by Niles, Abby
He wanted so badly to be the old Liam again, for his friends—for himself. This constant buzz in his blood refused to allow him to heal. And the spikes, when he literally felt his blood warm or go cold from her emotions, made him want to rip the veins from his body and destroy the connection to her. He didn’t even want to think about the episode he’d had yesterday.
He’d been powerless—to her. Caught so deep in her emotions, her damned happiness, that he felt the warmth of her smile, heard her laughter, saw the delight shining in her eyes. The worst part was he hadn’t wanted to leave. He was with her, where he was supposed to be, and even if it was in the confines of his own mind, at that moment, it had been enough for him.
Fucking pathetic.
The crackle vibrated in his chest again. Liam froze. Was his beast…purring?
It only purred when…
He snapped his head up. Not fifty feet away, Ava stood on the sidewalk, right outside the coffee shop she owned. Her red apron was tied tightly around her waist. How many times after closing had he used those ties to bind her hands above her head so he could do what he wanted with her body? Did she even think about the way she used to tug against the restraints as she put the apron on each day? How she’d beg for him to end the teasing and take her? And how he would. Each. And. Every. Time.
He clenched his hands. He never should’ve driven down the mountain for a walk in town. He’d thought he was safe. She always took Fridays off. Always. He guessed dumping him wasn’t the only thing she’d changed.
She turned slightly, revealing a cell phone pressed to her ear. Her strawberry-blond hair fell forward, curtaining her face as she bent forward, pressing a finger into her other ear.
The noise from the people on the sidewalk didn’t affect his hearing. He siphoned through the rumble of the crowd until the sweet resonance of her voice stood out. All the other sounds became only a hum in the background.
Her throaty laughter sent an ache to his chest.
“Jimmy. You’re so bad.”
Jimmy? Liam ground his teeth. Who the hell was Jimmy and what the hell had he said that merited such a seductive laugh? A laugh she’d used with him, teasing him until he’d snapped and taken her right where she stood. She liked it hard. Rough. Was she priming a new man to take her the same way?
Why the hell was his goddamn beast still purring? Stupid cat.
“Yes. We’re still on. Eight o’clock. I want every juicy detail of everything you plan to do.”
Liam turned around. She’d said that to him once. She liked dirty talk. Wanted it whispered in her ear while he took her. What he planned to do next. What he wanted to lick, pinch, or smack.
He stepped forward.
His beast growled. As he stepped farther and farther away from her, his beast thrashed around inside him, howling.
Shut up, you stupid animal. She no longer wants us.
If she was moving on, it was time for him to do the same. Maybe coming down the mountain hadn’t been a bad thing. Maybe he needed to see this. Maybe now he could finally start getting himself back.
His beast snarled, then gnashed its teeth at the air.
Fuck you.
He hopped into Brit’s Jeep and tore back up the mountain. By the time he pulled up to Aidan’s ten minutes later, snarls vibrated from under his ribs, foam dripped from his beast’s mouth, its sides heaved.
Liam tightened his grip on the wheel, scowling.
His beast’s rage should’ve brought on the change. He should’ve become a roaring mass of steely muscle and fur. He’d wondered why he hadn’t shifted since the Dsershon. Even at his angriest his beast had failed to emerge.
Now he had the answer.
He was no longer connected to his beast. He was only, completely, connected to her.
Not only had she taken away his manhood, she’d taken away his beast.
He slammed out of the Jeep and rushed inside. Aidan sat on the couch, typing at his laptop. Liam stood silent in the doorway, willing his beast to emerge, willing himself not to lose everything.
His friend looked up and then shot to his feet. “Liam. What’s wrong?”
He swallowed back the dread. No more. He would get himself back. “I want to see the doctor.”
Aidan blinked. “Say that again.”
“Dr. Avgar. I need to see her.”
Aidan’s brows furrowed. “You okay?”
He refused to talk about what he was going through, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to talk about what he’d just seen—what he’d just learned.
