My jar drops at his nonchalance yet he continues. “My loneliness would be far more unbearable than the pain of knowing Revolver’s heart still beats.”
The tears I thought I’d managed to stave off begin to gather once again, trickling down my cheeks.
“You’re coming home with me?”
His lips tug into a nervous smile, the sight of anything vaguely related to hesitance looking foreign on Gideon’s strong features. “You’ll have me?”
My chest swells with warmth and I nod vigorously, like a love-struck teenager being asked to dance. “Yes. Yes of course I’ll have you. But what about all your home?”
“You saw my shit hole apartment. The bar stool at The Guardian was more my home than that place.”
“What about Damien?”
Gideon shifted at the mention of his friend, eyes glazing with some reminiscent of regret. “We sort of already said goodbye. Something tells me that he suspected I wouldn’t be coming back, angel senses and all that.”
“You won’t miss it?”
“No. My home is with you. In your arms.” His hand settles on my knee, its weight pleasing. I watch as it slowly dips under my skirt and lurks up my leg, fingers curling to caress the curves of my bare thigh. When he speaks again, his voice is husky and ripe with desire. “I knew minutes after meeting you that I would make a home for myself inside your sweet cunt.”
My cheeks flares with heat, his words building a delicious yet torturous ache between my legs. “Gideon.”
The lusty angel flashes me a sideways smirk, tempered with adoration. “Sophie.”
“Are all angels as perverted as you?”
“You might be surprised,” he replies with a snort. “Though most are too ashamed to act on it. Poor bastards. If only they knew all the fun to be had once all preconceived notions of duty, instilled as means of control, are finally shed.”
“Yes,” I draw a shaky breath. “All it took was losing your wings to discover that fact.”
He gives a firm yet affectionate squeeze to my upper thigh. I shiver as his pinky finger quite deliberately presses against the cleft between my legs. “A small price to pay,” he murmurs through a velvet-soft growl.
Every fiber of my now aching body wants to draw that hand in, to push aside my panties and shove his fingers inside and never let him leave me. But the time on my digital car clock has me distracted.
11:58 P.M.
In two minutes, Revolver would be expecting me, no, Elise to meet him with the promised 25,000 dollars. If Revolver knew Elise at all, he probably didn’t expect her to have the money. Hell, he was probably skeptical it was her at all, as would any murderer be when they had pulled the trigger and watch the life bleed from their victim. I clench my fists over my thighs, quaking at the thought.
Gideon’s line of sight followed mine to the car clock and sensing my distress, he withdrew his hand from under my skirt and brought it up to my cheek, brushing his knuckles against the tender spot beneath my ear. “It’s alright,” he cooed. “You’re safe. And I love you so fucking much. How lucky am I to have my fated be a woman with so much courage, it practically lights up your golden hair, coming out of every silky thread like a mighty valkyrie.”
I give a nervous giggle. “Valkyries are real?”
“Mhm.” His lips stretch into a wide grin. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you had a sliver of valkyrie blood in you. The mighty warrior women of Paradise don’t come down to Earth these days, but up until the Viking era they fought in man’s wars often. It’s said that some sought to comfort the men with their company on the battlefield, as well as in their beds.”
My flush deepens, tickled pink by the idea of having a valkyrie ancestor. I hardly know anything about angels, the place called Paradise from where this strange and wonderful man came. Even the smallest details make for an excellent distraction from the drug deal with a bunch of murdering werewolves I skipped out on, and the fact that I’m bringing my angel boyfriend whom I just met yesterday.
Jesus Christ. This really is insanity.
“Tell me more about what you are,” I ask suddenly, a little too eagerly.
“You already know I’m fallen,” he says stiffly.
“Yes but that isn’t everything you are. You’re an angel sure, but saying I’m just a human surely doesn’t describe who I am as a person and where I come from.”
He briefly spares me a sidelong glance before returning his attention back to the highway we’ve just turned on. “Where do you come from?”
“Nice try but we’re talking about you right now,” I tsk. “Do you have parents?”
He blinks at this question, brows bunching together in an incredulous scowl. “Of course I have parents. How do you expect angels are made?”
“Well I don’t know, you were saying how mating or whatever is considered a sin or against your cardinal rules or whatever, so I wasn’t sure if they just pulled little cherubs out of clouds or something.”
Gideon’s scowl melts away, and his head rolls back against the headrest, a guttural and gravely laugh rolling from his chest.
“Okay, first thing, cherubs are a class of angels, not an angel infant. I was made the good old dirty way, just like humans. There is a certain class of angels allowed to mate, valkyries among them. Guardians are not invited to those parties.”
