by N. Alleman
After she’s finished this statement, she gazes out of the window, lost in her thoughts for a moment. I know I should probably say something to reassure her, the words simply ball up in my throat and get stuck there. I’m not used to this, being with a woman that I actually give a shit about, and I’m finding it oddly bewildering. I feel like I should be better for her, and it’s intimidating.
We arrive at the restaurant still in silence, but as soon as we get inside and seated at our table, things change. Nadia’s light surrounds her once more, and it seems like she’s returning back to herself. I know that she’s going through a lot, but our situation is difficult for me to navigate too, and that’s killing me inside. I’m used to being strong, powerful, in control, so this lack of power is hard.
It’s worth it though, for her.
“The food here looks really good,” she grins up at me from the menu. “Thank you for bringing me here, it’s really nice of you.”
“You’re welcome,” I grin, allowing my fingers to roll over the box that’s in my pocket. I have the necklace for her, and I do intend to give it to her, but not right now. Not until the moment is absolutely perfect. This is the first gift that I’ve ever given anyone before, and it needs it to be done right. I don't want to screw it up.
We order and sip the wine that has been brought to our table. As the bubbles slide down my throat, I start to relax. I realize that I’m the one who needs to bring the atmosphere to where I want it to be, since I’m not the one going through a hard time here.
“So, how are you doing?” I decide to start with something easy, reaching out to hold her hands in mine across the table. “I know things have been pretty crazy, so I just want to be sure that you’re doing okay.”
“I’m okay, I think,” she sighs smiling at me. “I mean, I’ve been better but now I’m just looking forward to the future. I keep thinking about what I want now.” There’s a glint in her eyes, one that sparks a fire in my belly, and it takes all that I have not to reach across the table and to kiss her right now. “It’s a little crazy I suppose, to be thinking in that way, so soon after the funeral.”
“Have you... decided on anything yet?” I ask hopefully as my heart races in my chest. I don't know what I want her to say… Do I want her to tell me that it’s me she wants, knowing what her life will consist of? Or would it be better for her to tell me that she never wants to see me again? She would certainly be safer...
“I don't know exactly. I keep thinking that I want to get the hell away from here. I want to live somewhere where no one knows me, where I can start again. I don't have a place in mind really, just somewhere small, somewhere quieter, somewhere where I can start a family of my own.”
Oh God, I want that too, so damn badly. But I can’t now. There’s no way in hell. How can I leave now that I’ve pledged my life to Aidan? I can’t go, I’m stuck here, and I don't want Nadia to be stuck somewhere that she hates, among people that make her uncomfortable, just for me. That isn’t fair either.
She’s already been through one relationship that held her in place, she doesn’t need another.
Maybe I should just tell her the truth right now. Maybe I should get everything out in the open. Let her know that there can be no future here—that she should move away and never see me again.
“I thought I was pregnant not so long ago,” she suddenly bursts out, dragging me from my unhelpful brain. “Just after I met you for the very first time.” She stares intently into her wine glass, and for a split second I fear she’s going to cry. “I told Damien, hoping that it might work towards fixing things, but he called me a liar and he started hitting me all over again.”
Argh, God, this angers me so damn much. This Damien character was nothing more than a nasty bully, and honestly the world is a better place without him. How can someone be so horrible, so vindictive? It makes no sense to me.
“Sorry, I’m just going to head to the bathroom for a second,” she tells me, making me feel even worse. Why can’t I ever find the right words to make things better for her? What the hell is wrong with me?
While she’s gone, I torture myself over that thought, my mind spinning round and round. This is made worse by the fact that she seems to be taking forever. I know that women are famous for taking a long time in the bathroom, especially when they are filled with emotions, but this seems excessive even to me.
I must be a really shitty listener...
But as she hurries back to the table, looking incredibly stressed out, I feel that ball of panic fill my throat. Something has happened, something bad, and it makes me jump up from the table in shock.
“What’s going on?” I call out, pulling her in for a hug. “Are you okay?”
“I... I... I don't know,” she weeps lightly. “I was in the bathroom, looking in the mirror, and... and a masked person attacked me from behind...”
“What?” I gasp, pulling back to look at her. “Is he still in there?” I need to get him, to attack him, to kill the fucker. I can’t let that slide, no chance in hell. I’m assuming it’s a him because that seems like a male thing to do, but I could be wrong.
“I tasered him, but I don't know if I did it right because I shocked him, but it didn’t take him down. He... he jumped out of the window and ran away. I’m sorry. I know I should have stopped him or something...”
“No, don't worry,” I reassure her. “You did all that you could by getting out alive. Come on, if we go now we might still be able to find him...”
“What about the food?” She asks, as the waiter brings it over, but it’s too late. I’m already out the door. He’s out there, somewhere and I need to get him while I can.
16
Nadia
“I’m sorry. I’ll have him come back and pay” I say to the waiter as I start to run behind Alexi, needing to know where he is. He’s gone chasing after the man who just attacked me in the bathroom. And while I’m do want him to catch whoever attacked me, I don't want him to get hurt. I couldn’t stand it if anything happened to him because of me.