“I’m fucking fine. Now will you get off your ass and drive me.” Inwardly, he cringed at his harsh tone. But the words were out, and he couldn’t bring himself to apologize, so he added, “I don’t think my pathetic ass should be driving that distance.”
In truth, he didn’t want to go alone.
Chapter Three
Aidan looked across the seat, wanting to break the unbearable tension inside the cab of the truck, but the shattered look on his friend’s face made coming up with words impossible. Inwardly, Aidan cursed.
If Liam had just sucked it up and shown up for his appointment this morning, then he’d already have one therapy session under his belt, and Aidan wouldn’t be sitting in painful silence with his friend.
Since slamming himself shut inside Aidan’s truck, Liam hadn’t spoken. Not a word, but he sure as hell fidgeted. Constantly. He scrubbed his palms against his thighs, rubbed his hands over his face, and took deep inhales. A few minutes ago, he’d started rocking. A slight motion, barely noticeable, but Aidan felt every movement.
Something had happened. But what?
Whatever it was, it’d been huge, since Aidan was driving thirty minutes to Asheville.
To Jaylin.
Man, she’d be stunned to see them. Probably pissed she was going to have to deal with him again. He bit back a smile. At least he had a reason to see her.
Aidan glanced at his GPS, noting that it told him to take the next exit off the interstate into downtown Asheville. After he entered the city, he turned right onto a side road where the buildings became sparser and more residential. About a mile up, he entered another commercial area, but instead of towering structures, the street was lined with different style homes that had been remodeled for business use. He finally found Jaylin’s practice. A ranch-type house with sage siding and flat-stone trim work that was set a little farther back from the road than the rest of the houses.
He understood why she’d picked this place instead of one in the heart of the city. It was quieter. Not as busy. Less chance of shifter activity being noticed, but still close enough to the city to bring in human clientele.
He found a place to park by the sidewalk. Without a word, Liam got out and trudged toward the house. Sighing, Aidan followed him up the long cobblestone path to the front door. They entered what would’ve been considered a small living room but had been transformed into a cozy waiting area, complete with plush light-blue chairs and thick beige carpeting.
A pixie of a woman with a loose bun, sitting at a desk in the right corner of the room, looked up from her computer. Her lips pursed and Aidan didn’t miss the appreciative once-over she gave both him and Liam before saying, “May I help you?”
When Liam didn’t speak up, instead his jaw hardening as agitation rolled off him, Aidan stepped toward the desk. “We’re here to see Dr. Avgar.”
“I’m sorry, you need an appointment.”
“If you’d just tell her—”
“I can make an appointment for tom—”
“Forget it.” Aidan stalked past the receptionist and headed straight for the wood door that sealed off the rest of the house.
The woman jumped to her feet. “Sir, you can’t go back there!”
The hell he couldn’t. He strode through the door, which led to a wide hallway with three more doors. He picked the first one and entered a large office decorated in darker colors that were a surprising contrast to the lighter, calming c
olors used in the waiting area.
Jaylin was bent over a notepad at her mahogany desk, writing. To her credit, when her head snapped up at his intrusion, her eyes only widened slightly before she calmly leaned back in her chair. “Mr. O’Connell.”
God, he hated when she called him that.
The receptionist hurried in behind him. “I’m so sorry. He just walked right by me.”
Jaylin waved her hands, brushing aside her employee’s words. “Pam, I’d like you to meet Mr. O’Connell. The roommate of the client I was telling you about earlier.”
“Oh.” She made a now-I-get-face that Aidan didn’t get. “Well, that explains the rudeness.”
Stunned, Aidan watched the receptionist return to her desk. What was with the women in this building?
Jaylin’s chuckle drew his attention back to her. “What has brought you by, Mr. O’Connell?”
The third time she’d used his name. The third time she used it to be superior, to put that clear “do not cross” line back in place. He’d let her for now, for Liam’s sake, but they had unfinished business to deal with after this was over.
“Liam is here for his session.”
