“N-no, Sir.”
“And you won’t, will you?”
“No, Sir.” She was breathless now. Shaking enough to make her cuffs creak and their chains jingle. She kept her eyes closed, digging her teeth into her lip.
“Look at me,” I whispered.
She opened her eyes.
The second we made eye contact, my breath stopped in my throat.
I saw everything. Not just my lover right on the edge, everything. The broken woman who’d called me for help. The unbreakable woman I’d loved back then and still loved now. Years of wounds, weeks of healing. Her weakness, her strength. The only thing I couldn’t find was the answer to the burning question on the tip of my tongue: Do I have any right to hope you still love me?
Once again, I shoved that thought to the back of my mind. Any time could be the last time, so I fully intended to make us both enjoy every time as much as humanly possible, not spend it worrying.
“Do you want me to let you come?” I pressed my hand a little harder against her clit.
She gasped. “Yes, Sir, please.”
“Not yet.” I stopped my hand and withdrew my fingers. She closed her eyes, releasing a frustrated groan through clenched teeth.
When I stepped back, she opened her eyes, and the frustration in her expression melted away in favor of arousal as I pulled off my shirt. As I reached for my belt buckle, we held each other’s gazes. Hers flicked downward a few times, but each time rose to meet mine.
Once I’d completely stripped, I came back and kissed her. I pressed one hand against the small of her back to keep our hips together, making sure she felt exactly how much she turned me on. The restraints creaked. When I glanced up, her hands curled into tight fists, flexed, then curled again.
“Am I frustrating you, Meredith?”
“Yes, Sir,” she said quickly.
“Good.” I dipped my head to kiss her neck.
“Sir, may—” She caught herself, pausing to take a deep breath.
Looking at her, I raised an eyebrow and inclined my head.
“Please, may I—” She swallowed hard, but didn’t look anywhere except right into my eyes. “May I suck your cock, Sir?” Absent was the shame and embarrassment that would have accompanied such a question weeks ago. She held my gaze without flinching, and the only color in her cheeks was the flush of arousal. The same arousal that, I guessed, made it difficult for her to articulate her question.
I grinned. “Is that really what you want?”
“Yes, Sir.” She nodded, wetting her lips. “Please, may I?”
“Absolutely.” I almost shivered. That was the woman I knew and loved. Desperate to please, confident enough to ask permission to do so.
I knelt, running my hands up and down her legs. I was eager to feel her hands and mouth on my cock, but I wasn’t in a hurry. First things first.
Glancing up at her, I kissed her thigh. Then a little higher. Leather creaked and metal jingled as I drew closer to her pussy. I flicked the tip of my tongue across her clit, and if her shaking knees were any indication, had it not been for the restraints holding her in place, she probably would have collapsed.
I slid two fingers inside her and teased her just like I had a moment ago, beckoning gently, this time in synch with my tongue’s slow arcs. She moaned, twisting against the cuffs while I teased her right back to the edge and held her there. And held her there. And held her there.
“Scott- Sir, please,” she pleaded. “Please, let me come.”
I didn’t have to speak to deny her. She’d hold on until I specifically allowed her to let go, so I didn’t need to say a word to tell her that no, she could not come yet.
While I continued circling her clit with my tongue, I trailed one hand down the back of her leg and unbuckled the ankle restraint. Then I switched hands, sliding the other hand down to undo the other cuff as my other fingers slipped inside her, all the while letting the tangy sweetness of her pussy intoxicate me.
Once her ankles were free, I stood. She released a sigh that may have been equal parts relief and aggravation. The torment had stopped, but I hadn’t let her come yet.
I cupped her face in both hands and kissed her lightly. She parted her lips and tried to deepen the kiss, but I pulled back. Closing her eyes, she released a frustrated sound.
“Remember who’s in charge here, Meredith,” I whispered, running the pad of my thumb over her cheekbone. “You’ll get what I see fit to give you. Nothing more.”
“Yes, Sir,” she whispered.
