by Rhea Wilde
“He’s not my father,” he responded.
“I am your father. Even if you don’t want to acknowledge it. Even if you change your name. Even if you ignore me completely. That doesn’t change the fact.”
“The fact is you were never there for me. You were never there for mom.”
“I was there. I did the best I could—”
“It wasn’t good enough, damn it! It wasn’t good enough!”
Lee remained calm but Noah raised his voice. He shouted at his father while I continued to try and put all of the pieces together.
“You’re right,” Lee sighed. “It wasn’t enough. And I’m sorry.”
“I’m sure you are,” Noah responded. “Sitting here in your tower with all of your money while everybody else suffers. That’s how you are. That’s how you’ve always been. You only care about yourself.”
“I do spend a lot of time in my office,” Lee replied while shaking his head. “But I know this isn’t about me.”
“It’s always about you.”
“This isn’t. You’re being irrational, Noah. You need to listen. I suppose you get that from your mother…”
“Don’t talk about her!”
“All right. I won’t.”
Lee put his hands up as if to say he wouldn’t put up a fight. He paced toward one of the window walls and dug his hands into his pockets as he stared out into the distance.
“I told you the truth, Sheila,” he began. “Cleaning up this city is good for business. I’d benefit more than anybody. But I’d benefit more from leaving this city entirely. I’m here because I want to help New Gardens. I want to help people like the ones in your shelter. I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. If the two of you would take a moment to relax for just a moment, you would realize that. This is bigger than any of us in this room. I’m sure once you calm down, you’ll understand I’m being honest with you. I can’t say the same for my son.”
Lee could have been up to something. I racked my brain, shaking my head to see if I could find some ulterior motive as to why he would say what he just said.
But there was nothing. He wanted to talk to me because he wanted me to stay away from Castle. He wanted to take him down. It was as simple as that. Having Noah barge into Lee’s office was just bad timing.
“I don’t care what you do,” Lee continued. “Either one of you. That’s for you two to figure out. I’d tell you I’m sorry, Sheila…”
He turned around and looked at me. His eyes had a noticeable amount of regret in them. He was being sincere. I could just feel it.
“…But I know that’s not what you want to hear. Now you know the reason I left you. I was… unfaithful. And the proof is standing right next to you.
“You didn’t come here to make peace though. All I ask is that you be careful when dealing with Castle. The entire city is at stake. Your business with Noah is none of mine.
“As for you, son… You already know how I feel. I’ve told you a million times and there’s no point in saying it once more.”
He didn’t need to say another word. There was nothing more Lee needed to say. He just nodded to me and made his way back to his desk.
“Feel free to make your way out,” he said. “Robin will assist you if you need it.”
I turned and looked at Noah, who was still staring a hole through his father. Lee was ignoring him though, his attention occupied by some papers on his desk.
I kept looking at Noah. The more I stared at him, the more I saw Lee in him. His eyes. His hair. Everything about him brought me back to a time when I was a teenager. A time that was so long ago but could still remember like it was yesterday.
Noah turned to me and the hostility he had for his father disappeared. Instead, he looked at me like something was wrong. It was as if he had lost something important to him.
“Sheila…”
I didn’t respond to him. I just stared at him, unable to make anything out of everything I just heard.
“Sheila.”
Noah reached out to put his hands on my shoulders but I brushed by him and left Lee’s office.
“Sheila!”
I heard Noah calling out to me as I paced my way through the room where the elevator was. Robin ignored me as I quickly called for the elevator.
“Sheila, wait!”
The elevator didn’t arrive quickly enough. When I stepped inside, Noah was able to get inside with me.
“Sheila, talk to me.”
I didn’t say a word to him. I didn’t even look at him.
Lee’s son. He’s always been Lee’s son.
It was the longest elevator ride I’d ever taken. Noah continued to try and plead with me but I ignored him. When the elevator hit the main floor, I walked briskly out of it and Noah quickly followed behind me. It wasn’t until I got near the entrance when Noah grabbed my arm and stopped me.
“Would you just slow down a second?” he said. “Would you let me explain everything to you?”
I looked up at Noah and saw the hurt in his eyes. I knew I couldn’t just ignore him. Not after everything we’d been through. There was something still inside of me. Feelings that wouldn’t go away completely.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. “Why did you barge in there?”
“I got your text message. I didn’t see it because I was working but when I did, I got over here as quickly as I could.”
“Why did you though? Why did you feel the need to come here?”
“Because I know him. I know him better than anybody else. I know Lee.”
“Lee? You call him Lee? Noah, he’s your father…”
“You don’t know him like I do. He’s manipulative. He only cares about himself. He uses people for his own benefit.”
“I know, Lee, too. He might not be completely honest but he would never take advantage of me like that. He wouldn’t lie to me about protecting myself against Castle. I know him. I knew him… Before you were even born.”
