Kate swallowed hard. ‘There were…repercussions from the rape.’
Connor went very, very still. ‘You got pregnant?’ She heard the sharp sound of his indrawn breath. ‘You had an abortion?’
That would explain why she was so upset about Bella’s plan to ‘fix’ things, wouldn’t it? But he still didn’t understand. It was worse than that.
‘I didn’t try to find a way out,’ she said softly. ‘I didn’t even tell anyone. I…I wanted that baby so much, Connor. It would have been someone to love. Someone who would…’ Her voice was almost inaudible. ‘Who would have loved me back.’
Connor’s voice was raw. ‘What happened?’
‘I was a bit over five months pregnant, I guess, and I got careless. My father saw me coming out of the bathroom in the T-shirt I slept in and he was so angry.’
Connor made a growling sound. ‘He hit you?’
‘He didn’t get a chance. I ran. I got as far as the front door but then I tripped on the step and fell…hard.’ There was no point going into the gory details. ‘I lost the baby,’ she finished quietly. ‘And that was when Mum shipped me off to my brother’s. I was sixteen.’
There was a long silence. Then Connor took hold of her hand again and she could hear the hint of a smile in his voice.
‘Do you remember when we did get to make love?’
Kate nodded. Of course she did. How could she ever forget? It had been in her office, no less. After he had saved her from her father’s violent attack.
‘Why did it work that time?’
‘Because…I felt safe.’
‘But why did you feel safe?’
‘Because I loved you and…and that was when I found out that you loved me.’ The miracle of it was still fresh. Kate could hear the wonder in her voice.
‘Mmm.’ Connor was stroking his thumb across the back of her hand. ‘It got you past that barrier, didn’t it? Feeling loved. Feeling safe?’
‘Mmm.’
‘Well, my barrier was the thought of having a child with the potential for something to go horribly wrong and for it to destroy a family. Looking at it now, I think it was all to do with the loneliness of feeling abandoned. Being vulnerable.’
Kate had to touch Connor. To connect with him in a way that words couldn’t hope to convey. She reached up to touch his face. To trace the outline of his eyes and his cheekbones and his jaw. She wanted him to know that she understood. That she loved him. That he would never, ever be abandoned again.
Connor smiled down at her. He caught her hand with his own. ‘I don’t feel like that any more.’
‘You mean…’ Kate wasn’t sure exactly what he meant because what she wanted it to mean was too much to hope for.
‘The biggest risk I ever took was loving you, Katie,’ he said softly. ‘And it was a risk I had no choice but to take because I do love you. And you love me. And I feel safe, too. Kids don’t seem like that big a risk any more.’
He was smiling at her now. A slightly wobbly smile but it was full of joy. ‘We can do anything, Katie, my love. Nothing’s going to destroy our love and to have a baby…our baby, maybe lots of babies…it’s only going to make that love bigger, don’t you think? Stronger, anyway.’
‘But what if something goes wrong? Like Pippi?’
‘We’ll have each other. We’d be strong for each other. And we’d know not to forget to show that love to each other. And to our children.’
‘Oh, Connor…’ Kate threw her arms around the man she loved and he held her just as tightly. ‘I love you so much. You’re going to be the best father.’
‘And you’re going to be a totally awesome mum. You’ve even had practice with teenagers.’
‘Oh, no…’ Kate pulled reluctantly out of Connor’s embrace. ‘Bella.’
Connor sighed. ‘I think she might need you right now even more than I do. What are you going to tell her?’
‘I really don’t know,’ Kate confessed. ‘It’s a mess. The father of this baby is Oliver Dawson.’
‘Whoa…’ Connor was practically gaping at her. ‘Does he know?’
‘Apparently not.’
Connor shook his head. He watched Kate get to her feet to head back into the house.
‘Want me to come in too?’
‘Not yet. Bella and I have some talking to do. I think it’s time she heard my whole story. And then we’ll talk about what comes next.’
Connor watched her walk back into the house.
Pride filled his chest until it was so tight it was hard to breathe. No wonder he loved this woman so much. She was so strong. She’d been through so much. Being loved by her made him the luckiest man alive. And now she was carrying his baby.
His baby.
A grin came from nowhere and stayed on his face for a very long time. Finally, it faded into a somewhat rueful smile as he thought about Bella’s predicament. About what Oliver Dawson was going to have to deal with.
Bella was another one of those strong Graham women. And a much wilder one than his Katie.
He could understand perfectly well why Oliver had been attracted to Bella but for the life of him he couldn’t imagine Oliver seeing her as the chosen mother of his child. Even with his peers, the surgeon came across as being a bit pompous sometimes. Stuffy, even.
Man, but he’d love to be a fly on the wall when he got the news that Bella was carrying the Dawson heir.
And that thought was enough to propel Connor to his feet and into the house. They’d had plenty of time to talk and he had to make sure that Kate started looking after herself. Here it was after eight p.m. and he knew she hadn’t had a bite of dinner yet. He didn’t want Bella upsetting her either. Besides, Bella was part of his family now. They would find a way through this mess.
