Oh no. I didn’t realize how loud I’d been while I was crying. I hoped I hadn’t disturbed anyone else.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.
“Lillian Nelson?” the man asked.
I lifted my head out of my hands and looked over my shoulder. Two men stood behind me both wearing black suits. All the fine hairs on the back of my neck started to tingle. Something wasn’t right.
“Yes, I’m Lillian Nelson. May I help you?” I quickly stood up and faced the men.
“Sorry to disturb you, ma’am. There’s been an accident, and we need you to come with us,” the second man spoke.
“I’m sorry, who are you?” I asked.
I looked around, and the cemetery seemed to have cleared out. The man with the ball cap had gone, and the nearest couple was at least a hundred yards away. Unease hit my belly. Something was definitely wrong. I patted my back pocket checking for my cell phone. I normally didn’t bring it out of the car when I came to visit Shane. This was my special time with him, I didn’t want interruptions. Thank God, this one time, I brought it with me. I felt marginally better knowing I could call for help.
“Sorry, I am Detective Michaels, and this is Detective Nicolson,” Detective Michaels made the introduction.
“Detective? May I ask what sort of accident there could be that would send two detectives out to a cemetery to find me?” Nothing was making sense.
“We’ll explain everything once we’re in the car, ma’am,” Detective Nicolson spoke up.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to see your badges, please. And, I have my car here. I’m happy to drive myself.”
Detective Michaels reached into the inside of his suit jacket giving me a clear view of the weapon on his hip.
“Ma’am, I think it’s best if you just come with us, we’ll explain in the car.” The tone of his voice had changed; it was clearly laced with impatience.
“No, that’s quite alright. I will follow you to the station.” I was trying to think of some way to get away from these men without causing a scene. What if I was wrong and they were just two nice police officers. God knows that my imagination could get the best of me.
“What is this about?” I asked again, noting that neither man had produced a badge.
Both men quickly stepped toward me. Detective Michaels had his weapon drawn, and Nicolson was reaching for me. I stepped back dodging his touch and lost my footing. I stumbled backward and fell to the ground landing next to Shane’s headstone. Before I could get my bearings, something wet hit me in the face.
The scream started in my belly and traveled up, building in my lungs, before it exploded out of my mouth. I scrambled back from the crumpled bodies on the ground. Blood was oozing out of both of their heads. I didn’t understand how it happened. I didn’t hear a gunshot, I didn’t see anyone near us. This couldn’t be happening.
No, no, no! I continued to scream and closed my eyes, I rolled to my knees to get up and run. As soon as I was on my feet, strong arms wrapped around my middle from behind and I was pulled tight against a wall of hard body.
“Quiet Lily,” a man whispered. “Come on, you have to get out of here,” the man spoke again, his lips a hair's breath away from my ear, and his scratchy beard tickled the side of my neck.
I tried to push away to run, but he was too strong. His grip was ungiving no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t move.
“Lily! Calm down, we need to go now,” he said. This time there was a deadly urgency in his tone.
I belatedly remembered that voice and stopped struggling. Truth be told, I stopped breathing altogether. It was impossible. My mind had to be playing tricks on me.
His hold loosened and I was able to turn in his arms. I could barely see his face because a ball cap was pulled low on his brow and he had a full, thick beard. But those eyes. I would know those eyes anywhere.
“Shane?”
Chapter 6
My name fell from her lips like a litany and my body locked. I hadn’t been called that name in twelve years. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the glint of light reflecting off a scope reminding me we weren’t out of danger yet. And I wasn’t Shane Owings anymore. I didn’t have the luxury of a lover’s reunion. I was Carter Lenox, special operator for the 707.
“We need to move. Now.” I pulled her hand and started to run, giving her no chance to argue.
She struggled to keep up with my rigorous pace as I weaved in and out of the headstones and memorial benches. I had no idea how many men had been sent to take me out or how many were now on their way.
We got to my rental car, and I shoved Lily in through the driver side door. She scrambled over the center console before she landed in the passenger seat.
No sooner were the keys in the ignition when the first shot hit the back windshield and blew it out.
“Get down. All the way to the floor board,” I instructed.
I didn’t wait for her to comply before I threw the Mustang in gear and gunned the engine. I regretted not renting a faster car, but I thought this was going to be a nice little trip for some R&R. How fucking wrong I was.
I was almost to the exit of Forrest Lawn, and I looked right and left gauging the traffic. Right would’ve been the smart way to turn, but the railroad and zoo were that way. Too many damn kids would be out in the open. Left it was, smack dab into the Warner Brother’s studio traffic. Fuck I was driving a bright red Mustang. It wasn’t like I could blend into the traffic.
I hoped that I had one small advantage; I knew these roads like the back of my hand. We were playing this game on my home turf. Two cars followed close behind, and more shots rang out, all missing the car as I continued to swerve through the thick traffic.
“Who are you?” Lily asked.
Once we were past the studio traffic, I accelerated again and made another left. If I could just make it over the Cahuenga Pass, I could lose them in the Hollywood Hills. There was a small access road that led to the Hollywood reservoir. Only locals knew where the entrance was, and if I timed this just right, I could exit the pass and they’d blow right past me.
