by Unknown
Kissing. Yes, they’d kissed already. Amazing, heart-stopping kisses that not only stole her breath, they nearly stole her sanity. Granted, having nothing to compare to, she couldn’t be sure, but just from their little interlude in the park, Abbey realized she was dealing with an expert when it came to kissing.
“How many women have you kissed?”
He leaned back, his eyes widened. “What kind of question is that? I don’t know. I’ve never kept a tally.”
“I was just curious. You’re really good at it and I figure practice makes perfect so…”
“If you’ve never kissed before, how would you know I’m good at it?” The half curve of his lips screamed sex appeal as he shifted lower, crooked his elbow and leaned on his hand.
“Call it woman’s intuition. I have a feeling.”
He watched her for a second then nodded. “Okay,” he admitted. “Maybe I’ve kissed a few girls. But it’s been a long time.”
She waited for more and when he didn’t elaborate, she pressed. “Why?”
His gaze didn’t waver. “I think it’s wrong to kiss one person when I’m thinking about another.”
Did he mean her? She blinked and her heart stumbled along unevenly. But this was a good thing if he meant what he said. She crooked her elbow the same way so they faced each other more evenly. “Maybe we could do it again. The kissing,” she clarified.
They were in a bed. She might be a virgin, but she wasn’t stupid. Bed plus kissing equaled sex, or it should anyway. Of course, the fact that she’d been beaten up might still seriously damage her chances.
His brows quirked again and that look of concern clouded his eyes. “Maybe that’s not such a good idea right now?”
“Because my face looks like hamburger or because—”
“Jesus. No!” he said, cutting her off. “Because you went through hell today and I think you should probably rest, that’s all.”
Life was too short for that. “What if I don’t want to rest?” She glided her thumb across the dark stubble on his jaw. He was so damn cute and sexy. And young. Two full years younger than her. No, it wasn’t a lot, but the age difference had always bothered her a little until tonight, when she figured out it’s not the age that matters, but the person.
“Ab,” he warned her. It was very similar to the way she’d said his name a few days ago and she smiled.
“Blake,” she repeated in the same tone. Then she went for it. She leaned in and brushed her lips across his. Heat sizzled up her center just like the last time she kissed him. She had been a little panicked before, but now she felt a certain amount of power, a certain knowledge that she affected him whether she intended to or not.
Her courage multiplied and she eased her tongue across the fullness of his bottom lip. He groaned and leaned in farther, took more possession of her mouth as his tongue stroked out and met hers. Her pulse revved faster and her breathing turned erratic.
He pulled back, his own breathing unsteady, his eyes electric blue and wide open as he watched her.
“What’s wrong?”
“I… I… Jesus.” He moved away, landed on his back and stared at the ceiling.
“Talk to me,” she whispered.
He swallowed and met her gaze. “Talk to you?” he asked. The question almost sounded like a warning, but he nodded and never looked away. “Okay. I want to touch you so bad, I can barely think straight and all I do is worry that if I reach out, if I try and lay a finger on you, you’ll run. That would kill me, Ab. I want you so much. I want to show you how it feels to be touched the right way.” He rubbed a hand down his face. “How’s that for a conversation starter?”
Not what she expected, that was for sure. She copied his move and lay on her back next to him. She owed him the truth. After everything he’d gone through for her, it didn’t seem like a lot to ask.
“I’m sorry.” She bit her bottom lip. “I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. You’re always so good about giving me space and I just figured…” That he looked at every woman the way he looked at her? That he teased other women the way he teased her? “I don’t know what I figured.”
“You went through something traumatic. I understand that. God, I understand it better than anyone, but I need to know what happened to you, so I don’t mess up. I don’t want to touch you a certain way that’s going make you run.” He leaned up on his elbow again, head in hand. “But I also don’t want you to remember a time that’s going to hurt you either. So you see I’m torn.”
He looked it too. So confused and worried about her. Maybe if she told him, he’d give her what she needed tonight.
