Agatha H. and the Airship City

by Phil Foglio

  Agatha and the others watched in horror as the plummeting light smashed into the Hive Engine, knocking it off of its pedestal. The massive sphere hit the ground and began to roll directly towards the three startled scientists. Dr. Vg and Mr. Rovainen stared at the looming engine, spun and ran shrieking. Klaus sighed and sidestepped the great sphere while scanning the upper reaches of the room.

  “Who’s up there?” he yelled. “Are you all right?”

  Above him, Theo pulled Sleipnir off of the swaying platform. “We are so dead,” the girl moaned.

  “Only if they catch us,” Theo reminded her. “Now come on!” All of the others were already scrambling down the ladder.

  The door to the lab burst open and a group of Lackya flowed in and surveyed the situation.

  On the floor, a squad of Radioheads had rushed forward and brought the great sphere to a stop. A swath of crushed lab equipment showed its path through the room. In the corner where they’d trapped themselves, Vg and Rovainen realized that they were clutching at each other and hastily disengaged.

  One of the footmen appeared next to the Baron. “Is it an emergency, Herr Baron?”

  “No, no, the engine hadn’t been activated.” He pointed upwards. “There are some students on that light platform. Bring them to me.”

  In another corridor, the students were moving as quickly as they could without attracting suspicion. Theo was in the lead. “If we can just get out of this sector—”

  “WAIT!” Agatha’s shout brought them all up short. She pointed at a small figure running back the way they’d come. “It’s Itto! He’s running the wrong way! We’ve got to get him!”

  Sleipnir caught hold of Agatha’s sleeve. “Not to worry! The footmen will catch him and they’ll bring him back to the dorm unharmed. Von Pinn would destroy anyone who hurt him.”

  Agatha looked confused. “Then… why are we running?”

  Theo put a hand on both girls’ shoulders and pushed them along. “Itto is too young. We, on the other hand, will be put on grease trap duty for life. Again.”

  “That’s bad, is it?”

  “RUN!”

  Back in the lab, the Baron looked up from a pile of debris to see a squad of footmen approaching. They stepped aside to reveal the terrified figure of Itto in their midst. The Baron looked askance at the leader. “This is all you caught?”

  “So far, Herr Baron. Though he does say that he was alone.”

  Klaus scowled. “Yes, that’s what I would expect the son of Jurgen Wheelwright to say.”

  The boy spoke up. “It… It was all my fault, Herr Baron.”

  “I expect it was. Why were you here?”

  “I wanted to see a Hive Engine, sir. Everyone knows the story about how you defeated a dragon from Mars that captured Lucrezia Mongfish and spit out Slaver wasps and turned her into Von Pinn and I wanted to see what could do that.”

  Klaus’ jaw snapped shut. A massive hand thoughtfully rubbed his nose, incidentally concealing a smile. “I’d have given a lot to see that myself,” he conceded. He turned serious and leaned down until his face was inches from Itto’s. “You will never mention to Mistress Von Pinn how she used to be Lucrezia Mongfish. She wouldn’t like it. She wouldn’t like it at all. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, Herr Baron,” the boy whispered.

  “Good.” The Baron straightened up. “You will now assist me in sorting out this mess.” Itto looked astonished, then quickly snapped to attention. “Yes sir, Herr Baron!”

  Klaus nodded. “And while you’re working, tell me this story.” Itto took a deep breath, but Klaus held up his hand and turned to the waiting footmen. “Katz? Tell the Blue Level Kitchen Master that young DuMedd is on grease trap duty until further notice.”

  The footman smirked and bowed slightly. “Yes, Herr Baron.” Klaus’ voice caught him broadside as he straightened up. “As is your entire squad if you fail to catch him and his companions!”

  Katz gave a strangled “glurk!” and he and his squad swirled out of the room and were gone.

  “Theo? I hear people running.”

  Sleipnir slumped against a wall, panting. “I think we’re goin’ down, boyo.”

  “What we need is a place to hide.” They rounded a corner. Theo brightened. “Wait! I know where we are! That’s an empty lab! Come on!”

  “What if someone is in it?” Agatha asked.