It felt strange to say it. Noah was half my age. I tried to ignore all of the strange looks people gave us when we were together but now I knew that they were more than just looks. They were judging and I was completely oblivious to it because I wanted something with Noah.
“I didn’t know that, okay?” Noah said.
I put my hands on my hips and looked down at the ground in frustration. A deep sigh exited from my nostrils but it did little to calm me down. My thoughts were caught in a whirlwind and I couldn’t get a grasp of anything.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked as I looked up at Noah. “Why didn’t you tell me that Lee was your father? Just answer me that.”
Noah gritted his teeth and stared back at me. His throat shifted as he swallowed. His head shook slightly. His eyes locked on me, he started to speak.
“Because I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea.”
“What wrong idea?”
“When I found out you worked at a shelter, I knew you were a good person. I knew you cared about other people more than you cared about yourself. How would you react if you found out that my father is the richest man in the city, that he has enough money to turn your shelter into a palace big enough to feed every person you came across?”
“I don’t know…”
“Exactly. I’m not like that. Lee’s money is his money and not mine. I learned how to get by on my own. I learned how to get by through helping others. I’m just like you. That’s me. That’s the real me. If you knew I was related to the guy who owned the biggest building in the city then you wouldn’t be able to see that.”
I could see his point. But I still wasn’t sure what to make of Noah.
“You should have told me,” I said. “I have… I have a history with your father.”
“I didn’t know that. How could I?”
“You couldn’t. That doesn’t make it all right.”
“If I told you the truth, would you and I have a chance? If I told you I was Lee Taurus’s son, would yo
u still spend time with me?
“No,” I said as I shook my head. “I probably wouldn’t but not because of any reason you gave me. Noah…”
Something lurched inside of my stomach. Something was rising in my chest and getting stuck in my throat. It was hard for me to say it.
“…I’m old enough to be your mother. I almost was your mother—”
“You’re not my mother! If you and Lee were still together then I would be a different person. I wouldn’t even be here. Everything would be different. But that’s not how things are. You can’t change your mind because of an if.”
“Maybe. Maybe you’re right… But that still doesn’t make it okay. I’m still…”
“What is it? Just tell me what’s wrong, Sheila?”
Noah was one of the kindest men I’d ever met. Looking into his eyes now, the sincerity was undeniable. Underneath his muscled frame and hardened stare, there was just a young man who was still trying to figure things out. And I had no idea how to help him along.
“Listen,” I sighed. “I just need a moment to myself. I need to figure things out. With everything going on with Castle and Kimmy and now this… I just need some space. I just… I just need to breathe, okay?”
“Okay,” he responded. “Just—”
“Noah. Please…”
“All right,” he said with a nod.
He reached down and took my hands in his then kissed them.
“You should probably get back to work,” I told him. “Before Lou gets mad.”
He didn’t say anything more. He stared at me as he left the building, his eyes locked on me the entire time.
After he was gone, I stood there at the entrance of the Taurus building. The wide open space that surrounded me felt like it stretched for a thousand meters all around me, the only thing to keep me company was my thoughts.
I was alone. Again.
Chapter 18
“Happy birthday!”
I lazily raised the glass of beer and clinked it with the glass next to mine. I couldn’t get it to my lips fast enough. I gulped the foam down and swallowed as much of the rest of it as I could. The icy cold beer hit the back of my throat and froze the rest of my body, making me forget about just how hot it was outside.
“Hey, now… Looks like somebody’s celebrating tonight.”
I looked over at Max. He gave me a big toothy smile the only way he could, like I was a child and he was my grandfather.
“How old did you say you were again? Forty?”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “Forty. Thirty-nine. Thirty-eight. Who’s counting?”
“That’s the spirit. I told you you’d come along soon enough.”
“Yeah, what does it even matter?”
I sighed and took another big swig of my beer. I could already feel it beginning to swish around in my stomach. My blood was beginning to boil with the burn of the alcohol. I was going to pay for this in the morning but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to wake up tomorrow.
When I arrived back at the shelter that day, Max was there to greet me. I didn’t explain to him what happened. He could already sense I wasn’t in a good mood. I waited for a few hours and Marie was kind enough not to kick me out. She knew my leg was fine at this point but she still had to play the role of stern head of the household.
Max took me to the same bar he did just a few nights ago. The same night I met Noah. The place hadn’t changed from last time. There were patrons here having fun, drinking and dancing to the point you couldn’t tell it was a weeknight. Either they didn’t have to wake up early tomorrow for work or they simply didn’t care.
The music was low. A tinge of cigarette smoke wafted through the air. It was dark and dingy. The atmosphere matched my mood. I didn’t want to be anywhere else in the world than where I was.
“Now, what’s this all about?” Max asked me.
“What are you talking about?” I sighed.
“Come on, you can tell me.”
I looked over at him. Even though I knew I could trust him, I wasn’t sure he was the right person to tell. I had all sorts of feelings building up inside of me after the revelation in Lee’s office. I didn’t think there would be enough time in the world to sort it out.
