by Brenda Novak
“I asked you what your real name was.”
“Once. Immediately after you learned that the name I’d given you wasn’t correct.”
“You didn’t want to tell me. I’m guessing you still don’t.”
“True, but something’s wrong if you don’t want to know.”
“I respect your privacy.”
“So...now that we’re done making love, you’ve had enough of me?”
“We have to separate sometime! We’d both be better off keeping that in mind!”
“Why?”
He was so endearingly disappointed, the compulsion to kiss him became almost overpowering. It didn’t matter that they’d already made love. She wanted to be with him again. And he seemed to feel the same.
Dropping his gaze to her mouth, he put a finger under her chin as if he’d bring his lips to hers, and she automatically swayed toward him. “See that?” he murmured.
She remained mute as she stared up at him.
“This—” he motioned to the bedding “—is bullshit. I’m not sleeping on the couch.”
“Excuse me?”
He ran his lips lightly over hers. “Tell me you don’t want me in your bed.”
She couldn’t think of anything except getting a real kiss. “It’s not that, it’s...it’s that I think we should be careful.”
“To hell with careful!” he growled. “Love and war don’t work that way.”
“How do they work?”
“It’s all or nothing,” he said, and carried her into the bedroom, where he took off her clothes again.
* * *
Somehow Callie didn’t get sick that night. Having Levi beside her might’ve helped. His steady breathing was soothing, and she loved the springiness of the hair on his legs as they brushed against hers almost as much as she liked to touch the smooth skin covering the muscles of his arms and chest. At one point, when she allowed herself to snuggle closer, he rolled toward her to scoop her into the curve of his body.
“You okay?” he murmured.
When she pretended to be too groggy to answer, so he wouldn’t feel he had to wake up, he fell back asleep, and she smiled as she turned to study his face in the moonlight. That rawboned look he’d had when he first appeared on her doorstep, when he’d reminded her of an alley cat, was already changing. She liked that he seemed so much healthier but admired all the things that hadn’t changed just as much—the high arch to his nose, the golden stubble on his cheeks and chin, the small scar on his lip, which he’d probably gotten in some fight. She wanted to get her camera, to capture him on film to help her preserve these memories, but she doubted he’d appreciate being photographed in the middle of the night.
Around four, she finally drifted off, convinced that she’d gotten what she’d asked for. The universe had granted what she’d most wanted to experience before she died—to know what it felt like to be deeply in love. Given that, she felt greedy asking for anything else so she simply braced herself for the worst. She knew the happiness they’d found together couldn’t last but, God, was it good while it did.
Nothing terrible happened in the next three days. The week continued to pass in the same idyllic fashion as that perfect night. She and Levi got up early and laughed and talked while they gardened, and occasionally had a water fight. After that, they showered together, sometimes they made love if they had time, and Levi went to work at the Gas-N-Go. While he was gone, she cleaned, visited her parents, met with the insurance adjuster about the barn and ran errands, which included a trip to the mall to get him some clothes and a trip to the grocery store. But she was always home and had dinner waiting for him when he got off. Then they slept in each other’s arms, making love whenever the desire struck either one of them.
Maybe it was because she was so careful to take her medicine at the correct intervals and to watch what she ate, but she didn’t get sick in all of that time. She was feeling so good she was almost convinced that she’d taken a turn for the better, that her liver was somehow regenerating like the livers of healthy people. Medical miracles happened occasionally, didn’t they?
She wanted to believe she might be one of those lucky few, was determined to believe. But she feared she’d been leading them both down a path destined to end in misery when, on Friday, Levi came home early with a gift for her.
“What’s this?” she asked as he thrust a plush blue box into her hand.
The grin he gave her made her heart skip a beat. “Open it and find out.”
“I hope...” She cleared her throat. “I hope you didn’t spend a lot.”
“I’m only making two hundred dollars a pop, so—” he laughed “—you don’t have much to worry about.”
But when she opened the box she could tell he must’ve spent at least one day’s labor on it. Any necklace from Hammond and Son Fine Jewelers, a store located not far from her studio, wasn’t cheap. This one had a gold hummingbird pendant with a small diamond for the eye.
“It reminds me of those birds you told me about in that book,” he explained.
“I remember.” He was referring to the thorn birds, the ones who sang their most beautiful song as they died.... Fortunately, he had no idea there was any kind of parallel. He just associated that story with the first full night they’d spent together and her interest in a strange bird.
“Do you like it?” he asked.
The lump in her throat made it difficult to speak. “I do.”
He tilted his head to look into her face. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
She took the necklace out of the box and turned, both so he wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes and so he could help her put it on. “It’s the best gift I’ve ever been given,” she said. But with that little gold bird, reality had come crashing through. She’d assumed it would take him a long time to fall in love, to get past the loss of the woman he’d been with before. She’d lulled herself into believing that so nothing could ruin these precious days.
But after he fastened the clasp on her new necklace, he slid his arms around her waist and kissed her neck as she leaned back into him, making her wonder if she’d underestimated his ability to heal.