“Good girl.” Left cheek, right. Then I leaned in again, kissing her as gently as I could. I had no doubt she was desperate to taste herself on me, but I forced her to wait, to take only this slow, lips-only kiss. After a long moment, I parted her lips with my tongue and gave her a taste—just a taste—before pulling back again.
Then I deepened the kiss again, and she released a soft moan against my lips when I finally let her taste what I tasted. While I kissed her, I ran my hand up her side, then her arm, all the way to her wrist, and unbuckled the cuff. She let her hand fall to her side. Her body shifted a little, and I guessed she was shaking some stiffness out of her arm. She rolled her shoulder a few times, then put her arm around my waist. When I unbuckled her other arm, she did the same thing.
I took a few steps back, drawing her with me.
“Do you still want to suck my cock, Meredith?” I growled, sliding my hand up the back of her neck.
“Yes, Sir. Please.”
“That’s what I thought.” I twisted her hair around my hand and put her on her knees. Not hard enough to be unduly painful when she hit the floor, but with enough force to make it clear she would go down.
She half-yelped, half-whimpered, licking her lips as she waited for my next command. She made no advance. There was no fear in her posture or expression, no preemptive flinch or recoiling from an anticipated punishment. Simply surrender. She was unafraid, and patiently waited for me to wield the power she’d given me.
I loosened my grasp on her hair. She still didn’t move. Swallowing hard, she waited.
“Good girl,” I whispered, and her eyes flicked up to meet mine. I released her hair and gave a single nod.
That was all she needed. I forced myself to keep breathing slowly, evenly, while she stroked with both hands and alternately ran her tongue around the head of my cock and deep-throated as much as she could in that position. Her eyes flicked up to meet mine, and immediately took my breath away.
Hunger, the need to please, lust. Not a shred of fear, not a shadow of the ghosts of the past. She was fully here with me. Judging by the lust in her eyes and enthusiasm in her mouth and hands, there was nowhere she’d rather be.
Nor was there any place I’d rather be.
Except one place, that is, and if she kept doing what she was doing much longer, we’d never get there.
I grasped her hair and pulled back slightly. She immediately took my cue and stopped, sitting back on her heels and looking up at me.
“Stand up,” I said. When she did, I gestured at my clothes, which I’d left to one side of the Saint Andrew’s Cross. “There’s a condom in the back left pocket of my jeans. Get it and bring it back to me.”
“Yes, Sir.”
When she returned, condom in hand, I said, “Put it on.”
“Yes, Sir.” She had a little trouble opening the wrapper, but it finally gave, and not a moment too soon. I gritted my teeth to keep from outwardly showing her how much her hands on my cock made me want to give in and lose control. I wouldn’t, though.
I want you so fucking bad, baby, you don’t even know…
With the condom in place, she let her hands fall to her sides again.
“Good girl.” Left cheek, right. Then I nodded toward the door. “Bedroom.”
She walked ahead of me, and she was no less beautiful now than when she faced me. Shoulders confidently set back. The gentle curve of her waist. The subtle swell of her hips that fucking begged me to g
rab hold and fuck her senseless.
She reached for the doorknob, but I reached past her and grabbed her wrist, then put an arm around her waist.
“I changed my mind about the bedroom.” With that, I shoved her up against the door, and she whimpered softly. I nudged her ankles apart with my foot. “I think I want you just like this.”
She moaned, clawing at the door as if her fingers might find some invisible handhold. She pressed back against me, and her ass against my cock was almost more than I could handle. God, I wanted her.
I pulled her hips back just enough to grant me better access to her pussy. When I guided my cock to her, she sucked in a breath, shuddering as I slid inside her. Her back and shoulders rippled as I took a few slow, smooth strokes, and when I thrust into her as deep as I could in this position, she cried out, her whole body tensing as if she’d just surrendered to a powerful orgasm.
Up against the dungeon door, I fucked her. Deep, hard, while she begged and pleaded for more, I fucked her.