I race into the parking lot, but it’s dark and I don’t see him. My heart is thumping loudly, and and I’m freaking the hell out. I squint against the black night, desperate to find him, but it’s useless.
“Alexi,” I cry out, no longer caring about being discreet. Someone now knows about us anyway, so there’s no point in trying to disguise it any longer. I do hate that now it’s going to look like I was cheating on my husband with him, but that’s the least of my problems right now. “Alexi, where are you?”
I start running, not even knowing where I’m going, but before I can get far, I see him racing back to me, shaking his head in dismay. My heart flutters excitedly, glad to have him back with me unharmed. I don't even care that he clearly didn’t catch the perpetrator, because really all I want is for it all to be over with. I don't want Alexi to end up on some kind of crazy revenge mission—there’s no way that will turn out a good thing!
“I didn’t find him,” he tells me, panting and out of breath, proving how far he’s run. He’s a fit, healthy man who’s in great shape—if he’s worn out, it’s for a reason! “I looked everywhere but he must have escaped.”
“That doesn’t matter,” I reply happily, throwing my arms around him. “I just want you to be okay.”
“Shall we... go back inside?” He asks me, hugging me back. “I’m sure the food will be there soon enough.”
But I don't want to go back inside now, not after that. I just want to go somewhere quiet, somewhere private, to be with only him. “I don't,” I shake my head. “Can we just go back to your place instead? I’m a little shaken up.”
He gets our food wrapped up to go and pays the bill while I wait in his locked car. Every minute or so he pokes his head out of the restaurant to make sure I’m okay. It feels good having someone take care of me like that. Goodness knows I can use some protecting lately. I’ve been assaulted so many times in the past week I’m starting to be afraid of my ow
n shadow.
As we drive back to his place, my mind goes back to that terrifying moment in the bathroom when I was attacked. Whoever it was that came after me really wanted to kidnap me, that much was obvious in his actions, and now I’m afraid that someone really does have it in for me. It feels like they will stop at nothing.
My dream to move away, to go somewhere new where no one will know anything about me, has become even more prominent, but of course I can’t do it until all of this is over. Right now I’m scared that I’ll be followed and my life will never just be mine.
I glance out of the corner of my eye at Alexi and wonder if he would ever want to come with me. Despite myself, I really do like him, and I can’t help but hope that we will have a future together. It might be crazy, but there’s an intense chemistry between us, and I would love to explore that further. I’d be willing to stick around a little while longer, just to see where that goes.
“Are you okay?” He asks, rubbing my knee. “I know you must be rattled.”
“I am,” I tell him honestly. “I’m okay because you’re with me.”
He slips his hand in mine, and as our fingers intertwine I feel that fire bursting in my belly once more. That sizzling spark that’s constantly there, gripping my heart, wants me to act on it again. There’s a little voice in my head telling me to grab on to Alexi and to kiss him with everything I’ve got. To never let him go.
“Come on,” he smiles at me as he pulls up into his driveway. “Let’s go inside, maybe finish our dinner.”
I follow closely behind him, pressing my body up against his, hoping that he’ll realize I’m no longer hungry for food, it’s him I want to devour. He turns to face me as soon as he steps through the door, seemingly noticing that there’s something up, and I take that opportunity to wrap my arms around his neck and pull him in for a kiss. I want to lose myself in him for a while, just forget everything else, and soon our mouths clash together in a burst of fireworks, and all my issues simply melt away.
He pushes me up against the wall and kisses me with even more passion, showing me that he needs me as much as I need him. His hands work their way up to my cheeks, as if the way he’s holding me gently and softly around the face and the way he’s kissing me, we are at complete opposite ends of the spectrum, and for some reason that really turns me on.
“Oh God,” I gasp, as his mouth finds my neck. “Alexi, you feel amazing.”
“Let’s go to my bedroom,” he growls, setting off another set of electrical currents coursing through me. “I can’t do everything I want to do to you here.”
As we walk through Alexi’s home, a lusty haze overtakes the atmosphere. I’m almost dizzy with desire, and it feels a lot better than everything else I’ve been through today. The way Alexi makes me feel is incredible, and so different than what I’m used to. He doesn’t belittle me, or make me feel stupid or insignificant. He hasn’t judged me for wearing a dress that Damien would have considered far too revealing, and he constantly looks at me as if I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. His attention is addictive to me. It sucks me in and doesn’t want to let me go.
The second we get into Alexi’s bedroom, he spins around and pulls me back in for yet another intoxicating kiss. While we make out like horny teenagers who have finally been given a moment alone to explore each another’s bodies, his hands make their way all over my body, caressing my every curve and causing me to gasp breathlessly with every brush of his fingers.
“You’re so beautiful,” he moans against my lips, before hitching my dress up and pulling it over my head. I lift up my arms, eager to have the dress gone—it’s nothing more than an inconvenience right now. I want us both completely naked so I can satisfy this beast that’s arisen inside of me.
