by M. Mabie
I’d wondered if I was too rough, if it was too much for her. We’d worked up to punishing rhythms before, but I’d never went at her with this much force straight off. I’d held back each time. That wasn’t within my ability now.
Still, I couldn’t bear the thought of really hurting or scaring her.
Like she’d heard my innermost thoughts, once again she peeked over her shoulder and said, “Don’t stop, Reagan.”
Then I couldn’t have even if I wanted to. I set a pace that was unapologetic. Fucked her like it was my sole purpose for being alive. Had she not gripped me harder than ever before, had she not been wetter than any other time in my memory, I may have hesitated a fraction.
It was undeniable—she wanted it as bad as I wanted to give it to her.
My right hand joined my left on one cheek of her ass, and I pushed into her at an angle that made my eyes fall shut from the pleasure. My hips met flush with her body, over and over and over again.
I was wild for her, proven further by the guttural sounds leaving my throat.
“Give me what I want,” I demanded as I reached up for her shoulder, looking for more leverage still. Even though I was sure I was bruising her.
“God, yes. Fuck me,” she mewled.
She met me thrust for thrust and panted like a similar animal. We showed each other no mercy.
“Don’t slow down, baby. I’m going to come so fucking hard.”
One of her shoulders met the bed as she started to touch us between her legs. Her elbow pumping as she worked her clit.
“I’m coming, Reagan. Oh my God. I’m coming.”
Her back arched, and her head careened back. Watching pleasure tear through her body caused it to savagely rip through mine.
“Ah, fuck. Baby, fuck,” I shouted as I flexed and pushed even harder into her, filling her with all I had. My hips jerking with each pulse as it throbbed through me. “Fuck.”
She slumped forward. Bones in her rib cage expanded and contracted as she heaved, desperate for air.
My hands ran up and down her back, feeling her muscles tighten and release around me. Her spine under my thumbs, I kneaded up and down her ridges. I savored the sporadic spasms she and I shared as we convalesced together.
I lifted one of her legs behind the knee and placed it on the bed, then I did the same with the other. We crawled up the mattress, and I fell away from her as we moved. She collapsed across my bed.
“You more than love me, huh?” I asked, still very much winded.
She giggled, “I guess so.”
It wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear, but she’d asked for patience and time. I’d give her that, and in exchange, she gave me hope.
ELEVEN
PAST
NORA—Friday, November 13, 2008
“Things are better,” I said to Janel over the phone. I certainly hoped they were. “We’re still just feeling our way.”
“Well, good,” she responded.
“When are you flying into Zurich again?” I was leaving before Thanksgiving, which was fine because Reagan was visiting his family for the holiday. He’d invited me, but I’d already had my plane tickets booked for Switzerland.
“A week behind you, I think. We’re going to my sister’s then flying straight there from Atlanta. I need to spoil my nieces,” she laughed. Her older sister had two adorable girls who Janel complained she never saw enough of. I suspected she’d want to start a family soon, too. “We’ll be there about a week. So that should be enough time to rot their teeth and overfill their closets.”
“Carrie is going to love that,” I teased. She was lucky to have a sibling who she was close with. A family who wanted her around.
“My sister can get over it. We won’t be home for Christmas, so whatever. Hey, how’s work?”
Work.
“They said they’re fine with me working from there, but I don’t think they’re all that thrilled about it. It’s getting a little tense. I’m hoping after this long trip maybe I won’t have to go back so much.”
“Or maybe you’ll stay there, run one of your own companies, and stop worrying about pleasing the manager of someone else’s.” She wasn’t sugarcoating it.
It was an option.
“What did you think of Clare? She’s very sweet.”
Since Reagan had said he was open to having a threesome, and I’d stupidly told Janel, she been trying to set us up. At first, I thought it would be helpful since she and Ives knew more people in Chicago than I did. Realistically, it felt so weird and forced.
“I don’t know,” I answered, but I did. She was too timid—and my reaction to that was uncomfortable. He liked timid. He liked passive women. I didn’t want to feel like I was competing.
I’d asked him, “So are you doing this only for my benefit or are you honestly curious?”
He’d answered, “I’m curious about anything that benefits you.”
Sometimes the thought of watching him with another woman was rousing and exciting. Other times, like when we were actually naked and writhing in ecstasy, I couldn’t imagine sharing him.
Still, there was something so amazing about his willingness to please me. It was so sexy how he was willing to do things blindly for my pleasure. It was truly heady.
I shook my head trying to focus on what I was talking about with Janel.
“You know what? Simone Watts is in town,” she said.
Simone. I’d been with Simone and her boyfriend in college. She was a medium build brunette, curvier than me. Loud, in bed and conversation. She was much less shy than the other women I’d considered, which I immediately felt more comfortable about.
Typically, my preferences for women weren’t really at the forefront of my desires. Predominantly, I was attracted to men, but I loved watching couples. So sometimes I was with men and women and other times I’d been with only men. I’d never been with two women or just one woman for that matter.