Together.
CHAPTER NINE
SOMETHING wasn’t quite right.
Oliver couldn’t put his finger on what it was but it was bothering him. His registrar gave him a sideways glance as they stood in front of the CT scan they were examining.
‘Problem?’
Oliver gave his head a definitive shake. ‘Looks straightforward to me. Burr holes here and here…’ He indicated the spots. ‘Lifting the bone flap over this area should give us clear access to the clot.’
‘OK. I’ll go and get scrubbed.’ But the registrar gave him another odd glance, as if he could tell that something was bothering
Oliver.
And it was, but it wasn’t anything to do with any of the cases that were lined up for neurosurgery today.
It was Bella who kept sneaking into his head. He could banish her, of course, and get on with his job but she kept coming back. Leaving this odd, unsettled feeling behind.
Ever since he’d got back from Melbourne a week ago, since he’d come so close to kissing her again when she’d been walking past wrapped in that towel and looking so deliciously damp, she’d been…different. Not that he’d seen that much of her. Some days he didn’t see her at all, in fact, and despite the plausible reasons his mother offered, he was beginning to think she was deliberately avoiding his company. And when he did see her, she was most definitely quieter.
Subdued, almost. More grown up or something.
And, as ridiculous as it the word seemed when describing Bella Graham, she seemed more dignified.
He hadn’t heard her singing. Or laughing, come to think of it. He certainly hadn’t seen her dancing.
Boyfriend hassles, perhaps?
Not that it was any of his business. And he certainly had no right to feel put out by the notion that there were other men in Bella’s life.
Other men?
Good grief, where had that come from? As if he was in Bella’s life.
Oliver scrubbed in with his usual attention t
o detail. A short time later, gowned and gloved, he supervised his registrar making the burr holes in the shaved area of their patient’s head. It wasn’t until the bone flap had been lifted and the dura exposed that he held his hand out for the surgical scissors required to snip through the protective covering of the brain.
For a good while then not a single thought of Bella intruded. The clot that had been pressing on this woman’s brain after the head injury she’d sustained in a car accident was carefully extracted. There was no new bleeding to be seen and closing the wound was uneventful. The registrar was left with the task of replacing the bone flap and stitching the scalp back together. With her head swathed in bandages, the woman would go back to the ICU for observation and Oliver could check in on her before they started their next case. Stripping his gloves off as he left Theatre, he gave his mask a tug but only the top string broke, leaving it dangling around his neck.
Like a bib.
Like Bella’s had been that day he’d growled at her for coming into his theatre in such slap-dash fashion.
And there she was again.
OK, it was his business if she had boyfriend issues that were making her unhappy. What if it wasn’t a boyfriend? What if she was becoming bored with her new job of being his mother’s private nurse?
That was a real possibility, wasn’t it?
Bella was made for adventure. For doing wild, irresponsible things that involved lots of noise and movement and laughter. She might be doing an astonishing good job of helping his mother in her rehabilitation but how long could such a confined routine appeal to a free spirit like Bella?
She might decide to leave and head off on that overseas trip she was so keen on having and where would that leave his mother? And him?
This time, that unsettled feeling contained an extra element. Guilt. For some reason Oliver couldn’t help thinking that he might be to blame for whatever was going on.
That attraction between them was as strong as it had been the night he’d totally lost control and given in to temptation. Maybe it was even stronger on his side judging by the pull he’d felt to kiss her again the other night. Was it the same for Bella? Was she feeling…rejected in some way, because he’d told her that it wasn’t appropriate?
A bit like bonking one of the servants.
How absurd was that?
That hadn’t been why it was so inappropriate. It had been because she was his mother’s employee and even that wasn’t enough of a reason in itself.
It was because she was who she was, it was as simple as that. Someone who could float through life in a joyous and carefree manner, flouting the rules if she thought she could get away with it or if it was going to be so much fun it would be worth it. She had no weight of social responsibilities or even the pressures of doing a high-powered job.
Oliver could feel the scowl on his face deepening as he strode off to do a quick ward round between theatre cases.
A knot of something like resentment was forming in his gut. Was he jealous of the kind of freedom Bella had?
No, of course he wasn’t.
The social obligations were just a distraction. He didn’t care about the status that went with being in an elite group of moneyed people but he did care about the power they had to change things in society that weren’t right.
He did, however, love his job. He wouldn’t swap it for anything. He loved the drama and pressure of Theatre and he got enormous satisfaction out of changing people’s lives for the better. Stepping in when they—or their loved ones—were so terrified because something bad was happening inside a brain. The idea of the soul being located in the heart was so off beam. Everything happened inside the brain and if it got too damaged the person was lost for ever.
Like poor old Wally, who he was popping in to see now. The elderly gentleman who’d finally had his brain tumour removed was now back in the geriatric ward.
Oliver checked in with the nurse manager to see how he was doing.
