A few minutes later I walked into the living room in my jeans and his shirt and found him reading the paper at the kitchen table.
“You look much better,” he said when he looked up at my entrance. “I’m sure if you’d showed up looking like you had before your friends would have come up with all sorts of wild stories about where you’d been. Probably off on some bender somewhere.”
I shot him a sarcastic look along with a smile.
“Well, it wouldn’t have been any stranger than the truth.”
“I can’t argue with that. So what are you going to tell them?”
“I don’t know yet,” I said as I slid down into a chair across the table from him. “I’d like to stick as close to the truth as possible, but I guess I don’t know where we go from here.”
I stared into his sky blue eyes, unable to look away. As they had many times before, I was caught under their spell.
Putting the paper down on the table, he looked up to meet my gaze.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I could tell them that after I got home, you came after me and we made up and now we’re back together again. Turns out it was all just a big misunderstanding. Or I could tell them when I got home, you called and we talked for a long time. We decided that even though we have feelings for one another that we’re just not meant to be together. That we’ll always be living in two different worlds. So we decided that it would be best to not see each other anymore. I can think of several other permutations on the same themes, but I don’t know what to say that won’t be a lie.”
“I see what you mean,” he said as he picked up his paper again. From behind it he asked “What would you like to tell them – if you could pick from one of your permutations?”
I was a little annoyed at him now. I’d stuck my neck out and had the distinct feeling he was toying with me in return.
“Well, I’d like to tell them I was stupid enough to fall in love with a vampire. That another crazy vampire ran me out of town and a couple of other vampires you may have seen around campus finished him off after I started to kill him with my blood. And now … now …”
Unable to finish my thought, I closed my eyes and tried to shut the world out. I heard him put the paper down again and opened my eyes only to see how much he wanted me to continue. But I was too much of an emotional train wreck from everything that had happened over the past few weeks to give him what he wanted. Not sure I had the strength left in me to deal with this; I got up, took a few steps away from the table then stopped.
“And now?” he asked, nervously, expectantly.
I spun around to face him, tears welling up in my eyes. “Now I love that stupid vampire more than ever, and all he does is drive me crazy. He just sits there and looks at me, when all I want is for him to tell me he loves me just as much as I love him. To tell me that yes, this is a crazy relationship, but somehow we’ll find a way to make it work. That he doesn’t care that I’m a fragile human who’s just going to die and that he’ll love me for as long as I live.”
I was yelling now. It felt cathartic to finally express what I’d been fighting for so long. I just wished the tears would have stayed in my eyes instead of streaming down my hot cheeks as they were now.
I watched as he slowly rose out of his chair and walked over to stand directly in front of me. He reached out and took my hands in his.
“I love you, Sara Donnelly. I love you more than you love me. Yes, this is a crazy relationship, but I know that somehow together we can make this work. I don’t care that you’re a fragile, beautiful, precious human, because I’ll love you for the rest of my existence here on this earth. I need you, Sara, more than I need anything in this world.”
That’s when I really started to cry.
“This wasn’t the response I was hoping for,” he mumbled with his little boy smile as he pulled me into his arms.
“Well, this is what you get for loving a human,” I said, sobbing into his chest.
“It’s always going to be something with you, isn’t it?” he muttered, but I could hear the amusement in his voice.
I reached up and kissed him softly on his lips. Was it over, the long emotional roller coaster ride we’d been on? I hoped so. As I felt his soothing lips on mine, the muscles of his whole body relaxed in my arms as I snuggled deeper into his embrace.
Was this what love was like for everyone else? It wasn’t the first time I’d asked the question, but I’d yet to receive a satisfactory answer from the universe.
Leaning back, Daniel smiled down at me as his fingers caressed the side of my face.
“Get yourself together and let’s get you back to school. If I don’t take you now, I’m going to forget I’m a gentleman.”
Hummm … What would that be like …
He drove me down to the satellite lot where we said goodbye. He seemed reluctant to let me out of his sight and made me promise to call him in a little while to let him know I’d settled back in. Leaving him, I drove my car over to the backside of Capen Hall, grabbed my duffle out of the back and headed up to my room. As I opened the door, Darcy instantly sprung out of her chair and ran over to grab me up in a big hug.
“I’ve been so worried about you. How dare you disappear and only leave me that stupid note!” she scolded.
“I’m sorry. I should have called or waited for you, but I was in no shape for that. I really needed to get out of here in a hurry. – It felt like the walls were closing in on me.” I knew it sounded pathetic, but it was the best I could do.
“Well, I’m glad you’re back.” She stepped back and looked at me appraisingly before she frowned.
“You look tired, Sara.”
“I am,” I said as I dropped my bag and collapsed on the bed.
“Ben called – like a hundred times. I really think he might have a crush on you or something.”
I didn’t answer her. What could I say? I wasn’t entirely sure she wasn’t right.
“So what happened? You broke up with Daniel?” she asked, as she sat down in her chair.
“Yes, but he sort of chased after me when I left, and well, we made up. It was all a misunderstanding, our fight. I’m not sure where we’re going from here, but for now we’re back together.”