“Unless, you think Reagan would go for another man?” she asked, but her tone was telling and she expected my answer.
“I don’t think so,” I quickly said. “He’s being the one compromising the most, I think the least I can do is be sensitive to what he’d want too.”
She laughed, “Yeah, I’ve never heard of a man turning down two women.”
I rolled my eyes. She didn’t know Reagan.
“Do you have Simone’s number?” I swished the tea around in my nearly-empty cup as I sat alone in the deli on my lunch break.
“Yeah, I think so.”
My mind raced, if she was in town, it might be wise to do this before I left for Switzerland.
After Janel and I caught up a little more, she shot me a text with Simone’s contact information. I scrolled through social media and found her in my friends list, although I wasn’t very active online.
She was still pretty, and I had a good feeling.
I sent Reagan her picture and a text message first.
ME: Are you still interested in trying something new?
For the very first time, the thought of it actually happening started to legitimately arouse me. It had been a long time since I’d seen her last, but I remembered she was a lot like me. Didn’t get too tied down, liked to stay mostly single. In fact, she’d only been with that boyfriend for a short time, and then they’d went their separate ways shortly after.
It didn’t appear she was with anyone, according to her profile.
It was about mid-afternoon when I got a response out of him, which wasn’t usual, but he was working.
REAGAN: Yes. Can we talk about this tonight? Will you order us Greek?
I smiled. He didn’t even bother with his steak pita thing anymore.
ME: Sure. Six okay with you?
REAGAN: I’ll bring the wine.
As confused as I felt about what I wanted long term, for the time being, I was enjoying every minute I had with him. Since I was leaving in little over a week, I wanted to get as much of him as I could.
“Of course,” I answered.
“Are you bisexual? Are you attracted to women the same as men?” I’d watched him intently as he asked, looking for a cue on his opinion. He was hard to read when he was direct and looking for information. His facial features were tight, but not threatening or judgmental.
It was a valid question, but I was pretty sure that wasn’t really the case.
“Honestly, I’ve never really thought about it much. Have I had sex with women? Yes. Although, it was always with another man, and typically I left the woman pleasing to the guy. I was usually just kind of there.”
That didn’t make much sense, and I could tell by his facial features it didn’t really answer much for him.
I clarified, “Other women have done things to me, but usually I focus on doing things with the man or watching and doing things with myself.”
He popped a pita chip into his mouth and nodded. When he finished chewing—and thinking—he asked, “Okay, which do you prefer? Two men or a man and a woman?”
I wanted to be honest because he was candid and sincere. Besides, things change and who was to say what I’d like later in life. I could only answer what I’d liked in the past. I hadn’t been with a couple in almost a year.
“Well, I like them both for different reasons, but I think it’s pretty equal.” I wasn’t embarrassed, per se. But it was a very personal, private thing to talk about so specifically.
His patient smile encouraged me to elaborate.
“I like being with two men because I feel like I’m being shared. Almost like I’m a bonus or a treat. Yet, they’re still mostly focused on each other. And I like being with a male-female couple because it fascinates me to watch a man and a woman when they’re intimate. Often though, it’s also like I’m a treat for them. I’ve never been in a relationship where someone outside was invited in. So this will be new for me, too.”
That seemed to satisfy him more than I expected.
“You are a treat.” He grabbed my wrist and kissed it. “Have you talked to the woman in the picture you sent yet? Do you know her?”
I marveled at the way he accepted me. Or, at least, the way he tried to.
“She was friends with some people Janel and I knew in college. I haven’t talked to her in a long time. I was waiting until after we discussed it tonight.”
He grinned, looking devilish. I wondered what he was thinking. “Okay. So how does this work?”
I answered, “Well, if you still want to do this, I guess I should call her and see if she’s interested. I don’t know if she’s available—or even if she’ll want to. I’ll just have to talk to her.”
“Do I have to talk to her before we...?” He trailed off and scratched the back of his neck with his eyes closed.
That was odd. “No. Not if you don’t want to. You don’t have to do any of this, if you don’t want to,” I reminded him. It was his idea. I hadn’t asked for it.
However, since he’d offered, I had thought about it a lot. Maybe this was what I needed. Maybe it would make me feel more like myself. Like I was on familiar ground for once.
The thought of him getting twice the pleasure also thrilled me. Watching him experience four hands, two mouths. Two people attending to him. I couldn’t wait to see him react.
“Okay then. I’d rather you set it up. I don’t need to talk to her,” he said confidently.
What was going on in his complicated mind?
“Why is that?”
He put his elbows on the table and steepled his fingers. “Because I think it would be awkward, and it doesn’t really matter much to me. If you’re comfortable with her, so am I.” He offered me a closed mouth smile, then got up to clean our takeout mess and refill our glasses.
I thought about calling her right then but decided I’d wait. I wanted him all to myself that night. More specifically, I wanted him on my counter top.
I’d think about her later.
