“Jasmine, please, you need to tell me. Is he cheating on me.?” I cry out. “I can’t go through this again, you saw what I went through with Russell. I can’t… I just can’t….” I start to sob, unable to hold it in any longer.
“Oh, Lu, I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. And I could kick Hawke in the balls for not telling you about his past, but all I can say is that you have nothing to worry about. He loves you.”
“He loves me?” I shout. “How do I know he loves me, Jazz? The man has never used those words. Those three little words that I so desperately need to hear.” I begin to cry again, and my hands tremble as I hold the phone to my ear. I feel like I can’t get any air into my lungs. The possibility of being betrayed again is tearing me apart.
“Lu, please don’t cry. I promise everything will be okay. I’m coming to see you. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
I don’t reply, I can’t. I just keep crying, and let the phone drop to the bed. I’m so hurt right now. He told Jasmine, told my best friend about his past, but he doesn’t trust me enough to tell me. Oh God, what if he is cheating on me? I gave him my all last night, and even though he didn’t say he loved me, the way his body made me feel—wanted and needed—I didn’t need the words. But now, sitting here, knowing he was with another woman last night is killing me. My heart aches and I can’t stop crying.
I can hear Jasmine on the phone yelling, “Lu! Are you there? Lu?” Then I hear our call disconnect. I know she will be here soon.
I replay the message from Hawke’s phone in my head. Who is this Josie? Is it his ex-girlfriend? Every time I’ve tried to bring up Hawke’s past with him, he changes the subject.
Why doesn’t he want to tell me anything? What is he hiding?
Hawke
“Geez, Jazzy, what the hell has got you so pissed,” I ask, smirking as she continues to lead me through to the back room of the clubhouse.
“You, you big douche. You and I need to talk.” Jasmine rests her hands on her hips, blowing hair from her face with her mouth. She’s wearing tight blue jeans, and a black singlet top that shows off her baby bump. She looks adorable, but the way she’s glaring at me has me refraining from opening my mouth.
“You idiot,” she spits out, and begins to pace. “You told me you would tell her.”
My face straightens, all amusement gone. I grasp Jasmine’s arm, keeping her still. She spins to face me and I can see moisture in her eyes, as if she’s about to cry. Fuck me. What the hell do I do with a pregnant woman crying?
“Look,” I state. “I’ve heard about this.”
She removes her arm from my grasp.
“Heard about what?” she says on a breath.
“Pregnant women. How you get all emotional for no reason.”
“No reason?” she cries, and before I know it her leg is reaching out, and she kicks my shin.
“Ow! What was that for?” I bend over to rub where her foot just left a mark. I may be overdoing it on the acting part, but that shit hurt!
“Yeah, well there’s more where that came from.”
I straighten. “You gonna tell me what this is about or are you just going to kick me?”
Jasmine smiles then. “I’m having too much fun, I think I’ll do it again.”
I step back and hold my palms out to her. “What the hell has gotten into you, woman? Quill not taking care of your needs?” I add wiggling my eyebrows.
Her mouth gapes open. “Quill’s and my sex life is not part of this conversation.”
I smile. “So he is then?”
“Hawke!” Jasmine shouts.
“Okay, okay. What’s going on, Jazz?” I ask, reaching for a stool from around the corner of the pool table and taking a seat. She follows and grabs the one next to me, taking a seat as well.
“Look, Hawke. I’m on my way out to see Luisa, and I thought you should know.”
Jasmine’s face has turned serious, and she rubs her fingers along her brow. “She knows, Hawke.”
I scratch my jaw. “Knows what?”
“Lu. She says she knows about Josie.”
I jump up off the stool and run a hand down the back of my neck. “What? How?”
“She heard you on the phone this morning, to Quill. Then she saw a message that Josie sent you.”
“Message? I didn’t get no message.” I grab my phone out of the back pocket of my jeans and scroll through my messages. My finger freezes when I see one from an unknown number, and I tap on it and start reading.
Reece, I just wanted to thank you for last night, it means so much to me that you still care. I want you to know that I will always love you and I just hope that one day you will forgive me. Always yours, Josie.
