by India Lee
Why am I even surprised?
“Hey! Jake.” Amanda stood unmoving, her big eyes watching Jake speed walk over, favoring his left leg as usual. “Oh boy,” she murmured under her breath. There was something bad, something dangerous about the fact that he had caught her at this particular moment but in her brief confusion, Amanda couldn’t quite put her finger on it.
Oh wait. I remember, she realized as she watched Jake’s eyes go from neutral on her to wide as they slid over her shoulders and past her.
“Asshole!” he somewhat gasped.
Ian blinked, only caught briefly off guard. “Yeah, I’ve gotten that one already. Like a hundred times. You’re going to have to come up with a more original one than that,” he said while tucking his iPad away in his backup.
Oh geez. “No, no, no — ” Amanda put her hands on Jake’s shoulders as he attempted to charge forward, though he didn’t quite take anyone by surprise with his slow, hobbled pace.
“What… is going on,” Ian asked, squinting as Amanda held Jake back. “You… are definitely the biggest Casey fan I’ve encountered so far.”
“I’m her brother, you piece of shit!”
Ian’s eyebrows shot up as Jake suddenly stopped with a little gasp. Eyes wide, he peered around the square, which was empty save for a man sitting under a tall, bearded statue. He hadn’t appeared to look up once let alone at them.
“Oh… this is the one?” Ian mouthed to Amanda, who nodded, prompting his sigh. His shoulders slumping, Ian softened. “Listen, dude,” he started, holding both hands up as he took a step closer to Jake. “I can understand why you’re upset but — ”
His sentence was cut off the second Amanda let go of Jake, who swung his arm hard to land a fist onto the side of Ian’s left cheek.
“Jake!”
“Fuck, dude,” Ian cursed, squeezing one eye shut and wincing as he clutched his face with one hand. But judging from the way he stayed on his feet, the hit wasn’t too hard. Glancing at Jake as she held him back, Amanda could detect in his eye a hint of embarrassment over the lack of impact.
“Fuck you, dude,” Jake sputtered upon finding his voice again. “You’re an asshole. My sister’s a good person, she didn’t deserve what you did to her, you… sicko bully.” He wet his lips once he’d finished his sentence. It wasn’t the best retort and he knew it. “I’ve dealt with bullies my entire life but you’re definitely the worst I’ve seen.”
Blinking to regain focus, Ian stood straight again. “You’re joking. Really? Casey’s the bully, kid. You’re her brother and you don’t know what a maniac that girl really is?”
Jake’s pale eyes went wild again, his lips contorting with the beginnings of a thousand different insults, none of which he seemed able to decide on. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Cokehead,” he finally spat.
Ian’s stare dulled at Jake as Amanda continued to hold him back. Finally, his blank expression broke into a sneer. “Yeah… when was the last time you saw your sister? Elementary school? Middle school?” He nodded when Jake didn’t answer. “Right. Go find her crazy ass now and see what she’s really like. And then come talk to me because you have no damned clue who she really is, blood or not. You have no idea what kind of sick shit she’s pulled since moving back here.”
“Alright, enough.” Feeling the muscles in Jake’s brittle body tense up again, Amanda pushed him gently with one hand, backing him away from Ian till they were two thirds of the block down. Meanwhile, her other hand composed a text which she hardly had to look at to type.
Harper. If you’re still in the area please come back and take care of Ian right now. Craziness just happened and he needs you. So do I. Thank you girl.
“What the hell kind of drugs is that guy on?” Jake breathed, unblinking as he continued staring down the block. Amanda frowned as she watched him do something of a hop on one foot, seeming not to notice his own hobble at all.
“Jake. Are you okay?”
“Huh?”
“You’re limping.” Worse than usual, Amanda nearly added.
“Oh.” Jake grabbed hold of a cast iron railing, waving a casual hand through the air though his cheeks visibly blushed. “It’s nothing. I’ve always had this.”
Because… you fell from a ledge at a lake when you were eight years old? Amanda bit her tongue again. “Why?” The question blurted from her lips despite the fact that she was certain she knew the answer and that it wouldn’t be the most pleasant memory for Jake to revisit. She winced guiltily when he looked down at the ground, her inquiry seeming to sober him down quickly from his riled state.
