by V. E. Lemp
Karen frowned. She hated hearing these comments, although she didn’t fault Thea for expressing them. She had to fight her own doubts often enough. She caught herself wondering if everyone thought she was just another one of Alex’s inconsequential affairs far too often. “Thea, stop worrying. I know all about his reputation. But people can change, you know.”
“Can they?” Thea’s brown eyes were filled with concern.
“And I thought I was the pessimist.” Karen hugged her friend. “Sweet of you to worry but truly, everything’s fine the way it is.”
“You always say that.” There was a clear edge of exasperation in Thea’s voice. “But you know, since I care, I hope someday you aim a little higher for your personal happiness goal than ‘fine.’”
And that made Karen, during the following weeks, think rather too much about the future.
As winter dissolved into spring, Alex remained as affectionate as ever but grew more distracted with each passing day. His schedule was impossible to predict, with last-minute meetings for the Morpheus Project running late into the night.
One evening, he fell asleep on the sofa after dinner, his briefcase still open on the cocktail table. Karen picked up some papers spilt across the table and shoved them back into the case. Pushing the papers away from the latch, she caught sight of something that made her take a deep breath. She glanced at Alex, who was still asleep, then gently slid her hand into the briefcase and extracted a pile of drawings.
Her sketches. They couldn’t be anyone else’s. Only, she didn’t remember drawing them.
Karen sat in the armchair facing the sofa, the stack of sketches in her lap. She studied the drawings. Their style betrayed them as renderings she only drew while asleep. She thought she’d been shown all the sketches she’d created while employed by the Morpheus Project, but she’d never seen these. One detail caught her eye, and she examined the sketch carefully, noting the rendering of a small, strange device about the size of a postcard. The map device, she thought. She knew the date of that dream.
“Alex,” she said softly. She repeated his name in a louder, sharper voice.
He opened his eyes and looked at her face. Then he sat up slowly, as if gathering his strength.
“What’s this?” Karen held up the sheaf of drawings.
“Your sketches. Think you’d recognize them.”
“I do. But where did they come from? They’re not something I drew while in the project? Something I never saw?”
“No.” Alex met her gaze squarely. “They aren’t.”
“So, when were they created? Over this past year? Here?” Karen’s hands began to shake. She placed the drawings in her lap and gripped the arms of the chair.
Alex’s beautiful eyes were shadowed under lowered lids. “Yes.”
“And you didn’t think it necessary to tell me?” Karen felt as if someone had thrust a knife between her ribs. “I’m sleepwalking and drawing in the middle of the night—which you must’ve known since we share a bed and you have these drawings—and you didn’t tell me?”
“I didn’t want to worry you.”
“Oh, really?” Karen stood up, allowing the sketches to slide to the floor. “You didn’t want to worry me? So you let me assume I wasn’t sleepwalking anymore? I thought it had finally stopped. You know how happy I was about that.”
“I know.” Alex held out his hand. “Come sit with me, Karen, and let me explain.”
“You can explain while I stand here,” she said.
His eyes darkened. “Very well. Yes, you’ve been sleepwalking from time to time. And drawing those sketches. I knew better than to wake you, but I did watch over you. I wouldn't allow harm to come to you. You should know that.”
“I’m not sure what I know anymore.” Karen clasped her hands to halt their trembling. “So you just watched as I wandered about the apartment and drew strange sketches. That part I get, though I think you should’ve told me. But what I don’t understand is why my drawings are in your briefcase. What were you doing with them?”
Alex rose. “Taking them to Ian and the research team. But you’ve already guessed that.”
“Yes, but why? I’m not involved there anymore.” She took a step back as he approached her. “You were the one who didn’t want me anywhere near the Morpheus Project, remember?”
“I remember. And I had good reason.” Alex strode forward and took hold of Karen’s hands before she could move away. “Stop overreacting, kiddo.”
“I am not,” she said, in a tone that she’d never used with him before, “overreacting.”
“You are.” He wrapped his arms around her. “There are things I must do, my sweet. You can’t be involved. But I always have your best interests at heart. You must trust me, Karen.”
His closeness calmed her, as it always did, but this time Karen couldn’t allow her concerns to be swept away by her physical reaction to him. “I want to”—Karen’s voice was muffled in the folds of his shirt—“but it’s difficult when you keep things from me.” She leaned back against his arms so she could look into his face. To her dismay, he appeared wan and drawn, as if he were suffering from some physical or mental torment. “What’s really going on? You said Vance confirmed our suspicions about those dark-haired strangers, but now I wonder if that was the truth. And the problems some of the students had, like Max’s breakdown, and my drawings …”
Alex sighed heavily. “There is something else going on, but I can’t tell you what it is,” he said wearily. “It’s classified. Why else would the government be involved?”
“You mean Mark Hallam?”
“Hallam? No, he’s just a decoy. He has his suspicions but isn’t cleared to know the whole story.”
“Vance said it didn’t mean anything, the government oversight.”
“Ian Vance?” Karen was shocked by the quiet desperation she glimpsed in Alex’s eyes. “Why would you trust anything Ian might say? Can’t you see what he is?”
“What do you mean?
