Malik shook his head. “You need to talk to him, and you might want to do it sooner than later.” He hung his coat in the hall closet.
“Why? What happened?” Alandra already knew, but she wanted to be wrong. God please let me wrong. If Harry told Quinn what she should have told him from day one, Quinn would never forgive her.
Malik leaned against the closet door, his hands stuffed in his front pockets. “I think you know.”
She looked from him to Cameron who stood a few feet away, a questioning expression on his face. She sighed and removed her coat, setting it on the hall bench.
“Thanks, Malik.” With a heavy heart, she went in search of Quinn. If only she’d told him everything that first night she’d showed up at his house. Now it might be too late.
Hearing the television blasting from the den she followed the sound and stopped in the doorway. After several deep breaths, she walked in. The only light in the room came from the television screen. Quinn sat in one of the recliners a beer in his hand.
“Can we talk?” She stood next to his chair.
“Not now Alandra, just give me a minute.”
“Quinn?” He didn’t look at her. “Don’t you think you’re acting a little childish? We need to talk about whatever is bothering you. I’m not sure what Harry told you, but I think you owe it to me to at least tell me what he said.”
He turned to her, and stood slowly. His jaw jumped and anger filled his eyes.
“I owe you?” The force of his seething tone caught her off guard. “I don’t owe you a damn thing. Besides, how do I know you’re not going to spew more lies?”
Pain slashed through her at his words. She hadn’t lied. Well, at least not about everything. She bit her bottom lip feeling intense heat from his gaze.
“Okay, owe was the wrong word, but are you going to accept whatever Harry said to you without talking to me? Without hearing my side before jumping to conclusions?”
“Oh, so now you want me to hear your side?” His voice rose with every word as he moved closer. “Okay, Alandra, here’s a question for you, one that I asked when you first showed up at my house. Since you were alive, why did you stay away? Why didn’t you let me know you were alive?”
Alandra hesitated. “What I told you was the truth.”
“Quit lying, Alandra! Is it true that you stayed away from me because you thought I had something to do with that crap in Tzbekystan? Is it true you stayed away from me by choice, not because Harry fed you lies? Did you really have memory loss, or was that a lie too?”
“Yes …but…” she stammered, trying to pick her words carefully.
“Enough! I don’t want to hear—”
“Quinn, please let me explain. Honey, you have to listen to me.”
“I don’t have to do shit!” He threw his beer bottle across the room. “You had plenty of time to tell me the truth and you didn’t. So get the fu—”
“Hey!” Cameron stormed into the room with Malik right behind him. “Man, what the heck is wrong with you? You need to calm the hell down.”
“You okay?” Malik asked Alandra, standing in front of her, blocking her view of Quinn.
She nodded, her pulse beating erratically. A wave of panic engulfed her when she looked around Malik and saw the hurt in Quinn’s eyes. How could she claim to love him when she kept hurting him?
She choked back the tears that were threatening to fall, trying to come up with a way to make this right. She couldn’t lose him.
“We both can’t stay here,” Quinn said and grabbed his jacket.
“Hold up, dude.” Malik blocked his path. “Don’t go and do something stupid, something you’re going to regret.”
Quinn pushed past Malik and glanced at Alandra. “I already did.”
Chapter Fifteen
Alandra marched back and forth in the front hallway, from the entry door to the half-bath and back again. She was a nervous wreck and had to keep reminding herself to breathe. As stubborn as they both were, she and Quinn were no strangers to disagreements, but this time the conflict was different. This time she had betrayed him. She had more than enough opportunities to come clean about why she let him believe she was dead for three years. He had every right to be disappointed and angry.
Alandra glanced at the hall clock. A bartender from Hero’s bar, a few miles away, called Malik a few minutes ago, requesting that he pick Quinn up. Thankfully, Quinn had the wherewithal to give the bartender Malik’s business card before he started drinking. Wiz had tagged along to drive Quinn’s rental back to the townhouse. Alandra wished she had friends as dependable as Malik and Wiz.
