by Kris Bryant
“She’s taking swimming lessons at the community center. We live at Walnut Grove and a few pools in the complex are getting ready to open up. This is a good place for us for now. I’m waiting to see if the academy is the right fit for me before I buy a house.”
“Walnut Grove is a nice place.” I know this because when I was looking for an apartment, I pulled up all available ones near the academy and that complex was way out of my price range.
“It really is. Olivia doesn’t care that it’s not a house. She loves the nature trails, the pools, free movies on Sunday nights in the theatre.”
“I live on the other side of the academy. If this apartment building is part of a complex or has a nice name, I don’t know it. I think it’s just an apartment building. I still have to take my laundry down to the basement to do it. It does have loft ceilings and a cute little balcony.”
“I’m sure it’s nice,” she says.
I want to extend an invitation for her to come over once school is out, but I think it’s too soon. I’m just thankful she called me tonight. Not talking to her for days was unbelievably hard. We talk for another two hours about cooking, our favorite books, music, television shows, and fashion. She likes my purple dress from the concert. It’s too bad that I can’t wear it to class. After stifling several yawns, I reluctantly say good night and wish her sweet dreams. I can hear her smile over the phone.
*
Work is steady and smooth. Even though I was up late talking to Taryn and got little sleep, I’m in a great mood. It’s a beautiful spring day, everything is in bloom and I’m getting stir crazy.
“What’s going on with you? You’re like a busy little bee,” Bud says. I shrug like it’s no big deal that my heart feels happy and my brain won’t stop thinking about a certain teacher.
“I’m just feeling good today. I think I’ll even hit the farmer’s market after work.” I hope that I run into Taryn and Olivia there, but I doubt it. Most of the good stuff is gone by early afternoon.
“Make sure you reimburse yourself for all the stuff you bring in here,” Bud says.
I wave him off. “You feed me every day. It’s the least I can do.” I’m rewarded with a giant hug.
“Go on, get out of here. We’ve got this,” he says.
I check with Ashley and Val who agree with Bud. Traffic is light in the diner this late in the morning. I grab my things and head out, anxious to get on with my weekend. Sunday is my only day off and when my Saturday is short at the diner, I feel like I’m getting a full weekend.
The first thing I do is pick up lemons and a few limes. I’m going to make a lemon merengue pie to celebrate this beautiful day. Jessie will come up and help me eat it, I’m sure.
I walk past the petting zoo, sad that Olivia isn’t inside, playing with the baby goats and other farm animals. I wonder if she knows there are lambs today? I should at least text that to Taryn. I take out my phone, snap a photo of a lamb, and hit send. I am rewarded with a photo of Olivia squeezing that very lamb.
You were here today!
We still are.
My heart beats faster. There are a lot more people here today because of the nice weather. In case she is watching, I play it cool and casually look around before I respond.
Are you close to the animal pit?
I see you.
Now she’s messing with me. Not fair. Where are you?
Our eyes meet when I look over at the ice cream parlor. She and Olivia are drinking lemonades in the shade. Olivia is playing with a jewelry set, not paying attention to me. I have a quick and private moment with Taryn so I drop my special smile, hoping it works. I see her eyebrow hitch ever so slightly, and her smile back to me grows. I head their way, careful to keep my pace slow and steady.
“Hello, ladies,” I say and casually lean over the railing.
“Ki. Oh, I mean pie. Hi!”
“Stinky. What are you making? Is that a bracelet? Is that for me?” I ask. I see Taryn looking me over. Thankfully, I’m wearing capris, a cute button-down short-sleeved shirt, and sandals. I look like a normal person, not somebody who’s been working a grill all morning.
“How was work?” Taryn asks. I focus my attention on her. She’s so beautiful and I feel my breath catch just looking at her. She is wearing a tight T-shirt and jeans. I wish she was standing so I could get a better look at her.
“Unusually slow so I decided to come here.”
“Good choice. Come sit with us.”