“Like that?” I asked through gritted teeth.
“Yes, Sir, yes, I love it.”
“Touch yourself, Meredith.” The words came out as a hoarse, uneven whisper.
She rested her forearm against the door and reached down with the other. In a heartbeat, her pussy was impossibly tight. I groaned, trying to thrust even deeper.
“May I come, Sir?” Body and voice alike trembled.
“No.” I gripped her hips tighter and fucked her harder. Her elbow thumped against the door every time my body forced hers forward. My eyes tried to roll back. The whole room spun around me and the floor lurched under me, everything moving faster and falling to pieces each time I thrust into. She overwhelmed me. Completely overwhelmed me. Her body, her pussy, her breathless moans.
I released a sharp breath, biting my tongue when that breath nearly came out in the form of God, I love you.
“Please, Sir,” she whimpered, oblivious to my near-confession. “Please, may I come?”
“Not yet.” I shut my eyes tight, clenching my jaw and holding my breath. She tried to beg some more, to plead with me for the right to let go, but her voice failed her. Had I not been so close myself—fuck, baby, do you realize what you do to me?—I’d have denied her again.
Instead, I drew the deepest breath I could, and whispered, “Come.”
Chapter 27
Lying in bed afterward, we faced each other. I ran the backs of my fingers down her cheek. Not to cue submission, just to touch her.
We’d caught our breath. The aftershocks had passed, the trembling had stopped. For now, we just looked at each other.
When we first started this whole thing, I’d wondered if a night like this was possible, and yet, here we were. No panics. No flashbacks. Not a speedbump in sight except in the rearview. In the beginning, a lifetime ago, I’d questioned whether I could help her through this. Somehow, fumbling and stumbling together, here we were.
Some of the scars would always remain. She would never again be the Meredith that Rich had never touched, but she’d made it this far. I was thrilled. Relieved. I admired her, I was proud of her, and I knew it was only a matter of time now before she could continue on her own two feet. I wished nothing but the best for her, wanted her to heal enough and have strength enough to do just that, but I still wondered where that would leave us. Where it would leave me.
Meredith ran her thumb along my lower lip. “What are you thinking about?”
“You.” I smiled, stroking her hair. “You’ve come a long way since we started doing this.”
She returned the smile. “You brought me this far.”
“No, the work was all yours, babe,” I said. “I just gave you a safe place to do it.” That sinking feeling in my gut refused to be ignored.
Meredith raised her eyebrows. “What’s wrong?”
Avoiding her eyes, I chewed the inside of my cheek. Then I looked at her. “I have something for you. Out in the living room.”
Her eyebrows flicked up. “Oh?”
I pushed myself up. “Come on. I’ll show you.”
Eyeing me warily, she sat up. “Scott—”
“Just trust me. Come on.”
We made a quick detour into the dungeon to put on a few clothes—a shirt and panties for her, jeans for me—and went into the living room.
I gestured for her to have a seat on the couch, and I sat beside her. “Close your eyes.”
She blinked. “What?”
“You heard me.”
She rolled her eyes, then closed them. “I’m not sure I trust you with surprises.”
“I think you’ll like this.” I pulled out the paper bag I’d left on the shelf beneath the coffee table. Reaching inside it, I added, “In fact, I’d be willing to bet money you will.”
“Uh-huh. I’ll believe that when I see it.”
I carefully brought my hand out of the bag. “In that case, why don’t you take a look?”
She smirked, a smartass comment no doubt right on the tip of her tongue, and opened her eyes.
The smirk vanished.
Her lips parted.
With both hands, she took the music box from me, cradling it as if it might shatter if she jarred it. She turned the box in her hands, looking at it from all angles, disbelief etched into every line on her face.
“Scott…” She pulled in a breath, still staring at the box. “You… fixed it.” She traced her finger over the inlay of her nickname. With a trembling hand, she lifted the lid. As soon as the first notes played, her hand went to her mouth. “Oh my God…” A tear slid down her cheek and she quickly brushed it away. “I can’t believe it. I thought it was beyond repair.”