‘Not bad at all,’ Sally told him. ‘That left-sided weakness is still there but his speech is getting clearer every day. And once he relearns a word for something, it’s there the next time he wants it.’ She grinned. ‘He’s feeling so much better today he asked when the next line-dancing class was happening. He’s missing Bella.’
Oliver just stared at Sally. That’s what it was. He was missing Bella, too. The happy Bella. That’s why he kept thinking about her at inappropriate moments. Why he was left feeling unsettled.
‘We’re all missing her,’ Sally sighed, disconcertingly seeming to read his mind. ‘She just has a knack of making the world around her a brighter place, doesn’t she?’
Not right now she didn’t.
‘How’s Lady Dorothy getting on?’
‘Excellent progress,’ Oliver reported. ‘She can’t manage her blood-sugar testing or her insulin injections by herself yet but she’s getting more independent with other things every day. I think she’ll end up needing very little assistance.’
‘That’s fantastic.’ Sally raised her eyebrows. ‘Maybe she won’t need Bella much longer and we could have her back.’
‘Doubt it. My mother has become very fond of Bella.’ Oliver could feel his scowl trying to emerge again. ‘Besides, she’s planning to head overseas to have adventures as soon as she’s not needed in this position.’
‘Oh, that’s right. The big O.E. and then settling down to have a dozen babies.’ Sally laughed. ‘Our Bella certainly knows what she wants out of life.’
Oliver said nothing. He was, to outward appearances, now deeply focussed on Wally’s notes. What he was actually doing was breathing a sigh of relief. That was precisely why a relationship with Bella was so out of the question. It wasn’t that she was so unlike the women he’d always dated because, right now, in this quiet, dignified mode, she wasn’t that different after all. It was because she wanted something so different from her life. The kind of women he dated and that his mother was expecting him to choose from to produce a Dawson heir one day would have one or two children at the most. And a nanny to look after them, no doubt.
He could just see Bella with a dozen kids and no nanny. A whole, shambolic house full of them, tumbling around and dancing. And singing and shouting and laughing.
It would be loud and chaotic and…well… Oliver couldn’t imagine any neurosurgeon who’d want to go home after a hard day’s work to something like that.
He loved going home to the peace and quiet routine of his life. To the physical release of his gymnasium and the emotional peace of the summer house. He’d found it disruptive getting used to having Bella around in the first place. He should be delighted that her exuberance was wearing off and things were getting back to more like they had been in the past.
As long as she didn’t disappear completely.
* * *
‘Oh, look, Bella…’ Lady Dorothy held up a spray of white roses, having successfully squeezed the handles of the secateurs to snip the stem. ‘I did it.’
‘Well done, you.’ Lady Dorothy was beaming at her with such pleasure that Bella had to give her a hug. ‘How’s your hand feeling?’
‘Absolutely fine. Let’s get some more. I want to have a lovely big bowl of them on the table for dinner tonight. Freesias, to go with these icebergs because they have such a lovely scent. I do love yellow and white together, don’t you? Such a happy combination.’
Excitement had the older woman almost trotting across the garden to where the rose bushes with the bright yellow flowers were. Bella followed her, carrying the flat basket they were using to gather the roses. She was thrilled with the fact that Lady Dorothy was able to use the secateurs. The implement took some hand strength and flexibility to operate and even a week ago it would have been too much of an ask. The garden that had always been a passionate interest had been largely ignored since Be
lla had started working for Lady Dorothy because it had been too frustrating not to be able to do anything more than issue instructions for the gardener.
Yes, Bella was thrilled.
She just wasn’t happy.
So much was happening inside her head that, for the last week, her only escape had been to focus on her job and that had been a shining light through the dark turmoil of everything else because she really did love Lady Dorothy. She admired her elegance and applauded her courage and just adored her sense of humour. And the way she was prepared to break convention and have a go at anything—like line dancing, for heaven’s sake—was a connection that drew Bella very strongly. In her own way, Oliver Dawson’s mother was a bit of a rebel and she understood Bella in a way that Oliver never would.
She took the yellow blooms that were now being cut and laid them in the basket. At any other time, the glorious perfume would have been a delight but right now it was making her feel distinctly queasy.
Bella was getting moments like this with increasing frequency and they certainly weren’t confined to the mornings. She could feel how tender her breasts were with every movement of her arms, too. There was no escape from the fact that she was pregnant. And the days were ticking past and Bella still had no idea quite how she was going to handle it.
Watching Lady Dorothy, Bella could see that it was becoming more of a struggle to operate the secateurs. She wasn’t giving in to the difficulty, though. Or even the pain. Some people had so much courage and determination.
Like Kate.
Bella was still reeling from the story she’d been told that night when Kate had come back from her serious time with Connor out in the garden. With tears running down her face, she’d told Bella about getting pregnant at fifteen and how she’d known she ought to get a termination but she couldn’t because she’d already loved that baby.
Part of Bella had been horrified by that. The father of the baby was at best a drop-kick boyfriend. At worst a vicious rapist. Another part of her had understood completely. It was an innocent baby and how could you not love it?
Falling for Her Impossible Boss Page 10
