by Lacey Silks
With my eyes still heavy, I picked fresh clothes from my suitcase and headed for the joined bathroom I remembered Blake had shared with his older brother. Derek went to Haiti to build houses when Blake and I were fourteen, and I hadn’t seen him since.
I pulled on the door handle and walked in.
“Good morning, sleepyhead.”
“What in the holy Mary mother of….” I dropped my clothes, and both my hands flew up to cover my eyes. I didn’t dare move. The quick glance at the man’s sculpted body had my mind spinning and body tingling with needs I’d pushed out of my life. An urge to stare at the naked perfection that took my breath away swirled deep in my tummy. Who was he? Why was he here? And was I still dreaming?
I’d seen naked men before. Heck, my first experience was at eighteen, my first year away in college. It happened in the dark of course, but this guy was definitely not a teen. I’d been to strip clubs in San Francisco, and even those sculpted dancers would fade into nothing beside the marvel of a man in front of me. No one’s abs and biceps and muscular structure could be compared to his, so taut, I wondered whether they’d been painted on.
My palm tingled with an unexplained need to touch him. And that sleeve tattoo on his right arm with an overpowering number of stars of all sizes—that intricate design belonged to a man from a metropolis, not to someone from our little town. The inked patterns weaved up in marvelous and dangerous and beautiful designs. Most were black with a hint of red, white, and blue when you looked up close, and boy was I ever close to him. Close enough to smell the clean scent of manliness that had my nostrils flaring all on their own. In that split second my gaze flew from his arm, to his pecks, and down the path of his six-pack to the desirable package below. Even I couldn’t believe that my mind was capable of grasping every single inch, curve, and tone of his skin in the split second I saw him, and imprinting it into my permanent memory.
“I’m covered, Annabelle. You can look now.”
“How do you know my name?” I asked, peeking between my fingers before lowering my hand.
“I’d recognize those cute freckles and blushing cheeks a mile away, pretty lady.”
A blue towel hung just below his narrow hips. Two lines of his lower abs streamed upward from underneath the fabric forming a mouth-watering triangle. And a little lower under the cotton, a slight curve hid that generous growth I’d seen a minute ago. I felt more heat rush up to my cheeks.
“Derek?” My constricted throat finally gave way to speech. This could not be Blake’s brother! When Derek left for Haiti he was a skinny kid with pale skin. At eighteen, just before his trip, he was running around with town girls like a horny dog. I’d never thought of him as sexy back then. One time, Blake said Derek was having sex in the barn, and we snuck up on him and peeked between the boards to see what all the fuss was about. Derek lay on top of a girl in the hay. Her legs were wrapped around his waist, his pants down at his knees, and his white ass tightened each time he plunged in between her legs.
That’s how we learned about sex, and there was nothing nice about it when we saw it at fourteen. Even the few times I’d been intimate with a man, it didn’t feel as wonderful as what the girls in my classes raved about. But then again, I doubted my lack of experience and the men I’d been with were a good comparison. In fact, the thought of being with a man at this moment turned my stomach. Chills ran down my spine when I recalled my body pinned to a couch two weeks ago.
Yet this gorgeous man in the bathroom was... a man. Never in my life would I have imagined my body reacting this way. I felt my breasts swell and nipples bunch up. A tightening sensation in my tummy turned into heat and flowed down to my panties. As I lazily devoured him, I could now picture those muscles flexing and bulging with each move and thrust and caress. Could he be better? Was it possible that I’d been on the bottom of the totem pole as far as men were concerned?
It definitely felt like that. Unable to pull my gaze away from this fine specimen, I realized that seven years could change a body completely, and time certainly agreed with Derek. Had it really been that long since I’d seen him?
“The one and only. I thought you’d be sleeping for a while and wanted to use the bathroom before you woke up. I’ll be out of here in a sec.”
He lowered his razor. White trails of shaving cream marked his chiseled jaw. The smell of lemon and manly musk combined with another scent I couldn’t place drifted around me.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt you. I should have knocked. I didn’t think anyone else was here,” I rambled. I wanted to leave but my feet and my body disagreed. In fact, I was sure I took a step closer.
