by Rosie Harris
Lynn had loved life so much, enjoyed every second. To have died so young and under such tragic circumstances was such a waste, Megan thought sadly.
When the short service ended and they emerged from the cool darkness of the chapel into the brilliant sunlight once again, Megan was astonished by the mountain of flowers banked up outside.
Sprays, crosses, and wreaths bearing fond messages of farewell, confirmed how popular Lynn had been. One wreath of pure white flowers seemed to stand out from all the others. Curious to see who it was from, Megan bent down to read the card and was taken aback when she read the words Walker’s Shipping Company. As far as she knew there had been no collection which meant the wreath could only have been sent by Mr Walker himself.
As she stood up, Megan saw her father was watching her closely, his mouth grim, his eyes hostile, and a ripple of unease ran through her. She turned away quickly, wondering what he was thinking.
In their initial reports of the accident, the local newspapers had made quite a feature of the fact that Flash was also Miles Walker and that Lynn’s father was employed by Walker’s.
Eager to make as much as they could of such a story, reporters had called at the house, wanting to interview members of the family. Robert had dealt with them, politely but firmly, and sent them on their way.
Now Megan was worried in case it was all revived with the news of Lynn’s death. Her parents had been through enough; further speculation and scandal would be intolerable.
‘I shouldn’t think there’s much chance of them showing any further interest,’ Robert assured her when she voiced her concern to him. ‘The accident is yesterday’s news. If Lynn had died right away then they might have built it up. Now she’s merely another statistic,’ he added bitterly.
The accident had brought them closer together. Robert was such a tower of strength that she automatically turned to him with her problems. Nothing was ever too much trouble for him and, because he was less emotionally influenced by what had happened, he was able to see things more logically.
He had also been a stalwart support to her father through the crisis. Often when her father left the house in the morning he looked like a man sleepwalking, and certainly in no fit state to be behind the wheel of a lorry. Megan suspected that it had been Robert who had undertaken most of the driving over the past months.
The days when she and her father had been close and confided in each other were no more. Sometimes he was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn’t even reply when she spoke to him. He rarely mentioned Lynn and Megan hesitated to do so in case it distressed him further.
The person most severely affected by all that had happened was Kathy Williams. Drained of colour and vitality, she looked an old woman. Megan was so worried about her that she sought advice from the doctor. He prescribed a tonic and suggested that Kathy might benefit from a holiday.
‘Your mother needs a complete change so that she can distance herself from what has happened,’ he told Megan. ‘She won’t improve while she’s clinging to her memories, reliving the accident and your sister’s last days.’
‘Perhaps if I took Mam on a visit to Beddgelert it might do her good,’ Megan suggested after she had told her father what the doctor had said.
‘Nonsense! She hated the place as you well know,’ he said wearily. ‘It was the reason we came here to live!’
Megan was about to argue that what he said was only partially true. It hadn’t been the sole reason for their move but she realised it wasn’t the time to point that out.
‘Why don’t you take Mam away for a holiday, then, just the two of you?’ she suggested.
‘Holiday!’ His scornful tone made it sound sinful.
‘Think of it as a cure for her,’ Megan persisted. ‘Go over to the Isle of Man, or to London. Mam used to love shops so perhaps London is the answer.’
‘All that would be doing is changing one city for another,’ he muttered scathingly.
Megan persisted so consistently that finally Watkin agreed to talk it over with his wife, but Kathy turned all his suggestions down and steadfastly refused to consider a holiday.
‘I want to stay here with Lynn,’ she said firmly. ‘As long as I am in this house she’s close to me. Whenever I can touch her things I can feel her here beside me.’
‘That’s morbid, our mam, and you know it,’ Megan told her exasperatedly. ‘It would do you both good to get away for a few days,’ she pleaded. ‘While you’re gone I’ll turn out Lynn’s room and get rid of her things …’
For the first time since the accident, her mother seemed to come alive. Eyes blazing, her voice strident, she turned on Megan, upbraiding her for her lack of feeling.
