by Cydney Rax
“Mmm hmmm. There’s nothing you can say that’ll make me feel different.”
He looks stricken. “Please, Veron. I really—”
“Shut up, Seaphes. I don’t care. I don’t care what you say! Who cares about you? Hell, who even cares about me?”
“Demetria does.”
“Oh, please.”
“Demetria really does care, Veron. She just doesn’t know how to express it properly.”
“Why are you always defending her, Seaphes? You know what, I’m wasting my breath with you. I-I can’t do this.”
Someone knocks on the door, and Demetria and Riley come in. Demetria mumbles, “She asked to come see you two and I thought it would be okay.” Demetria silently dismisses herself, and Riley looks at us carefully before speaking.
“I know it’s none of my business, but I just hate to see what’s going on. You all are adults and can handle your own problems, but please, young sista, don’t do anything foolish. I’ve had a talk with Demetria. She is sorry, and so ashamed she doesn’t even know how to tell you. I believe her. If you can believe her, will it make any difference in your relationship?”
“I don’t know, Riley. I just don’t.”
Riley asks Seaphes if the two of us can be alone to talk. He agrees, but before he leaves the room he promises me that he’ll explain everything to me and hopes that I will understand. I don’t know what kind of explanation he could possibly have for this.
—41—
SEAPHES
I convince Veron to hang around after everyone else has left. It isn’t too hard to do, surprisingly. I think she’s just so exhausted, and my bed is closest.
So after I close the door behind the last guest, I brace myself for what is to come. Part of me wants to go out the door with everyone else, but I know I need to face my demons and have a talk with the one I’ve hurt.
“Hey, there,” I say softly, observing her curvy frame, sprawled out on the far corner of my bed. “You awake?”
“I can’t sleep.”
“I see.” I pause. “I just wanted to come see how you’re doing. And I wanted you to hear me out.”
She sits up in bed, and my eyes can’t stare at her for too long. So I pace the floor like a preacher on a stage.
“Go ahead,” she says.
“First of all, I care about you…”
“You sure?”
I nod. “I wasn’t playing you, Veron. You’re a sweet, almost innocent girl. I wanted to protect you, be with you. I’ve been with a lot of different types, but you are the most different of all.”
“Oh, great,” she says in a sorrowful sounding voice. “You’re calling me weird?”
“Not weird, but challenging. You’re almost like a flower, or a piece of china, so delicate that I didn’t know how to treat you at times.”
“You’re still not making sense.”
“So I’d go back to what I was used to…the Demetrias of the world. Easier to figure out, even though she brings the drama, the game-playing.”
“She’s more interesting, beautiful, challenging than me. Is that what you’re saying? Do you think that I’m so different that I lack a heart? Feelings? Why did you do this, Seaphes?”
I fall on my knees on the side of the bed and reach out to her.
“The other thing is…listen, you may not believe me, but I didn’t think it was ever going to happen with you. You were treating me so coldly all the time, and I couldn’t figure out why. And then you saw me hugging on Ursula—and all it was at that point was an innocent hug, but I kept doing it at bad timing…” I stop and drop my head in my hands. “I’m sorry, so very sorry I failed you, Veron. But you gotta know our contemplating getting together happened one time with Demetria. It’s such a cliché, but it’s true. Other than that we’ve been just close friends. The bottom line is that it’s you I care about. I find you amazing, beautiful, the best woman I’ve ever been with, and I want to be with you.”
She just shakes her head as if she’s trying to push out all the info I’ve given her. “I just don’t know, Seaphes. I can’t process all this, and I’m about to leave this so-called party. Don’t call me, okay? I have to figure some things out.”
—42—
DEMETRIA
“Vee, can we talk? I think there are a few things you need to know.” It’s a few days after the Conversations Party. We’re at work, and I’ve asked her to join me outside at the picnic table in the courtyard. She said yes, which makes me feel a little more optimistic. I wanted to give her a little time to get the anger through her system, but I need to share something that I hope will help to mend our broken relationship.