I think I was grinning. All I really wanted to do was pick up the phone and hear his voice again.
“Well, you look happy and that makes me happy. However, the next time Ben calls, you answer the phone.”
I gave my assent then picked up my phone and called Daniel. I could hear the relief in his voice as he told me to go to sleep. After saying a quick goodbye, I rolled over, and thoroughly exhausted, fell asleep in a matter of minutes.
The next morning I woke early. Having gone to sleep early, I’d slept for a lot longer than eight hours and seemed to have regained my energy plus some. Personally I preferred to think it was because I was happy and in love again. Who knew a healed heart could cure everything that ailed you?
After I dressed and scarfed down a couple of bowls of fruit loops, I started cross campus to meet Tabitha. She was in her usual spot on the front steps of the lecture hall, her nose deep in our Art History text book. When she looked over and saw me coming, she instantly sprang up and ran over to pull me into a big hug.
“Darcy told me you were back! I wanted to talk to you but she said you passed out cold right after you sat down on your bed.”
“Yeah, that sounds about right.”
It was nice to feel her arms around me. I wasn’t much of a hugger – well, except with Daniel, but when she hugged me, I could feel how much she cared about me. In the short few months I’d known her, I’d grown to feel closer to Tabitha than girlfriends I’d known my entire life. Pulling back, she looked me over with an approving smile.
“She also told me you patched things up with Daniel. I’m so glad for you.”
Despite what she’d previously said about Ben, she genuinely seemed to mean it.
As we joined th
e host of students climbing the stairs into the lecture hall building, she pestered me with concerned questions about what had happened while I’d been gone. Thankfully, I was able to sidestep most of them without lying much more than giving half-truths as answers.
Normally at the start of class I was full of anticipation, my heart racing at the thought of seeing Daniel, but this time I was calm. I knew he’d be there and I knew he loved me. I’m not sure if I’d ever actually believed that before, at least not whole heartedly.
A minute after we took our seats, Daniel walked in with Rodney stumbling behind him like the eternal sidekick that he was. When his eyes looked up and found mine, his face lit up with a smile as I’m sure mine must have, then he jumped right into his lecture on Post Modernism.
This time I was able to pay attention to the lecture and at the same time feel the warmth of my love for him. Somehow, my previously out of control emotions seemed strangely still there, but now controllable. I assumed this was a good thing and I’m sure it was. But still, I’ll admit I kind of missed them a little.
When class ended, I left Tabitha at the end of the row to contentedly trot down the stairs to see my Daniel. The gaggle of female admirers were there as usual, but I didn’t notice them. I watched as Daniel patiently answered their inane questions only to finally wave them away when his patience ran out. Without a word, he walked over to where I leaned against the wall and kissed me softly while gently brushing back my hair with his long fingers.
“Dinner tonight?” he murmured in my ear causing me to melt inside.
“Alright, but let’s make it a late one. I’d like to catch up with my friends first.”
He leaned back and with a playful smile said “So I hoped you picked out your story.”
“Yes, I’m pretty sure I know how it’s going to end,” I said as I slipped past him with a wink before heading up the stairs to get to my next class. I could feel his eyes on me as I double timed it up the stairs. Pausing at the top, I turned to see him in the same spot I’d left him. With the smile I think he reserved only for me, he held up his hand and then placed it over his heart.
As I’d done dozens of times before, I walked through the cafeteria line in the Hasbrouck Dining Hall and picked out the least offensive thing to eat for dinner. This time I went with just a salad. I didn’t want to deprive Daniel of the pleasure of watching me eat later on. Not To mention the pleasure I got from watching him watch me with his look of smitten fascination. I knew I’d never really understand it, but I’d come to accept it for what it was, love.
After I paid, I walked over to our usual table and joined Mike, Tabitha, Ryan and surprisingly Darcy who were already seated.
“I’m surprised to see you here,” Darcy said as I took the seat next to hers. “I figured you’d be out with Daniel.”
“We’re meeting up later on,” I smiled, a little embarrassed at the way everyone was looking at me. “I wanted to spend some time with you guys first.”
Ryan looked up and halfheartedly smiled my way. I think he’d finally resigned himself to the fact that Daniel wasn’t going anywhere. Either that or Tabitha had told him about our trip to the Huguenot Cemetery the week before last. I’d make a genealogist out of her yet.
About half way through my salad Ben came over and sat down across from me.
“I’m glad to see you,” he whispered as the others laughed at some story Mike was telling. “I was worried about you.”
“I know. I’m sorry I ran off like that. I had some things I needed to deal with, but everything is back to normal now.”
Ben looked hesitant for a moment.
“What about him?”
I knew he meant Daniel.
“We’re back together.”
His mouth hanging open, he stared at me in disbelief.
“I don’t know what went on between the two of you to make you run off like that, but –”
“No, you don’t,” I cut him off with. “Look, I appreciate you being there for me when I needed you, Ben. You’ll never know how much that meant to me, but I love Daniel and that’s not going to change. I think you know that. I think you knew it back then too.”