“Are you sure?” I’m afraid somebody will see us, but she nods her approval, so I walk around the railing and slide into the open seat.
“Would you like a lemonade?” she asks.
“I’ll get one in a minute,” I say. She waves me off and gets up. I shake my head at her and watch her walk up to the counter, enjoying the view of her ass in her tight jeans.
“Ki? Here I made this for you.” Olivia interrupts my lustful thoughts about her mom. She hands me a bracelet with charms of little unicorns and flowers.
“For me? Olivia, that’s so sweet. Can you put it on me?” I ask. She struggles getting it on my wrist, but she’s patient. Taryn returns with a lemonade and places it in front of me.
“Thank you.”
Taryn winks at me. “I thought you were making that for me.”
“Mum, I will make you one tonight,” Olivia says.
“Well, I guess that means Ki is pretty special for you to give her a bracelet,” Taryn says. Olivia nods. I smile at the exchange.
“It’s because I made you a French fry tepee, isn’t it?”
She laughs at me. “No.”
“It’s because I won you a stuffie at the concert, isn’t it?”
She laughs even harder. “No.”
“It’s because I’m awesome, isn’t it?” She nods. I shrug at Taryn.
“When you’ve got it, you’ve got it.” Taryn toasts me with her lemonade. “What are your plans for the rest of the day?”
“I was going to whip up a pie with these lemons. That’s about it.”
“Olivia and I were going to walk around the lake at our complex and feed the ducks. Would you like to join us?”
I hesitate, but only for a second. “Is that a good idea?”
“I think it’s better than hanging out here.”
“Sure. I’ll pick up some oats and meet you at the complex.” She texts me her address and we head our separate ways. I take my time finding oats for the ducks because I don’t want to appear desperate. After giving them a fifteen minute head start, I find my car and drive to Walnut Grove. This place is gorgeous. I head to their building and climb the steps up to the second floor. Olivia opens the door almost before I knock.
“Where have you been? We’ve been waiting for you.” She grabs my hand and pulls me inside.
“I had to find the perfect oats for your ducks,” I say. I hand her the bag.
“Why can’t we just feed them bread?” she asks.
“It’s not the best thing for the ducks. It’s not healthy for them,” I say. She seems satisfied with that answer.
“Come on in, Ki,” Taryn calls from the kitchen.
“Your place is beautiful.” With the exception of the child artwork on the refrigerator, there are no other signs that a child lives here. The light couches are clean and bright with giant fluffy pillows everywhere. Everything has a place.
“Thank you. Shall we get going?” Taryn asks. Olivia is politely hanging onto the doorknob, anxiously waiting for us to leave. The walk down to the pond is peaceful. Olivia is ahead of us, skipping and twirling while we take our time getting there.
“What do I do with the oats?” Olivia asks.
“Take a handful out and throw them over the water,” I say.
She drops most of the oats at her feet the first time, but by the third attempt, she’s got it down and the ducks are swimming at attention in front of her.
“Don’t get too close to the water, Olivia,” Taryn says. She points to a bench closest to the pond and we sit
. I give her enough space, but I can still feel her body heat. I would give anything just to touch her. As nice as this afternoon has been, being this close to her is killing me.
“I love that you do so much with her.”
“Well, I don’t have very many friends here. Not that I would stop doing things with Olivia, but it’s nice to go out and do adult things once in awhile.”
“I know what you mean. I have friends, but I don’t have the time. Plus, a lot of my friends are young and still want to party. I’m so over that.”
She nods. “You’re at that age. I was like that, too, in my late twenties. By twenty-nine, I knew I wanted to have a child before I was in my thirties, so I found a donor and made it all happen.” So that answers the question about Olivia’s father.
“I was wondering about her dad,” I say.
“Just a friend from college. He signed off on all parental rights.”
“So how come you didn’t wait to start a family until you found the right person? If that’s not too personal. I mean, you are an attractive, successful woman. Why not wait?” I know I’m kind of pushing her, so I sit back and wait.
