by Leo Kessler
‘You belong now to SS Assault Battalion Wotan and in the manner of your death you cannot bring dishonour to Wotan. For when you are long forgotten, your idle bones mouldering under some French clod, this Battalion will be remembered. Do you understand that, soldiers?’
The Vulture, CO of SS Battalion Wotan,
Dieppe, France. July 1942.
CONTENTS
Title
Epigraph
A Short Glossary of Wotan Terms
Book One: Operation Jubilee
Section 1 One
Section 1 Two
Section 1 Three
Section 1 Four
Section 1 Five
Section 1 Six
Section 1 Seven
Section 1 Eight
Section 1 Nine
Section 1 Ten
Section 1 Eleven
Book Two: The Battery
Section 2 One
Section 2 Two
Section 2 Three
Section 2 Four
Section 2 Five
Section 2 Six
Section 2 Seven
Section 2 Eight
Section 2 Nine
Section 2 Ten
Section 2 Eleven
Section 2 Twelve
Section 2 Thirteen
Section 2 Fourteen
Section 2 Fifteen
Also by the Same Author
Copyright
A SHORT GLOSSARY OF WOTAN TERMS
Full House Both venereal diseases
Asparagus Tarzan Weakling
Popov, Ivan Russian soldier
Dicebeaker Jackboots
Flatman Flat bottle of schnapps
Greenbeak, wet-tail Raw recruit
Ami American
Base stallion Rear area soldier, base wallah
Bone-mender Doctor
Warm brother Homosexual
Kitchen-bull Army cook
Dead soldier Empty bottle
Field Mattress German Army female auxiliary
Tin Decorations
Throatache Knight’s Cross of the Iron Cross
Moss Money
Old Man Tinned meat
Cancer stick Cigarette
Giddi-up soup Horsemeat soup
Stubble-hopper Infantryman
Reeperbahn equalizer Brass knuckles
Pavement tail Street walker
Flipper Hand
Turnip Head
BOOK ONE: OPERATION JUBILEE
‘Mountbatten, understand this. Failure at Dieppe is what I demand of you!’ Premier Churchill to Lord Louis Mountbatten. July 1942.
ONE
‘Great God and all his triangles!’ Sergeant Schulze of SS Battalion Wotan cursed. He raised himself in the field hospital bed and gave one of his well-known farts.
Opposite him in the long ward One-Egg, the young panzer grenadier, who had had his left testicle shot off before Moscow tut-tutted; and next to him the Lung, wounded at the crossing of the River Bug, bubbled a little louder than usual.
‘Just letting off a little green smoke, that’s all,’ Schulze mumbled, and tried to scratch the end of his big nose, but without success. This was not surprising, since both his hands were enclosed in thick plaster up to the wrists: the result of his being rather slow in getting rid of a Soviet stick grenade in the confused hand-to-hand fighting just outside Kiev.
In the next bed Matz’s springs squeaked as he turned round painfully. ‘What’s shitting you now, Schulze?’ he demanded.
Schulze looked across at his running mate from Wotan. Matz’s blond hair was hopelessly matted; he hadn’t shaved since the hospital train had delivered them at Berlin’s Lar Charite Hospital from the front two weeks ago; and cigar ash lay over the blue and white striped cover like snow. ‘Are you addressing me, Corporal?’ he asked severely.
‘Who do you think, you big soft wet-tail? Winston shitty Spencer shitty Churchill?’
‘Put a “sergeant” on that Schulze, Corporal,’ barked Schulze. ‘And remember to show a bit more respect for a wounded NCO, or I’ll take that pegleg of yours’ – he indicated Matz’s artificial limb hanging over the edge of the white hospital bed – ‘and stick it so far up yer ass that yer eyes’ll pop out!’
‘All right, Sergeant Schulze. What’s up? What yer bellyaching about? We’re in a nice safe hospital a thousand kilometres behind the front, with no hairy-assed Popovs trying to shoot the eggs off’n us. What more do you want, Sergeant Schulze?’