“Don’t you have faith in my ability to fix broken things?” I asked, grinning cautiously.
She laughed, wiping away another tear. “Honestly, I thought this was even beyond what you could put back together.”
“It looked a lot worse than it was.” I ran my fingers through her hair while she turned the box in her hands. “Just needed a little TLC.”
Meredith smiled, glancing at me. “It’s perfect.”
“I tried to get all the scratches and everything out, but—”
She put a hand up and shook her head. “It’s perfect, Scott. It’s… it’s perfect.” She set the box on the coffee table and put her arms around me. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, babe.” I kissed the top of her head and held her to me. I closed my eyes, breathing in her familiar scent. Even like this, with her arms around me and the taste of her kiss on my tongue, I couldn’t ignore the feeling she might, at any second, get up and tell me she didn’t need me anymore. And I’d be thrilled she didn’t need my help anymore, I just hoped to God she still wanted me even when she didn’t need me.
Everything I’d discussed with Leslie and Kristen bounced around in my head with a backbeat of their unanimous advice: Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her.
Swallowing hard, I sat back and looked at her. “I’ve been doing some thinking. About a few things.”
“Oh? Such as?”
“The night you called me,” I said quietly, “when you said you needed my help finding a Dom…” I had to search for the words.
She put her hand in mine and squeezed gently. “Yes?”
“What did you think I would say?”
She cocked her head. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, did you think I’d hook you up with another Dom?” I paused. “Or that I’d take this on myself?”
“I didn’t know, honestly.” She ran a hand through her slightly disheveled hair. “I was so worried about even getting in touch with you, I hadn’t really thought about it. Why?”
I watched my thumb trace slow arcs across the back of her hand. “Just wondering.”
“Something else on your mind?” She touched my arm.
Closing my eyes, I exhaled. Just get it out on the table and get it over with. Say it. Just say it. I moistened my lips and made myself look at
her. “What happens when this is… done?”
“Done?”
“You wanted me to help you get through everything he did to you. And you’ve made leaps and bounds, so I assume there’s going to come a point when we don’t…” I cleared my throat. “When we don’t need to do this anymore.” When you won’t need me anymore. “What then?”
It was her turn to look at our hands. “I guess I hadn’t thought that far ahead.” Meredith swallowed hard. “What do you think should happen?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know.”
“It’ll probably be a while before we get to that point,” she said softly. “You’ve brought me a long way, but there’s still plenty more to go. So we don’t have to worry about it now, do we?”
“I suppose we don’t.”
She looked at me for a moment before she spoke again. “It’s still bothering you, though, isn’t it?”
No sense pretending it wasn’t. Sighing, I nodded. “Yeah, it is. I’ve been thinking about it a lot actually.”
She squeezed my hand. “Why is it bothering you so much?”
I took a breath, then forced myself to look her in the eye when I whispered, “Because I still love you.”
Her eyes widened and her lips parted, and she looked even more startled than she had when she saw the music box. Then she dropped her gaze.
I started to reach for her face, but pulled my hand back. Though I’d intended touch her just to make contact, that touch was too close to her submission cue to do during a conversation like this. I didn’t want her to think I’d ever use it to manipulate her. So I put my arm around her shoulders instead. She didn’t recoil, thank God, but there was just enough stiffness in her posture to keep her from sinking against me like she often did. She wasn’t pulling away, but she wasn’t coming any closer.
She took a deep breath. “Scott, I still love you too. I never stopped loving you. Never.” She met my eyes, and there were tears in hers. “But that doesn’t mean we can go back.”
“Is there any reason we can’t go back?”
“Scott, this is…” She chewed her lip. “Everything with Rich isn’t over. He’s still in my head. He still…” She screwed her eyes shut and took a deep breath before meeting my eyes again. “He still crosses my mind every time we touch.”
Reconstructing Meredith (Light Switch Book 2) Page 29
