Had I seriously just been selected?
“Come on, Amy .” His smile widened, showing off perfect white teeth that dazzled under the bright lights. The crowd in the audience started cheering and I realized that people liked me. They liked me and I’d just been chosen. My hands flew up to my mouth as I squealed with delight. “Come and take your spot, sweetheart.”
I moved, gliding across the runway, trying my best not to trip over my own excitement.
To my absolute amazement people started to stand and cheer. I never expected that. I could hardly believe this was happening. I’d dreamt of it several times over and believed in my talent, but this wasn’t a dream anymore. It was real.
I couldn’t wait to see Josh and tell him the news.
Hilda and Gabriella shared in my excitement on the way back home. They were really happy for me. I’d sent Teddy a message, along with my mother, brother, and all my friends from New York and Atlanta.
When I got back home I ran straight inside and into Josh’s arms.
“I got it!” I cried.
He picked me up and whirled me around. “Of course you did.”
It was only when he set me down that I saw the soft trail of rose petals on the floor, and noticed the ambient romantic setting of the place. He’d dimmed the lights, had classical music playing in the background, and opened the French doors displaying the candle-lit table on the terrace.
That, too, had rose petals dashed about the top. It looked like something from a dream. Just like everything else about tonight.
“Josh,” I breathed, looking back at him.
He held my hand out and gazed down at me with complete adoration. His next words then stole my heart and captured my entire being. “Be near me when my light is low, when the blood creeps, and the nerves prick. And tingle; and the heart is sick. And all the wheels of being slow.”
In Memoriam.
I smiled up at him.
When I’d first heard him recite it I’d been shocked to no end that he liked poetry. Now I was experiencing something different because he was speaking those words to me.
I’d heard that poem being read many times. Heard it being read with ardent fervor, and love and respect. Everything that meant something. I just never expected that someone would ever recite it to me, with me in mind.
He smiled at me , gazing deep into my eyes as he held onto both my hands before continuing, “Be near me when the sensuous frame is rack'd with pangs that conquer trust. And time, a maniac scattering dust. And life, a fury slinging flame.”
He paused so I could continue. It held so much meaning now. For us.
“Be near me when my faith is dry. And men the flies of latter spring. That lay their eggs, and sting and sing and weave their petty cells and die. Be near me when I fade away. To point the term of human strife. And on the low dark verge of life the twilight of eternal day.”
He stared at me for a few seconds with his beautiful eyes. There was something about his look that stood out to me, holding my attention. It spoke to my soul.
“You’ll not fade away, Amy Rose. Thanks for not letting me fade away too.”
I welcomed the soft kiss he gave me and became lost within the warmth of emotion that surged through my body.
I almost didn’t hear my phone ring.
“Get that, baby,” he whispered against my lips.
I messaged a lot of people and they were most likely calling to say congratulations.
“I’ll call back tomorrow.”
The phone stopped ringing, and started again almost with insistence.
Josh gave me a lopsided grin. “I’ll bet it’s your adoring fans. Get it and I’ll chill the elderflower juice,” he laughed.
I shook my head at him and answered my phone.
“Hello?” I said into the receiver with a bright voice.
“Amy, its Dr. Carson.”
Instantly my brain jumped at the recognition of him and what it could mean if he was calling me at this time of night.
“Dr. Carson. Is my mom okay?”
“Amy, your mother’s had another heart attack and has been taken into intensive care.”
Chapter 18
Amy
* * *
My ears rang, and I couldn’t hear properly. My poor heart thudded loudly within the cavity of my chest.
What was Dr. Carson saying? What was he saying?
I felt like I’d gone crazy and my life had turned into an abstract where nothing made sense.
“Listen,” Dr. Carson continued. He sounded hesitant. “I know your situation, but I have to make you aware that we won’t be able to do the planned surgery. Your mother’s heart is too far gone and she will need a transplant. Because of the severity and the urgency, she’s listed as a priority. We have a heart that we can use but the funds need to be secured first, and it will be at least twice the cost of what was quoted.”
Tears gripped me, holding me within the grasp of despair, ripping my insides apart. My strength completely left me and I dropped the phone as my knees buckled, falling to the floor in a crumpled pile of grief.
I’d failed. I couldn’t save my mother.
After all I’d done, in the end I wouldn’t be able to do anything. I was powerless.
I didn’t have that kind of money. I didn’t have anything.
Josh rushed up to me and gathered me in his arms.
“Amy, what happened?”
I could barely hear him too. “My mom,” I cried. “My mom.”
Panic filled his eyes. “What happened to her?”
I was crying so much I couldn’t talk and had to gasp to catch my breath.
“Baby, please tell me what happened.”
“She’s in the hospital,” I managed, and then told him the rest in stutters. Before I could even finish he picked my phone up from the ground and called Dr. Carson.
“What are you doing?”
He ignored me .
“Josh.” When I reached out to him, he held my face.
“Hi, this is Josh Mancini, I’m speaking on behalf of Amy Rose,” he said into the phone. I just stared at him, wondering what he was really doing.
