by Lacey Silks
“Annabelle, I don’t mind having you in my arms.” His voice held more care than I could accept. If I had, I knew I ran the risk of hurting him.
“I mean, if you need a friend... or a shoulder to cry on. For anything... I’m here for you.”
Part of me wanted to jump at his offer because I hadn’t felt safety like his embrace in a long time. I didn’t think such safety even existed. Derek was just trying to be a good friend, wasn’t he?
Needing to clear my mind, I strolled toward the gazebo. Thinking while in Derek’s company was proving more difficult every second. “Your home is beautiful. The renovation must have cost you a fortune.”
“Hardly anything. I did most of the labor.” He pushed the patio door open and I stepped through, back inside the house.
“Do you renovate now?”
“I do what needs to be done. Job offers similar to what I’d done here would be a blessing.” He laughed.
“This is unbelievable, Derek. People would pay big bucks in the city for this kind of work.”
“I’m not the city type, Annabelle.”
I doubted that. He’d left Ogden without turning back when he went to Haiti. Blake had always said his brother was a wandering man who sought the devil outside of Ogden. But as a younger brother, my friend was also jealous of the girls Derek had hung out with, so it could have been a phase Blake was going through.
“You want to see the rest?” He lifted my suitcase that was still standing in the hallway.
“Heck, yes.”
He grinned. “That little mouth of yours didn’t grow up the way your body did, did it?”
I felt funny inside when he said that. Like the day I peeked between the barn boards as he pushed himself into the girl. A tingly sensation of fluttering butterflies tickled me right in the middle of my stomach, settling there as if it were a permanent home.
“Sorry.” I shrugged.
“Don’t be. I like it.”
Derek guided me upstairs, gently touching my lower back. I jumped at first and locked my gaze with his. He leaned his head to the side as if trying to read my mind.
“You okay, Annabelle?”
“Yes, it’s just that... you’re so different.”
He laughed. “If you say so. Come on, let’s get you settled in. I want you to feel at home here.”
“Thank you, but really, I don’t need much space. I don’t want to be a burden.”
Derek just shook his head and grasped my suitcase, motioning to head upstairs. I hurried, somewhat trying to avoid that touch on my lower back. It confused me and made me think about Derek in a way I knew I shouldn’t.
“You’re not even close to that, Annabelle.”
The decor here matched everything I’d seen on the first floor, except it was much warmer. From fabrics to carpets, and linens a few shades darker, Derek’s house felt more like home than my own apartment back in San Francisco. But most importantly, it felt safe.
“I finished the second story six months ago. This is my bedroom. You can have it,” he said as we stepped over the threshold.
“Holy cannoli!” I dropped my purse on the chair beside me. “It’s gorgeous.”
“Cannoli?” he asked, giving me that “what the heck is wrong with you” look.
“Yeah.”
“What happened to crap or shit?”
“I don’t know. You prefer girls who swear?”
“No, Annabelle. I prefer girls like you. And shit is not swearing.”
My cheeks heated as I walked past him, avoiding his glare. Every time he made a comment, another swarm of butterflies invaded my stomach. What was it about him that had my mind spinning and heart thumping like it wanted to run away? Yet the idea of running away with someone like Derek wasn’t unwelcome at all. I could imagine leaving my life and every burden it was attached to behind me. Except that I wouldn’t leave my parents when they needed me the most, no matter what the consequences.
“This is where you’ll be sleeping.”
“I couldn’t,” I whispered.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Annabelle. You’ll take my bed, one way or another.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I may not have had too much experience with men like Derek, but I knew a come-on when I’d heard one. I shook my head, trying to get rid of the image of me in his bed, with Derek naked at my side.
“You’re my guest. You know how it works around here. Only the best for our guests.”
Okay, maybe I was wrong. What he said was true. My parents always offered their bedroom to our guests and slept in one of the other rooms. I suggested they should find a different name for the guest room since no guests ever stayed there, but they both laughed quietly.
“Unless there’s a different reason you can think of why I can’t have you in my bed.”
“I’ll take your bed, but you will not have me in your bed.” I touched the fluffy duvet imagining how the crisp sheets underneath would feel against my body.
“There’s always the floor, the couch, the shower.” He came up from behind and tickled under my ribcage.
“Stop it!” I laughed, “You’re Blake’s older brother and Eric’s best friend.”
“Older and more experienced.”
I couldn’t argue with that. Except that Derek made me feel so at ease and so at home I couldn’t help but smile. Most importantly, he made me forget the pain. Maybe with Derek’s help I could pull through the next few weeks after all. While there was a ton of work for me to do in Ogden, I was looking forward to it. Anything that kept me away from San Francisco had to be good.
“You know I’m kidding, Annabelle. I wouldn’t do anything you wouldn’t want me to.”
“Gee, thanks.”
We stood there, me leaning against one side of the door and him against the other, looking at each other. For the first time since I came back to Ogden, there was an awkward silence between us. Derek finally cleared his throat. “Are you sure you don’t have a boyfriend, Annabelle?”