“Who are you?” Lily asked again.
I veered in and out of traffic like I was playing some fucked-up game of Grand Turismo. The exit for the reservoir was coming up on the right. I stayed in the far-left lane until the very last second. I slammed on the brakes, swerving across three lanes of traffic to make the exit. Both cars blew by us at a high rate of speed, unable to cross over the lanes in time to follow me.
I hit the overpass that led to the reservoir and slowed. A new housing track had been built overlooking the water. I drove through the neighborhood to make sure that no other cars were following us before I turned down the access road. I drove past the dam to the uppermost part of the reservoir and found the small dirt road we used to go to and park when we were kids.
I stopped the car and looked down at Lily. She was still balled up on the floorboard of the car, staring at me as if she’d seen a ghost. I guess in this case she had. I was supposed to be dead.
She was even more beautiful than when we were younger. She was hot when we were teenagers. The guys at school used to fall over themselves to get to her. The fact that she turned them all down just made them try harder. She was all Southern California girl, the typical stereotype you’d see in a movie. But when you got close to her you realized there was nothing typical about this girl.
Even a disheveled mess, my body reacted. Her long blonde hair was piled on top of her head, fashioned in some sort of messy stylish bun. Beautiful sun-kissed tanned skin that called to me. I had seen her over the years, but never this close. I never allowed myself to really look at her. I knew if I got close, and saw her amber eyes, I would break down and tell her who I was.
I was a fucking fool.
Why hadn’t I told her how I felt before I left for basic? Why hadn’t I kissed her in high school? Why hadn’t I been the one to take her innocence? I could have. I saw the way she looked at me when
she thought I wasn’t looking. But I was a dumbass and was too afraid I’d screw it up. It wasn’t worth losing her friendship. My parental role models sucked. What if I turned into my dad and became a cheating bastard? I would’ve hated myself if I hurt her that way.
“Who are…”
“You know who I am, Lily,” I cut her off.
“What? How? I don’t understand. I don’t know who you are,” she stammered.
“You can get up now. We lost them.”
“Lost who? What’s going on?”
I closed my eyes and pushed my head back against the head rest. I didn’t know how to begin this conversation. As much as I missed her and wished that I had made different choices, I never once imagined that I would ever speak to her again. This moment that was happening was an impossibility. She was never supposed to see me again.
“Shane. Please, I’m scared. I don’t understand any of this.” Her tears gutted me. They always did. Every year when she sat beside an empty grave and talked to me as if I was buried there with tears pouring down her cheeks, it killed me.
Yet, every year I forced myself to go.
“Those two men at the cemetery were bad guys,” I started.
“I don’t care about any of that,” she screamed. “I buried you. I was there when you were lowered into the ground. I was there after the hole was…was…filled in. I watched the whole time. I don’t understand how you’re here.”
“Lily. I can’t explain.”
“You better find a way Shane, or I swear to God I will jump out of this car and run away.”
I couldn’t help the smile that formed, it happened of its own accord. Just hearing the spunk in her voice transported me back to the days when everything was easy and carefree. She and I spending lazy Sundays hiking these trails.
“Remember when I convinced you to go skinny dipping? And we didn’t realize we were so close to the bike path and that family rode by. You ducked under the water and tried to hold your breath until they passed. Only you couldn’t do it, and you popped out of the water. The dad caught a look at your boobs and fell off his bike.”
I chuckled, but my little reminder of our past together seemed to only upset her more.
“Why? Why did you leave me? Why would you pretend to be dead all these years? Twelve fucking years, Shane. I have cried and mourned you for twelve years,” she sobbed. I tried to pull her closer to me, but she recoiled. “Don’t you dare touch me.”
That fucking hurt. She’d never pulled away from me. I had always been the one she ran to for comfort. I blew out a breath and readied myself to tell her the truth, or at least part of it.
“Remember when I was in Texas for training?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“After I passed Airborne school, I was recruited by a special unit - the 707 Research and Development group. Upon completion of Ranger school, I was sent to my new unit.”
“What does that have to do with you pretending to be dead?”
“The team I am on is…unique. My death was faked, and all traces of my old life were scrubbed clean. It was safer for everyone involved.”
“Safer? I don’t understand. We all thought you were dead, Shane. Do you understand what you did to all of us?”
“Yes,” I exploded as shame washed over me. “I know what I did. I was there. I watched my own fucking funeral and had to be held back by my team leader not to go to you.”
“You were there?”
“I sat in the back and watched. I watched my prick of a father stand tall and proud and talk about my military accomplishments as if he gave a fuck. I watched my bitch of a mother take comfort in some young guy my age. And I watched you. The only person at that whole farce who actually knew me and gave a damn that my life had ended. I watched the woman I love break down. And not only could I not comfort her, but I also caused it. And, I did it on purpose.”
Ah fuck.
“Where have you been?” she asked.
“Everywhere. All over the world.”
“Was that you in the cemetery? I mean, sitting on the bench.”
