,” she says softly.

  I knew it wasn’t for me, it was for her. Even though the doctor said Harper’s heart is okay, I know everyone is concerned after she passed out. I take another drag from my cigarette before dropping it to the ground and snuffing it out before walking away. We went back and got my bike and brought it here before, and now seems like as good of time as any to take a ride. I need to clear my damn head before I lose myself. She’s doing this to me. Even after all these years. Even though I hate her, she’s still got the power to bring me to my goddamn knees.

  “Don’t leave.” Her voice is so low and soft that it breaks me even more.

  82

  Harper

  I don’t want him to go. I don’t want him to stay. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, but the more I see him, the more my heart aches for something it will never have again. His love.

  “I need space, Harper.”

  “You’re staying here?”

  He turns to face me and my heart leaps. His big blue eyes are so dull that it kills me. The sparkle isn’t there. There was always a sparkle shining bright in his eyes, but it’s now gone – nowhere to be found, doused by the past that tore us in two. I step toward him, watching as he swallows hard. When I’m close enough, I reach out and run my fingers over the motorcycle charm that’s hanging on his neck that I gave him that night.

  “You kept it,” I whisper.

  “It meant a lot to me.”

  “Meant?”

  “Yeah. It was your love, Harper. It was your trust in me. Now it’s just a reminder of the bitch that you became. I wanna keep that so that I never forget what you did to me. How you fuckin’ broke me,” he hisses.

  I jerk my hand back as if it was burned. Lynx watches me with no emotion in his eyes. Nothing. He feels nothing for me anymore and can I really blame him for that? Not really, but it doesn’t make the hurt any less. He may hate me, but my love for him never died. I just had to let it go in order to survive.

  “I never meant for that to happen, Lynx. I ran, I never looked back.”

  “I already know that part,” he mumbles.

  “When he said you got life, I lost it. I knew I couldn’t go back to Cheryl’s because she would just let Dave back in when he got out. I knew what would happen to me, and I wasn’t ready to die. That’s the price I would have to pay. I didn’t want to die. I already felt like I had when you were sent away,” I tell him as tears fill my eyes.

  “I didn’t want you to die either,” he says softly. So softly I nearly didn’t hear him.

  “I packed up a few days later and left. I caught rides until I got here. I was going to keep going but I met Josie. She was good to me,” I tell him. I spill my fucking guts because there’s a need inside of me. A need for him to know and I can tell by the look in his eyes that he needs to hear this as much as I need to tell him.

  “No one hurt you? Touched you?” he asks almost as if it pains him. Shaking my head slowly, I wipe the tears from my cheeks.

  “No. Everyone I got a ride with was pretty nice. I paid them what I could.”

  “That’s good. I’m glad you made it safely, Harper. I just… I need to go,” he says and my heart nearly cracks in half.

  “Please, don’t.”

  “What do you want from me, Harper? You ran off! You left me to rot in fuckin’ hell and you moved on! You got a boyfriend and now I’m just in the way. I can’t do this shit anymore,” he roars. I jolt when I hear the door open and close, knowing that someone is out here listening to our little showdown.

  “I don’t know what I want. I just feel content when you’re here,” I admit stupidly, gazing down at my feet as I play with the hem of my shirt.

  “Content? You fuckin’ feel content with a man who hates you?” His eyes narrow but he’s tugging at his hair. That was always a sign that he was nervous about what he said. I learned that a long time ago. That little memory gives me a sliver a hope. Not one that I was ready to grasp on to, but just enough to keep me talking, to apologize one last time.

  “I’m sorry, Lynx. I’m really sorry,” I cry harder. Steps come up behind me, Josie’s arms wrapping around my waist.

  “Why don’t we go out back and start cooking?” she says trying to diffuse the tension between the two of us. “Lynx?”

  “Yeah. I’m good. Thanks, Josie.” He walks past us, brushing his arm against mine. Tears flood out of me now as Josie holds me close.

  “He hates me, Josie. The one man, the only man, I’ve ever loved and he hates me.”

  “The only man?”

  Oh God, could my night get any worse? I lift my head to see Luke standing there with a case of beer in his hand. He sets it at his feet and walks toward us.

  “Luke, I-”

  “The only man, Harper? So what is it you feel for me?” he asks, cocking his head to the side. His voice is angry and his body is strung tightly.


  I open my mouth but words don’t form. I don’t know what to say but I know in my heart I never loved Luke. My stomach churns as I search to explain things, but Luke begins to seethe as the truth becomes evident.

  “I don’t, I never…”

  “You don’t love me? After all these years?” he screams.