His voice had lowered and face sobered with seriousness. And his eyes… well, if eyes could do magic, I’d say they were definitely using their powers on me. That look was unbelievably sexy.
“Yes, I’m sure. Why do you keep asking?”
He breathed out in relief.
“I just wondered about my competition.”
Boy, was Derek ever asking the wrong questions. “I appreciate the compliment, but I’m not interested.”
“Liar.”
“Why would you say that?”
“I can see the way you look at me.” He took a step closer. The heat radiating off his body encased me like a soft blanket, bringing me toward him. I moved over to the side until my back was pressed against the wall. Derek splayed his hands on the wall near both of my shoulders. A few more inches and our chests would touch. I held my breath, wondering what he’d do next, secretly wishing I could feel the warmth of his lips. And that’s when I noticed a cut on his forehead covered by a strand of hair. I reached up to smooth my finger over the drying blood. He sucked in a quick breath the moment I touched him.
“What happened here?”
“I bumped my head on a counter at friend’s house.”
“So... what way do I look at you?”
“You look at me like a soul mate,” he said.
“That’s a funny thing to say.”
“No it’s not, Annabelle. I used to regret that fate brought me back to Ogden because I didn’t know why. Now I know. It was for you.”
Wow! “You think I’m here because of fate?”
“Yeah, I do.”
I lowered my hand and took a step to the side. Crossing my arms over my chest, I walked across the room to the open glass door that led to the balcony. “I’ve seen guys like you. All handsome and muscled and tattooed, trying to make the inexperienced girl swoon...”
A low rumble sounded from where Derek stood. The vibration skidded across my skin, and I whipped my body back around to see h
im. He brought his hand up to his chest, imitating a direct stab into his heart.
“Do you honestly think I’m that kind of a guy?” This time Derek stayed in his spot. He didn’t come closer, and I realized I had just pushed him away.
“No, I’m sorry. I just... I’m trouble, Derek. You don’t want me and my problems.”
“You’re the least trouble I’ve seen in years.”
He was so wrong and he didn’t know it.
“And if you are trouble, then you just answered my question.”
“What question?”
“The reason why fate brought you to me. To ease your troubles. To take away the pain I see in your eyes. Whatever it is that you’re worried about, and I don’t think it’s just your parents, I want to help, Annabelle.”
I didn’t even notice how he ended up beside me again. I could taste the sweetness of his breath on my tongue, and I wondered whether he’d had a muffin or a donut in town. And as much as I wanted to lie to myself, it felt really good to have him nearby, to feel the calmness of a man I found so unbelievably attractive.
“I… I just need a friend right now.” I lied because honestly I needed much more; so much, that I was afraid if I were honest I’d scare him away.
“Then that’s exactly what I’ll be, Annabelle. After all, there’s a thing called friends with benefits. I’m willing to sacrifice and help out in any department you need me to.” His brows rose in that suggestive way that made resisting him even more difficult.
I chuckled.
“It’s nice to see that smile on your face.” The warm and soothing touch of his hand to my cheek felt so welcome. And at that moment, I imagined myself pressed against his body, wondering how the contact could bring every dying cell inside me back to life.
“It’s nice to be able to smile. Thank you, Derek. This means a lot. I hope I can repay you somehow.”
He let out a deep laugh. “San Francisco has really changed you, hasn’t it? This is Ogden, Annabelle. People do favors for one another without having to pay back. Besides, the kind of payback I’d like from you… let’s just say I’m willing to wait a bit longer.”
“You have a way with words, Derek.” I shot him a dirty look.
“One of my many talents.” He pasted a fake grin on his face.
I laughed again. “Do you mind if I change?”
He sat down on the bed’s edge and leaned back on his elbows. “Not at all.”
I crossed my arms over my chest.
“I’m kidding.” He shot off the bed. “I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.”
After Derek left, I changed into jean shorts and a tank top. During the few minutes we’d spent together, Derek was able to make me forget about the past, about the fire and the raging hellhole waiting for me back on the West Coast. As much as I wanted to hope that I could possibly put my entire past behind me, I knew that this was temporary. Everything that was tied to happiness in my life eventually vanished.
When the most delicious smell wafted upstairs, I rushed down them, almost tripping over my feet. In the kitchen Derek leaned back against the marble counter. His shirt was off, and it took every ounce of strength I had not to touch him.
“Is that coffee?” I grabbed his mug and took a sip. I didn’t care if it was black, double-double, or with sugar only. I needed coffee.
Derek laughed. “I thought you could use a nice cup.”
“How did you know?”
“My mother has a way of forgetting we grew up. I’d never seen anyone look at a glass of milk at breakfast like it was acid. You’re definitely not the little girl I remember.”
“You’re not the skinny boy I remember, either. Did you forget a shirt?”
“Ah, the lady likes what she sees.” He flexed the right side of his chest upward, then the left. “I spilled some coffee on it.”
I rolled my eyes at first but couldn’t help but peek at the rippled field of muscles again, admiring how they hardened when he flexed. I wasn’t sure whether it was the open windows or the fact I was staring at Derek with his shirt off, but the goose bumps covering my arms danced at the sight before me.