‘You never did have any time for Lynn,’ she railed. ‘Now you want to wipe out all my memories of her. I won’t let you do it, though. You’re not to touch a single thing of hers, not one! Her room is to stay as it is … exactly as she left it. You’re not to go in there. Do you understand?’
The row ended with Megan being the one in tears. Not even Watkin could calm Kathy down. She was incensed by the idea of Megan tidying away Lynn’s belongings.
From then on Lynn’s room and everything in it became like a shrine that Kathy dusted and polished every day.
Megan felt mortified, even when Robert pointed out that the altercation had been beneficial.
‘Now she is back in the real world she will come to terms with her grief and gradually accept the fact that Lynn is gone,’ he reassured Megan.
They were sitting in Robert’s car on New Brighton promenade, watching the brilliance of an August sunset. It had been a baking hot day and they were enjoying the cool breeze that swept in from the Irish Sea.
‘That’s not your only problem, though, is it, Megan?’ he said gently, reaching out and taking her hand.
‘No!’ She sighed and shot a quick sideways glance at him and was relieved to find he was staring out to sea.
‘What else is wrong?’
‘Mr Walker’s attitude. He seems distant. I think that perhaps he blames me for the accident!’
‘That’s ridiculous.’ Robert frowned. ‘How could it have had anything to do with you?’
Megan remained silent, searching for the right words to explain the predicament she found herself in.
‘Do you mean because Lynn was your sister he might be thinking you were the one who introduced her to Miles?’
‘No, it was something that happened immediately before the accident.’ She hesitated, wondering if she should tell Robert, yet knowing she had to confide in someone since it had prayed on her mind ever since.
‘Go on.’ Robert didn’t look round, but his hand squeezed hers reassuringly.
‘You remember the day it happened … You met me coming out of the hospital. I didn’t know anything about Lynn then, only that Miles had been in an accident. The reason I was so upset was because less than an hour before it happened Miles and I had a terrible row. He’d slammed out of the office in a violent temper. When the phone call came to say he had been in an accident I felt I was to blame. That was why I went to the hospital.’
‘Go on.’
‘When I saw Miles lying there, all wired up to tubes and drips and things, and a cage over the lower part of the bed, I went to pieces. I didn’t realise there was anyone else in the room.’
The hand covering hers tightened but he said nothing.
Megan took a deep breath. ‘Mrs Walker was sitting on the far side of the bed, hidden by all the pulleys and things so I didn’t notice she was there. She made some very cutting remarks and more or less ordered me to leave.’
‘And you think Mrs Walker may have mentioned your visit to see Miles to her husband?’
‘Well, he’s certainly very off-hand with me these days.’
‘He could be feeling uncomfortable knowing that Miles was responsible for your sister’s death,’ Robert told her quietly.
She gave him a startled look. ‘I hadn’t thought of
that!’ She gave a relieved smile. ‘Thanks, Robert! You’ve been such a tower of strength over these last few weeks,’ she added gratefully.
‘Glad to have been of service,’ he told her with a humourless smile, releasing her hand.
‘It’s going to take time for us all to forget what has happened,’ said Megan. ‘I miss Lynn so very much. It feels as if nothing will ever be quite the same again.’
‘And how about things between you and Miles?’ demanded Robert abruptly.
‘I haven’t spoken to him since the accident.’
‘On purpose?’
‘We seem to have been avoiding each other.’ She shrugged despairingly. ‘I don’t know what to say and I don’t suppose he does, either.’
‘Give it time!’ He stared ahead into the golden sunset, a glazed look of hopelessness in his eyes. Miles Walker had so much to answer for, he thought bitterly.
‘Oh Robert, I’m so miserable!’
Suddenly her defences crumbled. She had refused to give way to tears but now they rolled unchecked down her cheeks, her shoulders heaving as huge sobs engulfed her.