Alex shook his head. “Ian Vance is a master manipulator. Probably why he was considered to be the perfect person to head up the Morpheus Project in the first place.”
Karen considered this information for a moment. If Vance had been chosen because he could keep secrets, his statements about the lack of government involvement were probably lies. Which meant Alex might be mixed up in something much more dangerous than she’d ever imagined.
“So the project’s classified, and you’re working under security restrictions? That explains some things. But I still don’t understand why it’s so stressful.” Karen examined his face, noting the tension bracketing his mouth. “Alex, are you in trouble?”
His laugh held no humor. “Trouble? Not exactly. And it’s nothing I can’t handle. But I do have to juggle some challenges and don’t want to involve you. That’s why I’m keeping my own counsel, Karen, not because I want to lie to you.”
He tightened his arms about her, so she could no longer see his face, could only press her head against his chest. She stood in silence for a moment. She felt his heart, beating faster than usual, against her ear.
“You say I overreacted,” she said softly, “but you have to understand. When I saw those drawings I thought I was still part of the project. That you’d only asked me to live with you to keep an eye on me. That nothing between us was real.”
“Oh, Karen.” Alex’s voice was ragged with emotion. “My dearest, oblivious darling. How could you imagine such a thing? I love you. My life would be much simpler if I didn’t. But it’s too late. There’s nothing I can do. For better or worse, I love you.”
“Then I’ll trust you, no matter what happens. But please, if there’s any way I can help …”
“Just love me as you do, Karen. That’s all the help I need,” Alex replied, and kissed her with a passion that obliterated all her questions and doubts.
Dream Journal, July 29th:
I was in an ordinary town, standing on the edge of the public
square. In the middle of the square a man read a list of names, and I instantly knew these people would be harmed or even killed. For an inexplicable reason we were being required to sacrifice a certain number of people to appease some outside group. I didn’t understand the nature of this group or why they would demand such an action, only that they wielded great power. I also knew this was occurring in other towns and cities. Each locale had been assigned a percentage of people to offer to the outside group. On our town’s list there were four hundred names.
Agitated, I approached the man reading the list.
“Why should we comply?” I asked. “Are we to sacrifice our friends, our children?”
I grew increasingly incensed as he continued to call out names.
“I will not hand over anyone.” I turned to address the crowd. “I will fight them with my last breath. Why are you standing there? Why won’t you see? We must all wake up.”
A hand rested on my arm. A slender, dark-haired woman was at my side. Alice.
“They do not see what you see. You must show them.”
“I don’t know how to do that.”
“You know, but are afraid to trust what you know.” Alice took my hand and lifted it to the sky, until it blocked the sun and light spilled all around my fingers. “It is in your hands, Karen Foster.”
“What is?” I asked, but when I turned she’d disappeared. I lowered my arm and examined my hand. It was still glowing, as if the sun had seeped into my skin and was illuminating my bones. “I must do something!” I cried out as the man continued to read off names. “What must I do?”
No one answered. I woke with that question still reverberating in my mind.
NINETEEN
One day in early August Karen decided to surprise Alex by showing up at the Indigo Building and taking him to lunch. His schedule had become more frenetic than usual, and he often forgot to eat, a situation Karen blamed on Ian Vance and the Morpheus Project. Karen drew her lips into a thin line. Perhaps it was time she took matters into her own hands. She must confront Vance and demand why Alex was being forced to work day and night, and subjected, it seemed, to intense stress. Vance might lie, but perhaps if she understood the situation better, she could discern some way she could help Alex deal with whatever was torturing him.
“According to Dr. James, he’s in Dr. Vance’s office,” the receptionist said, after making some calls when Karen inquired after Alex. “Dr. James said it would be okay for you to go on up.”
Thanking her, Karen headed upstairs, meeting Mark Hallam in the hall. She’d apparently arrived on the day of his weekly visit.
“Hello, Mark.”
“Karen, wait—where are you headed at such a pace? Not to Vance’s office, I hope.”
“I’m meeting Alex for lunch, and yes, I’m going to Vance’s office. That’s where Alex is at the moment.”
“Indeed he is.” Mark turned to walk beside her. “They’ve been having quite a row. I don’t think I’d go in there if I were you.”
“I can’t imagine”—concern sharpened Karen’s voice—“Alex and Dr. Vance having a row, as you call it. I’m sure it’s just a discussion.”
“A very heated discussion. Well, suit yourself. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Mark spun on his heel and headed in the opposite direction.
As Karen approached the office she heard raised voices and hesitated before knocking.
“Who is it?” barked a voice Karen identified as belonging to Ian Vance, although she’d never heard anger color his words before.
“Karen. Karen Foster. May I come in? I don’t want to interrupt.”
“Karen?” Vance’s voice instantly modulated into its familiar, cool timbre. “Of course, my dear. Come right in.”
Alex swore as she entered the room. “Ian,” he said, “if you invited her here I will kill you.”
“Nonsense, I had nothing to do with it, did I, Karen?”