TWELVE
PAST
REAGAN—Tuesday, November 18, 2008
I didn’t think much about this Simone person. I didn’t care who the other woman was, I was doing it for Nora. I still wasn’t sure if I’d actually be able to go through with it.
Although, the idea of two women wasn’t repulsive. Especially if one of them was her and she was getting something she needed. I wanted to see her in her element.
I’d also been a little preoccupied.
As it turned out, we actually handled the Koehl Worldwide account for InformaTrade. It was largely still hung up in litigation, and there wasn’t a lot going on with the account, but it was a massive amount of wealth.
The account had originally been assigned to Craig, but I noticed it had recently been passed on to Justin. Something about him never mentioning it, and the connection to Nora bothered me. He knew she and I were together.
There were some aspects of those files and documents that I was locked out of, but that didn’t keep me from looking. My intentions were pure, but strolling through her financials, behind her back, didn’t make me feel all that great.
I wished she’d ask me for help. Not for my benefit, but for hers.
Justin was an alright guy from what I knew, and Ives was a friend of her family’s, but I didn’t know them well enough to say for sure. I had a suspicious feeling, and I couldn’t shake it.
“So you’re having dinner with her?” I asked over the phone while I ran out for a sandwich. I’d told her I didn’t care to go, but now that meant I probably wouldn’t see her.
“Yeah, she actually seemed excited to hear from me. This might be good,” she said. I loved hearing delight in her voice. I despised the idea of sharing her with anyone, but I kept reminding myself I was giving her more.
“Saturday, dinner and then go to my place. Is that still okay with you?”
Again, details I didn’t have an opinion on. “That’s fine. Whatever you want.”
“Call you tomorrow?” she asked. I stopped on the sidewalk and ran a hand through my hair.
Tomorrow?
“No. Tonight.” Suddenly the thought of her going out with someone besides me—anyone—started to unnerve me. I didn’t want to worry her though, so I added, “To let me know how it goes.”
She chuckled, the quiet one I liked best. “Okay, bossy.”
“Please?”
“Okay, I will.” I heard a car door shut. “Listen, I’m at a bakery we’re using for a bat mitzvah, but first, I want you to know something.” Her voice was hushed, and I quickly covered my other ear to not miss what she was about to say. “I’m not going to do anything with anyone if you’re not there. I don’t know if that’s what committed people say to each other, but I want you to know that. Fidelity is important to you, and you’re important to me. So I’ll never sneak around or lie to you. Simone and I are just going to dinner, then we might have a few drinks and catch up. I know you, you’re probably thinking we’re going back to her hotel to do God only knows what. Stop thinking it. It’s not happening.”
Relief. She understood. That was what compromise felt like. I prayed I could hold up my end of the deal.
When I got home, I worked out, then ate. When I was cleaning up the kitchen my phone when off.
NORA: I’m coming into the building. May I have a goodnight kiss?
ME: I might have one of those lying around.
I looked at the time and it wasn’t even eight thirty. I was dying to know how it went.
ME: Meet you at my door.
I watched her through the peephole as she walked down the hall. She wore a bantam grin, and that pleased me. She pleased me. As messed up, and against everything in my person as this whole idea was, it made her happy. I made her happy.
I didn’t need much more than that to confirm I was doing the right thing.
“I know you’re watching me.” She said quietly at the door. “Le
t me in, Jekyll.”
I opened it and leaned against the door frame preventing her from coming in. That earned me a challenging look before she stood back on her heels.
I puckered my lips—a toll—and didn’t say a word.
She leaned in, and I could taste the red wine she’d had. Warm and sweet, she kissed me.
“May I come in?” Her thick black lashes batted.
“Kiss me again.”
She huffed, laughed and leaned in for another. This time, I let my hand wander up her neck, and I deepened the kiss. She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around me.
I’d been in my apartment all night, but now I was home.
“ANY BIG PLANS THIS weekend?” Justin asked when I was on my way out of the office on Friday.
Yeah, a threesome.
“No, I think we’re going to take it easy before the holiday.”
And even though I didn’t think he would have balked much about it, I didn’t feel like telling him. I was thankful the one night at the lake when things turned a little more—how should I say—adventurous, he and his wife had been nowhere around.
That would have been too weird for me. We were colleagues. Whatever he did in his spare time was not my business. Still, he and his wife had invited us out to dinner a few times. I was glad when Nora never seemed too interested in going. It took the weight off my shoulders.
Everything was still new. We were tiptoeing up to boundaries and finding what our common ground was.
For me, the next night was going to be a walk into new territory. Something about how Nora said she wasn’t really bi, although I’m sure many would beg to differ, had given me respite.
I wasn’t competing with this other person. It felt more like an adventure, even if I was nervous as hell despite the levels of Valium coursing through me those days.
I thought I was handling things the best I could.
Nora seemed happier than she had. In fact, after I agreed to invite someone to bed with us, she didn’t press it or get into much of a hurry. Hell, it was usually me who brought it up. I didn’t want to be blindsided and needed to prepare myself.