“Why is your class exempt?”
“It’s my guess that Guardians are brainwashed into thinking that sexual love is a sin, something we’re above. Really, it’s just how Paradise gets their drones to obey, by making us believe that our value lies in how strongly we’re devoted to our duties. Fallen, on the other hand, have already endured the ultimate punishment, remaining citizens of Paradise but only as outcasts. They maintain a stipend, the title of ‘angel’ but their immortality and their wings are stripped. They don’t care who I rut with now. But they most certainly wouldn’t ever give my wings back if I cared at all to try.”
“Don’t you?”
“No,” he hisses through clenched teeth. “And I hate myself for wallowing in whiskey and misery for three months thinking I did. But that’s what they do, pound it into our skulls the moment we’re convinced that all that matters is duty, and with duty, we must possess strength and power. They make us think that our wings are the source of strength, but if they didn’t deny the fact that we’re shifters to our core and not some divine creatures, then maybe we would all be allowed to pursue our fated mates.”
“Why don’t they?”
“Because, then duty would come second, and if you haven’t gathered, Paradise and its governing authority have a superiority complex.” He draws in a breath, his great chest rising at it fills with air. A regal smile sits on his perfect lips, and for a moment, he’s absolutely beaming with joy. “I’m sad for what happened to Elise. I doubt I’ll ever shed the resentment I have for myself for allowing her to push me away so easily. But I can’t deny that losing my wings was the greatest thing that could have come from her death. I’m free of a cage I never knew I was living in. I’m free of a lonely life that would have never of crossed with yours.”
“Gideon…” My voice wavers with emotion. My heart rate spikes as thick fingers weave into my hair, tugging affectionately at my ear lobe.
“I love you, Sophie. I’ll do anything for you. Go anywhere with you.”
I gulp, wiping away the tears on my cheeks. “So what you said about valkyries fucking humans?”
He gives a dark chuckle. “We can have children, if that’s what you’re asking. As long as you don’t mind Paradise seeing our child as an abomination.”
“An abomination? Gideon, anyone who would see a product of you as an abomination can burn in Hell.”
The fallen’s mouth twists into a wicked grin. “What I’d give to see that.”
I grab my angel’s hand, threading my fingers through his, and settle back into my seat, trying not to look at the clock. My nerves are a jittery mess. Am I really moving in with the man I thought
to be Elise’s killer two days ago? Am I really going to be in a committed relationship with a man who had wings?
“It’s your turn,” he murmurs, dragging me from my thoughts. “Tell me about your life.”
I snort, shaking my head. “It’s nothing special. You might be disappointed.”
“You can’t disappoint me. Not unless you live outside or you have a boyfriend, or, god forbid, both,” he jokes through that wide grin.
“No, I live in a two-bedroom apartment right above the bar I work in. The owner gives me a pretty big break on rent because I work for him. As for the bar, just about everything is shitty.”
“Except for the drinks and the beautiful valkyrie who makes them, I expect.”
I bite my lip, smothering an abashed smile. “The place is a complete shit hole. The owner has owned the place for decades and is getting old. He’s talked about selling it. I have this sort of fantasy that one day, I’ll save up enough money to buy the place and turn the bar into something of my very own.”
Gideon’s face scrunches with thought, his line of sight briefly flickering to the ridiculously large bundle of cash that lies forgotten on my lap. “Why not buy it? That’s got to be enough there for a sizable down payment in the very least.”
My jaw drops. “You’re kidding.”
“I’m not.”
I shake my head. “That’s crazy.” But I put up no further argument. Crazier things have happened to me in the last 48 hours.
“Tell me about your family, your past. You mentioned your father briefly back at Elise’s apartment. Tell me more.”
The sudden shift in the conversation’s climate catches me off guard. “W-why?”
The angel shrugs, his features hardening and his body stiffening as if an uncomfortable memory has surfaced to mind. “In some ways, when I look at you, I see…shadows that cling to your aura. It’s a darkness I recognize. I have experienced it myself, a stifling emptiness that feels like quicksand. It consumes you. Only I know your shadows are different from mine, and while some are as fresh as your sister’s death, most are far older; stretching back to childhood maybe.”
“Are you talking about depression? You can see depression?”
“I can see it, taste it, feel it. Maybe not for a regular human, but for a ward or for my mate I can. The weight on your shoulders is felt upon mine as well.”
