“That’s normal when they come back from the hospital, especially when they’ve been through something serious or debilitating like she has.”
“That’s what Dr. Hill said, but I don’t understand why they aren’t just happy to be back here.”
“They usually are. But when they get back, it signals the end of the episode. They think about the whole experience and they start to imagine what the next one will be like.”
“Grammaw says she doesn’t want to go back to the hospital.”
“I’m sure it was hard on her.” They leaned against the wall opposite Violet’s room. “But you know we’ll take care of her.”
“I’m so glad she ended up here.” Audie looked up and down the hallway to verify they were alone. “Remember what an asshole I was that first day?”
Beth smiled at her with a look of real affection. “I started falling in love with you that day.”
“Oh, yeah?”
She pointed toward the door that opened onto the back lawn.
“Right out there. You were trying so hard not to cry and all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around you.”
“And I wanted to pinch your butt and see if it was as soft as it looked.”
“You did not.” Beth punched her gently on the shoulder. “I have class tonight so I guess I won’t see you until tomorrow.”
“How will I ever survive?” Audie stole a quick kiss when she saw no one around.
“Don’t do that here. You’ll get me in trouble,” Beth scolded, guiding her through the double doors and out into the parking lot to stand next to the Xterra. “What are you doing tonight?”
“Dennis called me a little while ago and asked me to go with him to the Gallery, but I didn’t feel like it, so he’s coming over to watch a movie or something instead.”
“Why didn’t you want to go? I thought you liked going out with the guys during the week.”
Audie shrugged, not quite knowing how to explain that the dance club had suddenly lost its appeal unless Beth was with her.
“You’ve ruined me. I can’t stay up that late anymore.”
Beth laughed. “Oh, yes you can. You just need the proper incentive.”
“Then how about coming over when you get out of class? I’d stay awake all night for you.”
“I’m not sure I could, though. Sharing a bed with you has a deleterious effect on the amount of sleep I get.”
“But regular practice builds stamina and helps you recover quickly.” Audie scanned the parking lot and grabbed both of Beth’s hands. “I’ve got an uncontrollable urge to throw you over the hood of your car and have my way with you out here in front of everybody.”
“You’d really do that?”
“You bet.”
“Something tells me I should believe you.” She gently pulled her hands away. “I’ll call you later when we get a break, okay?”
“I’ll be waiting.”
“Tell Dennis hi for me.”
Audie watched her walk back toward the building, admiring the way her hips swayed with every step. And what lovely hips they were.
Beth finished writing her comments in the last patient file, noting that her shift was up in three minutes. She had spent the whole afternoon at the nurses’ station, but was determined not to get behind in paperwork as Francine had.
Audie would probably be back in another hour or so to help her Grammaw with dinner, but she couldn’t wait around that long. She needed to go home and finish some reading before class.
A buzzer sounded and she looked up, startled to see Miss Violet’s signal illuminated. She had never called for help before.
Beth rushed down the hall and into the room.
“What is it, Miss Violet? Are you all right?” She hurriedly checked for signs of distress.
“I want…” Her last words were too garbled to understand.
“What is it? I didn’t hear.”
“DNR.”
Beth’s heart skipped a beat. “Are you feeling okay? Are you worried about something?” She had to ask Violet to repeat her answer twice.
“I’m fine… but I don’t want to go back to the hospital.”
“Why not? Sometimes they can make you feel better.” She sat on the edge of the bed, taking Violet’s hand.
“I don’t want to live… if somebody has to take care of me.”
So that was it, Beth thought. Violet was feeling guilty about all of the attention she now required. “But we’re here to take care of you. Audie wants to take care of you, and so do I. Let me call her and she’ll come right here and tell you that.”
“No!”
The force of Violet’s response surprised her.
“This is too hard for Audie.”
“No, it isn’t. She loves you and she wants you with her.”
“Audie has you now,” she rasped. “And I want to go be with Lewis, but it’s too hard for Audie to let me go.”
Tears suddenly welled in Beth’s eyes as she realized the sincerity of the request. Miss Violet wanted this for herself, and she wanted to spare Audie the difficult decision.
“Miss Violet, I know you’re sad today, and sometimes that makes people feel like giving up. I don’t want you to do this when you’re sad, okay? Please wait and think about it some more.”
“I have.” The old woman’s look was desperate. She squeezed Beth’s hand and enunciated her words slowly. “I don’t want to leave this place again.”
Beth couldn’t let her do this. Maybe Clara would help talk her out of it. It would break Audie’s heart just to know her Grammaw was even thinking about this. “I tell you what. I’ll ask Clara to come talk it over with you. She’ll explain what it—”
“I know what I’m doing, Beth. I need you to help me.”
“Not me, Miss Violet. Please don’t ask me. Audie would never forgive me.”
“It has to be you.” Violet clenched her hand to the point of pain. “She trusts you. Only you.”
Beth suddenly realized her position. This was exactly the sort of circumstance Hazel had warned her about, a situation in which she had to choose between what was best for her patient, Violet Pippin, or what was best for Audie. And Miss Violet was right that Audie would be distrustful of anyone but her. “I don’t want to do this, Miss Violet.”