“It’s not a fun story,” she said softly.
He nodded. “I didn’t think it would be.”
She exhaled slowly. “I’ve never told anyone before.”
He nodded again and the resignation in his eyes said he didn’t think she’d tell him now.
“I had just turned fifteen the week before,” she said and understanding dawned across his face. “We were visiting my cousin’s new apartment in downtown L.A.” She stared up at the ceiling as the memories clicked in like a movie, frame by frame. “We’d forgotten the house warming gift in the trunk, and Bernie and I were racing to the street to get it. She took the elevator and I took the stairs.” Abbey swallowed as sweat pricked her skin. “I saw a man, but I didn’t think much about it. I was just going to run by him, not disturb him, but he heard me coming and probably got a glimpse of me the closer I got. He’d been sitting on the landing and he stood as I turned the corner and started down the stairs. I was concentrating on the steps, you know. I could beat the elevator if I ran fast enough. It was nine flights, but the elevator took so long on the way up and I just wanted to beat Bernie.” She’d always wanted to be as good as her big sis. “I was always trying to beat Bernie.”
The ceiling blurred and Abbey took a deep breath. “He grabbed me as I passed him. Just wrapped his arm around my waist and took me off my feet.” She’d never forget the surprise of it, the shock of a stranger grabbing her so quickly and efficiently. “At first I didn’t know what he was doing. Maybe he thought I was going to fall, or maybe… I don’t know. But then he had his hands on me.” Big, rough hands that haunted her dreams for years. “When I finally found my voice, I screamed bloody murder. I fought him. I fought as hard as I could, but he was bigger than me and stronger than me.” Her heart had already been beating fast because of her pace, but it had gone into hyper speed when she realized the danger. Abbey wiped away a tear that streaked past her temple. “I was wearing shorts and he didn’t even take them down. He just shoved his hand…” She waited until she got her voice under control. “He shoved his hand inside me. Told me I was a dirty girl. Told me dirty girls liked what he was doing to me. What he was going to do to me.” Those terrifying minutes had replayed in her head hundreds, maybe thousands of times. “The whole time he just kept shoving into me. Hurting me.”
For the first time since she began, Abbey glanced at Blake. His red-rimmed eyes brimmed with tears and his jaw clenched tight. She took his hand and he held on tight.
“Luckily, Bernie knew exactly where I was and when I didn’t show up in the lobby, she came into the stairwell and yelled for me. I screamed for all I was worth. I screamed my head off until he muzzled me with his hand and hauled me out of the stairwell. We were on the fifth floor. I didn’t realize it at the time and Bernie couldn’t tell from where she was. She just knew I was in trouble. She ran all the way back up, hoping to find a clue and by the time she got to my cousin’s apartment to tell everyone, she was screaming and crying herself. They called 911 and the cops showed up in minutes.” Too bad they hadn’t found her in minutes. Her skin prickled remembering the dark closet.
“The guy that took me…he was visiting his brother. He was a registered sex offender and just released from prison. He got scared knowing Bernie had heard me scream. He wrapped duct tape across my mouth and taped my hands and ankles together. He told me no
t to fight him. Said if I fought him, he’d find Bernie and hurt her too. Then he was going to kill my whole family. He told me in graphic detail how he was going to do all of it.” She exhaled an unsteady breath. “He told me to shut up and not make a sound, not to move or he’d make good on his promise. Then he shoved me in a closet in the back bedroom and shut the door.
“I heard the sirens outside. I heard the police knock on the door. I waited and waited and waited.” Her hope had died when they’d moved on to another apartment. “I waited three hours until they came back. That’s when they found me. The manager didn’t know the guy—his name is Earl—and the police contacted his brother and looked up is priors. That’s when they had probable cause and searched the apartment. My clothes were still on, and he hadn’t…he hadn’t…” She never knew how to finish this sentence.
