by Brenda Novak
But there was that time he’d found her lying on the floor in the bathroom, so sick and weak she couldn’t get up. And she’d disappeared for two days earlier in the week. He’d thought that was odd, even at the time, but Baxter had said they’d gone sailing in San Francisco. Sure, she’d been short of breath or occasionally seemed tired. She’d lost a few pounds, too. But he’d questioned her about those things. She’d told him she was fine!
Heart pounding so hard he felt it might leap right out of his chest, he stood perfectly still, listening to the other voices coming from inside the room. Her friends were all on the phone with her. Except for Baxter, they hadn’t known she was ill, either. There was crying, and anger at having been deceived. Then Callie was trying to convince them she’d had a good life, as short as it was, that everything would be okay and she didn’t want anyone to be too upset.
After that, she asked them something that made Levi go numb. “Please, if...if you happen to see Levi again as he passes through town or whatever, don’t mention this to him. I doubt you’ll run into him, but just in case. I don’t want him to know.”
“Why?” someone cried. “You’re obviously in love with him. And he might be in love with you. He has a right to know.”
She was having none of that. “No,” she said, adamant. “I don’t want him to see me die.”
* * *
The moment she heard Levi’s motorcycle start up, Callie knew. He was supposed to be in the kitchen, fixing dinner. He had no reason to be outside. Unless...
Feeling sick in a whole new way—sick at heart—she promised to call her friends back and hung up in the middle of Kyle saying...something. Then, hoping to catch Levi, she ran out of the house, but he was already turning from the drive onto the road. She wanted to shout his name, beg him to come back and let her say goodbye, to see that he was okay, but all she saw was a glimpse of his back.
“No!” If only she hadn’t taken that call. But what would her friends have done if they couldn’t express their concern?
They might’ve gone to the police.
With a sigh, she sank onto the top step, next to the pink helmet Levi had bought for her. If only she’d waited to tell her friends about her illness. One more day. That was all it would’ve taken. She’d planned to wait! But she’d gotten too caught up in trying to convince them that they didn’t need to do anything about Levi’s past, that they could just...leave him be.
Rifle’s cold, wet nose nudged her arm. She’d left the door open and he’d wandered out. Hooking her arm around his neck, she let him bathe her cheek with his warm tongue. “It’s okay, isn’t it, boy?” she asked. “Levi was going, anyway.”
The dog whined, but she doubted he could be as sad as she was. This changed everything. Now she couldn’t imagine Levi as happily oblivious whenever she thought of him. And he probably wouldn’t want to think of her at all.
“Shit, Rifle. I really screwed up.”
Suddenly so tired she felt she’d never be able to get up again, she lay down right there on the porch and rested her head on her arms. The sun was sinking behind the chicken coop. Rifle sat beside her, his tail thumping the wooden planks. As she watched the shadows stretch toward her, the exhilaration of the motorcycle ride she’d taken with Levi passed through her mind. His body had felt so safe and secure as she’d clung to his waist. Then there was the memory of his devilish smile when they’d stopped and he carried her kicking and screaming into that cold stream. After that came the moment when he’d walked out of the bedroom to meet her friends and she’d been so proud to show them she was with someone she loved so much. And last but not least was the comfortable, quiet companionship of cooking dinner together after her friends were gone. It all filtered through her mind, frame by excruciating frame, until finally, mercifully, the relief of sleep washed over her and dragged her into oblivion.
* * *
Kyle called Callie back several times. He, or one of the others, tried every few minutes for the next two hours. When there was no answer, they wanted to return to the farm to see what was going on, but he talked them into letting him go alone. He desperately wanted to speak with Callie, tell her how sorry he was now that he really understood. All along he’d thought she was making a bigger deal out of the fact that they’d slept together than she needed to. He’d been worried that, as a consequence, she might ruin their friendship and tear apart the group. He’d had no idea she was actually wrestling with something much bigger and felt guilty for not guessing, not somehow knowing intuitively. He’d spent the most time with her recently. He’d been out to the farm more than anyone else. And instead of simply being a good friend and listening to her—maybe she would’ve told him about her diagnosis—he’d taken her to bed and complicated everything. The biggest irony was that he knew she’d felt bad about his divorce and had been trying to help him.
“Sometimes I think I am in love with you,” he muttered as he punched the gas pedal and barreled down the country road to the farm.
When he arrived, all seemed quiet. Rifle ran out to greet him as soon as he turned in at the gate, which was odd, since it was getting late. Callie’s dog was usually inside by now.
It didn’t look as if anyone was home. Callie’s car sat in the drive, but he couldn’t see Levi’s motorcycle and the house was dark.
Intending to knock, just in case, he parked. But as he was about to get out and approach the house, he spotted an odd shape on the porch and realized it was Callie. She was lying there, staring back at his headlights.
What the hell?
Leaving his keys in the ignition, he hopped out. “Callie?”
Panic gripped him when she didn’t answer. Maybe she wasn’t just staring back at him. Maybe she was dead.
