by Kris Bryant
“They love kids. We’ll get settled and I’ll come back and get her in a bit if that’s okay.” She nods and Olivia whoops with excitement. “Okay, stinky, I’ll see you in a bit.” Olivia smiles.
“Bye, pie!” I smile and walk back to my friends who have been waiting for me.
“Who are those people?” Jessie asks.
“Holy shit. That’s my teacher and her daughter, and some other people I don’t know,” I say.
“That hottie is your teacher?” Jessie asks. She whistles low. “Damn. I get why you have it bad for her.” I nudge her forward so we can get away from Taryn and I can collect myself. I need to process that my teacher is a lesbian. Class is going to be one hundred times harder now that I know. Not because I think I have a chance, but because I don’t. Mallory made that perfectly clear. My emotions are teetering on a high wire, threatening to crash all around me. Today is not the day to wallow in self-pity. Today is a day for my friends and maybe finding somebody for me. That was the plan. Now I’m not so sure.
“Oh, and later I’m going to bring Olivia back to hang with us, so drink up your wine now. It’s water when she’s around,” I say.
“Hey, if it helps you get her mom, we’ll drink water all day,” Lynn says.
“Unfortunately, I think she’s taken,” I say.
“If you aren’t one hundred percent sure, then she’s still available according to the Lesbian Handbook, page eighty-one, paragraph two,” Jessie says. That makes me smile. She’s great about cheering me up.
“Hey, how about that spot over there?” Lynn points to a place that’s fairly open. It’s close enough to the bathrooms, but not too close, and close to the vendors. We head that way and spread our blankets out. Jessie stakes our flag and a few people clap and whistle. It’s a tad obnoxious and hopefully doesn’t block anybody’s view, but very easy to see.
“So, I know you said your teacher was pretty, but wow, Ki.” Jessie plops down next to me.
“Yeah, quite a surprise that she’s here.”
“You never had a clue? Not one?” she asks.
“No, trust me. I would have flirted more if I thought so.”
“No, you wouldn’t have.” She nudges me with her shoulder. “You’re too career focused to throw it away on a beautiful woman. Isn’t it against all school rules everywhere to have sex with a teacher?”
“It’s not like we’re in high school.” I’m defending something that hasn’t even happened.
“Well, try not to think about it too much. Just look around you. There are beautiful women everywhere.” She opens up her arms and does a sweep of the crowd. “Look at that girl over there. She’s hot,” Jessie says. Okay, now I’m pretty sure we’re scouting for her.
“Let’s eat. Who’s hungry?” I’m not in the mood to prowl. I’m not very hungry either, but I need to do something to occupy my mind. The girls are pretty excited to eat so I hand out chicken salad sandwiches and homemade sweet potato chips. They seem happy as they munch away.
“I think you’re a fantastic cook and I can’t wait to run your restaurant for you,” Jessie says. She has management experience, but not the kind I’m looking for. My own restaurant is a long way away, and life will change for both of us by then.
“Thanks, Jess. Too bad my mom doesn’t feel the same way.”
“Stop. She’s proud of you even if she doesn’t say it all of the time. Once you win the scholarship to Italy, you’ll forget she ever doubted you.”
“I don’t know about that. She’s still pretty pissed at me.”
“At least you got scholarships through school and still have a chunk of your trust fund. It’s not like you are a financial burden to her.”
“So, your mom is mad at you for becoming a chef?” Sam asks. “Does she know how good your cooking really is?” I smile at Sam. That’s the most she’s ever said to me.
“Thanks. She’s still upset that I dropped out of law school to attend the culinary academy. I think she liked bragging about her daughter becoming a lawyer. Hard to make a chef sound good to your friends.”
“Our moms are old school,” Lynn says. “My mom still isn’t happy I’m gay. It’s just their generation. Don’t worry about it.”
I nod. At least my mom is okay with me bringing home girlfriends. I just haven’t done it since college. I think she’s worried there as well.
“Well, I’m going to go get Olivia so drink up your wine and pull out waters. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” I stand up and straighten and smooth down my dress. Jessie stands up next to me and wipes a few crumbs off of my cheeks and then pinches them. “Hey.” I smack her hands away.