“They had other stuff, really nice stuff,” he told her. “One day I’ll take you there and you can pick out something more expensive.”
One day? That didn’t sound as if he planned on driving off in the near future.
23
“What’s this called again?” Baxter grimaced as he donned his glasses. He looked good in them. He was so classically handsome he looked good in anything. But usually his vanity dictated he try to get by without them.
Callie got herself a glass of water from his fridge. “An advanced directive.”
“Which is...”
“Basically, a power of attorney.”
“For what?”
“So my parents can make decisions in the event that—” she tried to think of a euphemistic way to state the bald reality “—I can’t make them myself.”
When understanding dawned, he didn’t bother reading the fine print. He dropped the paper on the table, took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. She’d caught him on a Saturday morning, just rolling out of bed. She’d known it was a little early to show up at his place, but Levi was only going to work half a day. She wanted to take care of this while he was busy. Now that she and Levi were sleeping together as well as living together, she had less privacy than before. He overheard her telephone conversations, went into her purse for change or a pen if he needed it and was comfortable enough in her bedroom to do as he pleased. She no longer had her own space. That meant it was harder to find a safe spot to hide her meds. She’d had to take them out of the cupboard above the refrigerator and hide them in a shoebox she kept under the porch. But she didn’t dare put this directive there. It needed to be in the hands of someone who knew what to do with it.
Baxter scowled at her. “And I’m the lucky recipient because...”
“I can’t give it to my parents.
Not yet. Just hang on to it for them until I break the news or...you know.”
“If you’re planning to break the news soon, like you’ve been talking about, you can probably hang on to it yourself.”
“It’s safer this way.”
“You mean, in case you happen to wait too long.”
“That’s what I mean.”
His glasses skittered across the table as he tossed them away. “Tell me what’s happening with you and Levi. Somehow I like hearing about that more than when to pull the plug should you go on life support.”
“We’re happy,” she said. “He might be a...a vagrant, a rambler, someone who’s been driving around America on a motorcycle for almost two years, but...for me, he’s home. I don’t know how to describe it any better.”
Baxter crossed one leg over the other. “And yet you still don’t think you should tell him about your condition.”
She rubbed her forehead. “Yes. I should tell him. I should’ve told him from the beginning. But it didn’t seem necessary at first. And now...every time I try, the words get stuck in my throat.”
“So what are you going to do? Let him be surprised?”
“No.” She folded her arms to give her statement more conviction. “I’ve decided I’m going to get well so I won’t have to tell him.”
“I like that idea.”
She sat next to him and covered his hand with hers. “I’ve felt great this week, Bax. I think recovery might be possible.”
He wouldn’t quite meet her eyes, which told her he was afraid that was wishful thinking. “Why weren’t you at coffee yesterday?”
“It’s hard to be around the gang right now. I don’t like deceiving them.”
“They’re freaking out. After all the years we’ve been friends, you’re withdrawing for no apparent reason. It’s been all I can do to stop them from showing up at your place en masse.”
“Really?”
“It all started with Kyle.” He sent her a look that warned her he had something unpleasant to impart. “Callie, he blew the whistle on the friends-with-benefits thing last Sunday.”
She felt her jaw drop. “He did what?”
“He flat out made the announcement. We were all on the phone, trying to figure out what’s wrong with you, and...he said he thinks you’re avoiding everyone because of him. He feels like shit.”
She smacked the table. “I don’t want him to feel like shit. I’ve told him—”
“It doesn’t matter what you told him,” Baxter broke in. “Your actions are speaking so loud he can’t hear your words.”
“But he was the one who didn’t want to tell! Actually, I didn’t really want everyone to know, either.” She propped up her chin with one hand. “That’s not the legacy I want to leave behind.”
“Another reason to get well.”
She braced herself. “So...what did everyone say?”
“They were understanding, for the most part. You don’t have to worry about that.”
“Why hasn’t anyone said anything to me?”
“Besides the fact that you won’t answer your damn phone?”
“Argh!” She leaned back in the chair. “I’ve got my life so screwed up.”
He frowned in sympathy. “I need to warn you about one other thing.”
“And that is...”
“My attempts to stop them from coming over have finally failed. We’ll be at the farm tomorrow. They’ve had about all they can take.”
“Wait...it’s an intervention or something?”
“They want to assure you that no matter what’s going on, they’re still your friends and will support you through it. Whether it’s sleeping with your best friend or...or suffering from liver disease,” he added more softly, “but, of course, they can’t say that.”
“I don’t want to deal with this while Levi’s here!”
“Sorry. Like I said, I’ve put them off as long as I can. They were going to come last Monday, but that was the night I supposedly took you to San Francisco.”
“When I was in the hospital.”
“After that, I was afraid having them show up might upset you and cause a relapse. So I told them you were fine. That we had a blast. That you’re just busy. I said to give you some time to get over the embarrassment of getting too close to Kyle. I almost had them convinced to let you be. If only you’d come to coffee yesterday....”
