by K. M. Hill
She couldn’t focus on the work she had been reading through in bed and put it to the side. What a mess!
Chapter 20
She woke at 4:00 as usual and got into the shower. She was moving slower today due to her ridiculous fit she’d had during her kickboxing session. Idiot, she thought. She was also moving a little slower because she felt off.
She came out of the shower and heard her phone ding. Maybe her team in Australia was trying to reach her. They knew she got up early and often caught her on her drive into work since that was the very end of the day for them. If some of them wanted to touch base on things before they went to bed, they often reached out then.
She grabbed the phone absent-mindedly and went over to her vanity to start brushing through her wet hair. She hit the screen to see what the message said. It was from Zach.
“Lunch today?” the text from Zach read.
She put her brush down. She wasn’t expecting the text to be from him. It stopped her.
“Yes,” was all she replied.
“12:00 across the street at the deli near your building?”
“Yes,” she replied again.
“See you then.” He replied.
Cold. She knew she was going cold. She just was never good going from problem situation to warm and lovey again. And is that where they were? Actually, where were they? Was there even a “they”?
She tried to put all this out of her mind as she got ready and drove to work. She had little success.
She was booked solid until noon. Her assistant came in at noon to go through some things that needed her signature. Sabrina always worked through lunch unless she had a lunch meeting.
“Sorry, I’ve got lunch plans,” she said.
“Oh, I don’t have anything on my calendar indicating you have a meeting?”
“It’s personal,” Sabrina said simply.
“Oh, is there something I can do for you? Do you need me to run an errand or something?”
“No, it’s lunch with someone, but it’s personal.”
Her assistant smiled. She wanted to probe. She had worked there for years and they had an easy relationship. They were very involved in each other’s lives. But something in Sabrina’s face told her not to go there.
“Ok, I’ll catch you when you get back. Have a nice lunch Sabrina,” she said over her shoulder as she walked out. Sabrina knew her too well to know that was not easy for her to do.
Chapter 21
He watched her as she crossed the street. His heart skipped at seeing her. She was dressed in a pale green suit and the skirt was two inches above her knee. She was stunning even in work clothes.
He had missed her terribly over the last two days. Their love making Sunday night ended with a bit of a cool departure on Monday. He knew she was laying some type of groundwork when she refused Chinese. He could see it in her eyes.
He also knew she was really pissed off when he refused to change his plans with his friends. That’s too bad. His word was his word and he wasn’t going to change things as her whims changed. He thought coming over that night to slide into bed with her and hold her and sleep with her would set them straight.
But then she turned into bitch-zilla. He knew he hadn’t handled that well. It was true that a number of women tried to engage him, tried to get to him through his friends, out-right asked him for his number when he was out with his friends… but he didn’t need to tell her that. She just pissed him off with the booty call comment.
He also knew he wouldn’t hear from her. He did figure that she was going to come ride, though. He got tied up, but was planning on making it back in time for her second horse. When the grooms called him after waiting for her for twenty minutes past her expected time, he thought maybe something happened.
When he got an answer back from her that she wasn’t coming, he was bullshit. You just don’t fuck with the horses. It was one thing for them to have an issue, but for her to be so rude to his grooms and more importantly, make her horses wait like that, that as unacceptable.
But in the end, he knew she was too bull headed to fix things. He laughed to himself. Look who is calling who bull headed? The reality was they both needed to figure themselves out in the context of each other. Nothing changed for him in terms of how he felt about her. He just wasn’t going to be her lap dog.
She spotted him as soon as she walked into the deli and made her way to him. He stood and she thought he was going to kiss her, but he leaned over to hold her chair out for her instead.
Hmmm, she thought.
“You look lovely as usual, Sabrina,” Zach said as she settled into her chair.
“Thanks, Zach.”
He just looked at her for a moment. Let’s get right at it, he thought.
“Sabrina, Monday morning, why did you turn down plans to see me Monday night? Please be honest,” he said directly.
She looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
“I told you that I thought I would be late and probably better for you to not have to wait for me.”
“But I wanted to wait for you and I asked you if you were sure. So, it wasn’t about me because I was clear I wanted to see you. So why did you respond that way?” he asked.
He looked intently at her. He saw right through her, she thought. Ok, time to be a little brave but only because she hated how things had spun out of her control.
