I pulled in a breath. “I know.” I wanted to make sure I explained my feelings to him in the best way. “I didn’t want to shut you out.” I brought my hand up to my chin. “I felt guilty for everything. It felt like I killed Mom and Clarissa. I felt guilty for taking away the lives of the people you loved so much.”
“That’s not true.” He shook his head. “And you know I love you too.”
“I know.” My father’s love was something I’d never doubted. I just believed I was undeserving of it. “But unlike me, Clarissa was like some magical being who had the ability to spread joy, happiness, and love wherever she went, and Mom was your everything. I felt like I took them away from you.” I brought my hands up to my temples as the vein there throbbed under the pressure of my memories.
Dad moved over to sit next to me and rested his hand on my shoulder. “Talk to me. Talking is good.” He offered a soothing smile.
I looked at him and took a moment to steady my emotions. “Mom was the love of your life. You loved her to no end, and I saw you fall in love with her every day. Not many people can say that about their parents, and not many people find love like that. I felt like I took her away from you. Their lives were taken away because of me and football.”
My father shook my head and patted my shoulder. “It’s easy to blame yourself. But it wasn’t your fault. I blamed myself too. I was the father, the husband. I didn’t have a big game to worry about. You just wanted them there to watch you and be proud like we always were. There was nothing wrong with that. But I could have taken charge and told them not to come, not to drive after a storm. I could have done that. Josh, in all honesty, it was me who should have taken better care. But I never thought anything would happen.” He wiped away a tear that ran down his cheek.
I looked him over, finding it hard to believe that he’d blamed myself too. It was the same for him. The same for anyone who loved my mother and sister, and felt like they could have done something different to change the course of events.
“It wasn’t your fault, Dad.”
“I know.” He steadied his breathing. “And that’s the most important thing to realize. These things really do just happen, and we have to remember that they wouldn’t want us to suffer the way we have. It will make all the happiness we shared count for nothing.”
I nodded in complete agreement. “We should go to the cemetery together. Maybe we could go once a month.”
“Yes. I think that’s a great idea.” Dad smiled. “I’ll be there for all your games, too, as usual, and we can support each other.”
“I’d like that. I think this season is going to be different than any other.”
“I see you’re playing the Centaurs first.”
“Yep, they are serious talent. But I think the season will be different because I’m different.”
“I see.” My father smiled.
I was different. I was taking things more seriously and trying to do everything by the book. I was trying to change in other ways, too. I looked towards the door and thought of Amy. It was her that helped me to get to this point. She helped in a tremendous way that I couldn’t have been more grateful for.
Dad followed my gaze and a soft smile spread across his lips. “So, is that a new girlfriend?”
I looked back to him “Oh…um no. She’s my…” It didn’t seem right to call her my PA. Besides being insanely attracted to her, Amy had done a lot for me. She’d also awakened something in me that I never thought existed. She wanted slow and I wasn’t used to that. But if I had any sort of chance with her I’d grab the hell out of it. “She’s my PA,” I decided to say.
“Your PA?” Dad humored me.
“She is.”
“Okay, I believe you. She’s your PA.”
That chance was something I may never have, but I’d enjoy our little before and after work kissing and flirting sessions.
At least she wasn’t averse to any of it and seemed to like me too.
* * *
Amy
* * *
I was glad to have the privilege of meeting Josh’s father. He seemed like a really nice guy.
True to my word, I brought out the tea like I promised in half an hour. At that point they’d talked about the more sensitive matters and looked in better spirits.
Josh invited me to sit with them and I listened with keen fascination as his father talked about the family property development business. He explained how he grew it and expanded to countries in the Caribbean and South America. I loved his talk of Italy and all the exciting places there. It was one of the places I desperately wanted to visit and planned to when I made it big as a designer. If. I shouldn’t get too overconfident. It was still an if.
I left them later than I had planned and headed back to my apartment. This was the part of the day I disliked the most. I hated when I drove out of Malibu and headed towards downtown L.A. and watched the scenery around me change. No more grand mansions, manors, and beach houses. No more style and glamour.
I could only describe where I lived as rough and unsafe. I parked in my usual spot and headed into the complex with more caution than I usually exhibited because it was later.
Police were outside again questioning witnesses to whatever crime had happened today. It was a daily thing here. I just made sure that when I was here I walked with my head focused straight ahead and got up to my apartment as quickly as possible.
As I got on my floor I heard talking and laughing. I hoped it wasn’t Dom and his friends, but sadly it was. I froze when I saw them standing at my door.
No… not at my door. They were inside my apartment! I quickly realized to my horror. I was shocked to see him holding a pair of my panties to his lips.
I would have run away but saw that one of the guys was holding my dress for the showcase. He was picking the rhinestones off and laughing.
“What are you doing with my stuff?” I cried, dread filling me.
I’d been taught to never confront anyone who could have the potential to harm me. I’d been taught self-preservation over challenging a threat. But, as I looked at the dress I spent so much on, and saw that they had it and were destroying my chance to fulfill my dream, I felt like I wanted to die.