“Please help me.”
Her heart sank as she thought of how devastated Audie would be, but she owed her allegiance to Miss Violet. Still fighting back tears, she finally nodded. “I need to get the papers from Clara. You can sign them and she and I will witness your signature.”
“Thank you.”
“Are you sure this is what you want?”
“Yes.”
Wiping her eyes, Beth headed toward Clara’s office. At first, she hoped to find her on the phone or otherwise busy so she could postpone this and give Violet time to change her mind. Then she realized a delay of even a few minutes might mean Audie would walk in and discover what they were doing. That was the last thing she wanted.
“Clara?”
The social worker looked up from her desk. “Are you still here? Your shift is over.”
“I had some things to finish up. Miss Violet’s asking for a DNR, but she just got back from the hospital and she’s depressed. I think we should try to talk her into waiting a few days.”
Clara located a form in her drawer. “I don’t think it’ll make any difference. She asked me about it last week, even before she went in the hospital. I think her mind’s made up and she wants to hurry in case something else happens.”
“Wait a minute.” Beth shut the door so she wouldn’t be overheard.
“If she had signed one of these last week, she wouldn’t even be here.”
“Maybe she doesn’t want to be here, Beth. Maybe she can’t stand not being able to do things on her own. She’s entitled to make that decision.”
“So why didn’t you give it to her last week?” If she had, maybe someone else would have signed it and Beth wouldn’
t have had to face this.
“She didn’t ask for one. She just asked me who she could get to sign it besides Audie.”
So Violet had been planning this. “Do you remember what day that was?”
“I do, because it was so weird the way it happened. It was Wednesday, and she seemed all happy about something. She had her stroke that same night.”
Wednesday was the day Audie had told her about their relationship.
Now it made sense. Violet was happy that day because Audie was happy. And she could leave knowing Audie would be taken care of.
“Let’s go get this over with.”
Ten minutes later, she signed her name beneath Clara’s as a second witness to orders not to resuscitate should Violet’s heart cease again.
“Beth?” Clara nudged her back into the office.
“Yeah?”
“I know I don’t have to tell you this, but what we just did has to be kept private, even from Audie.”
She was momentarily surprised at the reference to Audie, but realized it was silly not to expect word of their relationship to travel through the nursing home quickly. “Even if Audie has her power of attorney?”
“This trumps a POA if her heart stops. We agreed by our signatures that Miss Violet was mentally capable of making this decision for herself.”
It wasn’t as if Beth was hearing this policy for the first time. She knew it well, but never before had it affected her so personally.
Audie would find out eventually about the paperwork, and she would know Beth’s role in it. All she could hope was that Miss Violet was right, that Audie would trust her and believe it was what her Grammaw had wanted.
“Where did you get this stuff?” Audie asked, lighting the onehitter to draw the smoke deep into her lungs.
“You’re going to laugh your ass off when I tell you.”
“I’m going to laugh my ass off anyway.”
Dennis began to giggle and Audie followed right along. “Shit, you’re so funny when I’m fucked up,” he said, which set off another round of laughter.
“So.” Audie knocked the residue into an ashtray. Somewhere in the recesses of her mind, she knew that something was unfinished, something that had seemed incredibly important only moments ago. “What did I just ask you?”
“How the fuck would I know? You’re the one that asked it to me.”
“I know. But you’re the one I asked it to.” She stopped to ponder whether she had said that right. “Don’t you listen… when I ask things… to you?”
“Apparently, I do not,” Dennis answered formally.
Again, they burst into fits of giggles.
Audie stopped abruptly. “I remember!”
“Fuck, don’t yell like that!” He shifted on the couch to sit farther away. “You fucking scared the shit out of me.”
“You’re so paranoid. What I asked you was where you got this shit.”
“From Buddy Mickel.”
“The preacher’s kid?” Audie remembered how they used to joke about PKs being the wildest of all.
“That’s right.”
“Well, praise Jesus! This is good shit.” She stuffed the bowl again.
“I bet all three of us go straight to—” Again, he jumped, this time because of the ringing phone.
Audie studied the phone on the end table as though she expected it to move toward her. On the fourth ring, she reached out to answer it. “Hello.”
“Hi, sweetheart.”
“Beth!” Instinctively, Audie sat up straight and pushed the plastic bag of marijuana underneath a pillow on the couch. “Are you… where are you?”
“I’m at class. We’re on break.”
“Oh.” She glanced at Dennis, who was contemplating his navel—literally—as he picked it clean of lint. She watched him, probably for too long as she left Beth hanging on the phone.
“Are you watching a movie with Dennis?”
“No.” Audie held her tongue for fear she would begin a sentence and forget what she was saying in the middle. It would not be good for Beth to know how totally fucked up she was right this minute.
“Is Dennis still there?”
Audie almost described the navel action but stopped herself.
That would just start her laughing again. “Yeah.”
“What are you two doing?”