Finally, she heard keys rattling seconds before Malik stumbled into the house with Quinn slumped against him.
“We’ll take him upstairs,” he said to Alandra.
She scanned Quinn’s appearance while Malik held him up, looking for any sign of injury. His eyes were closed, his skin was ashen and he looked worse than she’d ever seen him. “Is he okay?”
“Physically, yes.”
“I’m fine,” Quinn slurred, the stench of liquor filling the tight space. He pushed away from Malik and faltered, bumping into the wall and knocking a picture to the floor. Alandra couldn’t believe how drunk he was. She didn’t remember a time when he wasn’t in control. Malik grabbed him by the back of his collar before he did any more damage to the house or to himself.
Wiz hurried inside and closed the door behind him. Together they dragged Quinn upstairs to the bedroom, Alandra following close behind.
“Please be careful with him,” she instructed and they both stopped and glared at her. “Oh, sorry.” Of course they would be careful. They weren’t the ones causing him pain, she was.
They sat Quinn on the bed before they left, and Alandra assured them she could take it from there. She took a good look at Quinn and shame weighed heavy on her mind at the way she had handled everything since returning into his life. Why couldn’t she have been honest from the beginning? He would have understood and would’ve probably forgiven her, but now she wasn’t so sure.
“Get yo…your hands off of me,” Quinn slurred and swatted at her hands when she tried to help take his jacket off. “I can…can do it my…myself.” He stood but stumbled, reaching out for the nightstand to steady himself.
Working in the hospital, Alandra saw all types and often had to deal with people who were intoxicated. Quinn eventually took off his jacket and shirt, but struggled with his belt buckle.
“You’re never going to unbuckle that yourself.” She moved his hand and ignored his grumbling. She wrestled the rest of his clothes off, feeling as if she’d just gone a couple of rounds with Hulk Hogan. Quinn was twice her size and she wished she had taken Malik and Wiz up on their offer to help.
Once Quinn was undressed and passed out on the bed, Alandra changed into one of his T-shirts and climbed into bed, cuddling up next to him. He would probably pitch a fit that she was sharing his bed, but right now she didn’t care. She just needed to be near him. Come morning she‘d make things right. If she wanted to save her marriage, which she did, she was going to have to make him listen and pray that he’d forgive her.
The next morning Alandra jerked awake when she heard Quinn groaning, and clutching his stomach. “Are you okay, baby?” His eyes were closed and he didn’t respond, just kept groaning.
Okay, so maybe that was a stupid question. She rubbed his arm and kissed his forehead, whispering in his ear that he would be fine, but then he gagged and lurched forward.
“Oh crap.” She leaned over him, making sure the bucket she’d put near the bed was close enough. Wiz brought it to the room shortly after they left Quinn, telling her that he’d probably need it. He was right, she thought, as Quinn emptied the contents of his stomach.
“God, what did you drink last night?” She covered her nose and mouth, her eyes watering from the stench. She hurried to the en suite bathroom, wet a towel, and walked back into the bedroom, hoping he was done.
Despite the content
s in the bucket, he still looked a little green around the gills, as her father used to say. Quinn fell back against the pillows and grabbed his head, his eyes still closed. Alandra wasn’t sure if he knew she was there, but took advantage of his weakened state and climbed back onto the bed. She wiped his mouth with the towel and glanced on the side of him, glad to see he hadn’t missed the bucket.
He was the strong one. Seeing him sick and pale was unnerving. In all the time they were together, he’d never been sick, but then again, she’d never driven him to drink.
She dropped a couple of aspirins into her hand and opened the bottle of water that was sitting on the bedside table.
“Here,” she said several times before Quinn opened his eyes half-mast and stared at her, as if seeing her for the first time. Without speaking he tried to sit up, but grabbed his head and laid back down, a string of curses flying from his mouth.
“Here, take ‘em. They’ll make you feel better.”
