I felt the blood course through my veins, felt its surge slacken ever so slightly as my heart started to pump slower and slower.
Thub Thub – – – Thub Thub
And then it really started to drop. I had to remember to control it. I could stop it if I wanted to, but I had to let it pump enough blood to keep the oxygen flowing to my brain. But even a few beats a minute would keep me alive – barely. The problem was, the deeper you went; the harder it was to come back.
I felt as if I was floating. It was soft here inside my mind, like flying. I saw faces and places I’d been too. Some were familiar and some so old I had to think who they were. I saw Randall’s face, he was smiling at me. But the room, – the room he was in was darkened. Where was it? Then I could see it was full of toys, only to realize it was my room at home, but when I was a very young child. I was laying on the bed while he sat on a chair across the room watching me. He smiled as he rolled up my sleeve. I felt a prick on my arm. Then I was in my bed at NPU. He was here too. My eyes were closed, but I could feel his mind. I recognized it. I could feel it as he sifted through my memories like pages of a photo album. He paused on some and skipped over others. I felt his mind, its darkness and its light. Flashes of things I didn’t understand raced across my mind, things that I assumed were from the past. His past? I tried to look at them in more detail, but it was a second hand memory. Somehow my memory of an event not from my past, but his. Then I saw Daniel sitting in Darcy’s chair. Saw his lips move, saw shock on his face in the dark shadows.
“Tell her to stop, Randall!”
Was that Daniel’s voice? It was faint, as if from a great distance away.
Thub.
“Sara?” It was Randall’s voice now.
Silence.
Where was I anyway? I was running away from something – or was it towards something?
I remembered. I left my room and circled back to the absence of the sound my heart should be making.
Thub – – – Thub.
Time to go back. I had gone so far. Is that why I’d seen these things? Were they real?
Thub – – Thub.
I could feel warmth on my face now. The sun through the window I guessed. I felt pressure on my hand as it laid on my knee.
Thub Thub – Thub Thub.
I opened my eyes.
Daniel reached out, forcibly pulling me into his arms as we sat on the floor.
“Never do that again! You scared me half to death!”
“I thought you already were dead,” I sleepily replied, buried in his arms.
Stifling a laugh, Randall got up and walked out of the room.
“Don’t be cute. That wasn’t funny. You stopped your heart. I was looking right at you and it stopped. I never want to hear that again. Do you understand me?” His voice was anger mingled with a little bit of fear I think.
“Okay,” I mumbled, still half asleep from not quite enough oxygen to my brain.
As I took a deep breath, I felt the reassuring pressure of his arms around me, and conforming my shape to his, I melted into them. Holding fast to me, he silently rocked me gently back and forth for a while. I think he was listening to the comforting sound of my heart as it steadily beat away inside my chest once more.
When Daniel finally let me go, I needed some fresh air and walked out the front door following after Randall. I found him perched on the old rock wall looking out over the wreck of a field on the other side. As I hopped up and took a seat beside him, he looked over and smiled my way.
“I always wondered what this would be like,” he said, staring straight ahead.
“What would be like?”
“Us,” he answered as he turned to me with a small smile. “Talking to you. Having a conversation with you, with you knowing who I am.”
“Did you ever tell anyone in the family what happened to you?”
“No, after it happened I kind of lost it and ran away. I lived pretty wild in those years. When I finally came back to Hopkinton, I discovered that my children had never given up hope that I’d return someday. I could see they were in a lot of pain, so I faked my death and let them bury me. After that I left and didn’t come back for a long time. When I did, I saw my grandchildren as adults with families of their own. By then so much time had passed that they didn’t recognize me.”
He stopped as if to let me ask a question, but I wasn’t really in the mood. I already had too much to process without adding to it. We sat there in silence for a while watching the dragonflies dart around in the tall grasses of the field. I knew he was glossing over a lot of details, but hoped it was because he didn’t want to drop the enormity of it on me all at once, instead of trying to keep me from discovering more of his secrets. I hoped they’d learned by now that this wasn’t really the best approach with me.
“So … Tibet. I’m guessing that was you. If you don’t mind my asking, how did you manage that?”
“It did take some maneuvering. I took advantage of the fact that your parents were having some marital problems at the time. I told your father about a place he could go with Vivy for the summer for counseling, but that they couldn’t take you along. I had the counselor they made arrangements with suggest Tibet for you. It took some convincing, but when they found out it was completely free, they went along with it.”
“I’m sorry; I just don’t understand how my mother agreed to that. She hates it when I’m out of her sight for even a minute.”
“That’s true, but you have to understand her marriage was on the line and she was willing to do almost anything, including send you off to Tibet to save it.”
“What about all the other stuff?”
“Yes. That was mostly my influence as well. I hope you’re not too angry with me. I think you can see now, that I was only trying to prepare you for this.”
“I guess I understand your motivations, but I can’t say I’m not angry. They may have been your suggestions, but how much of what I went through did you actually witness?”