Robert gathered her into his arms as if she was a small child. Rocking her, crooning words of comfort, gently stroking her dark hair.
He wanted to cry with her. Not because of Miles, or Lynn, but because she was so blind to the love he had to offer her. He was ready to protect her from the world, if only she would give him the chance.
He was still cradling her in his arms when the sun dipped into the sea and twilight gave way to velvety darkness. Stars sprinkled the skyline. Out at the Bar a ship that had been lying at anchor, waiting for the tide to turn, embarked on a new journey.
Megan had dried her tears but was still leaning against him, her head resting on his chest so intimately that he was finding her presence disturbing. Her perfume, the softness of her body pressing against him, were rousing his senses to a pitch where self-control was becoming increasingly difficult.
‘I love you, Megan. I want you so much, my darling.’ He breathed the words into the scented sweetness of her hair, longing to say them louder, but he knew it was not the right time to do so.
He must go on being patient. At the moment, if he declared his feelings, she would probably run like a scared rabbit.
Chapter Twenty-one
MEGAN FOUND IT was impossible to cut Miles out of her thoughts. Lynn’s death had made her feel much more vulnerable. The hard outer shell she had intended to build as a barrier between them, so that she could concentrate on her career and forget all about him, simply crumbled away.
Remembering every detail of her bitter quarrel with Miles, she dreaded the thought of their first meeting when he came back to work again. Yet she was impatient for him to return to the office because there were so many questions to be answered.
His relationship with Lynn puzzled her. She was determined to find out whether he had known that they were sisters and had been deliberately two-timing them both.
Simon Gregson, a thin, sallow man in his early thirties, with short spiky hair and light-hazel eyes behind pebble glasses, had been taken on to assist Bob Donovan at the dockside. Whenever he came into the office to report to Stanley Newbold, Megan’s spirits would sink, knowing it meant that Miles had still not returned to work.
It was January 1928 before Miles returned to work and when he did his position in the firm changed. Now that he had managerial qualifications he no longer worked on the dockside but in the office as assistant to his father.
Megan found it embarrassing the first time she was called in to take dictation and found them closeted together. She had expected Miles to look thin and haggard. Instead, he was deeply tanned, and when she learned that he had been recuperating in the south of Spain she felt annoyed and angry.
While she had spent sleepless nights worrying about his injuries he had been sunning himself on a beach, she thought bitterly.
His manner was even more brusque than before and he was adept at avoiding her. Whether this was because of guilt over the accident, or because he had been two-timing her, Megan couldn’t be sure.
As the weeks passed and he made no attempt to clear the air she despaired of how to handle things and turned to Robert for advice.
It was a Sunday afternoon in late March and they were sitting in Robert’s car at New Brighton. The weather was unexpectedly warm and King’s Parade promenade was packed with people enjoying the sunshine.
Everyone looked so contented and happy as they strolled along, laughing and chatting, couples holding hands, others with dogs or children, that it made her feel isolated. The need to share her problem was suddenly overwhelming.
Robert listened gravely as she spewed out her fears, doubts and worries into untidy little heaps as though she was emptying a dirty clothes basket ready for the wash. When she had finished, she felt drained.
‘Let’s walk along the shore,’ he suggested, heading towards a flight of concrete steps. ‘It might be cooler there.’
The receding tide had left the sand damp and dappled and for a while they walked in silence towards the sandhills at Leasowe.
‘Why have you suddenly decided to tell me all this?’ Robert asked as they turned and began to walk back to where his car was parked.
‘I hoped it might help clear my mind,’ she answered. ‘I’m so confused! I thought if I told you I might see my way out of the mess I seem to be in.’
‘You mean over Miles?’
‘That’s right. I should be hating him for double-crossing Lynn and me, as well as over the accident, and yet I can’t.’
‘Are you telling me that your feelings for him are still the same?’ he asked incredulously.
‘I still love him,’ she whispered, miserably.