“Mmmm… nothing. Sitting.”
“Is everything all right?”
That was the question she had dreaded, since it meant she had failed at acting normal. “We’re… a little… fucked up… just a little.” It seemed as though nine minutes passed before Beth responded.
“I see.” Another eternity passed. “I’ll let you get back to what you were doing.”
Again, Audie looked at Dennis, who didn’t seem to be paying much attention to her conversation. “Are you going to come over when you get out of class?”
“I don’t think so, Audie. I should go home by myself and leave you and Dennis to each other.”
“You want me to come to your place?”
“No. I think you should stay where you are for tonight. You don’t have any business out on the roads.”
Audie was sure she heard irritation in Beth’s voice, but she was in no shape to explore it. Instead, she said what she hoped would make everything all right. “I love you,” she mumbled, covering her mouth with her hand.
“What?”
Audie cleared her throat. “I said I love you.” She flipped her middle finger at Dennis when he rolled his eyes.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Audie.”
They said goodbye and Audie hung up, immediately anxious about the conversation that had just transpired. Beth should have said she loved her too. Unless she didn’t.
“You’re so whipped.”
“Am not.” Audie knew that was a lie. Why else would her stomach be knotting? “So what the fuck if I am?”
Dennis laughed. “I don’t get you two. Beth Hester is nothing like any of the girls…” He waved his hand in a circle to finish his thought.
“All you have to get is that I’m in love with her, dickhead,” she shot back, instantly aware that she was very close to losing her temper. If he said anything bad about Beth, she would have to get up and kick his ass. She took a deep breath and continued evenly.
“I like that she’s not one of the Gallery crowd. There’s more to her than that.”
“But you hardly ever do shit anymore,” he whined.
“I know.” She recalled what Joel had said about Dennis at the hospital, that he felt like his fun and friends were slipping away. “I told you, though, you’re my best friend. My being with Beth doesn’t have to change that. I’m still going to hang out with you, but my days of getting high and staying out half the night are just about over. I have a lot more responsibility now than I used to.”
“Would you be saying all this bullshit if it weren’t for her? Because I think it would suck if you were changing your whole life just for a little pussy.”
“That’s not what she is, shithead,” Audie snapped, not at all happy to notice that her nice little buzz was fading fast. She took another calming breath to keep her temper in check. “If I’m changing, it’s because I have to. I have things to lose now, like a house and a new job that pays good money. I can’t just screw around like I used to.”
Dennis snorted. “Look, I don’t mean to make you mad or any- thing, but I don’t see what it is about Beth Hester that’s got you creaming your jeans.”
Audie leaned forward and gave him her most menacing look.
“If you really don’t mean to make me mad, then you better shut the fuck up.”
“I’m not saying she’s bad looking or anything. She’s not. But it’s like you’re going out with your mother or something.”
“My mother was probably a whore, asshole. And she ran off and left me, so forgive me if I can’t see your analogy.”
Clearly deflated, Dennis slumped on the couch. “It sucks, Audie.”
<
br /> “Everything’s a trade off, Tinkerbell. But I don’t want to have to choose between doing the things I have to do and hanging with my friends.”
Dennis stood and pulled on his jacket. “Seems to me you already have.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? I’m sitting here with you, aren’t I?”
“Yeah, but only because your girlfriend’s got class tonight. I’m not stupid.”
Audie couldn’t argue with that. Any other night, she would rather be with Beth. “I’m not sleeping with you, dude. It’s different.”
“I know. But you’re basically saying the hell with everybody else.”
“I am not. Shit, Dennis, I can’t help how I feel. You’re supposed to be my friend too. That means you should want me to be happy.”
“Whatever. All I know is I got shit from you for being all ga-ga over David. Then I got shit for doing Alan Edwards. All I get from you any more is shit until you have an opening on your busy schedule. Then you want good old Dennis to come by and get you high.”
“Poor, mistreated Dennis. Let me get some hats so we can have a pity party.”
“Go fuck yourself, Audie.”
Beth shifted to her side, prompting BD to stand and stretch before moving to a distant corner at the foot of the bed. She was determined not to watch the green digital display of her alarm clock for one minute more. Six a.m. would get here soon enough.
For the first time since she and Audie had become lovers, she was losing sleep over an argument, one Audie probably didn’t even realize had taken place. Obviously, Beth had been too subtle about her attitude toward drugs when they talked that day out at Sumter Point. Either that, or Audie didn’t care how she felt, at least not enough to give up her own pleasures.
That wasn’t a road Beth wanted to travel with a partner again, being with someone who always put her own wants and needs first.
Thanks to Shelby, this was familiar territory for Beth. Shelby was always the more forceful, which meant she usually did whatever she wanted and made decisions for both of them. Whenever Beth complained, Shelby said it was her own fault for not speaking up sooner.
She wasn’t going to repeat that mistake with Audie. There weren’t many things she felt strongly about, but drugs were right up there near the top of her list. Audie needed to know that, even if it meant sending a forceful message.
Sumter Point Page 22