  “Relax!” Theo said as he pulled out his keys. “We’ll use the old ‘Mimmoth Catcher’ routine. It works every time!”

  The keys proved unnecessary, as the door was unlocked. Theo straightened his outfit, ran a hand through his hair, and briskly knocked three times before quickly opening the door. “Excuse us,” he sang out, “mimmoth exterminators. Don’t let us disturb—” He stopped dead.

  Gilgamesh Wulfenbach, who had been hauling the twisted remains of his flying machine up onto a massive workbench, paused, hanging onto the pulley chain with a nostalgic look upon his face. “Wow. Does that ever take me back.” He eyed the frozen Theo. “You’re in trouble. You need a place to hide. Probably from my father.” His lip curled. “I should have known none of you would talk to me unless you needed something.”

  Theo glared. “Well if you hadn’t told Von Pinn that you were too busy to see anyone—”

  Gil looked surprised. “What?”

  Theo plowed on: “You’re obviously far too important to associate with us anymore, so we’ll just—” As he turned away, Gil grabbed Theo’s arm. Theo tried to shrug him off and found instead that he couldn’t move his arm at all. A startled glance at Gil’s facade showed the faraway look that meant his brain was racing.

  He focused on Theo. “Did you get any of my letters?”

  Theo blinked. “No,” he said slowly. “Did you get any of ours?”

  He then hissed in pain at the viselike grip on his arm as a look of fury filled Gil’s face. “Someone was intercepting them” he growled. “I don’t know who, or how, but I will!” Suddenly his face cleared and he noticed Theo’s distress. He released his arm. “How many of you are there?”

  “Um, five.”

  “Right! Into the cracking vat, I’ll get the rest!”

  He swung open the door to reveal the astonished face of Sleipnir. “Gil!”

  “Sleipnir! We’ll talk later! Everybody into the vat!”

  Sleipnir took a step into the lab and then stopped dead. “Whoof! What is that smell?”

  “Ah! There’s this girl, a Miss Clay—”

  He turned and found himself face to face with a furious Agatha who grabbed his shirtfront and shook him like a terrier shaking a rat. “I have had quite enough of your public opinions about how I smell, Herr Wulfenbach!” She snarled, and so saying, she hauled off and smacked him across the face. “I’ll face that Von Pinn again before I take any help from you!”

  Before the stunned young man could say anything, she was off down the corridor at a dead run.

  “No! Wait!” Gil pulled himself to the doorway. “Because of your redesign of the engine—” She was gone. He turned to Theo, who had an amused look on his face. “Because of her redesign, I can use this great new fuel additive, but it really stinks and I—”

  Theo patted him on the shoulder. “You still have that fine touch with the ladies, I see.” The others grinned.

  “GET IN THE VAT!” Gil snapped

  Agatha stomped along muttering to herself. “—and then we’ll see how he likes smelling that! Get me to a chemical lab and I’ll brew up something that will make that pompous jerk wish he’d never been born!”

  Having got that off of her chest, Agatha surfaced from her thoughts, took note of her surroundings and stopped dead. She was in a dimly lit side corridor. A part of her brain had noted that there had been fewer and fewer people in the corridors she had passed through, and for some time now, she had traveled alone. She briefly considered turning around, but rationalized that as she had no idea where she was, retracing her steps could only aid any lingering pursuers.


  She pushed on, through long winding corridors lined with sealed and locked hatchways, and the occasional large space filled with enigmatic machinery, which hissed and gurgled as she passed. There were no signs, no labels, and nobody else. Initially she would have avoided another person, but now she was actively calling out, trying to find anyone at all. At yet another unlabeled crossways, she stopped and glared at where, logically, a sign should have been.

  “This is ridiculous. Somebody must come through here.” No one, however, conveniently did so.

  She passed a series of open store-rooms. Dimly lit vaults full of drums and bales. She turned a corner and saw a light wink out from a doorway halfway down the long corridor. Someone was here! Agatha broke into a run and called out, “Hello? Please wait, I’m lost. Hello?” But there was no answer, and indeed, no sign of anyone when she reached the doorway in question.