“What’s up?” she asks.
“First of all, there’s something I have to tell you. A couple days ago, I revealed something about myself to Seaphes. He made me promise to tell you, because he thought it could fill in the missing pieces of the puzzle.”
She sighs. “Okay, what is it?” she asks.
I take a deep sigh. “Vee, um. This is hard for me to talk about…but I’ve had a painful sexual history. You think I’m promiscuous, and yes, I can say that I have slept with a lot of men. But what you don’t understand is why. I’ve tried to block it out, but it got to the point where I can’t deny it anymore.”
“What happened?” she asks, looking concerned.
“I’m…I’m a sexual addict. Actually, that’s how I met Thad.”
“What?”
I nod. “It’s true. He and I were attending a sex addicts meeting, and I was introduced to him. I never really talked to him until I noticed him again that night at the jazz concert.”
“I just…I never knew this. What made you feel the need to attend those meetings?”
“It’s…Well, I lost my virginity as a teen. A…young teen. He was an older guy…an old guy, to tell the truth. He courted me, made me feel very special, beautiful, smart. But he pressured me for sex. I guess I looked a lot more mature than I was. I liked him, though, so I gave myself to him. But then, he treated me bad. He stopped accepting my calls, taking me out, gave me the cold shoulder. I guess he was scared I’d report him to authorities. And ever since then, I’ve felt the need to prove myself. With men. This means I’ve sometimes hooked up with that very same type of man. Or with guys who seem out of my league.”
“And that’s why you’d get so upset and jealous when Seaphes showed interest in me and not you?”
“Exactly. It wasn’t so much that I wanted him; it was the challenge, the need for control, for feeling like I am a desirable woman who can hold on to a man, all that. I know it sounds stupid. Vee, I can’t stand this part of myself. And I can’t apologize enough.”
“Hmmm. Well, I’m glad you told me,” Vee says, but she has this hollow sound in her voice. I’m starting to wonder if I even should have said anything.
“Well…I mean, I just wanted you to know,” I say. “And there’s something else.”
“Now what?” she asks skeptically.
I pause, not wanting to overwhelm her. “Well, Seaphes and I agreed not to even talk anymore. No contact, nothing. I don’t ever want you to experience that awful feeling about me and him hanging over your head…wondering if you’ll ever be able to trust us again. And, Veron, I know I did you wrong. I was blinded by loneliness and jealousy and the need to be the center of attention, but I know for a fact I won’t be again.”
She looks a little bit warmer now, but all she says is “Okay. Anything else?”
“Uh…yeah, actually. I got a phone call late last night.”
“From who? Was it Darren?”
“It was actually my baby Thaddeus.”
She gives me an odd look.
“I know, I know. But you know how you really love Seaphes in spite of his ways? I feel the same about Thad. He and I share history. We fight, we make up. I know he bugged my house, and I know he has a temper, but in spite of all the drama…we’re just very drawn to each other. He told me that being away from me and hangin
g with Marilyn reminded him why he filed for divorce in the first place. So”—I laugh with glee—“he actually filed the papers.”
“And now he wants you?”
“Yes, he wants me back, can you believe it? I was thinking about what Riley said at the party, and I mentioned those things to him in my own words. How usually in relationships, when things go wrong, we both carry our share of the blame. Doesn’t matter who started it. I shouldn’t have stepped out on him; he shouldn’t have planted the tape recorders. We both should have done things different to ensure a stronger relationship. So we agreed to let go of the bad parts of our past. I’ve completely gotten rid of the guys I used to be with. I realize they aren’t worth it. I realize I can be happy with the one who loves me and treats me good.”
“Yeah, that sounds all wonderful,” she says, still sounding a bit unconvinced. “But Thad travels a lot. What are you going to do when he goes on the road again?”