My hand squeezes the phone so hard, I don’t know how it doesn’t smash. “Fuck,” I growl and begin to pace.
Jasmine gets up from her seat and reaches a hand out to me, resting it on my arm. “You need to tell her, Hawke. The longer you leave it, the worse off it will be. She won’t care that you’ve been engaged before. She loves you.”
My eyes snap over to Jasmine’s. There’s no hint of sarcasm in her tone or facial expression.
“Love?” I say laughing off her words. “Don’t think we’re quite there yet.”
“Hawke,” she says squeezing my arm to get my attention. “I don’t care what you say, the girl is crazy about you. And yes, she loves you, don’t lose that. And you love her too, you big buffoon. Don’t lose her. Don’t lose the one thing that’s good for you.”
Love her? Am I in love with Luisa?
I sigh, and run my free hand down my face. I don’t know why I’m so nervous about telling Lu about my past, and Josie. It’s no big deal, really, I guess I’ve just never found the right time to tell her. But it seems as if I’m too late now anyway, she already knows. How the fuck am I going to get out of this one?
“You’re right,” I say to Jazz. “I should have told her. I’m gonna go tell her everything,” I add getting ready to walk out.
“Wait, what? You can’t leave, she’s expecting me to turn up, not you.”
I narrow my eyes at Jasmine. “First you tell me I need to explain it all to her, now you’re holding me back from doing that exact thing. What the fuck, Jazz?” I’m confused as shit.
“How will it look if you show up there now? She’ll know I told you. You need to do this right, Hawke. Don’t fuck it up. Take her out tonight and explain it all to her. She deserves that, Hawke. Believe me, it will make things easier.”
I run my hands down my face. Jasmine might be right. “Fine,” I agree looking into her eyes. They’re green, like green ivy, and so bright and clear. “What are you gonna tell her?”
Jasmine shrugs her shoulders. “I’ll just listen to her, I guess.”
I step closer. “You won’t tell her will you, Jazz?”
“No, Hawke, I won’t, but you’d better explain it all tonight.”
I smile, a warm smile. What would I do without this woman? She’s like the little sister I never had. I pull her into me and hug her. “Thanks, Jasmine. You’re a good friend.”
A growl erupts from the doorway and I step back and look over my shoulder, finding Quill there, his eyebrows pinched together.
“Hey, brother, we were just finishing up.”
“Why the fuck are your arms around my soon to be wife?” he asks striding toward me.
My smile widens. Quill is so in love with Jasmine, and it makes me happy to see him like this. I’ve always wanted him to find that special someone, and he has.
“You better wipe that smile off your face before I do it for you, brother.”
“Okay, macho men,” Jasmine says, rolling her eyes as she steps between Quill and I. She places her hands on both our chests, keeping us apart, and laughs. “I need you both bruise-free for the wedding next week. Can’t have you boys looking ugly.”
“Babe.” Quill smirks. “One, Hawke has no chance of hurting this face.” Quill points to his cheek. “Two, I tho
ught you liked it when I get rough,” he concludes as he pulls Jasmine in for a kiss.
I clear my throat. “Yeah, can you guys maybe take that somewhere else?” I ask, smirking at them.
Jasmine pulls back and looks up at Quill. “I have to go, babe, need to check on Luisa.”
“Everything okay?” he questions, looking over at me, concern in his eyes.
“Yeah, babe,” Jasmine explains. “Lu just needs me.”
“Well, take a prospect with you.”
“What? Why?” she asks.
Quill holds Jasmine firmly in his arms. “Baby, can you just for once do what I say without fighting me?”
“Fine,” she agrees, moving out of Quills arms. “I’ll let this go because I have my friend waiting on me, but you will tell me more tonight.” She looks at me and glares, then turns back to Quill. “Right, babe?”
Quill nods at her in agreeance, and Jasmine walks past him to leave. “Hey, where’s my goodbye kiss?”
She rolls her eyes and walks back to him. She goes to kiss him briefly but he holds her face in his hands, keeping her captive and kissing her hard. I turn my head, wanting to give them some privacy. I hear Jasmine say, “Bye, Hawke. Remember, tonight.”
I nod, and repeat, “Tonight.”