  “You don’t understand, Luke. It’s not what you think,” I try to explain but he doesn’t let me. Stan’s friends pull up and filter out of the car and around us as we stand in a silent standoff.

  “Oh, I think I understand. You love that piece of shit still.”

  “The fuck you just call me?”

  No. He didn’t just hear that.

  “You heard me, asshole!” Lynx moves around me quickly, grabbing Luke by the shirt.

  “Say one more thing, pretty boy. I fuckin’ dare you,” Lynx hisses in his face. The amount of anger in him is unnerving. Lynx was never one to be called names without a fight.

  “Stop! Both of you!” I scream, moving to stand in the middle. I slide under Lynx’s arms and shove my way between them. “Back off.” Pushing at Lynx hard chest, he holds steady.

  “I don’t need this! I don’t need any of this. When you’re done slumming with the prison thug, call me, Harper! I didn’t realize you wanted a man to treat you like a common whore,” Luke snaps.

  The growl that escapes Lynx shocks me. One of his hands releases Luke only to shove me out of the way. I stumble and nearly fall to the ground when I see him pull back and punch Luke.

  “Call her a whore one more time!” Lynx roars before climbing on top of him where he now lies on the ground. He throws more punches as Luke tries to block them. I scream at the sight of blood. Who the hell knew a dismembered finger wouldn’t affect me but seeing my ex now beating the shit out of my current boyfriend would. Chip and his friends rush around the house, pulling them apart.

  “Get the hell out of here, Luke!” Chip growls. He pushes Lynx back but that doesn’t stop him from trying to get to Luke again. Luke quickly stands, rushing to his car without another word. He definitely looked worse for the wear as blood dripped from his nose and he eye was already showing signs of swelling.

  I stand here stunned when Lynx shoves Chip off him and storms inside. I look around at everyone now watching me before I follow behind him.

  “Lynx!” I call his name but he storms through the living room and down the hallway. “Lynx! Stop!” He doesn’t. He walks into a room and slams the door in my face, but I reach down and turn the knob going in anyway. I refuse to be pushed away. His response ignited something in me. Did I want to see him fight Luke? Of course not, but his reaction would not have been so visceral if he really hated me like he claimed.

  When I walk into the room, I watch him pace the floor, his hands balled into fists. He’s a caged, angry tiger right now. And yet, I’m not afraid. I never was when I with him. Even with this display of rage, all I want to do is reach out rather than run away. And because I’m pissed and ready to have it out with him.

  “Get out,” he grits his teeth.

  “Talk to me,” I urge him.

  “I said get out!” he growls louder and deeper this time.

  “I’m not leaving. Talk to me!” I scream back at him. He glares at me, something snapping in those eyes of his. He moves quickly, slamming me against the wall. He’s so close to me I could kiss him. We’re a breath away from each other. His chest rises and falls rapidly, touching mine as it goes.

  “Why do you want to piss me off, Harper? Why?” he asks his voice turning cold and deadly.

  “Because you broke me as much as I did you!” I yell, slamming my hands into his chest.

  “Stop,” he warns.

  I don’t. I keep going taking out all the frustration I feel toward him, because of him.

  “No! I hate you! I fucking hate you, Lynx! I needed you, goddamn it!” I scream louder, hitting and punching.

  “Stop!” he roars.

  “You broke me too that day!”

  A guttural sound rips through his chest. His fist comes up as my eyes widen. For a second I fear he’s about to punch me, but that’s not him. That’s not Lynx. Not my Lynx. His fist slams into the drywall next to my head as I look into his eyes. His free arm comes up, pressing against my throat. His eyes are flaring with fire, a torch burning brightly. My heart hammers in my chest, my breath quickening. The pressure on my throat slowly eases as he watches me, breathing heavily.

  “What the fuck are you doin’ to me?”

  83

  Lynx

  I need to walk away from her. I need to stop this before I lose control and do something I might regret later. Her big eyes just stare up at me and I can’t move. I can’t breathe. Instead of listening to common sense, I lean down and kiss her roughly. My tongue demands entrance into her mouth and she lets me. She opens up to me and I feel like I’m at home. I keep my arm pressed to her neck, holding her in place. Harper’s hands come up and to grip my arm holding tightly. The moment is full of heat and passion. My cock hardens in my jeans realizing who this is. It’s her. It’s always been her, but I can’t go back there. I can’t make the betrayal go away. She left me regardless of what excuse she uses. I wanted her, I needed her. I pull back resting my forehead to hers, panting as her gaze darts between my eyes. God, I need help.

  “I need you, Lynx,” Harper whispers. Her hand moves to my chest, feeling the rapid beat of my heart. The same heart that beat for only her once before. I close my eyes and shake the thoughts away.