“I haven’t had enough to drink yet,” I said.
“You’re already on your second beer. A young lady like you has had plenty.”
“It’s my birthday, remember? Two beers isn’t plenty.”
“If you have another, you won’t be coherent enough to tell me what’s on your mind.”
“…You’ve got a point.”
“I sure do.”
“I don’t think I’m ready though.”
Max chuckled to himself and leaned back in his chair. He held up the beer mug and examined it after taking a sip. There was a satisfied look on his face. His lips smacked and some of the foam rested on his mustache.
“You know, I remember a time when beers like this were hard to come by. I had to scrape and scrounge every last dime I begged for. And for what? Just to buy a beer because I was just like every other wino on the street.”
I perked my ears up and glanced at Max. He was lost in a memory, his eyes glazed as they continued to examine the contents of his mug.
“What happened?” I asked. “What changed?”
“I don’t know exactly. I guess I got tired of having to beg people for money. I wanted to find a better way to live.”
“Sure. I doubt it was as simple as that. I think a lot of people, especially in this city, want to change their lives. They just don’t know how.”
“Yeah,” Max sighed. “That’s the sad truth.”
He took another gulp of beer and smacked his lips with his tongue like the wino he said he used to be.
“You know what I did, Sheila? I used to hustle out on the streets. People used to do everything they could to make a dollar. They would fight for money, even kill for it. I took advantage of them.”
“How did you do that?”
“I would organize some of the fights. I’d take one bad dude from this street and put him up against another guy. People would bet on the fights. A bunch of rabid punks just trying to make a buck. Everybody was trying to make a buck.”
“But you stopped though.”
“Yeah, I stopped. I got out. I got out the first chance I got.”
“What happened?”
“I met someone. I met a man I didn’t think existed. He was incredible. A man who was down on his luck the same as me. He saved me. He saved himself. I owe him everything.”
Max stared into the glass, his thoughts clearly wandering. After a few seconds, he sighed and polished off the rest of his beer.
“You never told me that before,” I said.
“No, I didn’t. Truth is, I’m ashamed of my past. I’m just trying to make up for it.”
“You? Ashamed?”
“It’s not something I’m proud of, Sheila. I like to think I can keep doing good work though. There’s still honest work out there. There are still decent people out there.”
“Yeah…”
“You’re one of them.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re so focused on trying to help people you turn people away when they’re trying to help you. You don’t realize you’re in the same boat. Sure, you’re not living on the street, eating food out of trash cans and begging for change. That doesn’t mean you don’t need someone from time to time.”
“Yeah but it’s not something to complain about. The people at the shelter… The people on the streets… They have bigger problems than I do. They have real problems.”
“We’re not at the shelter right now. We’re not out on the street. You can’t solve every problem all at once. We gotta solve it one at a time.”
Max tilted his head and looked at me, his eyes inquisitive and his smile slowly growing on his face. I grabbed my mug and put it to my mouth, swallowing as much of the beer as I could before letting out a satisfied exh
ale.
“So… Now you gonna tell me what’s on your mind, birthday girl? I don’t have all of the answers but there’s no harm in telling.”
“No,” I sighed. “I suppose there isn’t.”
“Good. Lay it on me.”
“It’s… I met someone. A man. He’s amazing. He’s probably the most amazing man I’ve ever met. Good-looking. Hard-working. Charming. Kind.”
“Sounds like one hell of a catch. I don’t see what the problem is.”
“It’s… It’s a long story. It’s hard for me to explain.”
“We’ve got all night.”
“No,” I said as I shook my head. “That’s not important. What is important is I’m not sure if I could be with him.”
“Why not? You just said he’s an amazing guy.”
“He is. But when I look at him, I see so much more. I see… It just stirs up so many feelings inside of me and not all of them are good. I’m just confused.”
I couldn’t explain to Max how I felt. I couldn’t even explain it myself. Noah was amazing. Spending time with him was incredible. But after what happened earlier today, he became so much more. When I looked into his eyes, it wasn’t just Noah looking back at me. Lee was there, too.
“Have you ever… met someone?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Max said with a smirk. “I think we’ve all been there before.”
“There’s no better feeling in the world. I guess that’s why it hurts so much when you lose them.”
“It’s just a part of life.”
“I hate that it has to be that way. I wish that things worked themselves out. I thought… I thought that I was over and done with this. Twenty years…”
I stared off into the distance. How embarrassing was it for me to admit that I was still hurt by what Lee did all that time ago? I was so hurt that it affected my relationship with Noah.
“I don’t have any answers for you,” Max said. “I never said I did. Some things are just out of our control.”
“So what do we do?”
“Well, do you just give up? No. You keep trudging on. It’s a challenge. If there was a person who didn’t go through any adversity in their life, I sure haven’t met’em. Nope. That person doesn’t exist. But I tell you who I have met. I’ve met the people who’ve made it to the other side.”