“Uh.” He looked up at her and then down the street, once again checking to see if anyone was around. “I don’t know if we should be talking out here anymore.”
Damn it. Trying her luck, Amanda cocked her head. “Can I buy you dinner? Or a snack? We can talk somewhere private then.”
Jake chewed on his lip, his hand unconsciously touching his stomach. “Okay.”
“Okay.” Amanda turned around to check on Ian. Just as she did, she saw Harper’s Audi roll to a stop next to where he stood on the sidewalk. He stared into the car for a second, giving a single sheepish wave before turning to look at Amanda. He nodded at her before climbing in. Turning back to an anxious Jake, Amanda nodded herself. “Alright. Let’s go.”
~
“Man. This is really good. I don’t even know what this is.”
Jake stared into the little wax bag of springy, grape-sized cakes as he sat with Amanda in yet another Chinatown cafe — one which he had wordlessly ventured into upon spotting the their colorful drinks in the window. Amanda approved since the place was nearing its closing time and completely empty. Plus, there was a small booth in the back that was completely obstructed from anyone’s view by the cashier stand. With no one on the street and no one in the cafe, it was the perfect place for Jake to take his time while marveling over his snacks.
If only all problems could be this easily solved with food, Amanda mused as she watched Jake shake the bag, counting how many cakes he had left before continuing his snacking.
“I wonder if Casey knows about this stuff,” he said quietly, with genuine interest. “She has to. She’s been living here for so long.”
Amanda nodded, squinting in the fluorescent lighting of the cafe as she studied Jake, willing his attention to finally move from his street cakes and bubble tea to the conversation from before. “When was the last time you saw Casey again?” she asked, hoping to steer the topic back where she wanted.
“Forever ago. Thirteen years ago but we talked here and there,” Jake answered, relaxed and at ease thanks to his array of snacks. Amanda felt herself laugh quietly as he pulled out the grape and melon-flavored packs of Hi-Chew candy that he had let her purchase for him around the corner. Underneath the six-foot frame, he was the quintessential little brother. “But yeah, last time I was saw her I was eight. I think. Is that right? I can’t do math.”
“That’s right,” Amanda said quietly, feeling a small chill crawl up her arm. He had been eight at the time of that mystery accident by the lake — which she assumed he was in fact the victim of. “So… why did you choose to stay in Missouri? Since Casey was moving to New York and all. You two got along, right?”
Jake’s laugh was muffled as he sheepishly chewed a large mouthful of cake, having just emptied the last five or so straight from the bag and into his mouth. He held up a finger to keep Amanda on hold until he finished swallowing. “Totally,” he finally answered, offering little payoff for the amount of time he’d kept her waiting. But after a long sip of his bubble tea, Jake continued. “She was like a cool older sister. She didn’t hate me.”
Amanda burst out laughing. “Did your friends’ older siblings hate them or something?”
“I, um, didn’t really grow up with friends.”
Shit. Right. Not knowing what to say, Amanda offered an awkward smile of condolence. “Their loss then, right?”
&n
bsp; He shrugged. “No. My leg was all messed up so I sucked at sports and sports were all that mattered, so.” Jake pulled his sweatshirt sleeves over his hands, nodding when Amanda’s mouth opened only to close a couple seconds later. “I mean. I had one friend. She was really nice.”
Jesus, this is brutal. Say something else for God’s sake, Amanda scolded herself. She decided to change the subject back to the one that had had Jake beaming just a few seconds ago. “So, Casey. Cool big sister, huh?” Thank goodness, she thought to herself as Jake’s face quickly brightened again.
“Oh, totally. She was always nice to me, snuck me junk food ‘cause my mom never bought junk food. Took me to places. You know.”
“Yeah.” Amanda nodded though she couldn’t relate. “So, why didn’t you move to New York when she decided to come here and be an actress?”
“You didn’t tell her I’m here, right?”
“What?”
“Sorry, I interrupted you.” Jake winced apologetically while unconsciously folding the empty wax baggie into a paper plane or some sort of origami. “You didn’t tell her though, right? That I’m here?”