“Yes, he did,” Blake said softly. “On the staircase.” He sat up against the headboard and wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand. “Please tell me this guy is still in prison.”
“He is.” Abbey nodded, crossed her legs Indian style as she sat up and faced him. “Bernie totally saved me that day. If she hadn’t come looking for me the second she got off the elevator, I don’t know what would’ve happened. Actually, I guess I do know. He would’ve done much worse.” She ran her finger along one of the many scratches on her hand. “I just remember his hands all over me, hurting me. Over and over, and I’ve never been…” Never been the same since. “I want to get past it, you know?” She gave him a shaky smile. “I don’t want to think about him or that day, but someone will reach out and I shy away because…because…” She shook her head. “I don’t know why. I mean my head knows it’s not him and my eyes see it’s not him, but my body goes into this fight or flight thing and I panic.” She wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “Stupid, right?”
He shot up, faced her. “No,” he said adamantly, his breath warm on her skin. “Not even close to stupid.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to get in your face like that.” He took a few deep breaths and let them out slowly. “I seriously want to find this pervert and kill him.”
“You’d have to get in line behind my dad,” Abbey said. “Then my mom. Then my sister. I think by the time you get him there probably won’t be much left.”
Blake didn’t care. He’d never wanted to hurt someone more. Well, besides the men who’d hurt Abbey today. He would’ve gotten out of the bed to pace, but he’d stripped off his jeans and the last thing he wanted to do was scare Abbey while he strode around in his underwear. That would go over well after the story she just told him.
“Don’t forget me. I get a crack at him before you.” She continued to trace the scratch on her hand, her eyes downcast. “But then I think I really don’t ever want to see him again. Ever. Not even to get some type of revenge. I just want to be done with it.” Looking up at him, she gave him a forlorn smile. “I wish someone had a wand that could erase the bad memories.”
Blake nodded. “I’d buy it.” He knew exactly what he’d get rid of with it too.
Abbey took his hand for the second time and floored Blake. He’d never seen her like this. Add to the fact she was wearing just his T-shirt with her spectacular bare legs glowing from moisturizer and she smelled like clean lavender soap in the bathroom, his hormones walked a very thin line. “I don’t have a wand tonight,” she said. “But I know how you can help get my mind off my rotten day.”
She couldn’t possibly be thinking…her original words hit him like a two-ton trailer. Can I sleep with you tonight? Had she meant in the literal sense and not just in the same bed?
He was suddenly thinking in a language he didn’t understand, trying to grasp the meaning of Abbey’s words.
Smiling at him, she lifted one eyebrow. “I believe this is the first time I’ve ever seen you speechless.”
It might’ve been the first time he’d ever been speechless.
Then Abbey leaned in closer and closed her moss green eyes right before setting her lips on his. The girl was a quick learner. She smoothed her mouth across his slowly, taking her time, taking little nibbles along the way until Blake had to taste more of her. Struggling to keep his palms flat on the bed as he leaned into her, he met her tongue with his and wanted to groan at the contact at the soft plush feel of her lips.
The beast in him roared for more and Blake refused to listen. He let Abbey lead the way. Let her fingers stroke into his hair as she leaned closer until she was fucking straddling his lap with her arms around his neck and her tongue deep in his mouth.
God, he wanted to lay her down so bad he itched with the need. To finally sink inside of her and lose himself in her heat, in her softness. So when she pressed on his shoulders, eased him back to the pillows, he let her. He let her touch him, let her drive him insane with her soft hands and long fingernails. It felt like every drop of blood in his body resided in his throbbing erection. She had to feel it too. She was right there, the heat of her right on top of him, sending clear messages to his baser instincts.
When she came up for air after the longest make-out session of his life, his lips were chapped. Not that he gave a shit. By some miracle of the universe, he’d managed to keep his palms flat on the bed. Well, more like fisting the sheets, but still a huge trick to not have touched her when he was beyond desperate to do exactly that.