He looked at the aspirin in her hand and then back at her before sitting up slower and taking the items.
“Thanks,” he mumbled. He handed back the half-empty water bottle and dropped back against the pillows. He placed his arm over his eyes and ignored her.
Sighing out of frustration, Alandra climbed off the bed and grabbed the pail. Holding her breath, she carried it into the bathroom wondering what she was going to do about Quinn. It was long past time for her to tell him the truth about why she stayed away.
She finished cleaning up, walked back into the bedroom and pulled a chair closer to the bed.
“Quinn, we need to talk.”
“Not now, Alandra.” He didn’t bother looking at her.
Alandra sighed. “It has to be now.” She knew he felt like crap but she wasn’t willing to risk letting another day go by without him knowing everything. It was already possible that she was too late and that he wouldn’t forgive her.
“During the first year of my recovery, I did suffer memory loss. I remembered enough to know that I was a CIA agent, and remembered my last mission to Guerrero. Anything other than that was hit or miss. Once my memory started returning, Harry told me he had faked my death. He was trying to protect me, or at least that’s what he said. He also told me you were killed in Tzbekystan…and I believed him.”
Quinn still didn’t look at her.
“After that, I didn’t care about life or finding answers. It was taking everything I had just to get out of bed each day. Everything I loved most in life had been stripped from me, and I figured, what’s the point? Why go on? I had nothing. Sure, I was alive, but…you were gone and nothing else mattered. I know you don’t want to hear this part, but Harry stood by me.” She twirled a lock of hair around her finger.
She stood, but stayed near the bed, unable to sit still. “It was well over a year before I really started asking Harry questions about that night in Tzbekystan. It was never determined who tried to kill me, or at least that’s what he told me. But about a year-and-a-half ago we talked a little about that night. He mentioned Sarah Olson and told me the role she played in saving my life. Hearing what she’d done, I wanted to know more. I wanted answers, but Harry was slow to give me any.”
Hope raced through Alandra’s body when Quinn removed his arm from his eyes, but it fizzled when he didn’t look at her. Maybe it was better that he didn’t. She didn’t want to see disappointment in his eyes.
“It took me a while to find Sarah, especially since she had changed her name, but during that time I found out you were alive and was surprised you lived in Chicago. When I confronted Harry, he said he lied about you because he wanted me to move on, start new. He said that if I was going to fake my death, the fewer people who knew I was alive, the better. He told me that if I started digging around in my past, I’d be putting my life at risk. So for a few months I followed that rational, but deep down I wanted to know what happened.”
Alandra began pacing the distance from the foot of the bed back to the chair, trying to formulate her thoughts. Quinn had been through enough and deserved to know why she’d stayed away.
“I didn’t tell him, but I started digging deeper into my past while building my new life. Since I needed money and couldn’t go back to the CIA, I went back into nursing.”
Alandra reclaimed her seat and brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs. “I didn’t start thinking about coming to Chicago until I heard Harry talking on the phone one day. He had stopped by the apartment in L.A., which wasn’t unusual, but that day I wasn’t expecting him. Since I didn’t have any groceries in the house, I made a quick run to the store and he stayed behind. When I returned, I found him on the phone.”
Alandra snatched a Kleenex from the side table and wiped the tears that were crawling down her cheeks. It was true that she thought of Harry as a father, but that day she started questioning whether or not his loyalty was for her, or if he was using her.
She hugged her knees to her chest and played with a lock of her hair. When she looked up her eyes met Quinn’s.
“Go on,” he encouraged. Moving slower than usual, he stepped into the pair of jeans she had left at the foot of the bed. His eyes were blood-shot red and it was clear he wasn’t feeling well. He swayed a little, but righted himself and fastened his pants.
“Can I get you anything?”
He sat on the side of the bed, slumped over rubbing his head. “Maybe a piece of candy, a mint or something until I can make it to the bathroom to brush my teeth.”