Hoping it wasn’t too late, hoping he could still get her some medical help, he jogged the last few steps. But then she blinked and he clutched his chest as he took a ragged breath. “Shit, you scared me. Are you okay?”
There was no response. But tears gathered in her eyes. One slipped over the bridge of her nose.
He glanced around, once again looking for Levi’s bike. “Where is he?”
“Gone,” she said.
“I see.” With a curse, Kyle bent and scooped her into his arms. “Come on. It’s chilly out here. Let’s get you inside.”
“It’s just us again,” she said as he whistled for Rifle to join them and put her on the couch.
He covered her with a blanket, then smoothed the hair away from her face. “So we’ll work with what we have.”
“How?” She managed a brief smile as she wiped her tears.
Kneeling before her, he clasped her hands between his. “I’m going to take better care of you than I did,” he promised.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He brought her fingers to his lips. “I’m sorry about before. How I handled your loneliness. That was...selfish of me.”
“You were lonely, too,” she pointed out. “And I don’t remember complaining.”
That made him feel more confident that the past had really been forgiven. “Things will turn around. You’ll see.”
Her chest lifted as she breathed deeply. “And if they don’t?”
He didn’t like the thought of that. But it was a fair question. “Then I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
“You’re a good friend, Kyle,” she said and tucked the blanket up under her chin.
* * *
Levi couldn’t have stayed in Whiskey Creek even if he’d wanted to. There was no point. How could he be any kind of support to Callie when it was only a matter of time before Chief Stacy or someone else figured out who he was? The moment that happened, he’d be hauled back to Nevada to stand trial. So there was nothing to be gained by sticking around and watching her suffer, nothing to be gained by going through more of the same hell he’d endured when he lost Behrukh—especially because dying of illness was often a long, protracted affair. He preferred to remember Callie as she’d been
this morning when they made love on the muddy bank of that stream.
So he had nothing to feel guilty about, right? He’d had no choice; he had to leave. And not saying goodbye? He’d done them both a favor. They’d had a fabulous final day together. Why ruin the memory of it? Now it was just him and his bike and the wind, like it had been for the two years since he’d returned from Afghanistan. This was how he coped. This was how he’d gotten through.
But somehow his life felt even emptier and more aimless now.
For the first time in a long while, his thoughts turned to his father. As much as he hated his old man, there were instances when he yearned for contact, when he missed having some type of anchor. Leo was so authoritative, so autocratic and demanding and controlling. But few things had ever felt more satisfying than achieving his hard-won approval. As a child, Levi had lived for those rare moments.
He guessed it was that better part of his father he was missing now. Not that he’d ever go back to see what had happened to Leo. The night Levi had come home from Afghanistan and they’d had that big blowout was enough contact to last him for more than two years.
And yet...as the miles passed and the night wore on, he found himself heading north, toward Portland.
Maybe the mistakes he’d made were Leo’s fault. But that last night...Levi had to admit he’d been responsible for the argument that ensued. Although his father had seemed eager to see him, grateful he’d returned, Levi had been filled with so much anger and resentment he’d been looking to take it out on someone or something, and his father had provided the perfect target.
26
All the changes Callie had been expecting—and dreading—came to pass in the next few days. Once she told her parents about her illness, her time at the farm was over. Diana and Boone insisted she move home.
It was only Wednesday, three days after Levi had left, when her father drove out to help her pack and close up the house. They no longer trusted that she was capable of taking care of herself, which was annoying and restrictive even though she knew it stemmed from their desire to keep her with them as long as possible.
Her parents weren’t the only ones making life more difficult. Her friends were also struggling to accept what was coming—and that included her assistant, Tina. Visitors came by often once she was back in town, but seeing them wasn’t the same kind of fun it had once been. And to make it all that much worse, Levi’s departure had left as big a hole in her life as she’d known it would.
The only positive things about having told everyone she was dying was that her parents finally met her doctor, she didn’t have to hide when she took her medication or feel guilty about deceiving anyone and if she was tired she didn’t need an excuse to nap. She was also rid of Chief Stacy, it seemed. When he found out she wasn’t long for this world, she stopped being a viable alternative for his future wife and he lost interest. She could tell when she spoke to him, briefly, about Levi. Oddly enough, he still seemed relieved that Levi was gone, even though her friends hadn’t revealed Levi’s true identity. Callie wasn’t sure why Chief Stacy had felt so threatened by him.
“You’re looking good,” Baxter told her when he came by on Thursday night after work.
They were sitting on the back patio not far from her father’s large garden, watching Rifle chase bees.
“Thanks,” she said. But she knew he was lying. He had to be. She was doing worse than ever. Since word got out and Levi had gone, she felt as if something inside her had caved in—like a dam washed downstream—and given her illness free rein. It was almost as if, by telling, she’d accepted her fate and could no longer avoid it.
The silence grew awkward. “How’s work?” she asked in an attempt to fill the void.
Baxter yanked at the tie he’d already loosened. “Fine. I should have a good month.”
They’d discussed this type of thing before. A good month meant he’d make fifteen to twenty thousand dollars. She smiled at his success. “I should’ve become a stockbroker.”