This was going to hurt her more than me faking my death. This is what made me a selfish prick.
“Yes. I was there every year.”
“Oh my God. Why would you do that? How could you sit twenty feet from me and not tell me? You know I would’ve kept your secret. I would’ve never told.” She was back to crying uncontrollably.
I slid the seat back as far as it would go and pulled Lily over and into my lap. She could protest all she wanted, but she would do it with me hugging her. Once I had her settled in, I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. I was home. After all these years, I could finally breathe.
“I’m so sorry. I knew it was wrong and selfish. But I had to do it. For 364 days of the year my heart ached, and for one day I could feel again. I have traveled the globe and seen things that you couldn’t begin to imagine, but for a few hours one day a year I got to sit in the light and listen to you talk. It was the only thing that kept me going, knowing that if I survived another year I could come home to you. For as long as you stayed, I could soak up some of your love and goodness.”
Her eyes lifted to mine, and she stroked my bearded cheek with her small hand. I leaned into her touch, marveling in how soft her skin was when suddenly her touch was gone. A millisecond later, a resounding slap rang out in the car accompanied by the stinging sensation on my face. Her hand pulled back again, but before she could slap me again, I caught it.
“I deserved that, Lily, but don’t hit me again. You wanna scream at me? Fine, I know I fucked up. But I swear to you, it was for your protection.”
“You keep saying that, Shane, but I don’t get how me thinking you were dead was for my protection,” she screamed.
Jesus Christ my ears were ringing.
“Because you are the one and only thing that can be used against me. If someone took you, they could use you to get to me. Or if I was captured and someone showed you a picture of me chained up and beaten, you’d turn yourself over to them to save me. I couldn’t take any chances with you. If I was dead and all traces of Shane Owings were wiped clean, you would be safe. No one would know about you.”
“Who is someone? You’re in the Army, lots of soldiers have wives and families,” she protested.
“I’m not in the fucking regular Army. I am not in a research and development brigade; I belong to a black ops unit. I track down and eliminate the worst of the worst criminals around the world. The very people our government has to deny exist, they send me to kill.
“Kill?” Lily whispered.
“Yes, Lillian. I am a government-trained killer. That is where I’ve been the past twelve years. Killing people.”
Chapter 7
I watched as Shane’s eyes changed. It happened quickly, but I saw it. One second he was my Shane, his green eyes soft and gentle. The next his eyes turned cold and shut off. I watched him do this in Georgia all those years ago too. Only now he had perfected it.
I hate to admit that I was scared for a moment until I remembered that this was my Shane; he would never hurt me.
I couldn’t believe he was really there in the car sitting with me. My mind was reeling. I had a thousand questions swirling in my head. I desperately wanted answers, but the overwhelming relief I felt won out.
“I missed you,” I admitted.
“You wouldn’t have if you’d known what I had turned into.” Even his voice had a hard edge now.
“I know now who you’ve turned into, and I still missed you.”
I reached for his face, and he caught my hand again. We locked eyes for long moments before he released my hand. There was a silent trust, him letting go of my hand. I had forgotten that there were many times we had both witnessed his mother slapping his father while she called him all sorts of filthy names.
“I’m sorry. I forgot.” I didn’t need to explain any further - he understood.
He didn’t answer me, he just lean
ed into my touch. I gently rubbed the hair on his face with my thumb. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I was afraid this was all going to be a dream. And if it was, I needed a few more minutes of touching him and hearing his voice. In my dreams, I never heard his voice.
He had changed so much over the last twelve years. The last time I saw him, he was twenty - still a boy. Now he was all man. Broader and bigger. Time had been kind to him. He was even hotter now, if that were possible. He had his dad’s movie star good looks, dark hair and complexion, but his mother’s green eyes. There was a reason his mother screwed men half her age; because she could. She was that stunning.
It felt so good to be in his arms. “I really missed you,” I whispered. “And as weirded out and angry as I am, I can’t stop looking at you. I am so happy to have you back.” His eyes came open and looked at me.
“Lily, I am not back. Now that this cover is blown I will ditch this alias and get a new one.”
“You’re not leaving me. You can’t. I won’t let you. And what about me? They know about me now.”
“Which means you’ll have to relocate as well,” he replied.
“No. I’m not leaving my centers.”
Was he crazy? Well, that was a given; he did fake his own death, which I believe might be the definition of crazy.
“Would you rather them be bombed and innocent children killed? Besides, Rebecca can oversee them. And you have center managers in each location now too,” he answered.
“Come again? How do you even know all of that?” I asked.
“You told me most of it. The rest I looked into.”
I told him? Of course, I did. Every year I updated him on every part of my life. I spent hours sitting at his grave telling him every personal thing about my life.
“Look at me, Lily.” I brought my eyes back to his. “I am so proud of you - the woman you have become, all that you overcame, and all that you have accomplished. You took some crazy ramblings from a sixteen-year-old boy and turned it into something that’s great. And I really wished I could’ve seen the look on your father’s face when you told him to finally kiss your ass. I bet it looked something like it did at graduation when you told him you would not be going to work at Nelson Records.”
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