“I know and I’m sorry you had to go through all that, but I loved you too much to leave anything to chance.”
“I think my question is who do you love? If I hadn’t experienced all … that, who would I be now? Ultimately it changed me, changed who I became. If I hadn’t been subjected to all of it, I’d be a completely different person now. So I have to wonder, do you love the Sara I was before, or the Sara you molded me into?”
“Both, you’re the same to me. This is who you were always meant to be.”
“I can understand most of it, but Tibet? What was the purpose in that?”
I was surprisingly calm at this point. Ironic, because I knew I should hate this man with every fiber of my being. He may be sitting beside me all grandfather like, but deep down I knew he had to be pretty dark and twisted to do what he’d done to the little girl I’d been all in the name of love.
“Control. You lacked mental control, which wasn’t necessarily your fault. You were still young and female. To survive you’re going to need the skills you learned there. I apologize for putting you on the spot like that in front of him. I guess I’m very proud of you and haven’t had a chance to show you off before now.”
“That’s alright. Shau Lang would probably be upset if he knew how long it had been since I’d last practiced, so it was just as well I suppose.”
He looked at me for a long moment then sighed.
“There was only one thing I was never able to change about you that I wished I’d been able to. But I haven’t given up hope yet.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask, but what is it?”
“That you don’t want to have children of your own. I have to say I find a great deal of irony in a woman almost obsessed with her family history not wanting to continue the family line beyond herself.”
Suddenly our strange conversation got extremely uncomfortable. I turned away from him and folded my arms tightly in front of myself.
“I’m sorry, but I’m just not the
maternal type.”
“Yes well, we’ll see,” he replied as he looked back out at the field in front of us. This time I was too afraid to ask what he might possibly do to change my mind. Even with all the tortuous events in my youth, I think the prospect that he had considered ways in which to change my mind on this subject scared me more than anything.
We sat there and watched the dragonflies some more as they danced in the tall grasses that swayed gently in the breeze.
After a few minutes he asked “If you don’t mind me asking, what are you going to do about him?” He pointed over his shoulder back towards the house.
“I don’t know. – Tell me; was any of this any easier back in your day? The whole man-woman thing.”
“Yes and no. Roles were more clearly defined back then. Round here a man worked in the field all day to provide for his family. The woman kept the house running smoothly and raised the children. It was simple and worked effectively; the way God designed it too. But men and women are inherently different in how they view the world and each other. There will always be times of conflict, just as there will always be times of peace. I was lucky that I found a woman who complemented me. I like to think I chose well. In the end, I was probably just fortunate she accepted me.” He sighed and got a far off look in his eyes for a moment but quickly shrugged it off.
“Where I was weak, Lois was strong. And where she was weak, I was able to shoulder the burden. Where I led, she followed and supported me so that I was confident and capable of continuing on.
“The women I see on campus these days are too afraid to let a man lead. They think to do so would diminish their power. They don’t realize that a woman’s greatest power is in her ability to inspire a man to be more than he ever thought possible. Nothing will ever give either of them greater satisfaction. Try to tell that to a woman nowadays and you’ll get yourself slapped.”
“A lot of people would say that’s a very old fashioned attitude. That it was fine a hundred years ago, but times have changed and roles need to change with them.”
“I was always glad you and your mother were never big supporters of the feminist movement. When I look at you, I see a strong, beautiful, capable woman. I made sure you knew how to take care of yourself, but only because I feared what might happen to you one day if I weren’t there to protect you. But I always wanted you to have a protector in your life, someone who loved you enough to give all that he had to ensure your safety. You deserve no less.”
I looked back over my shoulder at the house.
“He’d gladly be your protector if you’d let him.” After a glance over his own shoulder, he added “I believe he’d gladly lay down his life for you.”
“Are you changing your mind about us?”
“Let’s just say I’m realizing it might be a futile effort on my part.”
Protector. The word seemed so strange. I knew I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I didn’t need a man to take charge and protect me. But that was a small voice, one that seemed to be growing fainter by the minute in this new world I’d found myself in. The larger part of me wanted to be taken care of, to step aside, allowing a protector to fulfill his role. This seemed at odds with the attitudes of the world I lived in and I’m sure would even have angered some women I knew. But if being, dare I say, the submissive one in that way made you happy, why would it be wrong? I wasn’t sure why I was thinking about this. I could only imagine it was because if Daniel and I did resume a relationship of some kind, I knew these would be our roles whether I liked it or not. The question was could I live with that.
“You’re thinking very logically my dear, but I’m afraid you’re going to have to solve this one with your heart.”
After giving me a gentle pat on the knee, he turned and hopped off the wall then started back towards the house. A moment later I jumped down and followed behind him up the lawn.
“Professor?” I called. He stopped and turned waiting for me to catch up.
“You don’t need to call me professor anymore. I think we’ve moved beyond that, don’t you? Why don’t you call me something else?”
“Randall?”
“I suppose. But if you wanted to call me Grandpa, that would be nice too.”