“Why? You’re an amazing photographer.”
“After all the work I put into my business, I never netted twenty thousand dollars in one month.”
“But you love what you do.”
She hadn’t even picked up her camera since she’d moved home. “Tina will do a great job with Reflections.”
Before he could object to what her statement implied, her mother called from the back door. “Callie?”
She twisted around. “Yes?”
“You’ve been up for quite some time. Don’t you think you should come in and rest, dear?”
Callie wanted to say she could rest when she was dead, but she knew that would only upset her mother. “In a minute.”
Baxter managed to unfasten another button on his expensive shirt. “Tell me something.”
“What?” she said.
He waited to make sure her mother was gone before continuing. “Has Dylan ever mentioned seeing me with...”
“With...”
“A guy?”
At this, she sat up straighter. “What do you mean?”
“I mean what you think I mean. I was on a date once. We went to Jackson to avoid running into anyone around here. But Dylan came into the bar with some fighter friend. I’m pretty sure he saw me. I’m equally sure he recognized me. And I’m convinced he knew exactly what was going on.”
Callie took a sip of the ice water she’d brought out with her. “When was this?”
“Before he got together with Cheyenne—a couple of years ago.”
“He’s never said a word. At least, not to me. Maybe he mentioned it to Cheyenne, though.”
His thumb moved thoughtfully over his cleft chin. “Dylan’s a cool dude.”
“He’s perfect for Chey. Really good to her. But what makes you ask about that now? After so much time? Wouldn’t you know if he’d outed you?”
He stared across her father’s carefully manicured lawn toward the cinder-block fence. Their yard wasn’t large, but her father’s landscaping was meticulous.
“Noah’s been acting strange lately. I’m afraid he’s guessed.”
Alarmed about what this might mean for Baxter, for their group, Callie shifted in her seat. “Strange in what way?”
“Going from one woman to the next. Sleeping around and telling me every sordid detail. I think he’s trying to let me know he’ll never be interested in me.” He laughed bitterly. “As if I didn’t know that already.”
“That could be a subconscious reaction,” she pointed out.
“I’m not sure. It’s almost as if...as if he flinches when I come anywhere near him. It was never like that before.”
“Callie?” her mother called again. “Honey, you really
need to rest.”
“Mom—” she started, but Baxter shook his head.
“I have to go, anyway,” he said, standing.
Callie didn’t want him to leave. But she knew he was probably eager to get out of his suit, and maybe he had plans. She’d never realized he was dating, but, of course, that made sense. She couldn’t expect him to remain celibate his whole life just because he wasn’t ever going to be with Noah.
“Thanks for coming.”
He gave her a hug. “Are you missing Levi?”
Her hand went automatically to the bird pendent at her neck. She was glad Levi had given her a keepsake to remember him by. “I’m happy he escaped this part.”
“I wonder if he is,” he murmured, but Callie pretended not to hear it.
Levi had to be happier wherever he was—or he would’ve come back.
* * *
His trophies were still on display. Levi hadn’t really thought his father would put them away. They meant too much to Leo, were more his badges of honor than they were Levi’s. But it was a shock to see that so little had changed in eight years. When he’d returned home after being discharged from the army, Levi had spoken to his father—or, rather, berated him—before taking off again. He hadn’t
been here since he was nineteen and training every day.
The front desk sat empty, but there was a class going on. Levi stood just inside the doorway, watching children six to eight years old follow the motions of their instructor. Although Levi didn’t recognize the man in charge, he guessed the guy was a student from one of his father’s advanced classes. Leo often hired his black belts to teach the beginners.
When the teen caught sight of Levi in the mirror that ran along one wall, his eyes widened and he stopped teaching. “We have a special treat today,” he announced to the class. “Look behind you. This is Sensei Pendleton’s son, Levi, who was one of the greatest fighters in the world. Do you recognize him from his picture right there?” He pointed to a plaque on the far wall. “He has a black belt in tae kwon do and jujitsu, and he won practically all of those trophies in that case over there.”
Levi heard a ripple of “That’s him?” and “He’s back!” and “Sensei told me about him.” As the children turned to stare, he almost walked out. This wasn’t what he’d come for, to bask in the admiration of all those who’d like to achieve what he’d achieved. After what he’d done to those police officers in Nevada, he didn’t deserve their admiration.
He wasn’t sure exactly why he’d come. It’d taken him well over a week to make his way slowly up to the city where he’d been raised. Some days he didn’t want to arrive here at all, so he’d headed back or traveled inland; others, he couldn’t resist the tug of homesickness that eventually won out.
“I’ll get your father,” the instructor said, and hurried into the back.
Leo walked out a second later, chewing, as if Levi had interrupted his lunch. No doubt it was food he’d brought from home. Chances were slim that Leo would be eating restaurant fare. He was too careful about what he put in his body.
Although Leo had started shaving his head, possibly to hide the gray, he was fit and toned and younger-looking than other men his age. But he was favoring his right leg. That old injury had always given him trouble.