“No.”
“Okay.” He exhaled, tightening the drawstrings on his sweatshirt so that the hood puckered tight around his face. “It’s just I know you guys are still kind of friends — ” He cut himself off, frowning briefly at Amanda. “You guys are still friends right?”
She blinked. “We’re good friends, I just haven’t seen her in awhile,” she said, rattling off the answer she had given to Fleur Magazine.
“Right. Good. I knew you guys weren’t close like Jamie-close so you wouldn’t necessarily tell her right away that I’m here. Especially not tonight since she’s busy with her premiere and stuff.”
“Is that why you followed me tonight specifically?” Amanda asked, actually somewhat impressed with Jake’s reasoning.
“Yeah.” He grimaced, looking embarrassed. “And I followed you again to make sure you didn’t tell ‘cause we didn’t really get to finish our conversation in the car but that was my fault. Sorry. Tell your blonde friend sorry, too, for sitting in her seat.” Jake bared his teeth in a sheepish smile of sorts. “I just had to make sure. ‘Cause Casey can’t know yet. That I’m here.”
Feeling her interest build again, Amanda tried to subdue the curiosity in her voice. “Why can’t she know?”
“Hm? Oh. I just want to be all settled into my job and my apartment before I tell her I’m here. I don’t want her to think I came to New York to get money or connections from her.”
Oh. Amanda felt her shoulders slump, utterly disappointed with Jake’s completely normal answer. It suddenly occurred to her that he might not in fact be her key to Casey’s skeleton-filled closet. “I’m sure she wouldn’t think that,” Amanda offered halfheartedly, unsure if she were telling the truth or not.
“No, she would,” Jake answered confidently. “I screwed up once ‘cause I asked her to help my friend get an acting job. Which was why we’ve gone the past few years without talking again, really. Which sucks. But it’s my fault. But it sucks. ‘Cause like, I had two best friends growing up and Casey was one of them.”
Amanda wrinkled her forehead, doing her best to imagine Casey as someone who could actually be loved by someone so innocent, pure and sweet. It was difficult. She searched for something to say in response to Jake but since she came up completely empty, she forced a smile so he’d continue.
“Anyway, that’s why I want to just… find out everything I can about her from you before we see each other. I don’t want to screw things up again because I’m apparently really good at screwing up my relationships with people and I’ve been…” he laughed at himself, covering his cheeks and the excitement building on his face. “I’ve been waiting for-freaking-ever to hang out with her again. Since the day she left, really. Just had to wait till I saved enough money to come here.”
Amanda stared, trying to comprehend everything. As much as she had wanted all the information, she wasn’t sure how to process it. I wish it wasn’t weird to take notes. “I… wait. So you haven’t talked to Casey all these years?”
Jake flicked his wax paper plane off of the table but only to pick it up and toss it in the trash. “Uh, yeah, it was weird.” He scratched his hooded head, shamefaced. “Me and Casey went awhile without talking because my mom wouldn’t let us because… whatever… and then I found her on Facebook ‘cause she kept like, a fake name so people couldn’t find her, but I found her and she friended me back and we started messaging again and it was super cool for awhile,” Jake explained in a kiddish run-on. “And like, she’d send me stuff from online so my mom wouldn’t know. Gift cards and stuff and this really rare pair of Jordans once. She had to send those to my neighbor’s house so my mom wouldn’t find out.”
Amanda could feel the way her eyebrows pinched and wriggled with total confusion. From Jake’s description, Casey actually did sound like a cool older sister. “That’s… awesome.”
“Yeah. She’s awesome.”
No, you poor child. She’s not. Not anymore, at least. Amanda forced a smile, accepting the piece of candy that he offered her. “So… you guys seemed to be close. How is it possible that you went this long without seeing each other?”
Jake brought his knees up on the chipped bench, making a face. “Just this thing that happened. My mom thought it was Casey’s fault and she kicked her out and it was just,” he rolled his eyes, “really stupid. Really dumb.”
Amanda cocked her head slowly. “Wait,” she murmured. Her understanding — along with the rest of the world’s — was that Casey had chosen to pursue show business around the age of thirteen, thus moving to New York to be near her father, aunt and grandfather since they were all industry legends. “Casey was kicked out? By your mother?”