“You are entirely too pale. You need a little color,” she says. I playfully push her away from me and head back to where I think Taryn and Olivia are sitting. I’m know I’m getting close when I spot a tiny person twirling in a circle just to my left. I see Taryn sitting down near Olivia, her arms out just in case Olivia falls. I clear my throat and walk toward them.
“Ki! You came back,” Olivia says.
“Of course. I said I would, right?” She hugs me again. “I love your dress. I wish it came in my size. Are you hungry?” She nods.
“She just ate lunch so she’s probably only hungry for sweets,” Taryn says. She’s looking up at me, her hand shading her eyes from the sun. “I’ll walk her with you so that I know where you’re sitting.” I want to help her up, but I can actually feel Mallory’s hard stare so I don’t dare reach out for Taryn’s hand. “Everyone, this is my friend Ki. You’ve already met Mallory. The other two ladies are Carrie and Sarah.” I nod hello. They seem friendly enough. “I’ll be right back.” Taryn doesn’t wait around, but grabs Olivia’s hand and walks in the direction I point. I quickly slip in behind her.
“Who’s your favorite musician here?” Not the question I want to ask her, but it’s a start.
“Catie Curtis, but there are so many other great singers.” Since we are single file, she slows down to answer me and I bump into her. I put my hands out to steady both of us, but not before feeling her curves against mine. Today, she is not hiding beneath a chef jacket and boring black slacks. Today, she’s in shorts and a tank with a lightweight shirt over that. Her wedge sandals aren’t very practical for this environment.
“Thanks for the catch.”
I point down at her shoes. “Lose them. You’ll twist your ankle.” She nods and leans down to take them off. She reaches out and uses my arm to steady herself in the process. For ten seconds, I feel the strength of her fingers against my skin, her warmth burning into me and spreading throughout my body. The urge to touch her is growing at a pace I can’t control anymore. She smiles after her shoes are off, and we continue walking toward the giant rainbow flag. “See? Our picnic is easy to find.” My friends are sprawled out, listening to the music, and don’t see us approach.
“Guys. This is Taryn and her daughter Olivia.” I introduce each of my friends and I’d laugh at their reaction if I wasn’t already nervous. Jessie, always the gentlewoman, jumps up to say hi. Lynn smiles and Sam, of course, waves.
“It’s nice to meet Ki’s friends,” she says. I watch each of my friends fall under Taryn’s spell. “This is a great concert. I’m going to have to make myself come to more of these.”
“Mum, may I have a brownie?” Olivia asks. Jessie almost sighs at Olivia’s accent. Taryn looks at me for approval. For a second, I get lost in her eyes. We are so close that I can actually see tiny freckles on the bridge of her nose and little dark flecks in her eyes.
“Of course.” Olivia doesn’t hesitate and helps herself to the largest brownie on the plate. “Would you like one, too? And please sit for a minute. I don’t want to be in everybody’s way.” The girls shift positions and the three of us sit down on the blanket.
“You have a great view of the stage from up here,” Taryn says. She breaks off a piece of Olivia’s brownie and takes a bite. My whole body is tense. She hasn’t tried my desserts before and even though brow
nies seem simple, I’m always trying to find a way to improve them. I’ve made Dulce de Leche brownies for the first time.
“These are fantastic, Ki.” She moans with appreciation. Jessie winks at me and I smile a thank you at both of them. “The sea salt is perfect.”
“I usually get that part wrong,” I say.
“Not this time,” she says. She reaches for another piece of Olivia’s brownie, but Olivia moves it away. “And apparently Olivia thinks so, too.”
“So you like Ki’s cooking, huh?” Jessie says. “She’s very vague when she tells us how class is going.” I can feel myself blush.
“I can understand why Ki is still in the running for the scholarship,” Taryn says. I can’t hide my smile. “Although, she does have some pretty stiff competition.” My smile turns into a frown and everybody laughs.