All I’d done most of my life was take care of others, but when it came to what I wanted the opportunities were always pushed back or delayed in some way. Or pushed out of my reach.
I put my heart and soul into that dress, and my last cent. So no, I couldn’t just run.
“Blondie,” Dom said, coming up to me. “I’m tired of waiting. It’s time for that Kit Kat.”
“Give me back my stuff,” I cried again. The men behind him laughed and walked away. As they did I saw that they had my mannequin and sewing machine. I made a move to go after them but Dom grabbed me and held me back. “Let go of me,” I cried, pinching him.
He did let go, but not without striking me across my face first. I screamed as the impact of his massive hand split my lip and sent me to the floor, reeling in pain. It felt like my brain had been knocked out of my head as everything spun around me.
“Crazy bitch,” he balked. When I looked up to him cold terror gripped me as I found myself staring down the barrel of the gun he held at me. Certain this would be my last moment, I started to cry and shake. “See this, girlie? Next time you try something like that this will be in your pretty head. Be glad that I like you and have other plans for you. Go inside and wait for me.” He motioned inside my apartment. His gaze burned with such an intensity I felt my soul shiver. I did as he instructed, trying to make my body move against the fear and pain I felt. “Good girl. I’ll be back.”
I broke down the minute he left.
Chapter 15
Amy
* * *
I managed to close the door.
They’d destroyed the lock when they got in so I couldn’t secure myself in properly. I put the bin in front of the door to hold it shut because that was all I could move.
Every
thing was gone. My clothes, all my stuff, everything. All I had was what was on my back and in my bag.
Agonized by despair, I sat in the darkness, crying. Not knowing what to do or where to turn. I thought of Josh but didn’t want to call and involve him. Dom had a gun and he just told me he’d be back.
I was shaking so much I had to hug my knees to my chest to hold it all in. Fear knotted my insides, pulling my between anticipation and dread.
I stayed that way all night, crying and shaking until I watched the sunrise. Dom hadn’t come back but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t. I’d thought of every escape route I could use, but each would be bad. I was too high up to go through the window and there was no ledge or anything to grip on. It would be sure death. I thought of going out the corridor and making a run for it, but that was terrible, too, because either Dom or his lackeys would see me.
I saw the way things worked here and always kept my head out of it for fear of getting mixed up. Now look at me.
As the time pressed on I thought about work. How was I going to go?
I managed to send both Josh and Hilda a message. I said I had a bad cold and wouldn’t be in today. Hilda messaged back instantly telling me to take care of myself. Josh didn’t message back. It was fine, he never usually responded to my messages anyway.
I had to think of a way to leave. The only viable plan was to just make a run for it. The only problem was finding the strength and the courage to go.
* * *
Josh
* * *
I shook my head as I watched Hilda. We’d been at Zuma Beach all day with the crew from Sports Illustrated taking pictures of me for another ad I hoped would be the last. These sorts of events took up my precious time, precious training time.
“I can do this pose, or this.” Hilda did her best model’s pout and pose for the Sports Illustrated photographer who was having a field day with her. The poor guy had taken a shine to my pretty maid and had jumped at the chance to get a few snaps of her when he was done with me.
Hilda was only too happy to accompany me to this dreadful shoot. I really hated anything like this and had been eager to get it over and done with. She’d come along to help with the PA stuff Amy would do and for the opportunity. Unknown to me, Hilda wanted to be a model and loved being in the spotlight. So this was good for her.
I missed Amy today, missed her a lot. I’d gotten used to the fact of not seeing her on weekends, but the middle of the week felt off. I planned to take her some flowers tomorrow if she was still sick. She more than deserved it.
Hilda skipped over to me with a bright smile on her face. “Oh my gosh, he just took my number and said he’d put me on the list for extras.” She looked so excited.
“Sweetheart, you can do much better than working as an extra.” She could, she was beautiful, with her striking eyes and rich wealth of dark hair. “Hey Robert, or whatever your name is.” I signaled the photographer. I couldn’t quite remember his name.
“It’s Robin, sir.”
I knew it started with an R. “Does she look like a damn extra to you?”
Hilda looked horrified. “Josh, I’m happy with whatever I can get.” She nodded at Robin and turned back to me. “This is the furthest I’ve gotten, please don’t ruin it for me,” she hissed at me under her breath.
I ignored her. “You didn’t answer my question, Robin.” I eyed him with curiosity. “You just took a host of pictures and she proved she’s a natural. Why’d you do that if you were going to just add her to a list of extras?”
“Okay, I’ll put you forward to be added to the model list.”
I had a lot of influence with magazines like this. They knew I could always say no, and they didn’t want that because my pictures sold their magazines. There were plenty other athletes they could ask, but they seemed to like me. It wasn’t my fault that I was blessed with all the great looks God could give a man, and the body too.
