by Isabel Wroth
An hour or so later, he landed in the transport hangar of the citadel where they were greeted by a full squad of warriors. The armored warriors looked at her suspiciously, like she was about to go feral or something.
It wasn’t difficult to be mad about that, but Alec kept her silence and let Kalix steer her to the medical wing.
Ga’rae waited with Gwen, and both of them seemed eager and openly friendly, welcoming her warmly. Alec didn’t miss the way Ga’rae stiffened when she returned Gwen’s hug.
Alec felt the word ‘alienation’ was being given a whole new meaning.
Kalix hovered when she lay back on the scanning table like he was worried. His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides.
He hooked his thumbs in his belt, crossed his arms over his chest and uncrossed them to put his hands on his hips, fidgeting in a way only a seven and a half foot tall warrior could.
“It suits you, but I never asked why you keep the right side of your head shaved.”
Alec blinked at Gwen’s question. Inhaling slow and deep, she kept her eyes focused on the scan building in the air above her.
“It was a way for the others to tell my sister and me apart.” Seemed silly for to keep doing it, but it had become such a habit, Alec couldn’t really find a good reason to stop.
Gwen’s voice turned chipper. Forcing the happy note into her tone as though she thought Alec was going to burst into tears at the mention of Meg.
“Let’s get some blood!”
Alec turned her head for Gwen to pull blood from her jugular, swallowing thickly when Kalix brushed his hand over her hair, when her fire threatened to fizzle and the demons surged forward.
“What is this?”
Ga’rae’s growl made her turn her head, rubbing at the spot Gwen had pulled the syringe from to look at what had made the big medic angry. Her cheeks turned red when Ga’rae had flipped the scan to show the scars on her back.
The ones she had taken pains to hide from... everyone. Meg was the only other person who had known about it.
“A souvenir my father left me before he went back to space.” Alec’s answer made Ga’rae and Kalix both growl. The scan was thorough; she had to give it that. It had mapped every detail of the scarring in perfect detail.
“The scan indicates the worst of the scarring to have been there for twenty three of your Earth years. The injury occurred when you were a cub?” Ga’rae was outraged.
“Your scanner is spot on,” Alec murmured, able to feel the raised flesh on her back rubbing against the surface table.
“These are lash marks. Why in the name of the gods were you so badly beaten?” Ga’rae was not going to let this go. Alec could see it in his horrified expression.
Alec didn’t have any trouble summoning up the anger she needed to speak about her past. “My father was a bastard. Outwardly, he was this benevolent leader who did everything in his power to care for the people he was responsible for. In private, he beat my mother physically and verbally, until she was a well-trained pet.
“He thought it was a sign from the Universe when my sister and I were born, like he was being rewarded for all his hard work by being the parent of the first humans born on a planet since the human race had left Earth.
“Identical baby girls. A divine sign he had been destined to captain a ship with a name that translates to ‘sister.’
“He wanted to make sure I understood how important it was to ensure the crew of the ship knew he had such divine assistance on his side.
“How important it was that I excel in all areas, make him look good by surpassing all the other kids with my ability to fight.
“Or doing better than anyone else in school. Win any competition no matter how trivial or stupid it was. The scars are the consequences of my failures.”
For a long time after her admission, there was only silence, uncomfortable and thick. The judgment enough made her face feel like it was on fire with mortification.
“I hope he died painfully,” Gwen finally hissed.
Alec laughed mirthlessly in answer. “Me too.”
“Your father was Captain Yuri?” Kalix asked, the menace in his voice so soft, it made the fine hairs on her neck stand up.
“Yes.”
“Then rest assured, his death was very painful. He and the rest of the crew aboard the Sestrenka died due to the life support system failing. They suffocated.”
*****
The scans and tests revealed nothing abnormal. Kalix’s blood had strengthened Alec’s bones and her cell regeneration was accelerated.
Everything was there to say she could at any time take the form of a four-legged beast.
Even her finger bones had changed, elongated a little in comparison to her original scan from aboard the warship.
Claws were present just below the surface of her nail beds, yet no matter how Gwen instructed Alec to flex her hands just so, they did not slip free.
Alec plainly stated she wanted to change, that it was not a conscious decision on her part to keep her beast at bay. Without any physical reason why, Kalix could only deduce it was an emotional reason.
So, instead of immediately returning to their fortress in the forest, Kalix turned the transport toward the last place he had ever expected to return to.
Alec frowned at him in confusion when the landscape changed from forested mountains to deep canyons of short grass, wet with fog that perpetually rolled through the valley. It was colder here too.
Little rivers poured down the sides of the mountains into pools so deep they appeared to have no bottom.
There was no life left in the place he remembered as having once been his home. Only rubble and remnants of stone, whispers of ghosts on the wind.
She followed him out of the transport and walked quietly beside him, the moist earth sinking softly under their boots.
“What was this place?” she murmured, rubbing her arms as she shivered in the mist.
“My clan territory, a long time ago. Come.”
Kalix took her hand and led her over the small brook he remembered playing in, chasing the small fish with his paws.