“No, it’s true. Scott is a great chef. If he only remembered to slow down, he would totally beat me,” I say. Taryn winks at me. My smile is back. “I’m not giving up that soon, though. I still have a few tricks up my sleeve.” I’m flirting and Jess gives me a subtle thumbs up.
Jessie starts up a conversation about South Africa with Taryn and that gives me a private moment to study my teacher. We are sitting side by side and if I lean closer to hear their conversation, I can feel the heat radiating from her body. She is leaning back on her hands, her long, slender legs curled up near me. They are shapely with tiny freckles sprinkled on the tops of her thighs. She is fit, but not too muscular. I’m surprised at how relaxed she is with my friends. She reaches for the brownie that Jess hands her after Olivia denies giving her another bite. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch her taste it again, her eyes closing for a moment as she savors it. I love watching her eat. She has an appreciation for food, too, and I know that she is thinking about the ingredients and how they harmonize so well together in a single bite.
“I’m going to need your recipe.” She smiles at me. When her tongue darts out to catch a crumb, I swallow hard. My eyes dart down to her mouth, admiring her full lips and pink tongue. I want to kiss her. I want to feel her heat, taste her passion, glide my hands possessively over her body until we both clutch one another with desperate need. I grab a handful of the blanket to keep myself from doing something stupid.
“Whatever you want,” I say. Jess leans back and raises her eyebrow at me. Yeah, that sounded like a bad pick up line. “I mean, sure. I can email it to you later this weekend.” She smiles at me, but this time it’s a different smile. One I can’t really identify, but with an element of wickedness to it. Her phone buzzes with a text message that I can see, but not read. She gives a slight sigh.
“Well, I guess I’m going back to my party. Ki, take my number and let me know if there is a problem, or you want me to come and get Olivia,” she says. Jess tosses me my phone and I hand it to Taryn.
“Go ahead and add yourself to my contacts.” I would do it myself, but I’m afraid she will see my hands shake. I watch as she quickly types in her name and number and hands the phone back to me.
“Olivia, be sweet with these ladies. Listen to them and don’t wander off.” Olivia is smiling, but nods her head in agreement.
“Yes, Mum.” She digs around in the picnic basket for something else to eat. Her mother leaving is apparently not a big deal. Taryn’s having a more difficult time parting.
“Don’t worry, Taryn. We’ll take good care of her. There are four of us and only one of her. We’ve got this. No worries,” I say. Taryn smiles and nods. I watch her walk away, my heart finally slowing down for the first time since she joined us.
“What are these, Ki?” Olivia’s question yanks me out of my daydream. She is holding up a sweet potato chip, inspecting it as if it has something on it that might be distasteful. Knowing that she will balk if she knows it’s a vegetable, I make something up.
“It’s a twisted, thin cookie with cinnamon sugar. You should try it,” I say. She’s still unsure, so Jess grabs one out of the bag and pops it in her mouth.
“Yum! Give me yours.” She grabs at Olivia’s hand. Olivia squeals and eats it before Jess gets it. She chews for a bit.
“These are weird, but good.” She reaches for another one and happily munches away, her tiny body wiggling back and forth.
“Don’t eat too many. I don’t want you puking on my blanket,” I say. She laughs at me, but I know enough about little kids to know that rich foods will make them projectile vomit without warning. I encourage her to drink water to stay hydrated and full. Eventually, she relaxes and snuggles up next to me. She’s humming and pulling at the grass. She asks me kid questions like what superpower would I want to have, and if I could be a princess who would I be. Within a few minutes, she is zonked out. I can’t move so I just sit there and listen to the music and my friends talking. This is surprisingly peaceful. I grab my phone and take a pic of Olivia and send it to Taryn. I’m not in the picture, but it’s obvious that she’s up against me. I quickly get a text back.
She’s already asleep! That’s amazing. Want me to come get her?
She’s only been gone for half an hour. I can’t tell if she’s nervous for me or for Olivia.
No. Let her sleep. Enjoy your baby-free time.
I don’t want to think about what she’s doing right now. I don’t want to know that her head is resting in Mallory’s lap, their fingers entwined, enjoying the closeness that lovers do. I know that I should be happy she has somebody, but realistically my heart hurts. I should leave her alone, but now that we’ve opened up this form of communication, I can’t help myself.