“You’re kind. I’m not perfect. I had Olivia because I’m selfish. You know how demanding our field is. My relationships have been very difficult to keep. Nobody works our hours or understands our passion. I was tired of waiting, so I decided to start a family on my own. I mean, my parents helped, but ultimately Olivia was my choice.” She leans back on the bench and crosses her arms defensively.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m just curious about you.” I try to backpedal and do damage control.
She sighs. “It’s okay. It’s just hard balancing work, a personal life, and a family life. I don’t want a lot of people around Olivia, so it’s hard to try to have a relationship.” She has to know I’m interested in her. I want to tell her just how much she affects me, how desperately I want to be with her. Instead, I wimp out and stay silent. I still have to work and learn from her for the next five weeks. I can’t go down this path unless I know the outcome.
“Well, I’m positive that everything will work out for you once you get settled at the academy.” I try to keep the sadness out of my voice, but the look she gives me tells me she hears it, too.
“I’m out of oats.” Olivia walks back up to us. I can’t tell if her timing sucks or it’s the best thing ever.
“It’s probably time for swimming class anyway,” Taryn says. She scoops Olivia up and sits her on her lap. “Did you thank Ki for the oats?” Olivia shakes her head.
“Thanks, Ki.”
“Thanks for my awesome bracelet and you’re most welcome for the oats. Just remember that oats are safer for the ducks, okay?” She nods. “Okay, go swim like one of your ducks. I’ll see you soon.” I stand up and Olivia reaches up to me for a hug. I make it quick because that puts me entirely too close to Taryn. I quickly say good-bye and wave them off when they offer to walk me back to my car. I need to put distance between us. Maybe today wasn’t such a great idea.
*
We had a good time with you today.
The ding of Taryn’s text snaps me out of a catnap. Sophia and I are cuddled down on the couch.
I keep my response light. I always have fun with you both.
I’m sorry this is happening. I hate that we have to hide our friendship from everybody.
I frown. I think this relationship is taking a different direction than just friendship. Is that what this is? My heart speeds up. I wait a few seconds before I hit send. I stare at the screen, waiting for her to send me anything. Thirty seconds goes by before I see her typing.
That’s what this has to be for now. Her answer sends chills all across my body. I haven’t been reading too much into our playful banter after all.
I want to see how far I can push her. So you are saying that if we met anywhere other than school, we might have something other than friendship? I’m so still right now, clutching the phone, waiting for her response.
We can’t talk about this. It’s not fair to either of us. Well, that’s not a no, but not a resounding yes either.
Okay, goodnight. I will see you in class. I end the conversation. Upsetting her isn’t my goal. I just want to know that we have a chance, even if we both have to wait.
Chapter Twelve
“What are you doing here so late?” Taryn asks.
Concern is etched on her face. It’s ten thirty Thursday night and I’m standing outside of her apartment door. I’m tired of wanting and waiting. We have a month left until graduation, but I know I can’t wait that long. Her messages the other night seemed encouraging so I decide to throw caution to the wind and see what happens if I tell her how I feel.
She doesn’t invite me in. Leaving her door ajar, she steps into the hall, keeping her back against the wall. She’s in a tank top and tiny shorts and I take a moment to look at her. She waits for me to answer. I lick my lips with nervous anticipation. I want to say so much, blurt out my feelings, but now that I’m in front of her, I’m completely frozen.
“What’s the matter?” she asks.
I feel like she is challenging me, waiting for me to make the first move. It’s now or never. I step closer to her so that we’re only a few inches apart. I can feel her breath on me, feel heat radiating from her body. Without shoes on, she is only about an inch taller. I hesitantly reach out and cup her chin, running my thumb just under her lip. She doesn’t pull back. She just watches me. I’ve made the first move. I’m going to have to make the second one, too. Slowly, I lean forward and kiss her. For a split second, I feel hesitancy on her lips, and just as I am about to pull away with embarrassment, I feel her react. That’s all it takes. I push her up against the wall and kiss her with everything I have. My hands are wound in her hair, holding her close to me. I feel her hands on my elbows either to steady herself, or touch me. I feel her with my entire body. Her hands slide down to my waist and hold me closer. Her small breasts are firm against mine. I can feel her hard nipples through her thin tank top. I desperately want to taste more of her. Here, in this cold, brick hallway is not the place to seduce her though. I break the kiss, almost smiling at the look of disappointment on her face as I pull away.