“No harm done, Annabelle. My kitchen was being renovated, so I stayed here. I’m moving back home today.”
“I’ll be looking for you... I mean... a place for you... no, for me to live today too.” I must have sounded like such a fool. “What I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to leave on my account.” As much as I appreciated the Fields’ welcome, they needed their space and I needed mine. Plus, I wasn’t sure yet how I’d handle seeing Blake again, because even though we were never together, I knew he’d always had hope that when I returned we’d try dating again. I couldn’t take the pressure now.
Derek scanned me from top to bottom. “If I could, I’d stay here with you. But I don’t think my little brother would appreciate that.” His gaze devoured my curves. The way he looked at me set my skin ablaze and tickled my body with a delicious ache that pooled between my legs. How in the world did he do that? And if he had this kind of effect on me without even touching me, what would happen if he did? If he stared any longer, I’d burst into flames. This was not what I expected. My body had never reacted to a man the way it had now. In fact, I’d made a point to stay clear of them.
At that moment, I knew Derek no longer saw me as a girl, but as a woman. I pulled my arms up and crossed them over my chest, self-conscious not only of my oily hair and puffy eyes, but also of the way my nipples hardened under his hungry gaze.
“Your kitchen?” I swallowed through my tight throat.
“I moved back to Ogden a year ago.”
“Why?”
“It’s my home.”
“Right. I just thought you’d be traveling around the world, building houses. You know, and doing charity stuff.” My heart was pounding underneath my shirt, and my voice broke.
“Well, things don’t always turn out the way we plan, do they?”
No, they certainly don’t.
“Except for Blake.” He chuckled, shaking his head, “That boy will always stay in Ogden.”
So Blake hasn’t changed much, has he? There was something comforting about the thought that took me back in time. Except that I had changed. I was no longer that innocent girl Blake knew. I’d made mistakes, ones that had cost me in ways I could never repair.
“And you won’t?” I asked. Somehow, I’d be sad if Derek left home again.
“No, I’m an Ogden man now too. I don’t have a choice anymore, pretty lady. I have to stay here.”
As he splashed aftershave on his face, I wondered what kept him tied to this little town. Deep inside, I was hoping it wasn’t a woman. What the heck was I thinking? Even if Derek was single, I could never mislead him. I could never allow him in my life.
“I’ll let you be.” I turned around to leave, but Derek’s hand touched my shoulder. His rough fingers were firm yet gentle. The pads trailed down to the side of my arm before disconnecting. Those fingers made me forget everything all at once. I closed my eyes and pictured him erasing dark memories with a single touch, a whisper, or a soothing word. I shook the thought off. No one ever had been able to do that. Blake had always described Derek as reckless, dangerous, and unpredictable. I’d seen it myself, in that barn. Except at this moment, Blake’s warning translated to exciting and desirable. Just the thought of Derek and me together changed my outlook on the future.
What was it about him that had my mind spinning and
pulse racing out of control?
I can’t. I’d hurt him. He’d hurt him.
“I’m done, Annabelle. Go ahead.” He pointed to the shower. I swiveled on my heel toward him. The corners of his eyes softened. I liked that his face was new in an old town. It brought no conflicting memories back. Derek was fresh, enticing, and irresistibly handsome. He must have taken after his mother’s side; he didn’t look like Blake at all, who was a replica of his father.
It’d been so long since anyone had called me by my full name too. My father and brother were the only ones. Blake always called me Anna—that is after he’d stopped teasing me as Anna-banana.
With Derek standing only a foot away from me, I couldn’t help but stare at him. His perfect chest rose and fell hypnotically, and I felt my breaths join his in tandem. The tip of my nose was in line with his chin. I looked up to his face and my mouth dried. His features were rougher and older than Blake’s. The shoulder-length hair was way different than the crew cut he had before he let home. Derek’s eyes also held something I’d never seen in Blake’s: unbearable pain hid under the long lashes that framed his hazel gems.