Mid-chew, Jake’s eyes blinked wide, realizing what he’d revealed. “Oh. Yeah. I mean don’t tell anyone, obviously — ”
“Of course not.”
“Okay. Um, yeah. This stupid accident thing happened that was my fault really but my mom thought it was Casey’s because she was smoking weed before it, so she just assumed, which is unfair. It was my fault, really.”
“Jake — what happened?”
Jake folded his candy wrappers into fours, his sugar-fueled fingers staying busy though his lips seemed in no rush to speak. “Basically,” he started, taking a long pause. “Basically, my mom was away one weekend because she was on a trip with her boyfriend so she put us at our aunt’s house because she knew Casey would just get into trouble if she let her stay at her friends’. They were all like, older kids, like some of them were sixteen and Casey was only thirteen then.”
Amanda raised her eyebrows. Okay. Casey was a teen troublemaker. Older friends. Already smoked weed.
“But anyway, Casey snuck me out of our aunt’s house in the morning, like before anyone woke up and her friends drove us to this lake — Lake of the Ozarks?”
Amanda perked. “Oh. Yeah, I’ve been there. I’m from Missouri too — ”
“I know.”
“Right.”
“Well, anyway, it was really cool. We went hiking all day and there was a house one of her friend’s family owned and we hung out there when we got tired.” Jake nodded, drumming his long fingers on the table. “And then, uh, they started rolling a joint and it was actually really funny ‘cause I was eight and everyone was like ‘no’ but Casey let me take a tiny little puff.”
“Wow.”
“I mean really small though,” Jake said hastily, a bit defensive. “And then she wouldn’t let me go hiking with them to find this weird path that one of the older kids was talking about. Because she knew I shouldn’t walk around if I was a little high, maybe.”
Amanda pushed her lower lip out and nodded as she sipped her own too-sweet bubble tea. She agreed with the decision as much as she could, considering eight-year-old Jake was already high. “Fair,” she said as she watched a dark look suddenly cast over Jake’s
fluttering eyes, making them look something of a lake blue rather than the usual pale sky hue.
“I was just like, a pansy-ass eight-year-old, I think,” he said, a laugh in his voice though there was none on his face. He rolled his eyes at himself. “I got scared of being alone in the house so I went looking for them and I got kind of lost because it was dark by then. But then I heard them laughing kind of far away and I went through a ‘No Trespassing’ sign, which was my fault, so I could try to find them. And then I fell off this cliff.”
Amanda nearly choked on her water. Somehow, his wording sounded comical though she knew well that it wasn’t. “Holy shit,” she said, her reaction actually quite real. “It was a cliff?” I thought it was a ‘ledge.’
“Uh, yeah. Forty feet.”
“Oh my God.”
Jake nodded, seeming a bit uncomfortable. “I mean, yeah. Honestly, I’m lucky all I got from it was this limp.”
Amanda nodded, truly impressed. “Seriously — I feel like that could’ve killed someone so little.”
Jake tilted his head from side to side as he considered it. “Well. Yeah. I mean they did induce me into a coma for a week,” he said casually. Immediately, Amanda’s heart sank.
“Oh my God.” Her brow crinkled into a frown as she imagined a pint-sized Jake bruised and broken in a hospital bed, asleep for seven days of uncertainty. “That’s so awful. I’m so sorry.”
“No, it was fine!” Jake replied with a peppiness so sudden that it startled Amanda. “It was good. It helped me get better. Like, when I woke up, my ribs were almost all better and my leg probably hurt less than it would’ve if I wasn’t sleeping off the first few days.”
Amanda blinked, nodding. That’s certainly a way to look at it, she thought, though her heart still wrenched for him. Jesus Christ. I would’ve kicked Casey’s ass out of my house for that, too. Studying her unmasked look of horror, Jake frowned.
“It really wasn’t her fault. I wasn’t even high ‘cause I didn’t know how to smoke it. My mom just overreacted because she always thought Casey had the Mulreed blood and I had the Tatum blood. But that’s not true.”