“No,” she said hesitantly. Alex was standing in front of Vance’s desk, gripping the edge with both hands. He had his back to her, but tension bunched his shoulders and his knuckles had turned white from the force of his grip. “I came to invite you to lunch, Alex. You need to eat and don’t always remember to do so these days. If I’ve disturbed you,” she added, with a glance that included Vance, “I'm sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” Alex turned, and Karen was so startled by his expression she took two steps back.
“Please don’t concern yourself, Karen,” Vance said. “You’ve come at a good time. Our conversation is finished, isn’t it, Alex?”
“Yes, we’re finished.” Alex shot Ian a glance that radiated barely suppressed rage. “And we’ve come to an agreement. Right, Ian?”
“Of course. I always stand by my agreements, you know that.” Vance’s piercing gaze swept over Karen. “No matter how much I’d prefer not to.”
“If this is a bad time …” Karen glanced at Alex’s face and noticed a great weariness had replaced the anger in his eyes.
“Listen, Karen, I’m not sure lunch is a good idea. Not today.”
“Nonsense,” Vance said. “You should go. You can run that errand for me on your way.”
Alex gave him a look Karen couldn’t interpret. “But Karen doesn’t need to come with me for that. In fact, I’d rather she didn’t.”
“I think it’s an excellent idea if she does.” A little smile played about Vance’s lips. “You can handle it, Alex.”
“Damn it, Ian.” All the anger drained from Alex’s voice, until he sounded defeated. “Have it your way then. But I want your promise first.”
“You already have it. Now, why don’t you two run along and let me get back to this stack of mail. Government forms,” Vance said, addressing Karen. “So much paperwork for so little money.”
Alex straightened and crossed to Karen without looking at Ian again. “Come, Karen. I’ve had enough of this to last a lifetime.” He took her by the hand and pulled her out of the office.
“What was that all about?” Karen struggled to keep up as they left the Indigo Building and walked to his car.
“Never mind. Not important. Now hush for a while, I have to think.” Alex climbed into the car without offering to open her door.
“Excuse me?” Karen yanked open the passenger-side door and slid into the car. She stared at Alex. His head was resting on his arms, which were crossed over the steering wheel.
“Not now, Karen, really.”
The reprimand stung, but Karen suspected his temper was still frayed from his argument with Ian Vance, so she swallowed a sharp retort and did as he asked. Alex kept his head down for several minutes, the car silent but for his deep, measured breaths. Finally, he sat up and started the car. “It’s my turn to apologize,” he said softly, “and, unlike you, I definitely need to.”
“Yes,” Karen murmured, “I think you do.”
“Mea culpa.” He covered the hand she’d laid on the seat divider with his right hand. “I have some business to take care of before lunch. I didn’t want to involve you, that’s all.”
Karen sighed. “Some errand for Vance? Nothing to do with the classified stuff, I hope?”
“No, he wants me to check out a building. He’s thinking of moving the Morpheus Project to another location, and there’s an old warehouse that might work. It’s been abandoned for some time so I don’t know how useful it will prove to be. But Ian’s determined I take a look at it. Today of all days,” he added, his voice dropping to a mumble.
“Well, we can investigate the building, then go to lunch.” Karen curled her fingers around his hand. “No problem.”
“I hope not.” Alex gripped Karen’s fingers with a force that made her flinch. “I certainly hope not.”
Alex parked the car a few blocks from the address Vance had given him.
Karen fidgeted in her seat. “Isn’t there a spot a little closer?”
“Listen, I think you should stay in the car. This place is bound to be dirty and dusty and
who knows what.”
“I’d rather not.” Karen jumped out of the car before he could say anything else.
Alex, leaning on the driver’s-side door, sighed deeply and shook his head. “Really, kiddo, this isn’t a good idea.”
“Oh, come on, Alex. You said this had nothing to do with the hush-hush business. And I’m not some hothouse flower. I can handle a little dust.”
“All right, just try to keep up.”
Alex was lost in thought as they covered the three blocks to the building entrance, and Karen had to jog to match his stride. At the right address, he pulled out a set of old keys and unlocked the main door.
Karen followed him and surveyed their surroundings. The interior of the building was completely open, its walls rising two stories to a band of narrow windows. The windows allowed for plenty of diffused light, but it would require a great deal of interior construction to create offices or labs in the cavernous space.
“Cleaned up it might make a good gallery,” she said, “but I don’t see how it’d be useful for the Morpheus Project. Vance was given some inaccurate information on this one.”
“Perhaps,” Alex said. “But he’s determined I take some measurements, so I suppose I’d better.”
“And what’s that odor?” Karen wrinkled her nose. “Do you smell that?”
“Probably dust. The place has been locked up for years.” Alex turned her to face him. “Sorry about earlier, my sweet. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”
“It’s okay.” Karen put her arms around his neck. “I forgive you. I guess you and Vance had a few words today?”
“Yes, but that isn’t important now.” Alex reached out to brush the hair away from her face. “I do love you, Karen, never forget that.”
“I’m not likely to forget something that important.”
“You’d better not.” Alex pulled her close and kissed her with such ferocity that she gasped for air when he released her. “Now, I’m afraid I’ve a favor to ask. I left my notebook in the car, and I need it to check the measurements. Could you run out and get it for me?” He fished in his pocket and pulled out the car keys.