He smiled down at me sweetly. His gray eyes sparkling in the sunlight, he really was one of the handsomest men I’d ever seen. Tall, rugged, intelligent and I think a little bit sadistic as well.
“Well, we’ll try Randall and see how that goes first.”
“Did you have a question?”
“I was going to ask … how many other relationships like ours, Daniel and I, you’d heard of and how did they turn out in the end?”
“I’ve never heard of any. That doesn’t mean there hasn’t been one, but in my two hundred plus years on this earth, you’re the first I’ve come across.”
“If we were to proceed, what do you think would be the biggest obstacles we’d have to face?”
Raising his hand to scratch his chin, he thought about it for a few moments.
“Well, for him … he’s always going to worry that he’s either going to accidently hurt you like he did before, or that he’s going to lose control when –” He stopped mid-sentence.
“Control?”
“I’m sorry, this is not really the conversation you want to have with your daughter – Well, let’s just say when he’s kissing you,” and he rolled his eyes. “He’s afraid his passions will cause him to lose control of his ability to repress the animal. It’s hard for him when he’s around you to remember that that’s something he should do. Anyway, the longer you’re together, the more intense your relationship would get and the harder this would become. This is a valid concern for him to have. He basically has to say Okay, monster, you can set one foot outside the cage, but not the other. It’s a lot easier to keep a tight rein on your control than to purposefully let go of a little and expect to maintain that level of measured control with ease. It’s different with Thomas and Lily. They don’t need to – restrain themselves. They’re both vampires. Yours is more of an interspecies problem.
“As for you, one day you will see the animal inside Daniel. It’s inevitable. When you do, it will forever change your perception of him. Can you love him after that, knowing what he has to beat down inside himself? I know you better than anyone and I have no idea how you’ll react. Of course there’s also the obvious, that you’ll age and eventually die and leave him alone again.”
“If I were a vampire … well, these wouldn’t be problems, would they.”
He froze, his body instantly tensing up as he reached over and grabbed my arm.
“Don’t ever say that again in my presence! Do you understand me! Life is the most precious gift you have, Sara. Don’t consider squandering it with such callousness.”
He turned over my arm.
“What’s this?” he asked looking at my rash. He still sounded agitated, making me feel like a little girl.
“A rash. I’ve had it for a while now.”
“You don’t get rashes” he said flatly, holding my arm up for closer inspection.
“First time for everything I guess.” I shrugged my shoulders.
“That’s just not possible.”
Then grabbing my arm, he pulled me across the lawn and over to his car. Opening the trunk, he grabbed a bag out of the back, and still gripping my arm tightly pulled me back into the house.
When we got into the kitchen he said “Sit there,” as he pointed to the kitchen table. I did as he asked without question, but honestly it was just because I didn’t know what else to do. He put the black leather travelling bag down next to me on the table then pulled out a magnifying glass and a light and started to examine the rash.
Daniel walked in.
“What’s he doing?” he asked me as he came to a stop on my other side. I shrugged my shoulders again.
When we turned to glance over at Randall, he looked up from my rash with a frown.
�
�I’m going to take a sample. Daniel you may want to go check the perimeter.”
“Why? What are you doing?” Daniel stared down at the small scalpel Randall pulled out of the bag with a scowl on his face.
“Take my word for it; you don’t want to be around when I do this.”
Without another word, Daniel gave my hand a reassuring squeeze then headed out the back door.
“What was that about?” I asked.
Shaking his head, Randall gave his attention back to my arm. Then without warning, he cut a small sliver of skin off the side of the rash.
“Ouch!”
“Sorry,” he said unapologetically as he put some gauze over the incision to stop the bleeding.
“Oh, I get it. The blood,” I muttered.
“He can smell it even now, I promise you that. But he’s alright.”
“How is it you can you stand it?” I asked eyeing him suspiciously.
“Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret,” he said with a grandfatherly smile. “Seems that because you’re of my own blood line, you don’t smell that good to me.”
I must have looked a little offended.
“You don’t smell bad either, just neutral. I think it must be our genetic similarities, but I’m not sure.”
“What are you going to do with that?” I asked, looking at the sample he’d taken.
“I’ve got a microscope in the trunk.”
“Alright, why do you have all this equipment? What exactly was it you were expecting to do when you got here?”
“I’ve been studying you – scientifically since you were born in an attempt to learn more about us as a family. And you don’t get rashes, so this is a symptom of something. You don’t get sick period. From what I’ve seen, you may have the best immune system any human has ever had. It’s part of what makes you extra appealing as a pure, much more so that your mother or grandfather.”
He took the gauze away, replaced it with a band aid then got up and went back out to the car. Hopping down off the table, I wandered out the back door and over to the barn.
Using all my might I opened the barn door and pulled the tarp back far enough to open the door of Daniel’s car. Sliding into the driver’s seat, I reached over and checked my laptop. I’d plugged it in first thing this morning to recharge.
The Purity of Blood: Volume I Page 43