“He asked if I would consider putting in my two-week notice, actually, and presented me with this.” I flash a five-carat diamond ring at her. “That’s my baby, always treating me good. He wants me to be his wife and travel with my man wherever he goes.”
“Really? Are you sure that marrying Thad is the best thing to do? Have you given it serious thought?”
“Yes, Vee, yes. When love steps up to your door, you gotta open it and not be afraid. I gotta be with the one who I know is man enough to give me everything I need, and strong enough to put me in my place. Thad is it. He is. So I feel peaceful with my decision.”
“I just remember you talking about your boy Darren, and how you felt something so strong with him and couldn’t ever give him up. So I just want to make sure…you’re sure that Thad is absolutely the only man in the world for you?”
I look her squarely in the eye. “Who else would have given me a ring like this, girl? Not Darren, sweet as he is. Definitely not Mario. So, Veron, as sure as I’m sitting here, there is no other lover I’d rather be with…than Thad.”
“Well, Demetria. I never thought I’d say this, but listening to everything you’ve said, it sounds as though you’ve come full circle. And in a strange way, I am honestly happy for you, although I envy you, too, girl. Some guy told me that it’s nothing if a man wants to have sex with you. He can do that with anybody. But if he wants to make you his wife, that’s true honor. So yep,” she says and finally smiles. “I am elated. Invite me to the wedding.”
“Of course you invited, Vee. You are my best friend, and I want you to be my maid of honor. And I love you for finding it in your heart to listen to me today and be so receptive.”
“I’m glad, too.” She smiles and it’s genuine.
“And guess what?” I tell her and pull out two sets of keys: one is my Brian McKnight key ring; the other is my Disney World key ring. “Check this out; I got my keys to Thad’s place back, and he also returned my Dodge Nitro, so I actually have two hot rides now. He really does love me.” I laugh in amazement. “Ain’t that a bitch?”
“It sure is, girl. Somehow you always come out on top, don’t you?” Vee asks. I just smile at her, and we stand up for a much-needed hug. Right now I’m so happy she is happy for me. So happy we’ve made up and found a way to be friends again.
—43—
VERON
I am so confused, so angry. When I think about everything that’s happened—things Demetria has said, things she’s done, and what she ended up with anyway—I can’t help but be frustrated. I’ve tried so hard to be like her: sexy, confident, and good with men, and I’ve still failed. She betrayed me, and still gets everything while I get nothing. So I decide to do something drastic, to take the last step in my metamorphosis.
The time is right after twilight, when the earth’s darkness has swallowed up the sun. I end up in the gated subdivision and park just a few houses away from Thaddeus’s pad. His home is still as big as I remember from when Demetria invited me over to have dinner with them almost nine months ago. She was so proud that night; her face was shining, and she looked as if she had hit the jackpot. She nailed a rich, soon-to-be-divorced man, and she wanted to show him off. Show me what I was missing, and what she was getting. I remember trying to be happy for her, but that familiar twinge of jealousy wrapped itself around my heart. Why her? What’s so great about her? I’ve watched her closely, tried to emulate her style, memorized Why Men Love Bitches…and I still don’t know if it’s done any good. But I’ll find out tonight.
I’ve decided to give her an engagement present she won’t forget. And now I am standing in front of Thad’s house, opening up the front door with the key that I stole from on top of her desk when she left her office to go to the ladies’ room. She left it there in plain view, and she’s the one who taught me that I should do what I have to do to get what I want.
Heart thumping wildly, I slip quietly through the front door. As I knew it would be, the house is empty. This afternoon she described to me in great detail what her evening was going to be. She was going to go to his place and soak in his Jacuzzi first, and then head out to go shopping at the Galleria Mall and get her nails and toes done, as a surprise for him. Once he got home from work the two of them were going to have a romantic dinner out. She twirled around in a circle of happiness so many times I got dizzy just watching her. “I’m back, Vee. The bitch is back,” she sang. And I laughed and clapped with her, even though I felt dark and miserable inside.