‘I want out of here, Matz, that’s what I want. I’m brassed off by this place. No fucking sauce – that big bone-mender took my last flatman off me this morning. No fucking tail. And no fucking Wotan!’ The big ex-docker sighed sadly. ‘We’ve been abandoned by the Battalion, Matz. At the mercy of these banana-sucking bone-mender’s, every one of them a warm brother, if you ask me. Me with two useless flippers and you with one sodding leg already off and the other likely be sabred off any day now the way those asparagus Tarzans of medics are carrying on.’ Schulze hawked miserably and directed a gob of phlegm into the brass spitoon in the centre of the long ward.
Sister Klara, the ugly Red Cross nurse in her forties who was now washing the panzer grenadier’s lower body, looked angrily up from her task. ‘I forbid you to do that in my presence, Sergeant,’ she said severely, ‘and watch your language, or I’ll have to talk to the chief doctor about your behaviour.’ She sniffed self-righteously and turned back to her task. The panzer grenadier closed his eyes again in blissful ecstasy.
‘That’s what happens to an ugly woman, Matzi,’ Schulze said, responding to the challenge. ‘I mean an ugly bloke can go out and buy himself a piece of that pavement tail down there on the Kudamm.1 But yer ugly woman – what can she do? She can’t buy it.’ He shrugged and winced with the pain. ‘All she can do is finger herself crazy.’
Sister Klara, still busy washing the panzer grenadier’s lower body, flushed scarlet. An amused Schulze could see the blush creeping down her scraggy neck under the severe bun.
‘Of course in France they have houses for that kind of woman,’ Matz volunteered, joining in the game.
‘What?’
‘Knocking shops for ugly women.’
Schulze’s broad face contorted in mock disgust. ‘What a piggery!’ he exclaimed. ‘Trust those filthy frogs. Think of any dirty perversion and you’ll find, Matzi, that the Frogs invented it. No wonder the Führer in his infinite wisdom did them the favour of occupying their shitting country two years ago – learn them a bit of German decency. I mean Matzi, fancy being forced to stick that little bit o’ meat of yours into that – even for money!’ He shuddered melodramatically.
‘To be honest, Schulze,’ Matz said, as if he were seriously considering the proposition. ‘I wouldn’t exactly say no. The old five-fingered widow’s getting very slack now.’
‘It’s all right for you, Matzi,’ Schulze grunted mournfully. ‘With these flippers of mine tied up like this, I can’t even enjoy a bit of the old five-fingered widow. I mean look over there. One-Egg’s doing himself a bit of all right,’ he indicated the panzer grenadier, his mouth wide open, breathing fast as Sister Klara washed carefully around his genitals. ‘Even he’s getting a cheap thrill.’
‘And I bet she is too,’ Matz added maliciously, his little eyes sparkling wickedly. ‘Look how she’s holding his peter-man. Yer’d think she’s handling the Prussian crown jewels the way she’s got hold of it. Great crap on the Christmas Tree – I bet she’s at it tonight like a fiddler’s elbow once she gets into her little bed. Grr!’ The little Corporal growled throatily.
This was too much for Sister Klara. She dropped her wash-cloth over the panzer grenadier’s penis. ‘I shall report you to the Chief,’ she said thickly throug
h her tears. ‘He’ll see that you two foul-mouthed beasts land where you belong – in the punishment ward!’ And with that she was gone, leaving the panzer grenadier staring disconsolately at the wash cloth.
Schulze looked at Matz mockingly. ‘Now what was that in aid of, Matzi?’ he asked. ‘Did we say something?’
But before Matz could reply, the first thin wail of the air raid sirens outside indicated that the RAF would soon be paying one of its nightly visits to Berlin.
‘Red alert,’ Matz said. ‘The Tommies’ll be over soon, dropping their square eggs as usual, the pigs.’
Schulze did not seem to hear. ‘We’re off, Matzi,’ he announced abruptly. ‘That ugly cow’s not putting me in the punishment ward, drinking cold nigger sweat and eating lousy giddi-up soup. No thank you. We’re off!’
‘But where?’ Matz protested.
Schulze sucked his big yellow teeth thoughtfully. ‘First we’ll sink a Korn – perhaps two. Then a bit of that pavement tail to get rid of the dirty water from our chests. Mine’s already up to my throat. If I don’t get a bit of the other soon, it’ll choke me. Then we’re off to find the Wotan.’
Matz looked at the big sergeant incredulously. ‘Have you got all yer cups in yer cupboard, Schulze? How we gonna get out of here? You with yer flaming flippers and me with my sodding foot. I can’t walk, you know that.’