And just as fast, Derek’s face changed. The devilish grin hid the pain I’d been trying to read in the curves of his jaw and cheeks and brows.
“Let me know if you need help washing your back.” He winked.
Did he just say that?
He hovered over me and kissed the top of my head. The gesture meant to be from my best friend’s older brother touched me deeper than I expected. Clearly, he was just concerned for me.
“I will... I mean, I’m sure I can manage.”
“I’m here if you need anything. It’s lovely to see that pink shade on your cheeks, Annabelle.”
He left, just like that, and I could finally exhale. Holy mother of all saints! Had he been sent from above just so I could forget about my troubles? Because around Derek, I felt like nothing else mattered or existed. It was just me and him. The ease of his presence was unbelievable.
Guilt infused my mind. I shouldn’t have been thinking about him that way. Not when I couldn’t allow anyone to get too close to me. But the fact he exerted comfort and peace made me feel lost in the best way I could ever dream of losing myself: in his arms.
I turned on the shower knob. The water forced fresh, guilty tears out of my eyes. Perhaps that was good. It was better to shed them here than in front of others. I knew I’d eventually break down, even more than I had already. It was just a matter of time. I was falling into a deep, bottomless pit, and there’d be no one to catch me. And while I was sure my older brother would help with the farm, there was no way he could help with the trouble I’d left in San Francisco—trouble I hoped wouldn’t follow me home, at least not for a while.
It’d be so much easier if that life didn’t exist. Maybe I could open up my heart to someone new, someone like Derek. A rushed thought flew through my head as I wondered whether my kids would have my green eyes or more of Derek’s hazel hue. I could picture them running around the farm through mazes of corn and laughing with their cherry-stained mouths. Thinking like this was dangerous, though. Allowing myself to get close to someone in Ogden could only result in a tragedy.
Once changed, I headed downstairs, my nose carrying me towards the scrumptious smells.
Mrs. Fields had prepared a beautiful breakfast. Both Derek and Kyle sat at the kitchen table. Derek wore a pair of jeans and a simple white T-shirt that complemented his tattooed arm and dark tan. His hair was still damp from his shower. The tussled, light strands looked as if he’d run his fingers through them, and the messy-yet-combed-through look really suited him. He stood up when I came into the room, just like all the men in this town would have, and pulled out my chair. Kyle followed his lead, watching every move his older brother made.
Derek was definitely different than the men in San Francisco.
“Sit down, dear. Get some food into that stomach of yours. You’d already lost enough weight while away.” Mrs. Fields set a bowl of fresh berries beside the stack of pancakes and poured me a glass of milk.
This was definitely a change from the morning coffee I was used to. As Derek ate I could feel his hot gaze on my face, and I didn’t dare look up at him. My body was still flushed with heat from this morning. Since the moment I’d walked into that bathroom, Derek had consumed my every thought.
“Thank you.” I cut into the pancake. It tasted the same way I’d remembered: identical to what my mother would have made. And out of nowhere, the pain returned.
“Are you okay?” Derek whispered.
I shook my head, feeling the tears streak down my cheeks. “It’s just a lot to take in, all at once, you know.”
“Oh dear.” Mrs. Fields passed me a handkerchief and I wiped my eyes. The soft cotton smelled of spring, much fluffier and comforting than the bleached Kleenexes in my loft in San Francisco.
“Perhaps Annabelle should stay at my house,” Derek said. “It’s a shorter drive to the farm, and I could help with the pigs. When Blake returns, it will probably get crowded around here.”
My head shot up. That was the worst idea ever. Although caring for fifty pigs on my own was definitely something I wasn’t ready for. And I couldn’t ask my brother to commute here every day. Besides, he had the horses to take care of, and from what he’d told me, he was in a new relationship as well. I didn’t want to intrude on that.
“That’s a wonderful idea.” Mrs. Fields perked up. “Derek’s just down the road, and you’d love his house. It’s much more modern than our little nest. It’s up to you, Anna. Whatever you choose, we’re here for you.”