“His appointment was four hours ago. He’ll have to make another one.”
“Why? It doesn’t look like you’re busy.”
Anger flashed in her eyes before her gaze shot past him, a frown forming on her lips. She stood and walked around her desk. She’d shed her suit jacket, showing off the silky, pastel blue blouse she wore underneath. Aidan couldn’t draw his gaze away from the way the material hugged her breasts and tiny waist.
“Hello, Liam,” she said.
A grunt came from behind Aidan. He glanced over his shoulder to see that Liam had stepped into the room, looking even worse than he did in the truck. A dazed sheen had entered his eyes as a muscle twitched in his jaw.
Jaylin came to stand beside his friend, intensely watching him. “Why don’t you sit down?” she said in a soothing tone he’d never heard before. She’d certainly never used that tone with him.
“I don’t want to fucking sit down,” he said in a tight voice.
She didn’t even flinch, just nodded. And Aidan’s admiration for her grew. “Okay. You don’t have to.” She looked at Aidan. “Give me just a few moments and I’ll be with you, okay?”
With that, she left the room, closing the door behind her. The swift change in her attitude had Aidan studying Liam, trying to understand why she’d treated him like fragile glass. Yeah, he was all kinds of messed up right now, but he’d been messed up for months.
Liam caught him watching. “What the hell are you looking at?” Then he shuddered and took a step back, his gaze darting around the room as panic shook his large frame. “I can’t fucking do this! I never should’ve come here.”
He spun around, reaching for the doorknob when he froze, hand locked in midair. Aidan blinked at the sudden immobility of his friend. “Liam?”
Stunned at how quickly his friend had gone from an animated being to a statue, he moved closer, then he noted the vacant eyes, the face devoid of all emotions. Aidan grabbed Liam’s shoulder. “Liam!”
What had Jaylin said to do? He was drawing a blank, then he remembered…snapping. He snapped his fingers in front of his face. Liam didn’t even blink.
Shit! He cracked open the door. “I could use some help in here!”
Seconds later, Jaylin slid through the space, glanced at Liam, and cursed. “I was afraid of this.”
She locked her hand on Liam’s shoulder, snapped her fingers in front of his face and yelled his name. Again there was no response. She repeated the process a few more times with the same results.
“Damn it. How can he already be in this deep?” The tension pinching her features increased Aidan’s worry. She hurried behind her desk, then slammed a briefcase on top of the surface, popping it open. After she grabbed a small black case and a stethoscope, she strode back to Liam and sent Aidan a don’t-argue-with-me look. “You need to leave.”
“But—”
“Now.”
The seriousness of her tone had him moving toward the door. Once he was in the hallway, she yelled, “Close it behind you.”
A few seconds after the door snapped shut, a red flash brightened the space between the bottom of the door and the carpet. His beast hissed, and Aidan stumbled back into the far wall, concerned by its sudden fury.
“Mr. O’Connell, if you would just come back to the waiting area with me,” the receptionist called to him from the end of the hallway.
The red light flashed again, and his beast growled low in its throat, rising to all fours with its hackles raised. Why was it so angry?
“Mr. O’Connell. I must insist that you move away from the door.” A feminine but firm hand grabbed his elbow. As Jaylin’s assistant tugged him backward into the waiting area, he couldn’t tear his eyes off the thin strip underneath the door, feeling nothing but the rising rage of his beast with each flare.
Then it flung open and a pissed Liam came storming out past Aidan, and his beast immediately calmed.
“Fuck this shit!” Liam yelled. “That bitch can’t help me!”
Jaylin stomped after him, fire sparking from her eyes. “You can’t ignore this anymore. The fact you went into Bahrraj so quickly after the last one is bad. You need to learn to control it.”
Liam swung a hand out and sent a pencil holder on the assistant’s desk flying against the wall. “Stop telling me what I have to do.” Rage contorted his features as he stepped forward, pointing a finger at Jaylin. Stiffening, Aidan positioned himself between them. “You don’t have a goddamn clue what I’m going through. All your fucking books and degrees don’t tell you shit. You’re a woman. You’ll never have to worry about this. You never have to learn to control anything. So fuck you and your psychobabble.”