I timed my arrival here so that she would be gone, shopping or getting her manicure, and Thad would be coming home soon.
I go upstairs, all the way up those long, winding stairs, until I come to Thad’s bedroom. I get undressed and slip on the nightgown he brought her from Quebec. Once I’ve slid my body into the gown I slide onto the bed, underneath the covers, and I wait. I wait for my man to arrive.
He’ll come home from work and will be happy to see that his wife-to-be has used her key to let herself in. He’ll feel happy and confident. Glad to know she’s home with him, not out with some other guy. First thing he’ll do is come to bed. I know Thad has the goods, because my best friend has never left out any details about his sexual prowess. And I want Thad to do to me everything he’s done to her. Lick me, kiss me, suck me, and fuck me. Do me right, treat me like a queen. Because tonight, I am Demetria.
When I hear noise downstairs I hold my breath. I cannot wait until Thad comes upstairs and finds his lover lying on her stomach, with her ass facing him so he can quickly get hard, slide his dick in her, and start calling out Demetria’s name.
I hear footsteps storming up the stairs, and I brace myself and get on my hands and knees.
Then the bedroom door opens.
“Demetria?” he whispers. He flicks on the overhead light.
I quickly murmur my disapproval. The lights go back off and complete darkness surrounds us.
“I’m sorry I’m so late. Are you waiting for me?” he whispers again.
I giggle, then stop.
He laughs, too. I hear him unzip his pants.
“I want you,” he whispers. I feel his hands grab my butt and begin massaging its roundness. I hump up and down, moaning, savoring the feel of his hot hands.
“Eat me,” I whisper.
“Okay,” he whispers.
I feel his lips kissing my butt, planting sweet kisses all over my backside. Then he presses his face in me and starts eating me out from behind. I twist and turn and rock and hump against him; he licks me and tears me up like an animal. It feels so good to be Demetria I want to laugh and cry and moan and scream, but I bite my tongue.
He flips me over and starts rubbing his hands all over my breasts. And I let his foreign hands have his way with my body. Water springs in my eyes. Demetria is right; so far sex with Thad is incredible.
I whisper, “You got a condom?”
“Not this time.”
I tense up. As good is it feels, I can’t let this piece of revenge go this far. So I clamp my legs shut and roll to the side.
“That’s enough,” I say in a low, breathy voice. “I’m done.”
“What?” he whispers loudly. I detect confusion in his voice.
I’m starting to get very nervous. “You can take your shower now so we can get dressed and go to dinner,” I tell him.
“What are you talking about?” he asks, still whispering. Then he gets out of bed and turns on the overhead lights. And I squint and look up at him and say, “Mike?”
—44—
SEAPHES
It’s been tough all week. I don’t know how much longer I can wait. I’ve been so stupid, done so many things wrong. I can’t mess this up. She told me not to call her, but I can’t handle not talking to her, not figuring things out, how to fit me into the rest of her life. She’s the one, I know it. So I’m going to find the courage and go see her, and if she tells me that we fucked it up and can’t get it back…I don’t know what I’ll do.
—45—
VERON
“Let’s get the hell outta here,” Mike says. “What are you doing in this man’s bed?”
“What are you doing coming here? How’d you get in?”
“Demetria! She’s crazy; you know that. She wanted one last exciting fling before she settles down with this guy. She wanted to fuck me in his Jacuzzi; she said she’d leave the back door open for me.”
“She has finally lost her mind.”
“Apparently you have, too, Veron. Were you trying to seduce Demetria’s man? I didn’t think you’d be the type. You gotta get yourself outta here. I won’t say a word, and I know you won’t, either. Damn, I never should have listened to her.”
“I shouldn’t have, either. I shouldn’t have listened to any of it. None of her advice is right for me. I’m not like this at all. I keep trying to be something I’m not, and thinking I wasn’t doing a good job. But Mike, I finally realized something tonight. I don’t want to be like Demetria.”