  “I needed you then.” I pull away and lower my arms to my sides as she watches me. Running my hand through my hair, I pace the floor. I’m not the same kid I was back then. I’ve changed. We changed.

  “Lynx.”

  “Do you know that when you left me you also showed me a side of myself I didn’t know was there?” I ask her. I glance up and catch her gaze.

  “What do you mean?”

  I stalk closer to her. “Leavin’ me? That’s what showed me what I really am. Who I am.” She watches me, confused by my words when someone knocks on the door. “It’s open!” Chip walks in looking between us before seeing the hole in the wall. He glances at me with a raised eyebrow. “I’ll fix it, man.”

  “That’s not really what I’m worried about, Lynx,” he says, nodding toward Harper. She stands there silently with her arms wrapped around herself not looking at anyone anymore. There’s a part of me that hates to do this to her. There’s an ache in my chest that just wants to hold her, but I know I can’t go back there again.

  “I’m going to go find, Josie,” she finally says softly before leaving the room. Chip closes the door behind her before leaning against it with his arms crossed.

  “You good?”

  “Yeah. No. I don’t fuckin’ know, man. She’s messin’ with my head,” I admit.

  “I can see that. You still want her?”

  I stare at him for a moment, not ready to answer just yet. Drawing a deep breath, I give him the only one that I know to be true. “It’s not that simple.”

  “Like fuck it’s not. You still want her?” he asks again.

  “It’s not that easy, Chip. I still hate her for leavin’ me, man. How the hell can I still want her after that?”

  “Easy. You love her, Lynx. You never stopped. I get it, I do. She left when you needed her most. That’s a low fucking blow, but you have to ask yourself if it’s worth holding a grudge,” he says clearly seeing both sides of the story.

  “That’s the problem. I don’t think I can get past that shit. She ripped my goddamn heart out, Chip.”

  “I know. I was there.”

  “There’s too much hatred inside of me now. I wouldn’t be good for her anymore. Things have changed, that place changed me. What she did fuckin’ changed me,” I tell him, keeping my head held high. On the outside, I’m in full control. I can handle this because I have to, but on the inside? She has me fucked up. My stomach is in knots, and there’s a ball in the middle of my
chest that I can’t shake. She has completely fucked me up.

  Chip drops his arms to his sides and walks toward me a few steps. He sees my turmoil. My boy knows me better than anyone these days. “If you need to bail, I get it, man. I really do.”

  Shaking my head no, I make sure that he understands that I wouldn’t do that to him. He needs me. I know what it means to be left. I’m not pullin’ that shit on him.

  “Have you listened to anything I just said? She bailed on me. I’m not doin’ that to you, man. I want to be here; I want to work. She’s just a fuckin’ memory.”

  He nods his head, slaps a hand on my shoulder, and sighs.

  “I’m glad you’re sticking around. I need the help and someone to keep Josie in her place,” he laughs. “Let’s go eat.”

  I nod and follow him out of the room and out the backdoor. The grills are fired up, and Stan is cooking. Josie and Harper stand off to the side talking with a few other girls, a smile on her perfect lips. Fuck! I need to stay away from her to protect myself. If there’s even a sliver of a heart left inside of me, I can’t let her take it too, but she isn’t going to make it easy for me. I can feel it. That tug, that spark that we’ve always had is still there. Hell, it feels stronger, but I’m stuck in my head. I can’t get past her leaving me.

  I head to the cooler and grab out a beer before moving to sit at one of the tables they have set up, needing a moment to get my wits about me before I’m around her again. Her proximity messes too much with my head. So instead I watch Chip smile and prance around his brother. They shoot jokes at each other and just have a good time. They both laugh as do their friends. It’s hard for me to see them like this. I don’t begrudge them their happiness, but it’s a bitter reminder of what I had back home. Dragon’s Strike MC was my fucking home. From the day I was born, that was my place. My birth right. But living under my dad wasn’t ideal. I knew he didn’t want me around. I was only there for one reason, to be his bitch. It pissed me off more often than not. Dad hated me since my mom died. He always blamed her death on me not knowing how to handle it himself. After that I became just another club member to him. You would have thought that fact would have brought us closer together but it didn’t. He kept me at arm’s length and I grew to hate him more for it. He wasn’t a very rational man, and every chance he got, he took his anger and rage out on me until I was old enough to fight back. He saw the anger that he partially instilled in me and knew that I was a fighter. I spent most of my life as a prospect for the club until Vic stepped up and told him I couldn’t be the longest running prospect the club has ever had, especially not as his son. That is the only reason I ever got my patch.