He waited a little, listening to Dr. Carson. I could hear him telling Josh about the heart transplant and the procedure. “That’s fine. Do what you need to do. Send us the details and I’ll transfer the funds straightaway. We’ll see you in a few hours.”
My blood drained as I listened and I felt fainter than when I got the news. As he hung up I shook my head.
“No,” I said as more tears spilled down my cheeks. “You can’t.”
It was that thing again where my focus was thrown and I didn’t want him to think he had to do this, or that my being with him was about money.
“Stop it. Yes I can and I am. Damn it, Amy, this is your mother.” His hand shook and pain filled his eyes. “It doesn’t matter where help comes from, you take it if it can save her life.”
“I didn’t want you to think that—”
He didn’t allow me to finish. “Amy, I don’t think anything. I just do, and I’m trying to do what’s right. This isn’t about anything besides that. I would do anything to see my mom again. Anything. Allow me to save yours.”
I gazed up at him through my tears and covered my mouth to keep from crying out. I couldn’t believe he would do this for me.
“I’ll pay you back.”
“Jesus, no, you’ll do no such thing.” He smiled. “Come here.” He pulled me into his arms and held me. “I told you I’d take care of you. Here’s me trying.”
I buried my face into his chest and savored the safety I always felt.
He’d always referred to me as an angel, when all this time it was him.
He was the angel.
* * *
Josh
* * *
The journey to Atlanta was draining and lengthy. We left first thing in the morning and got to the hospital just before midday.
I did my best to keep Amy calm
, but it was difficult. I knew I’d be a wreck, too, if it were me.
Her mother was still in surgery when we arrived so we waited in the waiting room with Amy’s brother and his wife. Both of whom thanked me endlessly for my help.
Amy fell asleep in my arms. She didn’t sleep last night from the worry. I hated seeing her look so frail and drained.
It was nothing for me to help, and honestly, I would have offered to do anything she needed when she first told me about her mother’s condition. I only hadn’t insisted because she said she had everything under control. I also didn’t want her to feel obligated to me in any way.
Tonight was a necessity, but I still wished I could do more. I wanted to make Amy feel better.
She’d looked so happy when she came back from the showcase last night, and she was practically glowing when we were reciting the poem. I’d never thought I’d see the day when I, Joshua Mancini, would be reciting poetry to a woman.
What woman could make me crazy enough to do that?
I looked down at her dainty figure, crumpled against me for support.
This woman had changed me so much. We hadn’t been together long, but I didn’t believe in putting a label on something because time qualified it. I’d always been a man of feeling. Someone who spoke my mind and called it what it was when I saw it.
She meant something to me, everything. Time didn’t have to tell me that. It was something that hit me like wild fire.
It did scare me, though, because I couldn’t control it.
I liked to be in control, I liked to have a say. But emotion and feelings were different. The only say you had when it came to that was with your own, my own.
She stirred against me and opened her eyes. I rubbed her arm and continued to hold her. She’d cried so much that her eyes were red. And she’d started to cry again.
“Hey, there.” I stroked her head. “It’ll be okay.”
“I’m so scared.”
“Don’t be, baby. I’m here.”
“Thank you so much for everything.”
“Anything for you, beautiful Amy.” I kissed her forehead. “Anything.”
“Thank you.”
Her hands shook so I took them into mine and thought I’d distract her a little with something easier to talk about. “So, I guess this confirms you really aren’t from Kansas.”
She looked up at me and offered a weak smile. “Nope, here we are in Atlanta. Our family home isn’t too far from here.”
“Is that right?”
She nodded. I would have loved to meet her family under better circumstances.
I tried hard to think of other things to talk about but found it difficult. The distraction I offered was only momentary as I felt her anxiety and fears and was worried for her.
I looked about the waiting room at the solemn faces of those around me that waited for news on their loved ones. Including us, there were about fifteen people in here. An elderly man in the corner rested his head back against the wall. His gray hair looked a straggled mess and eyes were bloodshot. I’d overheard him talking to the nurses about his wife. He said she’d just collapsed and he didn’t know why. He’d been here for hours and it wasn’t looking good. Over there by the large glass window sat a family of four with a teenage son who recognized me. I had seen the recognition flicker in his eyes but that was all, the boy was as distraught as the rest of his family because his little sister had been hit by a truck. The boy looked over at me and I gave him a curt nod. The boy nodded back and looked like he was trying to keep himself composed.
This was what it would have been like if my mother and Clarissa had been taken to a hospital after their accident, if they hadn’t been killed instantly in the crash. The waiting would have been the same and it wouldn’t have been good news.
I was about to talk about the showcase when Dr. Carson came into the room. Amy leapt out of my arms.
“Please tell me she’ll be okay,” Amy begged. We all joined her.
Dr. Carson smiled. The action lifted his graying mustache and his eyes twinkled. “It’s very early to tell, but I would say she’s going to be fine,” he declared with pride. Amy threw her arms around him, hugging him hard with gratitude.