“Let’s just have one night together. Nobody will ever know.” I kiss the corners of her mouth, waiting for her to invite me in. I slide my hand down her body until we are holding hands.
“Ki.” Taryn squeezes my hand, but makes no move. I don’t know if she is thinking about it or trying to let me down gently.
My confidence leaves. I swallow hard as I realize this night is not going to turn out how I want it to. I take another step back, and loosen my hold on her hand. I miss her warmth already. I swallow hard. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come.”
I give her fingers a squeeze and slowly make my way down the hall. She doesn’t stop me and it takes all of my strength to not run away. I don’t even look back. My heart is breaking and I need to leave before she sees my tears. I slowly make my way down the stairs. Once I’m out of her line of vision, I cry. I don’t actually sob until I reach my car. What was I thinking? How stupid of me! Now we will never go back to the quaint friendship I had with her and Olivia. I completely ruined that. How am I going to face her almost every day for four more weeks? I’m such an idiot. Class will be one hundred times more stressful. Not only will I have to cook the best food ever and try to maintain top seed for the scholarship, but I have to act as if that very passionate kiss did not happen. I have to see her as an instructor and nothing more. I can’t look at her mouth and remember how sweet she tastes or look into her eyes and see all of her emotions swirling around. No, I have to forget about this entire semester except for the techniques I’ve learned from her, and get started on the rest of my life. Four more weeks of pure hell.
*
Sleep was fleeting, at best. I played the count game. If I fall asleep right now, I will get five hours, no four, no two hours of sleep before I h
ave to get up and start my day. At least it’s almost the weekend. I just have to motor through work this morning and through class this afternoon. After checking the syllabus, I find that next week we will be working at a few different restaurants. Thankfully, I won’t be confined with Taryn in a glass box, visible to all. I’m not sure how I’m going to be able to keep my emotions hidden from everybody, including myself.
I grab my clothes for work and stumble around. I don’t even think coffee is going to help me, so I head straight for a caffeine explosive Monster energy drink. Not the best way to start my day, but it’s the only way to get through it. Work won’t be bad. I just have to go through the motions, fry up some eggs, and get lunch started. Then, I have to go to class. My heart tenses up and fills with sadness. This is an ache I am unfamiliar with and wouldn’t wish on anyone.
By the time I make it to work, I’m fully caffeinated, but still heavy hearted. Most of the staff can tell I’m not having a great day and leave me alone. I manage to screw up a few orders before Bud takes over on the grill, shooing me off to go prep for lunch early. Even he knows something is wrong, but is wise enough not to ask.
“Shouldn’t you be on your way to class by now?” Bud points his spatula at the round clock on the wall. Yep. Definitely. I don’t want to get there early though, so I take my time gathering up my stuff. Of course the traffic is light and I still make it to the parking lot ten minutes early. I sit in my car and wait until two minutes before the start of the hour to head inside. Taryn is there, scrolling on her laptop and the rest of the students are preparing their work stations for today’s lesson. I set my bag down at the back of the class and head for my area, my chef’s coat already on. I don’t want to have to stand two feet from her to put my bag at my desk. She looks up when she hears me, but doesn’t say a word. I can’t even look at her. I give a nod in her general direction and quickly gather up my cooking essentials before she starts.
“Since we’re all here and since it’s Friday, let’s have fun.” Her accent almost makes me smile. “I think we should bake today. I know most chefs don’t like to make desserts, but it’s important to at least know how to make a few things from scratch.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see Mary smile. I might as well throw in the towel now. Scott is about as happy as I am. He’s worse at desserts. “Let’s make macarons.” Several students groan.