He pushes me backwards until I fall on the bed, the cold sheets send a shiver through me. His eyes remain fixed firmly on mine while he sheds his own jacket and shirt, revealing those amazing abs for me once more. I lean up onto my elbows, wanting to reach out and touch him, but before I get the opportunity too, he’s shedding his pants too, leaving us both in only our underwear.
Alexi hovers over me, and that look in his eyes has everything inside of me fluttering all over again. He so clearly wants me, and in the moment that has me wanting to do something a little crazy, and totally unlike me. It makes me want to be brave and powerful.. So I flip us both over until he is on his back on the bed, and I am straddling him.
“What are you doing?” He gasps, laughing as I lean in to kiss him. I smirk naughtily at him, and move my body down his, running kisses all over him. As my lips work over his neck, his shoulders, his stomach, I can see him trembling, and that makes the excitement inside of me build even more.
I yank his underwear down as if it’s the most inconvenient garment in the world, revealing his amazing cock to me once more. He’s so thick and impressive that even though I’ve experienced him before, it still blows me away.
I don't let that stop me though. I move my mouth closer to him, wanting to give him some of the pleasure that he gave me the other day. I’m anxious about going there, but I’m excited too. My heart is racing in my chest, pounding painfully, sending hot blood racing through my body.
Alexi pants as my mouth gets closer, and his breaths become labored as I place one sweet, chaste kiss on his length.
“Oh fuck,” he cries out. “Nadia, you’re killing me.”
Those words are enough to have me taking that next step, so with one deep calming breath, I wrap my lips hungrily around his cock. He fills my mouth up wholly, and as I slide myself further down him, flicking my tongue against his shaft, I realize it actually feels pretty damn good.
Just as I get myself into a comfortable set of movements, Alexi surprises me by sitting up and pulling me off him. “Stop it,” he pants. “You’re driving me too wild.”
I grin as I move back over to where he’s sitting, straddling him once more, and as we kiss this time, his hand moves back towards my core and he plunges a couple of fingers deep inside me. I arch my back against him, tossing my head back in pleasure, losing myself in the sensations that are flowing freely through me.
“You’re so wet for me,” he moans happily.
“All for you, baby,” I tell him, and with that, he totally stuns me by moving his hand and sliding himself into me, claiming me as his own.
We thrust hard against one another, and he hits all the right spots, quickly sending me into a pleasure-filled tailspin. Waves of pleasure shatter through my body, and leave me crumbling and falling apart above him. With a grunt, he pushes into one final time, and I want him to stay inside me and never leave.
This is it, I think to myself as crescendo of our erotic dance consumes me. This man is the one. The one I want to be with forever.
There’s no point in trying to deny it to myself anymore. No point in holding back. I’ve been wanting to distance myself because it feels wrong, like it’s too soon, but in reality I’ve been by myself for many, many years, maybe even my entire life. And now it really feels like the time to open myself up to Alexi. He might not be the sort of person I envisioned myself with, but Damien was, and look how that turned out.
It’s time to follow my heart, rather than my head. It seems to know what’s best for me. Alexi seems to have my best interests at heart, so maybe it’s finally time to give him the trust he deserves.
While we’re lying next to one another, panting happily, I watch him lean over to grab his jacket, and by the time he turns back to face me, he has a box in his hands which he’s giving to me.
“What’s this?” I ask, an amused tone to my voice.
“Take it,” he insists. “I bought it for you.”
My heart races as I take it from him, wondering what the hell it could be. I haven’t been given a gift in a very long time, and really don't know how to react. I’m already feeling overly emotional, and it only gets worse as I open it to see the beautiful necklace inside—a thin silver chain with a small he
art on the end, which is absolutely perfect.
He is absolutely perfect.
“Oh wow,” I gasp, throwing my hand over my mouth. “This is... I don't even know what to say. Thank you so much.”
“Here, let me put it on you.”
I sit up and pull my hair out of the way, watching the necklace being fixed around my neck, and as Alexi clasps it around my neck I feel myself melt. I’m right about this one, I’m sure of it. Alexi will make me very happy if only I’m willing to let him.
17
Alexi
The more I think about it, the more I think it might have been a woman that attacked Nadia in the bathroom of the restaurant. She certainly didn’t specify a gender when she blurted the story out to me, and I got the impression that she thought it was a man, but since we only really have one lead, and it’s someone who is distinctly female, I’m going to have to keep my mind open until I get further in my investigation..
Again, maybe I’m grasping at straws, trying to find something that isn’t there, but because I’m desperate I’m sticking with it. Something in my gut is telling me that this is right, and I need to know for sure...
There is definitely something suspicious about my good friend Officer Whitfield, so if it wasn't her that attacked Nadia in the bathroom, I have a feeling that she’ll know who it was. I’m pretty sure that this won’t be a wasted journey at any rate.
“Hi,” I grin at the man sitting behind the reception desk in the police station. “I’m here to see Officer Whitfield, I have some questions for her about one of the cases she’s working on.”