The brook he remembered turning red with blood after the final battle that had decimated his clan. He led Alec to the pile of stones that had once been his family’s den.
The rocks were strewn around in odd ways now, time, the shifting of the ground, and water having moved them from their original formation.
It was so quiet here. There were no birds, no animals any longer. Just mist and silence.
“Has anyone explained to you yet, how the clans all became one?” Kalix looked down at his mate.
Alec turned her eyes up to him, a frown pulling between her brows. “No.”
Kalix nodded, using the toe of his boot to roll a rock away from his path, leading her along what he remembered being the boundaries of his village.
“Tarek’s bloodline, stretching back for generations, have always been the rulers of the pride. Before Tarek’s sire took his seat, there were many different clans, scattered over all fifteen planets in the system.
“You’ll notice there are well over twenty color variations to our clan markings.” He touched the magenta glyphs on his skull, and Alec nodded in understanding.
“The clans each had their own leader, and they all fought constantly for territory. For hierarchy. Breeding rights. Farming land. If it could bring them territory or predominance, they fought over it.
“T’kalis rose to power and he had a vision of the clans united. Most were eager to see the conflicts settled, but others felt it would weaken the species.
“T’kalis’s mate was killed by a clan that no longer survives, and it was his rage that spurred him to cut a bloody swath through any clan who resisted his rule.
“My clan resisted, and I am what is left of it. This is what is left of my clan’s rebellion.” Kalix waved his hand to encompass the emptiness all around them.
“I was a cub, about Zhenya’s size, though I d
on’t recall my age. I was taken to a place where clanless cubs are given a home.”
“An orphanage. It’s what humans call it,” Alec murmured, her fingers tightening around his. That she was interested in his comfort gave him hope.
“An orphanage, yes. My clan markings identified me as a traitor by association. From the first moment I stepped foot into the orphanage, I was outcast. Blamed when conflict rose with the other cubs, even if I had not been involved.
“When I came of age to be drafted into military service, my loyalty was constantly questioned. Tested by the other warriors, by my instructors, everyone waiting for me to prove I was just as rebellious as my sire. As my clan had been.
“They waited for me to fail or to act against the Asho. I thought I was cursed and would forever be outcast. Untrusted, unloved. I often wished to have never been born. ”
Alec’s jaw flexed and she pulled away from him, hugging her arms around herself again while she wandered around the barren land.
“Why are you telling me all this?” she demanded hotly, defensively turning away from him, the scent of her anger rising to cover her pain. His suspicion began to seem like reality.
Unlike the females native to Saraz, unlike the other humans, anger was not an extreme emotion to Alec. Anger was survival. Anything else was extreme.
“Your sire brutalized and terrorized you as a cub. The cruelty of that notwithstanding, you feel cursed. Cursed to lead because fate chose you to emerge from your mother’s womb before your sister.
“Cursed to take the lives of your people because there was no cure for the infection by the Scylla. Cursed to be their champion.
“Your people trusted you with their lives because they had no other choice. They trusted you with their deaths, because they could not have taken the lives of their loved ones themselves.
“Each one you honored with a quick, painless death fed your anger. It was how you survived to see the few left to safety. Your anger, and the love of your sister.”
“Do you have a point?” Alec bit the words from between her teeth. But not because she was angry, that scent was fading now, the deeper notes of dying flowers slowly but surely overpowering the ash and fire scent of her anger.
Kalix took a deep breath, bracing himself for whatever the outcome of his actions would be.
“Your sister is gone.”
A strangled little sound left his mate, her spine so rigid it was in danger of snapping.
“I am aware,” she hissed.
“She is gone because I did not arrive in time to take you from Moika.”
“Meg is gone because she was an idiot!” Alec’s tormented shout echoed in the silence of the valley.
He waited until the last echo had faded to speak again, softening his tone while Alec sucked in painful looking breaths.
Her anger was fading and the pain was welling up, needing to be expelled like infection from a festering wound.
“There is no one here but me. Let it come.”
“Let what come?” she demanded of him, whirling to face him. Showing him how her pupils had finally split.
“Your anger. Your pain. The blame you place on me.”
“I already told you, I didn’t blame you for Meg’s death!”
“If not for Meg’s death, what is it? Why do you fight so hard to stay so angry? Who are you angry with, Alec? Zhenya?”
“Of course not!”
“One of the others?”
“Enough!” She turned and started to walk away from him, but there was nowhere for her to go.
“Your sister then? You said she was an idiot. Tell me why?”
“I already told you! I was closer to Zhenya when he fell. I told her to keep going, and she didn’t listen.” Alec’s voice hitched, tears starting to thicken her voice.
Kalix felt his beast dig claws into his belly, but even the animal within understood what Kalix was trying to do. What Alec needed from him now. What he had denied her by so selfishly rejecting their bond.
She needed his presence. His support. His love.
He had left and given her nothing of himself, so focused on his own needs he hadn’t considered how deeply she would suffer.
He had not imagined that without an enemy to protect them from, Alec would no longer be needed by her people. Had not considered she would feel like an outcast. Unneeded. Unloved.