“Thank you, but I wouldn’t want to impose. I thought about looking for a room to rent today, or maybe cleaning up the old house at the farm. You’ve all done so much for me already....”
“Nonsense. You’re our family, Anna.” Mrs. Fields went back to the kitchen sink.
“And who knows what critters live in the old house.” Kyle piped up out of nowhere. From a side glance I saw Derek’s mouth curve up slightly.
“Anything to help my brother’s girlfriend.” The genuine smile on Derek’s face confused me. Was I reading too much into his intentions? Perhaps he did just want to help. Or maybe he really thought of me as family; like his little sister or something. The tickle in my belly argued against that idea. That lustful look in his eyes, with the spark of a man on a mission, was not one a family member would have. There was no way he’d be looking at his sister the way he was at me. Sudden awareness sizzled across my chest, doing something funny to my nipples. I prayed they weren’t bunching up.
“Blake and I are not a couple,” I said.
“All the more reason to stay with me.” Derek winked.
He was right. I wasn’t sure how I’d react to seeing Blake again. Had he changed as much as Derek had? I missed my best friend more than I thought I would, and I valued our friendship. Yet I couldn’t deny that over the years I’d always wondered whether we’d be able to keep what we’d had. My friends had told me over and over again that there is no such thing as friendship with a man, because they’d always want more.
I sighed. My head was beginning to hurt. Thinking about any kind of relationships was not what I needed right now.
“Okay,” I whispered, looking up from under my soaked lashes.
“Okay,” he repeated from across the table. His strong jaw softened and his eyes mellowed.
Without a word, our connection, the same one I’d sensed in the bathroom, returned. Neither of us moved. We just stared at each other. What was he thinking? The tension nearly buzzed between us, and I could taste it on the tip of my tongue.
“You behave, Derek. Anna’s family.” Mrs. Fields broke the link between us. She was a smart woman.
“I promise to give her all my attention, Mom.” He pushed the chair out from under his behind and stood up. “Now that the renovations are done I can make sure no one in town hassles Annabelle. You know as soon as they hear you’re bac
k, they’ll all be knocking on your door this afternoon with their sappy faces.”
The thought turned my stomach upside down. I wasn’t ready to see anyone outside of the Fields family. Not yet.
“Besides, Blake and his girl need some privacy too. This house will be breaking at its seems soon enough.”
“Blake’s dating?” I asked.
Mrs. Fields stepped out through the back door to shake out a cloth full of crumbs, and Derek whispered, “Quite seriously. But I’ll let him fill you in on the details.”
“There’s nothing wrong with accepting help and encouragement, Derek.” I hadn’t noticed when Mrs. Fields re-entered the house.
I looked at her from below my lashes, “I think he’s right. I’d much prefer to be left alone for now. I mean, I don’t have the answers everyone will want, right? Why would someone want to harm my parents? And who’s this private investigator my brother’s dating? I know I’ve been gone for a while—there’s just so much to catch up on.”
“Oh, you’re going to love Emma. I know it sounds like a lot has changed, but it hasn’t really.” Mrs. Fields’ brows scrunched up. “We still love you the way we used to, and I’m sure your parents will get better soon. Maybe you should stay with Derek. He can fill you in on the details, Anna.”
“See, Mom. I know our little Annabelle better than you think,” Derek said with pride.
“Of course you do. I’ll pack food for you two and if you need anything we’re only a mile away.”
“Thanks, Mom.” He gulped down the milk like a little boy. Kyle of course did the same. I’d remembered the brothers always cherished their mother. If they could, they’d carry her everywhere, and finishing their food to make her happy was a must. Blake had often left the house with stuffed cheeks like a chipmunk in a hurry to see me.
“Thank you. I’ll get my stuff. The breakfast was delicious.”
“You hardly ate anything.” Derek’s brows furrowed.
“I don’t think I can right now,” I whispered.
“Time will make everything better, darling. Derek’s a good cook. You fix her something to eat when you get home, and I’ll pack these up as well.” She picked the plate full of pancakes off the table.