  “I know I saw a light,” Agatha muttered to herself. She reached around and found the power switch in the usual place and threw it. There was a snap, and the room filled with the harsh white glare of the overhead lamps. Agatha was taken aback. This light was different from the dimmer, more golden light she’d seen. The room was filled with giant spools containing bolts of the crusty, metallic fabric that sheathed Castle Wulfenbach. There was no sound. Agatha felt herself beginning to get annoyed. She stepped in and looked around. The idea that she had been mistaken never entered her head. She came to the end of an aisle of spools, turned, and stared.

  Laid out on the floor of the aisle was a collection of debris that was obviously out of place. Such untidiness was doubly shocking after the neatness and order that was rigorously maintained everywhere else aboard the great airship. Agatha was about to go when she noticed that in the middle of the pile was a large ship’s lamp. On a hunch, she went over to it and gently touched the metal hood, snatching her hand back at the heat. There was someone here!

  Quickly she stood and looked about. She took a step and noticed the ringing sound her foot made upon the deck. She’d heard nothing like that as she approached, so unless the mysterious garbage collector was wearing naught but socks upon their feet, there was nowhere else to go but—

  Agatha whipped her head upwards, causing the large white cat that was watching her to jump upwards in surprise.

  She puffed a lock of hair out of her face in annoyance, and looked back at the objects at her feet. She looked again. Odd, from here, it was obvious that the objects were not haphazardly strewn about. They had been laid out quite deliberately. A book caught her eye. It was an open comb-bound manual. Upon examination, Agatha realized that it was an instruction manual for flying one of Castle Wulfenbach’s small inspection airships. Excitement seized her. This was exactly what Agatha needed! She examined the line drawings that showed the airship controls. They looked fairly simple and—

  Agatha paused, looked again at the debris on the floor, and then re-examined the drawing in the book. There was no mistake. Someone had meticulously re-created the control panels out of various found objects. The inference was obvious. Someone else was surreptitiously trying to learn how to fly one of the small airships.

  Now Agatha felt conflicted. Yes, she desperately needed to get off of the airship, but here was evidence that someone else had the same need. Who knew what their reasons were. She thought fiercely for a moment, hugging the book to her chest. Then she spoke up. “I need to get off of this airship,” she said loudly. Her voice echoed through the vast room. She listened intently, but heard nothing. “My parents need me, and the Baron won’t let me help find them. This book, the airship instruction manual, will help me get off of this ship, so I’m taking it.”

  Silence. Agatha noticed that the cat, which had been watching her all this time, was lashing its tail in an agitated manner. “Sorry, kitty,” she said, “I’ll be out of here shortly.” The cat hissed at her.

  Agatha again called out, “If you still need this book, speak up now, and we can work together. My companion and I just need to get down to the ground safely. Your reasons are your own.”

  Again there was nothing.

  “Okay. I’ve done my best.” However she still had a twinge of guilt as she tucked the book within her jacket. Looking around, half expecting someone to appear at any moment, she exited the room, switching off the light as she did so, and continued down the hallway. Atop the stack of fabric, the cat stared balefully at the doorway and, with a savage swipe of its claws, tore a great rent in the fabric at its feet.

  Buoyed by her discovery, Agatha quickly realized that her immediate situation hadn’t really improved. This was driven home by her arrival at yet another desolate, uninformative intersection. She sighed. “I guess I’ll just keep going until I meet somebody or run out of dirigible.”

  This decision made, she squared her shoulders, picked a corridor at random and strode off, turned a corner, and came to a blank wall.

  She regarded it with disapproval, turned about and marched off, stopping after she had taken two steps. She turned back. “That’s stupid. Why put in a corridor that leads up to a dead end? There must be something here…”

  As she glared at the wall, one of the rivets surrounding the edge caught her eye. It looked… different. Experimentally she pushed it, and was rewarded with a dull CHONK noise, and the wall swung open with a faint squeeee.

  Agatha grinned, stepped through, and found herself at the lip of a vast pit. She windmilled her arms, barely keeping her balance upon the small ledge that surrounded it.