“Thank you so much,” she said over and over again.
Her brother thanked me, too, and turned to me with a bright smile on his face.
“Thank you again,” he expressed, putting his hand out to shake mine . I took it and offered a smile. “This wouldn’t have been possible without you.”
“It’s cool, man, happy to help.”
Amy looked to me next and seemed quite choked up. I put my arm around her as she sunk into my embrace.
“We’ll have to keep a sharp eye on her for the next forty-eight hours and monitor her closely for a few days. These types of procedures can require extensive aftercare, especially because of the stress placed on the body,” Dr. Carson explained. “Unfortunately, that will mean she’ll be with us for a few weeks and will need a good ten weeks to recover. She’s a very strong person, so I’m positive we’ll see quite an effective recovery from her.”
I listened and took that chance to hold Amy. I zoned out as Dr. Carson continued and thought of what this all meant.
I wasn’t being selfish, it was just simply thoughts. This would change everything. It would change my relationship with Amy. She was only working for me to raise the funds for her mother. She didn’t need that anymore.
She would work in L.A. when she started at Dior, but that wouldn’t be until next year this time.
All that was left of us was their relationship. For me that was everything, all that I had, and mattered more to me than playing football.
But I didn’t know how she felt. I didn’t know if it was enough for her, and I shouldn’t expect anything from her.
I didn’t exactly make the best first impression, and I didn’t even begin to climb up the ladder of the type of man she should be with. She’d never have picked me if we didn’t meet the way we had.
I understood, I had to. And I’d have to understand, too, if this meant goodbye.
Amy was able to see her mother a few hours later when she recovered from the surgery. I met her briefly and, while she couldn’t talk, she smiled at me. Amy looked exactly like her. The resemblance was quite prominent. Looking at her mother, I could tell that she’d been through a lot. Not just from the surgery, but life in general. Her brother had that same look, too, and I could only imagine what they must have all gone through.
I stayed with Amy for as long as I could, staying right through till Sunday. It was clear that she didn’t factor me needing to get back to L.A. but I had to go.
Amy didn’t need me here anymore. The worst part was over and I should probably go anyway to allow them some private family time with each other.
In the evening when we went back to the hospital, I took Amy aside so I could speak to her. She still didn’t seem to realize that I had to go.
“Are you okay?” I thought I’d begin with that because she looked more relaxed and relieved.
“Yeah. I’m just so grateful that you did this for us.” Her sweet smile always got me. Always held my attention and made me feel like I could do anything.
“You’re welcome. I’m glad I could have helped.”
We sat down on the bench just outside the room. I took her hand and held it to my heart.
“Amy,” I began. Her smile widened as she looked up at me. “I should go back to L.A.” It was hard to tell her, and even harder to watch the bright expression recede from her face.
“Oh.” She released a breath and brought her hand up to her cheek. “Of course. I’m so silly, I actually forgot. But yes, we should go back.”
We. I was happy to hear that, but it was likely that she still wasn’t thinking straight. She didn’t need to go back.
“Not we baby. Just me. You need to be here with your mom.” I gave her hand a soft squeeze as she held my gaze. I could tell she was processing it no
w, and the clarity of the situation was revealing itself to her.
“I. I…”
“You need to be here for however long she needs you.”
She looked at our hands joined together, then lifted her gaze back up to meet my eyes. “I don’t know what to say to you. It’s so stupid that I didn’t remember you had to go back. I completely forgot that the first game is just weeks away.” A tear ran down her cheek. “There’s so much to do and organize.”
“Don’t worry about that.”
“What about you?”
“I’ll be fine. I will. And I’ll call you every chance I get.”
“You promise?”
“Of course.” I nodded. More tears ran down her cheeks and I wiped them away. I pulled her in for a hug and kissed her.
Then it was goodbye. I thought I’d leave quickly because prolonging my departure would be harder.
Hours later I got back to L.A. As I stepped into my empty house I felt odd. It felt odd. The life that Amy brought to it would no longer be there.
I was alone, again, and left to my devices.
It was easier to change my ways and find strength to beat my alcohol addiction when she was here. She made me a better person. She balanced me and gave me something to look forward to on a daily basis.
I wasn’t about to fall back into old habits—no, definitely not—but I didn’t know how I was going to do anything without her.
I remembered that week when Corey came by and implied that a good woman was what I needed. I had thought the idea of being with one woman was completely absurd. My thoughts had dramatically changed after I first kissed Amy. Now all I could think of was her.
I got very little sleep that night and woke earlier than normal. I’d even cleaned up the rose petals and other stuff I had lying around for the special night I’d planned for her. By the time Hilda came in there wasn’t much for her to do.
“How is she?” she asked. I’d filled her in over the weekend.
“She’s fine, and her mother should make a good recovery.” I smiled, doing my best to hide my emotions.
“How long is she going to be away?”
Play of Love: The Gladiator Players Box Set Page 20