That stopped her. Spun out of her control. Was that it? Was she responsible for a lot of this because it wasn’t playing out as she expected? As she planned and intended to control? In a moment of honesty with herself, that might actually have some validity.
“I also might have thought that we were moving too fast and that maybe I shouldn’t see you Monday night and that a little distance would be good for you and me,” she admitted.
“Why?” he asked.
“Because I didn’t think that full and free access all the time was good.”
“Why?” he asked again.
“Because I didn’t want you to think that I would be here waiting for you or that you could just move into my life,” she said a little more heatedly.
“Why?” he continued to probe.
“Because I’m in charge!” she bit out.
She said it without thinking. And then caught herself.
He looked at her. To his credit, he didn’t laugh or actually say anything.
She didn’t either.
“Sabrina, why do you like being with me?” he asked.
“For a lot of reasons, Zach.”
“Give me a few…
“You are handsome, successful, driven, the sex is amazing…” she began to list.
“Those are nice but why else?” he pushed.
“Are you fishing for compliments?” she said with a smile.
“No, I really want to know if there is more…” he said honestly.
“Well, I like that we laugh together. I respect you. I appreciate your ideas. Even though we are only together a short amount of time, I trust you. “
“Do you think you are better than me?” he asked simply.
“No!” she replied indignantly.
“Do you think that I am better than you?” he asked.
“No.”
“Are you sure?” he continued to push.
She stopped and thought about this. No, actually one of the things she really liked about Zach is she felt like sometimes he was more than she was in some areas and her in others. It made her feel… safe.
He could see her thinking through this.
“I am sure,” she said affirmatively.
“Let’s grab lunch and come back and keep talking,” he suggested. He stood and took her hand.
Chapter 22
After taking a few bites of his sandwich, Zach continued.
“So, if we had to do it over again and I offered to get Chinese to make it easier on you and so we could see each other, would you respond the same way?”
She thought about this.
&nbs
p; “I honestly don’t know,” she admitted.
“Can I ask that you do respond differently next time? If you are worried that you feel you are losing yourself or we are too much of something, can you say that? The last two days hurt more than you explaining your concerns would ever hurt. Can you promise me next time you will tell me what’s on your mind?” he asked sincerely.
He was right. She was a believer in direct communication and she had blown it.
“Yes, Zach, I’m sorry.”
“Me too, Sabrina but we need to keep going on this.”
She sat back in her chair. Didn’t he get that she had just apologized? What the fuck!
“Tell me about that face,” he said calling her out on her behavior.
“What face?” she asked.
“The one you made when I said I wanted to keep going. I asked you to be honest with me if something wasn’t landing right. I asked that and about thirty seconds ago, you agreed. And now we have the face,” he said with a little laughter.
She laughed.
“You are a bastard. Do you know that? I want to be done with this. I don’t like this. I apologized and you are beating a dead horse.”
“Thanks for telling me what were on your mind, except for calling me a bastard. Here’s the thing Sabrina. A number of things transpired over the last few days. I think we need to talk through them to get to a better place.”
“Isn’t it the woman in the relationship who needs to talk through everything for goodness sake?” she teased.
“Yes but my sister and mother trained me well. Can we continue and address a few more things and talk through them?” he asked.
“Sure…”
“Do you mean that or are you just throwing that out there?” he pushed again.
“No, let’s keep going,” she said actually meaning it the second time.
“Your behavior Monday morning indicated to me you wanted distance. I didn’t but I respected what I was reading from you. So I didn’t text you. I heard from you and replied when I got the message. I must tell you, I was put off with you assuming I would cancel out on my friends at the last minute. My word means a lot and if I am totally honest with you, it felt like you were now ready for me and snapping your fingers for me to come running.
“I feel like I need to make a few things clear about how I feel. We are equals. If we are in a relationship, we treat each other as equals. We work hard to make each other’s lives better but at the end, we fall into bed equal. Secondly, my word to you and to others means something to me. Don’t ask me to violate that unless it is really important. Third, I am not Troy. I will never be Troy,” he said firmly.
She started to interrupt.
“No, let me finish please. I think in that relationship, you ran the show. I think he was at your beck and call, even though he was a very powerful CEO in his own right. He catered to you and I think you developed some bad habits. Ones we need to break,” he said directly.
“Fuck you,” she said definitively.
“Like that one… When you don’t like something you hear, you swear at me or make it personal and call me some awful name. I don’t like that. I don’t treat you that way and expect that you don’t treat me that way” he said sternly.