She dugged through her bag and found a piece of peppermint.
“Thanks. Finish your story.”
Feeling encouraged, she told him about Harry’s telephone call. “To the person on the phone he said, ‘are you threatening me? No one will ever find out I had anything to do with it.’” Alandra stood and walked behind her chair, her hands resting on the back of it. “And then he said, ‘as long as my secrets are kept, yours will be kept. Besides, you’re in no position to threaten me. If Quinn Hamilton ever finds out you had something to do with Alandra’s death, he’ll kill you the way he killed…’ at that point he stopped talking. I’m not sure if he heard me behind him, but I played it off by backing up and slamming the door I had come through. I walked into the room as if I’d just arrive.”
Quinn and Alandra stared at each other, neither saying a word. Alandra wish she knew what he was thinking. His facial expression remained blank the whole time she talked.
She dropped to her knees in front of him and reached for his hand. “I swear on my life I’m telling you the truth, and I promise I’ll never lie to you again.”
He slid his hands out of her grasp. “This still doesn’t explain why you stayed away. Why you thought I was capable of doing anything to hurt you. I loved you so much I physically ached for you. I could never…I would never do anything to intentionally put your life in danger, and you should have known that.”
Tears sprung to her eyes and she scooted back, feeling her heart crumbling as she stood. She could not lose him again. Telling him everything had to count for something.
“Days ago when you asked me why I stayed away, I said because it wasn’t safe. When actually it wasn’t your safety I was concerned about, it was mine.” She snatched a Kleenex and dabbed at tears that rolled down her cheeks faster than she could wipe them away. “When I found out you were still alive, a part of me was beside myself with joy, but then that joy turned to anger when Harry planted it in my head that I might not have been the target. The more I thought about that night, the more I thought about how my life was ruined by someone who might’ve wanted revenge against you. I blamed you. I can’t even begin to explain the type of anger I felt toward you. I thought…it had only been me who’d been injured that night, whose life had been destroyed.”
She tossed the used tissue in the trash and grabbed more before sitting next to Quinn on the bed. Her hands automatically went to her hair, twirling a strand around her finger.
“I knew how you
felt about me, and believe me when I say I ached for you as well, but I couldn’t get over the hurt. I blamed you because of the type of work you did. I felt you put my life in danger. Quinn, I couldn’t help the way I felt. I was angry, and I was afraid, but I never stopped loving you.”
“So after you overheard Harry’s conversation,” Quinn said, as if she hadn’t just professed her love for him, “you started having doubts about him. Did you ever question him about the conversation?”
Alandra shook her head. “I acted as if everything was the same, but I was more determined than ever to find the truth and to determine the level of Harry’s involvement.”
“And so why did you come looking for me, especially since you were angry and afraid of me?”
“Quinn, I wasn’t afraid of you. I was afraid of the life you lived as an operative.” She sighed, unsure of what to say to make him see how confused she was during that time, but how much she still loved him. “As months went on, I tried to forget you and move on…but I couldn’t. I was still very much in love with you.”
“And you needed my help to find the people who had ruined your life.”
Quinn leaned forward, his elbows on his thighs and his head in his hands. Several minutes passed without him responding. “When I found out you were dead,” he glanced at her, pain evident in his eyes. “I lost it. My whole world fell apart. Never in my life have I loved someone as much as I love you, and never have I experienced that type of pain before. Losing you…” His voice trailed off. “How can I trust you when I know lying is second nature to you?”
Alandra shook her head. “Not when it comes to you. This has been the only time that I wasn’t totally honest with you. I swear I’ll never deceive you again. I have always loved you, and I will never stop loving you.” She placed her hand on this thigh. “Please tell me you forgive me.”
He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, and then let his hand fall away. “Thanks for being honest with me. I want what you want – the truth about that night and for the bastards involved to pay.” He stood slowly and headed toward the bathroom. “But as for you and I…we’re done.”
Rendezvous with Danger (Reunited Series) Page 17