  The room itself was lit by the lights of some odd-looking machinery that lined the far wall. Agatha noted that there was a much larger floor, as well as another door, on the other side, so she was preparing to inch her way around the pit, when a deep booming voice addressed her from the darkness.

  “Ah! You must be the Villain’s Beautiful But Misguided Daughter!” She almost lost her balance again.

  When she had stabilized herself, she looked up. Agatha saw a large burly man suspended over the pit by an excessive number of chains. A vast complex of devices were attached to various points on his head, and an obvious bomb had been attached to his feet. He smiled at Agatha engagingly. “You’re just in time!”

  CHAPTER 6

  “Jägermonsters are hard to kill, because the devil don’t want them in Hell.”

  —Peasant saying

  “I’m the what?”

  “You’re the Baron’s beautiful daughter, surely.”

  “I am not the Baron’s daughter.”

  The hanging man looked nonplused for a moment. His brow furrowed around the visor that hid his eyes. “Are you sure? I’m usually very good at spotting the offspring of evil geniuses…” Then his face cleared. “Ah! Then you must be the plucky lab assistant here to set me free!”

  Agatha began to feel like she was on stage and didn’t know her lines. “I’m sorry, who are you?”

  The man grinned and, astonishingly, managed to make himself look imposing, even restrained as he was. “Ah, allow me to introduce myself. I am Othar Tryggvassen—Gentleman Adventurer!” He smiled modestly. “Perhaps you’ve heard of me. I’m told the stories are getting around.”

  Agatha felt her feeling of unreality increase. “Othar. The Othar. The man who defeated the wooden warriors of Dr. Krause.”

  “That would be me, yes.”

  “The hero who saved the hamlet of Lunkhauser from the ever-widening moat.”

  “The very same.”

  “The savior of the town of Mount Horeb from the rain of mustard.”

  Othar’s grin slid off his face. He chewed his lip. “I… uh… I’m afraid you have me on that one.”

  Agatha nodded approvingly. “I made it up.” She peered down the shaft below. Much to her surprise, the bottom was quite visible, as were the gigantic gears that would swiftly grind anything that fell into them into a fine lubricating paste. She looked back at the again grinning Othar. “You don’t seem too worried about…” She gestured downwards.

  “Abo
ut being a prisoner in a seemingly hopeless predicament? Well I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t inconvenient, but I’ll escape eventually. I am the hero, after all, and you are just what I need!”

  “An audience?”

  “Ye—no! You can be my spunky girl sidekick. I’m fresh out at the moment. Release me and we’ll blow up the Baron’s Dirigible of Doom, escape by the skin of our teeth, and then it’s cocoa and schnapps all around!”

  Agatha folded her arms. “‘Spunky girl sidekick.’”

  “Sure! It’ll be fun!”

  Agatha nodded and began to resume her edging around the pit towards the far door. “Look, no offense,” she said, “but I’ve been around Sparks and their labs most of my life.”

  Othar’s grin faltered. “Oh?”

  “Uh-huh, and I’d rather not end up being the Easily Duped Minion Who Sets the Insanely Dangerous Experiment free. Or the Hostage Who Ensures the Smooth-Talking Villain’s escape.”

  “Ah…”

  “I don’t have any proof that you really are Othar Tryggvassen, or even that you’re really human.”

  “Er…”

  Agatha reached the far side and dusted herself off. “This Girl Sidekick job doesn’t call for a lot of smarts, does it?”

  The hanging man had the grace to look embarrassed. “Um… Not as such, no, but no matter who or what I am, is it right to leave a fellow sentient strung up like this?”

  Agatha considered this. “That depends on the nature of the experiment.”

  Othar frowned. “I think you spent a little too much time in those labs.”

  Agatha looked surprised. “Really? Why?”

  The door behind her slammed open. “Vot is all dis yakkink—”A Jägermonster shambled through the door and stopped dead upon seeing Agatha. “GOTT’S LEEDLE FEESH IN TROUSERS!”

  He rushed over to Agatha as another monster soldier entered and surveyed the prisoner. “Anodder shtupid easily duped minion!” He waved at Othar. “Don’t you know dis iz an insanely dangerous guy?”