Is he fucking serious? She felt like she was in the principal’s office with him dressing her down.
“You know what, Zach? I feel like YOU think you are better than me and are trying to discipline me for all the ways you think I was out of line” she almost shouted.
“No, Sabrina. I’m trying to tell you what didn’t work for me and discuss them. I also am trying to tell you the things that are not negotiable with me. I am doing this because I want us to have a solid foundation,” he said trying hard to keep the emotion out of his voice.
She looked at him and saw he was sincere.
“Continue,” she directed.
“Sabrina, don’t tell me to continue. I’m not your secretary. I’m your lover and your friend. Don’t address me that way.”
“Zach, I didn’t say that to be dictatorial,” she said trying to move on.
“Then say it to me as if I am your lover,” he insisted.
Part of the problem she was having was she was never someone who needed anyone else. This felt different. She did feel like she needed him. What a turd! She laughed. She felt foolish. He smiled. He was breaking down her defenses one by one.
“Ok, Zach. I understand what you are trying to do. Is there anything else?” she said sweetly but not really meaning it.
He smiled. He knew she wanted to throttle him instead of calmly engaging in this discussion. But he appreciated her trying.
“Yes, sweetheart. There are three more things,” he said.
Chapter 22
“Three????”
“You up for them?” he asked.
“Ya, sure. Let’s get through it,” she snipped.
“Sabrina, this isn’t about getting through it. It’s about us having a…”
“Ok, Zach. I’m good. I’m on board, please, what’s the next thing?” she rolled on.
He had to be careful not to push her too far. He knew she wasn’t used to having these kinds of conversations. He also knew she was very used to calling all the shots. This was a hard conversation for her.
He took her hand and kissed it.
“Thanks for staying with me. Thanks for meeting me for lunch. I missed you,” he said lovingly.
“Are those the three?” she asked hopefully.
“No, you brat” he said with a laugh. “Here’s the next one,” he said with a laugh.
“I don’t do booty calls. I told you I wanted you exclusively. I feel whole when I am with you. I’m very serious when I say I love when we are together but if it were just for sex, I wouldn’t need you. That’s not why I’m with you. I am with you because I feel you complete me and the sex is a way for me to express that. I’m so attracted to you because of your amazing body, but more so because of what’s on the inside. I was so offended by what you said the other night,” he concluded.
She was stunned. No one had every expressed themselves to her in that way. Wow!
He saw in her eyes that it was a lot to take in, but he continued.
“The second of the three things is about the barn. Regardless of what is going on with us, we need to make sure it stays out of the barn if it isn’t good. I think you didn’t realize that the horses would be ready. You know the horses are my priority. As are my grooms. It felt like it were just you being pissy and they can’t be negatively impacted by anything between us. Ok?” he asked.
“I was really wrong on this one. I didn’t think through not coming. Frankly, how you handle me coming and the horses being ready is really different from my last stable. That was all me and partly miscommunication. Partly not knowing. And partly me not adhering to this point but I agree wholeheartedly on this one” she admitted.
“Ok, good.” Zach replied.
“What’s the third issue, Zach?” she asked.
“It’s not an issue. Well, kind of but not really…” he said positioning.
“What is it?” she asked, steeling herself for whatever it was.
“I feel like…” he paused.
She looked at him, what was coming? She knew she had been a bit of a brat. Maybe a bit controlling. Ok, so a lot controlling and she would definitely change something because he actually was right. And, true to his style, he handled this really well. They would indeed be better for it.
“What?” she asked.
“I feel like I need to be inside you so badly that I may not live through the afternoon if I have to wait. I will wait. I know I can’t ravage you on the table right here, but you need to be very clear that I feel like I may go blind if I don’t,” he said looking at her directly.
She literally felt her jaw drop. It was so not what she expected and it was like a hot spear to her clit. He would be the death of her. Death by sex. Can that actually happen? Actually, more like d
eath by wanting sex. She totally understood when he said that he felt like he could go blind if he had to go through the afternoon.
She closed her mouth and looked him in the eye. She pulled out her phone and pressed some numbers.
“Hi, it’s me. I’m not feeling well enough to come back today. Cancel my meetings and schedule them into the rest of the week. No… I’m ok. No… I’m going to catch a taxi. Just shut down my computer. No, I’m going to bed…” she said as she looked over at Zach.