‘Don’t wet yer skivvies, Matzi,’ Schulze answered easily. ‘I’ll soon fix that.’ He raised his voice. ‘Hey, you One-Egg! Get yer paws off’n that disgusting bit of meat of yours and wheel in that hospital panzer from the corridor – at the double!’
‘But I’m badly wounded in the groin,’ protested One-Egg.
‘You’ll be very badly wounded in the ass if you don’t move it, One-Egg.’
The threat worked. Painfully One-Egg heaved himself out of the bed and shuffled to the door, holding his hands protectively to his abdomen.
‘If you drop it, I’ll yell out!’ Matz cried after him.
‘Button that lip, Matzi,’ Schulze ordered impatiently, ‘and pass me that sabre of yours.’
Obediently the one-legged SS man reached across his ceremonial NCO’s dagger. Schulze grabbed at it clumsily and holding it between his two white plaster paws, began sawing through the cord holding up Matz’s one remaining leg. Finally he managed to cut through it. Matz’s wounded foot, swathed in thick bandages crashed to the bed.
‘Heaven, arse and twine,’ Matz cursed, ‘can’t you be a bit more careful, you big horned ox! That shitting well hurt!’
‘Crap in yer cap, cripple!’ Schulze snapped unfeelingly, awkwardly tucking his long hospital nightshirt into the top of his black pants. ‘You seem to forget that you’re talking to a non-commissioned officer of the Greater German Army. Pass me my dicebeakers, will yer.’
As Matz struggled to reach Schulze’s jackboots, One-Egg opened the door to the ward and trundled in the ancient wicker-work bathchair. His young face was an ashen-grey. ‘I think it’s opened up again – the wound, I mean,’ he said sorrowfully.
‘Well, don’t take long strides then,’ Schulze rapped without sympathy, ‘or yer other egg might fall out of its little nest. Come on, don’t stand there like a fart in a trance! Give me a hand to get this little cripple into his pram.’
‘But where in three devils’ name are you going?’ One-Egg asked, his curiosity overcoming his pain, as he helped Schulze to lower Matz into the bathchair.
‘Where are we going?’ Schulze echoed. ‘We’re gonna do a three-F.’
‘What?’
‘Christ on a crutch, One-Egg, you still got eggshell behind yer spoons or something – find it, feel it and ferk it, man!’
‘Oh,’ One-Egg answered, ‘and then, Schulzi?’
‘Then, my little battered balls of a panzer grenadier,’ Schulze cried, ‘we’re off to find the finest battalion in the whole Greater German Army – SS Battalion Wotan!’ A moment later he was gone through the swinging doors, pushing Matz in front of him like an evil wizened baby.
Notes
1 Famous Berlin thoroughfare. (Transl.)
TWO
‘May the Almighty have mercy upon us!’ Matz breathed as Schulze pushed him through the throng of excited, loud field-greys waiting for their turn to go upstairs. The great 19th-century salon with its red-plush over-stuffed furniture was packed with whores in their multi-coloured crêpe-de-chine underwear. Red-faced sweating maids were running everywhere, bearing silver trays of cigarettes and bottles. The place was obviously doing boom business despite the bombs crashing to the ground outside.
‘Cast one of your glassy orbs on all that nooky,’ Schulze sighed. ‘Grr, Matzi, it’s so good I could eat it with a knife and fork – and no salt!’ And listen to those springs going upstairs. Ain’t that beautiful music – better than the Horst Wessel Lied and Deutschland über Alles both put together!’
‘Look at that one,’ Matz said, pointing to a huge blonde whore, whose massive breasts were threatening to burst out of her gleaming black slip. ‘The wood she’s got in front of her door!’ Carried away by his enthusiasm, he reached out two greedy hands to seize the blonde.
But a hulking artilleryman with the peaked cap and suntanned face of the Afrika Korps pushed in front of him. ‘Keep yer paws off’n her, you one-legged cripple!’ he snarled. ‘You wait yer turn like the rest of us. I haven’t seen a white woman for a month of Sundays. Hold it in yer shitty hand if yer in a hurry. That puny little thing you’ve probably got won’t be much to these girls anyway.’