Catie is up soon. Are you excited?
Very much so.
I’m pronouncing her texts with her accent as I read them. I keep the conversation going. Are you staying for the whole concert?
Probably not. Olivia needs to get to bed at a decent time even though it’s Saturday.
I don’t know if we will stay until the end either. J gets antsy, especially if she meets somebody new.
Oh, I thought you were together…
My heart stops. She thinks Jessie and I are girlfriends. No. I love her but she’s not my type. I’m single. I groan. I can’t believe I said that.
What’s your type?
I freeze. I can’t believe she said that. I sit for a moment. My stomach is quivering and I’m excited. Is she flirting with me or just being inquisitive? A bit more girly and mature. I convince myself that is an acceptable answer and hit send.
“What are you doing? And why do you look guilty?” Jessie asks.
“I’m texting Taryn.”
“Oh? And what might you ladies be discussing?”
“Nothing really. I sent her the photo of Olivia.” I don’t want her to know about our texting because then she’ll be hounding me for information, or scolding me.
“Mm hmm. Well, just remember she is still your teacher for two more months.”
“I know.” I know this more than anything. I know I don’t really have a chance with her, but it’s still nice to dream. I wait for her response, but she is quiet so I put my phone down. When Catie Curtis takes the stage, I’m tempted to send her a text, but I don’t. Olivia stirs against me, the noise and the clapping waking her up. She is tired though and fighting to go back to sleep, but the newness of me and the others keeps her from it.
“Where’s Mum?” She rubs her eyes.
“Do you want to go to her now?” I ask. Her big brown eyes are expressive. She thinks about it for a long moment, then shakes her head. “Do you want to go see what kind of stuff they have for sale over there instead?” I point in the general direction of the vendor tents. She smiles.
“I want a lemonade,” she says.
“Olivia wants a lemonade so we’re going to head out. Say your good-byes,” I say. Jessie’s fist bump makes Olivia giggle. She waves at Lynn and Sam and grabs my hand, leading the way. “Be back in a few.” I’m surprised that they have games behind the vendors including a ball toss game, bean bag game and darts. Natu
rally, Olivia wants to play all of them so we manage to kill another twenty minutes showing one another how horrible our aim is. Hers is excusable, she’s six. I have no justification. The dart attendee gives Olivia a tiny pink elephant for trying and winks at me as I thank her. She tells me to come back later if I have time.
“Now can we get a lemonade?” she asks, one hand clutching her new stuffie, the other holding my hand.
“Do you want pink or yellow?” I ask.
“Pink!” She squeals with delight. I’m pretty sure I know her favorite color. I hand her a souvenir cup with a silly straw. She gives me the elephant to hold so that she can still hold my hand.
“Let’s go find your mum,” I say. I head to where I think Taryn is, hoping my sense of direction gets us there. She waves at us, already looking our way before we see her.
“Did you have fun?” Olivia hugs Taryn’s waist, her tiny face nodding against Taryn’s shirt.
“I fell asleep though,” she says.
“Thanks so much, Ki. Do you want to sit down with us?” I can see Mallory looking at us again.
“Thank you, but no. I should get back. She’s such a sweet girl.” Taryn looks surprised that I don’t want to sit with her, but the look Mallory is sending me isn’t very welcoming.
“Bye, stinky,” I say. Olivia gives me a quick hug.
“Bye, pie,” she says.
“Well, thanks again. I’ll see you Monday, I guess.” Right now Taryn and I are standing awkwardly in front of one another. I want to hug her, but I know that if I touch her, I will think of nothing else the rest of the weekend.
“Okay, have a great rest of the day.” I don’t know what else to say so I turn around and leave. I know that she is watching and I wish that she would follow me, but I know she either can’t or won’t.
*
“I’m glad we left early. Can you imagine how bad the traffic would be if we waited until the end?” Jessie says. There is something lethargic about all day concerts. For doing absolutely nothing, we’re all exhausted.