Aidan’s beast snarled. He didn’t need the added anger of his beast, he had enough just from the way Liam was talking to Jaylin. “You need to choose your words more carefully, my friend.”
Liam offered no apology. No moment of contriteness. No sign he planned to back down. Before Aidan could demand he apologize, Jaylin walked around him and planted herself in front of Liam, arms crossed over her chest, that defiant chin in the air. “You can cuss and yell and throw whatever temper tantrum you want, it won’t change the fact that your mate rejected you.”
“Shut up.” Liam’s body started to shake.
Aidan moved to stand between them again, but Jaylin held up her hand and sent him a “don’t interfere” look. Fisting his hands, he forced himself to stay still when all he wanted to do was knock Liam out cold.
“You’re going to have to make me shut up. Can you do that?” She paused as Liam’s nostrils flared. “Guess not, so I’ll continue. Ava may have been your mate, but you were not hers. Are you really going to let her have that control, Liam? She didn’t want you. You’d rather be lost in a woman’s emotions rather than fight it and claim some of your life back?”
Liam’s entire body stiffened, then shook violently once again. Had Jaylin gone nuts? Why was she goading him? Goading his beast?
“I don’t have time for this shit.”
As Liam stormed to the front door, she said, “Do you want your beast back?”
He froze mid-step, then slowly turned around. “H-how do you know about that?”
“From all my fucking books, degrees, and psychobabble. I’ve pushed you far enough that the change should have occurred. Your beast is raging, isn’t it, Liam? Yet I didn’t even see a flash of it in your eyes.”
The anger fled Liam as quickly as it had come on. His shoulders slumped.
Aidan stared at him. “What does she mean?”
His friend avoided his gaze. “Seriously? With all the rages I’ve been in over the last few months, you didn’t notice my beast hadn’t emerged?”
He had noticed. He just thought it was some effect from the Dsershon. Apparently not. “I don’t understand. How can y
ou feel your beast but not be affected by its emotions?”
“His connection to Ava has taken over everything,” Jaylin answered, her gaze never wavering from Liam. “He’s consumed by her. That has damaged the connection with his beast.”
Aidan swallowed. Everyone knew Dsershon was bad, but this bad? To the point a shifter was no longer connected to the one thing that made him who he was? Never.
“You can get your beast back,” she continued, her voice calm and soothing. “But you have to learn to control her bond.” She stepped closer to Liam. “Don’t you miss running? The release the change can bring you?”
Liam remained silent, but the hopefulness that entered his eyes screamed yes. Aidan understood. As much as he sometimes hated having to fight the beast for control, the idea of being separated from it was terrifying. They were a part of each other. Enemies at times, but one.
“How long will it take to learn?”
“It varies from shifter to shifter, Liam. Life can get better, though, if you’ll let me help.”
He sucked air through his teeth, his eyes taking on a faraway look, then he swallowed. “Why do I know I need this, but I feel all cagey about it? I was ready to commit to this, even asked Aidan to drive me here, but as soon as I got into Aidan’s truck, I felt like I was going crazy. The closer we got, the more it ate at me. The more I felt her.”
A sad smile tipped the corner of Jaylin’s lips. “That’s the Fewshon. It doesn’t want to accept, Liam. The bond is making you hold on even though you know it’s over.”
“How am I supposed to battle an eternal link?”
“I never said it would be easy. Your instinct and the Fewshon are going to fight you every step of the way, but you have to be stronger. You have to start using your mind to overpower the bond. I promise, it can be done. It has been done.”
Liam shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and was silent for a long moment. “Fine.” He inhaled deeply, then released it in one gush. “I’ll do it.”
“Do you mean it this time?”
Another second of silence, before he said, “I want my beast back. I need something to feel normal again.”