There was a flutter of laughter from the waiting soldiers. While Matz stuttered with rage, Schulze looked the big Afrika Korps artilleryman up and down coldly. ‘Do you know whom you are addressing, you chimney-sweep run wild?’ he asked with frosty politeness. ‘No, then I shall inform you. You are speaking with a non-commissioned officer of the finest battalion of the finest division in the Armed SS. Namely SS Battalion Wotan of the Adolf Hitler Bodyguard Division.’
The artilleryman was not impressed. ‘I’d like to ask you something?’
‘Please.’
‘I’d like to know, whether your mother was a virgin or not when you were born?’ he asked with a sneer. ‘Or did they find you under a cabbage leaf?’
His sally earned him another burst of laughter from the impatient soldiery. The blonde giggled so much that her right breast flopped out of its black cage. The soldiers whistled and cheered loudly.
Schulze waited till the whistling had died down, controlling himself with difficulty. ‘Pop to!’ he barked as if he were back on the Battalion’s parade ground. ‘Heave up those juiceless ribs! Grind that jaw! Smear that big turnip of yours against the back of your collar! You’re talking to an SS non-commissioned officer, man!’
‘Sewer Stomach!’ grunted the artilleryman.
‘I’m going to shear off your ass for those insidious words, soldier,’ Schulze threatened, his big face flushing crimson. ‘Dirty fart-cannon –’
Before Schulze could hit the grinning artilleryman, Matz brought up his artificial leg. The booted foot caught him between his legs. He screamed and sank to his knees. Calmly Schulze brought his clenched plaster hands down on the back of the artillerymen’s bent head. He fell soundlessly, face down on the carpet.
Grinning triumphantly, the big NCO pushed Matz through the sudden corridor which had opened up between the ranks of the field-greys, nodding grandly to each side like the Führer making his annual triumphal entrance at the Nuremberg Party Day.
The Madame barred their way. Her bosom was thrust underneath her double chin as if she were carrying it on a tray.
‘Get a load of that,’ Matz cracked. ‘What a marvel of engineering! It’s better than the Cologne bridge across the Rhine.’
Schulze eyed the Madame’s massive bust with naked admiration. ‘All that meat and no potatoes – whew!’
The Madame wasn’t impressed. ‘What are yer doing with that shitty pram in my establishment?’ she demanded. ‘That’ll cost you m
ore moss – green moss.’ She made her meaning quite clear with a quick gesture of her pudgy be-ringed hand. ‘Moss, and then you can park it and have a look at the girls.’
‘Show her, Matzi,’ Schulze commanded.
‘We’ve got something better than moss, Madame,’ Matz said eagerly and digging into the compartment beneath the bathchair, started bringing out the things they had looted on their way out of La Charité. ‘Three tins of Old Man rations, a cartoon of cancer sticks, one kilo of nigger sweat – and this.’ He held up the brown bottle. ‘Joy juice.’
‘Morphine?’ she demanded greedily, her eyes flickering. Like everyone else in the third year of war she knew that the drug brought a fortune on the Berlin black market. The capital was full of wrecked men and women, victims of the battlefield and the home front who only survived by virtue of their daily injection.
‘Right in one,’ Schulze replied. ‘That should do the trick, Madame, eh?’
It did. Within minutes the two of them found themselves half carried upstairs by two of Madame’s best girls, the Austrian twins Mitzi and Gerdi and ushered into the brothel’s most luxurious room. ‘Usually we only let officers and gentlemen in here,’ Madame explained, clutching the bottle of morphine tightly to her magnificent breast.
‘Grosse Klasse!’ Matz exclaimed in delight, as the two half-naked whores deposited him on the big bed in the corner. ‘Just like heaven.’
Schulze was not so easily pleased. ‘It’s all right for him, Madame,’ he declared. The little cripple hasn’t got very much to put there in the first place, and in the second, he’s a straight up-and-down lover.’ He thrust a white stiff paw at his own broad chest. ‘Now I need more room.’ He leered lecherously at Mitzi. ‘You see, darling, I’m a real mattress matador. From the side. A nice little movement from the back. And when I’m on top of my form and have use of my flippers I can do it very fine from this way.’ He winked and made his meaning very clear. The girls giggled and Schulze slapped the Madame on her generous silk-clad rump. ‘But for tonight and under these special circumstances I’ll let it go for once. I’ll accept the bed – and don’t worry, little mother, I’m gentle with virgins.’