“You couldn’t have given me a heads-up that coffee was so important?” she asked glumly.
“I didn’t know! That was just when everyone started talking about you and got so worked up they wouldn’t listen to me.”
At least he’d done all he could.
She considered what having her army of friends show up tomorrow morning might mean—to her and to Levi. “Do they know how I feel about Levi?”
“I’m sure Kyle’s guessed,” he said with a wink.
She flinched. She’d basically cut off all association with Kyle, which wasn’t right. They’d been friends for so long, had promised each other they’d be friends for life. “I can’t believe he confessed the truth. He definitely didn’t want anyone to find out. I think, after marrying Noelle and getting divorced so soon after, he’s embarrassed enough.”
He got up to pour himself a glass of orange juice. “What he went through wasn’t easy. I can see why he wouldn’t want to tell anyone about this latest...whatever. But that’s how worried he is about you,” he said, raising his voice to be heard from the kitchen. “He’s afraid you two doing the deed is at the root of the problem. He wanted us to know in case there’s something we could do to assure you that we won’t hate you because of it.”
“Oh, dear, I need to talk to him.”
“You need to talk to everyone,” Bax said, returning. “And, like I just mentioned, you’re going to have the chance to do that very soon.”
“Tomorrow.”
“That’s right.”
She took another sip of her water.
“Who’s coming?”
He took his place at the table. “Eve, Riley, Cheyenne, Dylan, me, Noah, Kyle. The whole gang. Except Gail, of course, because she’s in L.A. And Ted. He’s on a tight deadline.”
The mention of Ted reminded Callie of his comment about Scott from last week’s coffee date. “You didn’t mention Sophia.”
“She wasn’t on the call.”
“She didn’t say anything at coffee yesterday?”
The ice in his glass clinked as he took a sip. “She wasn’t there.”
“But she always comes.”
“Not if Skip’s in town.”
“He’s never in town on a Friday morning. If he comes home, it’s usually late.”
He shrugged. “Then I don’t know.”
She turned her glass, wiping the condensation. “I think it’s what Ted said last week, don’t you?”
“Could be. She’s been trying to be friends with us for so long. Maybe she’s given up.”
“How did Ted react to her absence?”
Baxter finished his juice. “It definitely seemed to bother him. He’s been acting like he hates having her crash the party every week, but his eyes went to the door every time someone opened it as if he was hoping to see her walk in. And he got sullen and quiet about halfway through when she didn’t show.”
“He shouldn’t have been such a jerk to her,” she said.
“It’s complicated with them, as you know.”
“Everything’s complicated right now.” She put her glass in the sink and dug her keys out of her purse. “What am I going to tell Levi when my friends come over and demand to know what’s wrong with me?”
He drummed his fingers on the table as though the answer was obvious.
“What?”
“At some point, you might consider the truth.”
But then Levi would not only leave, he’d hate her for lying to him. What if she could beat her disease instead? What if she could get a transplant and live?
“Thanks,” she sa
id. “I’ll consider that next time I want the man I love to walk out on me.”
* * *
Levi found a motorcycle helmet at a garage sale as he passed through town on his way home. He thought it might be a little big for Callie, but he was willing to risk the twenty-five dollars. It didn’t have to fit perfectly to protect her. At least he’d be able to take her for a ride.
After paying the ten-year-old who was collecting the money, he strapped the helmet on behind him and took off. But he didn’t get far. Before he reached the outskirts of town, he saw police lights flashing in the small mirror attached to his handlebars.
“Shit,” he muttered. What now? He hadn’t been speeding. There was too much traffic for that.
He pulled to the side of the road, put down the kickstand and waited for the officer to approach him.
“In a hurry?”
It was Chief Stacy. Levi removed his helmet and met the steely gaze of Whiskey Creek’s head of police. “Not particularly.” He motioned to the road. “Are you saying I was speeding despite these stop-and-go tourists puttering through town?”
Stacy seemed to realize that would be too unbelievable. “No. You might not be aware of it, but you ran a red light back there.”
Levi scowled at him. “I’m not aware of it because I didn’t do it.”
“Sorry. Saw you with my own eyes.”
“Must’ve been someone else, Chief. There’re only two stoplights in this town, and I’m well aware of both of them.”
“You can say what you want.” His lips curved into an arrogant smile. “But it’s your word against mine.”
When Levi swung his leg over his bike, Stacy’s hand hovered above the gun at his hip. “Just stay where you are.”
“Or what?” Levi said. “You’ll shoot me? For getting off my bike?”
“That’s no small temptation.”
“Why? What have I ever done to you?”
“If I remember right, I asked you to move on.”
“You mean you asked me to leave town.”
His hand remained poised to grab his sidearm. “Now you’re splitting hairs.”
“I guess I’m not overly susceptible to suggestions you have no business making. I haven’t done anything wrong, and I’m not leaving, not until I know Callie is safe.”