“When are you going to take over?” she asked as she spread light kisses across his jaw. God, what he wouldn’t give for a razor. He’d have to add whisker burn to her injuries after this.
Wait a minute. “Take over?” His warped brain tried to catch on.
“Yes, take over. When are you going to make a move? Make love to me? I want you to make love to me.” She looked dead serious. He’d seen that look before. It was her tackle-an-obstacle face. If and when she saw a problem, she didn’t stop until she figured it out.
The static in his head crackled like feedback on a bad speaker.
“I’ve been totally improvising this and I have no clue what I’m doing, so it would good if you…you know…took over.”
“Took over?” Jesus, when had he become such a moron?
“Blake,” She gave another seductive rub over his straining dick. “Make love to me. Please.” She set her mouth on his again and Blake couldn’t help but kiss her back. His brain didn’t and couldn’t say no to that. Neither could his mouth or his tongue. But when she started yanking his T-shirt up and her warm hands started caressing his chest, he about went out of his mind. And he couldn’t afford to lose his mind. One of them needed to keep a sane thought.
The next time she came up for air, he gasped her name. “Ab. Abbey.” But she was back on him again in a flash and his blood revved so hot he felt like his Explorer a couple of hours ago, nearly ready to combust. “Abbey.” This time he cupped her face in his hands. “Listen to me.”
“No.” Her fear shone clear in her eyes. “I don’t want to listen. I want to get this over with. I just want to do it so they can’t take it from me or kill me before I get the chance.”
Another tidbit of information that landed like a bomb. She didn’t want him to make love to her because she wanted him. He was just the better of two evils. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He shook his head. This was not how he wanted his first time to be with Abbey. Not even close. Especially not after waiting for this moment for over a year.
Blake lifted up on his elbows and scooted back to the headboard, making sure to keep some distance between them before he chucked his abstinence plan. As if.
“What’s wrong? Where are you going? Did I do something wrong?”
“No. Yes. No. I just…” He put a hand over his eyes and tried like hell to do the right thing. “Abbey, I can’t—” He had no idea how to finish his sentence. “I don’t think this is a good idea. To do this tonight,” he explained.
Her bottom lip trembled and Blake felt like scum. Worse than scum. Scum on scum.
She moved back to her spot on the bed and slid bet
ween the sheets, her silence like a club to his head. She rolled over and gave him her back. Fuck.
Blake moved up behind her, nearly spooned her. “Ab. You have no idea how much I want to. But I want you to do it for the right reasons. I want you to want me as much as I want you. I want you to need me. To care about me the way I care about you.”
She rolled over and faced him, her brows a straight almost angry line. “It’s my choice,” she told him quietly. “I should be able to decide who I lose my virginity to and when it happens.” Her eyes brightened with moisture and the sight put a knife through his heart. “You have a choice too and you’ve made it clear.” She started to roll over and Blake stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.
“Whoa. Wait. I understand where you’re coming from.”
She shook her head. “You can’t possibly understand. I don’t want something I’ve protected my whole life to be violently taken from me. But if you won’t—”
“It’s not that I won’t. C’mon Abbey. Give me a break.” God, he didn’t want to tell her this way. Didn’t want to bear his soul when it was the last thing she needed on her plate. “Is it wrong for me to want you to feel something for me before we do it? Is it wrong for me to want the same level of emotion? You mean more to me than just a let’s get it over with fuck.” There had to be a way to make this right…or at least make it better. “Okay, so maybe we don’t make love tonight.” That didn’t mean he couldn’t give her something she’d never had before. “But maybe we do something else.”
“What’s the point of something else if it doesn’t get rid of my virginity?”
How did he explain this? “I still want you, Ab. More than anything. More than the air I’m breathing. More than my PI license. Above all else, I want you and I think you know that.”
Her gaze skittered away.
He wasn’t about to stop now. “Can I ask you a personal question?”
She snorted, but without one bit of humor. “I can’t see how we could get any more personal than where we’re at.”