The rest of the table was still laughing, paying no attention to the hushed conversation between the two of us.
“I don’t know what to think,” Ben muttered. “But I know what I saw in your eyes that night on the bench. You were in pain, but you also looked at me with something more than friendship, Sara.”
I blushed at the remembrance.
“I won’t lie. I’ve considered my feelings for you a few times. But I don’t love you, Ben. I love Daniel.”
I reached out and tried to put my hand on his, but he pulled it away. I smiled anyway and quietly got up to leave. After I said my goodbyes, I began to walk away only to hear Tabitha say, “I’m so sorry, Ben.”
“He may have won this round, but it’s not over yet. Not by a long shot.”
At seven, I happily ran down the stairs and out the back door of Capen Hall to see the shiny black Ferrari waiting for me. Daniel hopped out with a radiant, drop dead gorgeous smile and opened my door, giving me a kiss as I got in. I loved that smile. It was his carefree one. I hadn’t seen it in a long while and had missed the way it made me light up inside.
He took me back to La Strada D’Oro for spaghetti and watched as I twirled the delicate pasta around my fork and popped it in my mouth. In the flickering light of the candle between us, I remembered how unnerving I’d felt the first few time he’d watched me eat. Now I almost enjoyed it.
“So, Randall and Lois. You promised to tell me their story when there was time.”
“I did, didn’t I.” His smile faded a little. “It’s not a very happy one, are you sure you want to hear it now?”
“Well, give me the highlights; you can fill in the details some other time.”
He settled back in his chair and began.
“I guess I have to go back farther than just when Randall became what we are now. You should know that their marriage was arranged by their parents. In those kind of small isolated communities like Hopkinton, marriages were partnerships more than emotional relationships most of the time. Randall will tell you he fell in love with Lois the moment he first laid eyes on her. She, on the other hand, was a sensible woman and only agreed to the marriage because she thought Randall would be a good provider and partner in life. She didn’t love him, but she also didn’t think it was important that she did either.
“He married her knowing this, but he was convinced that in time she would eventually grow to love him. Her sensibilities and his expectations were more common than you would think back then. The lifelong journey together often took two people from strangers to friends, and from friends to lovers. This was what Randall hoped would happen for them in the end.
“Years passed and Lois was an excellent wife providing for all his needs, raising his children and supporting him in every way she could. But he knew she still didn’t love him the way he wanted her too. Still he loved her with all his heart and believed that someday she would return his love with her own.
“Their life went on like this for many years so I’ll skip ahead to when he was bitten. Randall was an older man when it happened, seventy four. He had gone out of town for a few days to settle some business up in Providence, I think it was. He was travelling back to Hopkinton in his carriage when he came across what looked like a body in the middle of the road. He got down to see if he could help, but the body was a vampire laying in wait for him. He sprang up, attacked Randall and left him for dead deep in the woods.”
He paused when he saw the look on my face. “You’re wondering why the trap. Why not just drag him down off the carriage and kill him.
I shrugged my shoulders as I chewed.
“Vampires are people too, Sara.”
Then he kind of chuckled when he realized what he’d said. “They get bored and find new ways to capture prey. I have to assume that was why. Anyway there
in the forest, Randall went through his transformation. It took a couple of days he thinks, but you can’t keep track of time when all this is happening to you. The pain is too excruciating.”
“Do you think his attacker meant to leave him alive?”
“He doesn’t know and there’s no way to say for sure now.”
“What do you think?”
Daniel paused for a moment then said “Yes, I think it was probably on purpose. But I’m the only one who thinks so.”
Then he turned to watch a couple at another table kissing in the corner. Although I had no clue why, I think it was clear he didn’t want to talk about it anymore so I changed the subject.
“So what happened next?”
“When he regained his senses he knew something was wrong. He felt the remains of the bite marks on his neck and when he held his hand up to his chest, he couldn’t feel his heart. Even though his throat burned with an overwhelming thirst he didn’t understand, none of it mattered, his only thought was for Lois.
“He ran back to the house and found her sitting on the back porch waiting for him. She took one look at him and knew something was terribly wrong.
“He told her what had happened, that he’d been attacked and woken up in the forest. Of course at this point he had no idea what had really happened to him. Then he reached out, took her hand and placed it on to his chest so she could feel that his heart no longer beat.
“Did he look younger then?”
“Yes.”
“That must have freaked Lois out.”
“Yes, I believe it did.” He sighed, I think uncomfortable with the subject.
“So what happened next?” I asked as I twirled my fork around in my pasta.
“She started to cry and told him she didn’t want to be a widow. I think part of her thought he was dead already – some kind of ghost. She broke down and told him how she’d desperately loved him for years, but had kept it hidden from him because of her pride. She’d thought that if she ever told him how much she loved him, that things would change between them. She said she wouldn’t be able to stand it if he ever tired of her and looked at another woman. She knew that by denying him what he’d always wanted most, her heart, that she’d kept him all to herself. And here in the end, she finally realized she should have confessed her love for him years ago.
The Purity of Blood: Volume I Page 49