“What’s tonight?” Quill asks looking from Jasmine to me. Jasmine smiles and walks out the room. Quill asks again, “What’s tonight?”
I sigh. “Nothing, man. Just taking Luisa out for dinner. I’m gonna explain about Josie, she found a message from her on my phone.”
Quill lets out a breath. “How’d she take that?”
“She called Jasmine when we were in church. She’s upset, man. You’re right, I should have told her earlier.”
Quill taps my shoulder. “It’ll be fine.”
“I hope so. But something tells me I really fucked up this time,” I say scratching my jaw.
“Fuck, will you listen to us pussies,” Quill replies smirking.
“I hear ya, brother,” I say, then straighten myself. “This whole warning bullshit on Ink Me. You think it’s retaliation from the Gypsy Brothers?”
Quill shakes his head. “Don’t think it’s them. Cannon’s gone, their VP too. They have no president or VP. They couldn’t work this fast. No, I think it’s bigger than them.”
“Your old man? He have anyone looking for retaliation on him?”
Quill shrugs. “Don’t know. I have no idea who he was dealing with, except for the Gypsy Brothers….” Quill goes quiet, deep in thought.
“What about Sven? His right-hand man? He knows what happened that night.”
“Shouldn’t,” Quill says. “He wasn’t there that night, and I made sure it looked like a war between my old man and the Gypsy Brothers.”
I rub my jaw. “Shit just don’t make sense. Why would someone send us a warning? It must have to do with what went down.”
“Let’s see what Tracker comes back with from the video footage. This couldn’t have come at a shittier time, man,” Quill spits. “I’m about to be married in a week. Let’s get through this week and the wedding, and go from there.”
“Wait, aren’t you guys going away for a honeymoon?”
Quill smiles. “Yeah, I’ve arranged to take her to a beautiful beach house for a few days, it’s a surprise. I thought we could do with spending some time together before the baby comes.”
“Good thinking, brother.”
Luisa
I kiss Jasmine goodbye and shut the door after she leaves. She came over earlier, like the best friend she is. I know she’s looking out for me and I trust her, I do, but I still hurt. The fact that Hawke’s been hiding something from me, and not telling me the truth about where he’s been, is killing me. If he can’t be honest with me, then how can I ever trust him?
Jasmine promised that it’s not what I think, but she can’t possibly understand how I feel. Hawke was with another woman last night, then came home and made love to me.
Tears threaten to spill over and I roughly brush them away, angry at myself for allowing a man to play with my emotions like this again.
My phone rings in my hand, and I look down and see it’s Hawke calling but don’t answer. The last thing I want to do right now is talk to him. I can’t, I’ll break down if I talk to him now. I reject the call and decide housework is the way to go. Yes, I’m going to clean, that should keep me busy.
After vacuuming and mopping the floors, cleaning the bathroom, and throwing a couple of loads of washing on, I’m exhausted. I make myself a cup of tea and sink down into my couch. Turning on the TV, I try to focus on something other than Hawke. Catching up on some episodes of The Walking Dead should do the trick. Seeing zombies right now is exactly what I need.
Taking a sip of my tea, I curl my legs under me, trying to get comfortable. Suddenly, there’s a loud knock at the door. I place my tea on the coffee table, stand, and walk over to my front window, looking down at the street. Yep, it’s Hawke. I can see his Harley parked out front and I creep to my front door, looking through the peephole.
Hawke stands on the other side, looking pissed with his hands on his hips. His dark blue jeans hang low on his waist, and he’s wearing a fitted white button-down shirt that shows off his muscles. Fuck my life, why does he have to be so delicious. He paces the floor and reaches for his phone, dialing my number I assume. My cell phone rings and I snap my head toward where I left it, but ignore it.
“Fuck!” I hear him curse under his breath, and his hand runs through his hair. It’s down and looks all messy, as if he’s been running his hands through it all day.
“Luisa!” he yells banging on my door once again. “Let me in. I know you’re there, I heard your phone.”
I inhale deeply and unlock the door, but keep the security chain connected.
It creaks open and Hawke steps forward. “Baby, let me in. We need to talk.” His eyes bore into mine, desperation in his face. “Baby, please, let me in,” he pleads again.