Hilda screamed and hugged me. “Thank you, oh my gosh.” Now she started jumping up and down.
“I’m going to get back to sorting out those shots. But if you’re free we can go over some stuff on how it works,” Robin said. My tentative manner told me that was just a clever ruse to ask Hilda out.
I spoke before Hilda could answer. “Man, why don’t you just ask her out and be done with it?”
Hilda’s face turned red, but wasn’t worse than Robin’s, whose face colored fiercely, making his fair features and blond hair stand out.
I wasn’t into this beating around the bush crap and making up clever excuses to ask a woman out. I’d never been like that and found it to be such a waste of time.
“Josh, geez,” Hilda scolded.
But once again I ignored her. I knew what I was talking about. “Well, don’t just stand there, man, state your intentions for my Hilda and I will let her know if you are worthy of her presence.”
Robin laughed now and Hilda looked up at me with an expression of awe on her face.
“I was hoping to ask her out to dinner,” Robin confessed.
Hilda looked surprised to hear that.
I nodded. “Okay, isn’t that better? You seem alright and not too shabby. What do you think, Hilda?”
Hilda started to laugh. “I think I would love to go to dinner.”
“Cool, there you go.”
Robin smiled and left us. I shrugged into my jacket and swung my backpack over my shoulder.
“Thank you.” Hilda still looked at me with gratitude. “I’ve never had anyone do that for me.”
“You’re most welcome. I have another thing like this tomorrow. Will you come if Amy is still sick?”
“Of course.” Her eyes sparkled.
“Have you heard from her since this morning?”
I hadn’t managed to call or message back yet because of being here. When the message came through I was already late to leave. I thought I’d have a moment throughout the day but hadn’t had much of a break.
Hilda shook her head. “I was going to swing by her place tomorrow and see her.”
“Let’s go together after the shoot.”
I thought I’d call her now, though, because I just wanted to hear her voice. I’d never called her before.
Hilda went to gather her stuff as I took out my phone and hit Amy’s number.
Amy answered on the second ring. “Josh.” Her voice sounded weak.
“Baby, I miss you so much.”
“Hey.” There was a smile in her voice. “I miss you too. Did…um your shoot go okay?” Now her voice sounded shaky. Not like when you were sick, but more like…
Worried, scared maybe. Maybe that was just how she sounded when she was sick.
“There were women all over me; I had to fend them off.”
There was a long pause, then she breathed into the phone. “Oh, that’s good.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Did you hear what I said?”
“I think so.” Now I was sure she was crying and alarm struck me.
“Amy, baby, are you okay? I was totally joking about the women.”
“I’m fine. I should go. My throat really hurts.” She was crying.
“Okay baby, I’ll see you soon. Don’t worry about tomorrow if you’re still sick.”
“Thanks.” Yes she was definitely crying and I felt now that something was wrong.
I hung up, looked over at Hilda, and bit the inside of my lips. “Hilda, where does Amy live? You have an address, right?”
“Yes. It’s downtown in the old freight apartments,” Hilda replied.
I widened my eyes in horror. “She lives where?” My mouth dropped. I wouldn’t even venture down those parts myself because it was so rough and one sure way for something to happen to you. I could defend myself if there was trouble but never went looking for it. And as for the freight apartments, they weren’t even livable. They looked more like small county jail cells. I couldn’t conceive that my Amy was living in a place like that.
“I know, tough area, ri
ght?” Hilda scribbled down the address and handed it to me. “I’ve tried to tell her how rough it is but she maintains she’s lived in New York and Atlanta and would be fine. I guess, though, that it’s more about saving what she can for her mom.”
What was Hilda talking about? What was wrong with Amy’s mom?
Amy had never mentioned anything being wrong with her. I supposed, though, that was because we’d never talked much about her and her family. I’d never asked. All these weeks she probably knew everything there was to know about me, and it just occurred to me that I knew very little about her.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to ask, I just hadn’t wanted to pry. She seemed to want to keep her private life separate from me, so I respected that.
“Is her mom okay?”
Hilda raised her eyebrows at me. “No. You didn’t know?”
“No. But I’ll ask her. I think I may go there now and see if she’s okay. She didn’t sound too good on the phone.”
There must have been a reason why Amy hadn’t told me whatever it was I didn’t know. She deserved her privacy but clearly felt comfortable enough to tell Hilda. Why wouldn’t she tell me too?
“I’ll come with you,” Hilda offered, looking concerned.
“No. I’ll see you tomorrow. Enjoy your date with Robin.”
Hilda smiled and blushed a little. “Thank you. Please call me if you need to.”
I nodded and headed to my jeep.
I hoped Amy was okay and that she wouldn’t mind me stopping by.
* * *
Amy
* * *
As the night drew by I could scarcely breathe.
Several times throughout the day either Dom or one of his idiot friends would come by and stand outside the door. They taunted me with vile words and filled me in on what they had planned to do to me later.
Play of Love: The Gladiator Players Box Set Page 16