“She does.” I shrugged.
“And is she going to do anything about it?”
“Just because the lady likes what she sees doesn’t mean she wants to jump it.”
“For now.” He grinned. “But something tells me my little Annabelle is interested more than she’s letting on.”
“Even if she is, you’re still Blake’s brother.”
“Brothers share a lot of stuff.”
“Not me. And it’d be weird... I think.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you, Annabelle. So, you two... Did you go out after I left?”
“No, but he was my best friend. We tried to... go out.” I cleared my throat. “But it felt strange. I just hope I can find the same boy in him I once knew. And I’m glad to hear he has someone.”
“Blake’s a man now. A good man. I’m sure it will be as if no time has passed.”
I wished that were true. I missed him and hoped whomever he was seeing wouldn’t be jealous of our friendship. “I hope so. At least for the little time that I’ll be here.”
A veil of disappointment covered Derek’s face. “So you don’t plan on staying in Ogden?”
“I can’t.”
“Why not? This is your hometown. It’s where you belong.” He took the mug out of my hands and set it on the granite counter. Derek was standing a foot away from me. I could feel his energy and anticipation as he waited for my answer.
“It’s complicated.”
“Life is complicated no matter where you live. But trust me, it’s way easier to simplify it when you’re around friends and family. And then you realize that other than some air in your lungs, food in your stomach, and a warm body to snuggle next to, you don’t need that much to survive.”
“Derek... I—”
“I promised not to make you uncomfortable in this home because my home is your home, Annabelle. But I won’t pretend that I don’t find you attractive. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. My wish for you to stay in Ogden may be completely selfish, but I think deep down inside you wish you could stay here as well.” He lifted his hand to my chin and grazed his thumb over my lower lip. “And as much as I want to, I’m not going to kiss you or touch you without your permission. I promise.”
He was so close to me I could taste his coffee breath on my lips, and all I wanted was to close my eyes and let him kiss me the way he’d said. Yet I couldn’t utter the words of approval, because I knew what they could lead to, and I wouldn’t give him unnecessary hope. “But you’ll give me that kiss soon enough. On your own. Because this connection I’m feeling here”—he lowered his hand to the top of my breast where my heart pounded—“cannot be denied. You may not know it, but I do.”
I felt weak in my knees. Men like Derek, full of hope and goodness, didn’t exist, and I couldn’t let him get to me.
“How?” I asked.
“Because I’m older and because you’re not that little girl I once knew. You’re a woman.” He leaned into my ear. The warmth of his breath flew down the side of my face, skimming along my neck. “And I know not only how to treat a woman but also how to please a woman.”
Holy moly! My heart turned into a jackhammer, trying to break a couple of my ribs. This was too good, and too dangerous, yet I couldn’t step away. Derek’s hand grazed down my arm, and he took my hand. I fought the urge not to weave my fingers with his.
“Come, I won’t have you sitting here, dwelling. You need to relax. Tomorrow will not be easy.”
I exhaled. While I couldn’t wait to see my mom, I was afraid I wouldn’t be strong enough to help her. There was so much to do. I had to figure out where they’d live and how much medical support they’d need. Then there was the farm as well, which Derek had graciously been taking care of over the past few days. But I couldn’t just ask him to do so forever. He had a
life of his own to lead. “No, it won’t. What do you have in mind?”
“Let’s get the vegetables for the salad.”
Derek didn’t strike me like the gardening type, but knowing that he was relaxed me. You can take the boy out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of the boy. His constant flirting and his inked arm and soothing words kept me distracted. And that was exactly what I needed. I felt safer with him than I had with anyone in a long time.
In the garden, the tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce, radishes, and chives had been planted and I found some rhubarb by the fence. Remembering my mother’s recipe, I decided to bake a pie. For that brief moment I’d thought of her, I froze. On the verge of crying, I steadied my breathing and looked up at Derek bending in the garden. I concentrated on his wide back, examined every muscle, and finally pulled myself together, gathered the burgundy stalks, and forced a pinch of life back into my heart. Derek was better than gravity. With him at my side, I found my lacking strength; he kept me grounded.
While Derek made the salad and grilled chicken, I baked a pie. This was exactly what I needed to forget about my parents’ pain. I needed to lose myself before I inevitably had to return to the life I didn’t know what to do with. I had one more exam to complete in a month, before I began job hunting, but could I really leave the farm for good? Who would work the land or take care of the pigs? The Fields and neighbors had been generous enough to help out now, but it wouldn’t last forever. And with my parents’ extensive injuries, I not only had to find a place for them to live, but also for a way for them to retire.
There was always the option of selling the farm and moving back to San Francisco, but where would my parents live? With Eric, my brother? And now that I’d met Derek, within twenty-four hours my life had become more complicated. Although it had only been a day, I could already picture myself settling here, in his house. It’d be too easy to leave the West Coast behind. And maybe if I was certain that no one would follow me here, perhaps I would.