Like he had been all those years ago.
Until Brennaugh had given him a place to belong, that wound, that loneliness had festered inside him.
Turned to resentment and anger as Kalix had fought to prove to everyone around him how worthy he was to be counted among the other warriors.
Ever since leaving Moika, Alec had been forced to survive the only way she knew how. Angry and alone, struggling to find a place to belong, when that place had been at his side this whole time.
“What else?” he pushed, following her when she scrambled up an embankment.
“What else? What else is that you’re an asshole! I don’t want to talk about this.”
Kalix had no choice but to keep pressing on the wound. “Perhaps you are angry with Reykar then, for failing to find a cure for Meg’s infection.”
Alec half spun to throw a clod of dirt at him, not noticing that her beast’s fangs had dropped from her gums.
“There is no cure! There never was! Sage was full of shit to even think there would be!”
“Then you are angry with Sage, for giving you hope.” He ducked another clod of dirt.
“It wasn’t her fault we got left behind on that godforsaken planet.”
“Your sire then, for abandoning all of you there.”
Alec spun around, surprising him with her movement enough to catch him off guard. She shoved at him, her strength having obviously increased, because she managed to push him back a step.
“You know what? Fine! Fine! Yes, I am angry at my father. He slapped me around and told me I had to be better than everyone else. Better than the other kids, because I was the first one born on that goddamn planet. I am angry at my mother for being so weak and letting him do that to me.
“I am angry Meg got to grow up doing arts and crafts with Sage while I was getting my ass kicked. I am angry we were abandoned on that planet.
“I’m even angry at the trained soldiers, grown fucking men, who died when the Scylla attacked and left us to fend for ourselves.
“I am angry Sage died and left me in charge. In fourteen years, I killed eight hundred and twenty four people, because that’s what it meant to be in charge. I got the illustrious honor of being their executioner. And yeah, that makes me angry too! We got rescued—”
She shoved him again, jerking back when he took her wrists to keep from slicing his chest open with her now fully extended crystalline claws. She didn’t notice what had happened, too busy trying to get him to let her go.
“And everybody gets their happy ever after! Everybody but Meg, who deserved it more than me! She’s the one who deserves to be here! She made happy memories out of what I did. She made people laugh.”
Alec was crying now in earnest, harsh, choking sobs that tore at his soul. Kalix bent over her, resting his brow on hers.
“She loved you,” he murmured, following Alec to the ground when her knees would no longer hold her up. Knelt with his thighs spread over hers, ignoring her weak struggle to get away and crushed her to his chest.
He rocked with her while she cried enough tears to start another ribbon of a river down the mountainside. When her keening sobs turned to hiccupping shudders and ragged gasps of air, he rubbed his cheek against hers.
“Your sister loved you, Alec. She did not abandon you by choice.”
Alec sniffled and gave a short huff of sound. A mocking chuff. “No. But you did.”
His body jerked like she had driven a blade through his heart. “Alec—”
“I’m not surprised. Who would want me for a mate, huh? I wouldn’t want me.”
Kalix did not get the ch
ance to explain or tell her how wrong she was. From one second to the next, Alec jerked so strongly away from him he had no choice but to release her. Never in his life had he seen any Sarazen change as quickly as she did.
Mere moments passed and where a two legged female had been, now there was a beast.
His mate stood there on four paws, frozen as she realized what had happened. Her fur as gray as the mist, sleek and shimmering before him.
She looked at him with surprise, with relief, her blue eyes so brightly shining out of her elegantly-shaped face, they appeared to be on fire.
Then without warning, she turned on silent paws and disappeared into the fog.
*****
Alec ran, her paws barely touching the damp ground as her beast took over. The power in this form was unbelievable.
Her vision cut through the mist like it wasn’t even there, everything so sharp and bright.
She could hear Kalix behind her, gaining with every second and pushed herself to run harder up the side of the mountain.
Anywhere to get away from the real reason she felt like she was dying inside.
Kalix, from the moment they met, would have known she was his mate. That’s how it worked.
That’s how every single Sarazen she had met so far said it worked. One whiff of scent, one look, one touch, the beast inside knew and wanted nothing more than to bond and be with his mate.
Kalix knew, and still he had left her. Dropped her off with the rest of her people, and left her.
Her beast shrieked, the bone rattling sound of her anguish echoing through the mist, magnified in the canyon tenfold. She stumbled, her legs aching from the strain of having so quickly taken her new shape, but Alec welcomed the pain, needed it to keep her sanity. She clawed her way up the next rise, the breath knocked out of her when Kalix took her down from behind.
Her beast was as much of a fighter as Alec was and rolled, slashing at the much larger male. She grappled, grunted, snarling sounds she had no idea her body could have made in an effort to get away. She didn’t hesitate to strike at him with everything she had left.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t very much.
The beast that was Kalix didn’t hurt her or use his claws on her the way she did to him. He smacked at her with his paws, used his shoulder to drive her into the ground and clamped his teeth around the scruff of her neck.