He’s as close as he can be, his nose practically hitting the chain. His hand sneaks in the little opening and he cups my cheek. “Baby, please.” His eyes run over my face, something like adoration in his expression.
His thumb circles my cheek, and a tear finally falls and makes its way down my face. “You lied,” I croak out. “You were with her last night, and you didn’t tell me.” I sniffle.
“Baby, open the door, let me explain.”
I step back, away from his embrace, and cross my hands over my chest. “Just answer me one question, Hawke, I need you to be honest with me.”
“I’ll answer anything you want, just open the door. I hate having this barrier between us.”
I shake my head. “Not until you answer my question.”
He rubs a hand down the back of his neck. I can see the muscles in his arms straining as he tries to keep control of his emotions.
He steps close again, and I follow. “I hate not being able to touch you,” he says hoarsely.
I don’t answer but I feel exactly the same. I want to be in his arms right now, him telling me that everything will be fine, and that he loves me. But I need to be smart and make sure I’m not falling for a man who is cheating on me.
“Is Josie an ex-girlfriend?”
He looks at me and nods once.
Okay that was easy.
“Do you still love her?”
His eyebrows draw together. “No, I don’t love her. I did once but that was a long time ago.”
I inhale deeply and try to fight the jealousy that’s building, knowing that he loved Josie but has never said those words to me.
“Were you with her last night, before you came home and made love to me?” I ask softly before gnawing on my bottom lip.
“Baby, don’t do this, open the door.”
I shake my head again. “Just answer me, Hawke,” I plead, my body starting to tremble.
“Fuck!” Hawke growls. He looks down at his boot before kicking the outside of my door. He
finally looks up at me. “Yes, but it’s not what you think,” is his answer.
My stomach dips and my knees wobble at his admission, and with all the courage I’m not feeling, I straighten, looking directly into his piercing blue eyes.
“Did you sleep with her?”
“Fuck, Lu, do you really need to ask me that?”
He looks hurt but I don’t give in. “So that’s a no?”
“Of course it’s a fucking no. I’m not a fucking asshole.”
I take a breath, the one I’ve been holding all this time, and just as I’m about to unlock the chain on my door, I ask one more question. “Did you kiss her?”
My breath hitches at the back of my throat when I see his eyes are now laced with pain.
“Lu, don’t do this,” he pleads as he tries to reach for me through the door again.
I wrap my hand around my neck, feeling my pulse run at a rapid pace. “Did you kiss her?” I repeat, and he looks down at the floor, then back into my eyes, now blurry with tears.
“It didn’t mean anything,” he admits in a low voice.
As he says those words, everything turns into slow motion for me. He kissed her, he kissed Josie, and then he came home to me.
I cover my face with my hands and cry into them, feeling ashamed that I’d trusted him.
“Lu, let me in. I can explain, it was nothing, just a kiss. I stopped it.”
“Shut up!” I yell. “I don’t want to hear it. I want you to leave.” My voice is quivering as my heart beats a thousand miles an hour.
I feel sick. My insides threaten to leave me and I sink to the ground, my back against the door. I try to push it closed but Hawke’s boot blocks it, keeping me from slamming it against his face. I begin to cry, burying my face in my knees as feelings of shame wash over me.
“Baby, please let me in. Please,” Hawke begs, his voice cracking with emotion.
“Get out, Hawke, just leave. I need some time to process this. I can’t talk to you right now.” I take in a deep breath, trying to get the words out. “You’ve broken me,” I whisper.
Slowly, my body moves backward as Hawke removes his boot, and the door shuts behind me. I can hear him out there pacing, and imagine him running his hands through his hair, unsure about how he’s going to deal with this situation. My heart wants me to open the door and run into his arms, tell him we’re going to be okay, but my mind won’t allow it. It knows that what Hawke has done is wrong. And yes, it may have been just a kiss, but to know that his lips—on mine last night, giving me such intense pleasure—were on hers before then. Well, I can’t deal with all this right now. I don’t even know who this Josie is. I do want to know, but I can’t deal with it tonight. Tonight, I need him to leave.
Taming Hawke: Book #3 in the Blood Brothers MC Series Page 7