‘You must be crazy, Megan! I warned you once before that you were wasting your time. He will never marry you, you know that. But perhaps that doesn’t matter,’ he added scathingly.
‘Oh, it does! I wouldn’t settle for anything else,’ she added, blushing furiously as she realised how naive she sounded.
‘Then forget him!’
‘I can’t! I’ve tried to do so, but it’s impossible.’
‘Rubbish!’
‘You don’t really understand, do you, Robert?’
He didn’t answer. He knew only too well how impossible it was to put someone from your mind. He had been trying to do so ever since the first moment he had met Megan. Night and day, her sweetness invaded his mind, tormenting him with desire. He wanted to hold her, to taste the soft fullness of her lips, to see love for him shining from her dark eyes.
Megan was so different from her sister. Lynn had probably been street-wise from the cradle. She had loved to charm, to lead a man on, to tease with a lift of her eyebrows. He had liked Lynn, enjoyed her company and been able to laugh off her flirtatious invitations.
Megan was from a different mould and watching her succumb to Miles Walker’s charms had not been easy, knowing Miles’ reputation as he did.
Miles’ exploits at art school and his behaviour at the Stork Club were common knowledge among the men who worked on the docks as well as some of the employees at Walker’s.
His immediate reaction when he had heard about the accident had been one of guilt. If he had spoken out about the motorbike and the clothes hidden at the back of one of the warehouses, then it might never have happened. The knowledge still nagged him even though he realised it was too late to change events.
Robert’s mouth tightened. ‘You’d better talk to Miles about this,’ he told her uneasily, knowing he was being evasive. ‘You certainly can’t spend the rest of your life moping after him … not if he doesn’t want you,’ he added harshly.
He looked away, unable to bear the pain that shadowed her face as she struggled to control her feelings. He stuffed his hands deep in his pockets as he heard her sharp intake of breath. He wanted to hold her, to protect her from Miles Walker and from herself.
His blood raced with desire. To rem
ain silent and watch her torment herself over her feelings for Miles was sheer hell. Yet he was afraid to speak out and tell her what was in his mind in case she turned from him completely. As things stood, he thought glumly, at least she confided in him.
I shouldn’t have asked him, I’ve only made him angry, Megan thought miserably as she struggled to keep up with Robert’s strides. No one, not even Robert, seemed to understand how she felt. He was right, of course, the time had come to stop prevaricating and face up to Miles.
When she walked into Miles’ office first thing the next morning, he tried to hide his surprise. He eyed her uneasily as she closed the door and walked towards his desk.
‘I have an appointment in half an hour,’ he pronounced, glancing at his watch.
‘It’s not until eleven o’clock. I checked,’ she told him unsmilingly. ‘I want to clear the air, Miles.’
She had gone over what she was going to say so many times that the words came out in a well-rehearsed rush. ‘About us … Lynn … the future …’ Her nerve deserted her; she stumbled over the words, her voice breaking.
As he came round to her side of the desk and placed his hands on her shoulders, her resolve to be firm weakened and she felt the mounting pressure of tears.
His hands dropped to his sides. Swiftly he moved over to the door and locked it. ‘Come on, then, tell me what’s on your mind,’ he invited.
‘You … you never told me you knew my sister …’
He frowned. ‘It was hardly likely that I would connect a fair-haired, round-faced giggler like Lynn with someone as dark and solemn as you, Megan.’
‘Her name was Williams … the same as mine.’
‘I didn’t know that for ages. To me she was just Lynn. The only thing that could possibly have linked you was that you both had Welsh accents. It was only when she told me where her sister worked that it dawned on me that you were related.’
‘Yet you said nothing to either of us,’ accused Megan.
‘Dating both of you seemed a bit of a laugh at the time.’ He shrugged helplessly. ‘Lynn knew me as Flash, and she never asked any questions about where I worked, so I never told her,’ he admitted. ‘She was good fun. Neither of us took the other seriously,’ he protested.