“Well…” I suddenly feel very vulnerable. I haven’t spoken to anyone about my past except for the few tidbits I let slip earlier. I don’t have many friends at home. My twin sister had experienced exactly what I had, and maybe it’s what broke her. Maybe I’m broken too. I’m just broken in a different way. In a small way, Gideon feels like my glue.
I look down at our entwined hands. His fingers are so large compared to mine. They wrap around my hand like a protective shield. I gulp in a large breath of air and force myself to let it out slow and steady, eyes fluttering shut.
“As far back as I can remember, my mother was addicted to heroin. It consumed every facet of her life, her first love seemed to be the drug, and Elise and I were much further down her list of priorities. In fact, it’s the only thing I really remember about her, that and she liked romance novels. Elise was very much like our mother. My dad left us one day when we were little, so little. My mom was passed out in the bedroom. He just… left. He had a good job, at least I came to find that out later. She never woke up that day.”
“Sophie…”
Squeezing my eyes tighter, the tears threaten to flow regardless. No, this was a happy night. I don’t want to cry, not tonight. “It was a long time ago… It’s a blur now. All I remember is that we were found eventually. Child protective services called my father. He never came to get us. So Elise and I were put in foster care, but we weren’t kept together, so we never really developed a bond.”
When we so desperately needed each other.
“I guess that’s why we both became loners. We were used to surviving on our own, used to not having the other when we finally found each other again. It’s strange…someone having your face, your memories even, and not wanting to be around them. I wanted desperately to hold onto Elise, but she was so disconnected. She didn’t want anything from me. Well, not until she called me up a few months ago out of the blue asking for 25,000 dollars. I was so heartbroken when she pushed me away. I’ve been adrift all these years, never really belonging to anyone or anything. I thought that maybe, one day we would find each other again. That we would belong to each other, like twins should. And I thought it would all start by just asking to borrow one of her books”
Traitorous tears dribble down my cheeks. “Fuck, I’m sorry to unload all this on you.”
“And I’m sorry I can’t hold you right now. You won’t ever have to be alone again, Sophie. You belong to me.”
I give a tearful nod and squeeze his hand tight. “I just um… If we’re leaving Seattle for good, can we make one last stop? There is something I want to grab, something of Elise’s.”
Gideon lifts a brow, sliding me a curious sidelong glance. “You want to stop at her apartment?”
“Yeah. One last time.”
Chapter 20
Sophie
“Please hurry,” Gideon says as he slides the car sideways into one of the faded parking spots of the apartment complex lot.
“Nice park job,” I tease though a false grin, worn to hide my nerves. Why am I so jittery? I’ve been here before. I just need to grab something, anything of my sister’s now that I know we won’t be returning here ever again.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come up with you?”
“No, It might sound silly, but I think I just want a moment alone in the last thing I have of my sister. I think I’ll grab that copy of Outlander she had. I want to finish it for her.”
“It’s not silly. Just please, hurry,” he urges.
Giving a stiff nod, I push the door open, moving to leave the car but a strong hand grasps the back of my neck and pulls me over the console. Gideon ensnares me in a heated kiss; one so deep and consuming it’s difficult not to give myself over to him, to not let all of the promises his touch contains sweep me down in its undercurrent.
For a moment, I’m completely lost in him. Then, the spell is broken when a guttural growl rumbles from his chest and he pushes me away, his midnight eyes locking with mine.
“Hurry.“
Before that enthralling gaze can hold me prisoner any longer, I tear myself away and stumble out of the car, running across the darkened parking lot, adrenaline slamming through my veins. The rainfall is heavy, streaking my skin hard as I sprint towards the apartment complex, my thin sneakers slapping against wet asphalt. I squint through the rain, trying to see through the pitch-black night. All the street lamps are burnt say for one on the outer perimeter of the lot, its bulb blinking like a dying strobe light, illuminating the looming building in flashes.
I fling myself into the lobby, hair drenched and my clothes already soaking and clinging to my skin. The lobby is lit with a single dim, fluorescent bulb. A dead plant lies in the corner next to the mailboxes, where most of the little ornate doors have been ripped off.
I was just here yesterday, but It had been different with Gideon beside me in the daylight.
I lean against the cool glass door of the front entrance, panting. The grubby stairwell leading to Elise’s apartment sits in front of me, carpeted in worn AstroTurf, spiraling up and out of sight.
A sense of dread creeps into my skin, seeping into my bones and sinking to my belly. Why can’t I shake the feeling that this is like the beginning of a horror movie, and I’m playing the part of the stupid young woman who foolishly goes into the haunted house to get eaten by the monsters inside? That’s just stupid. People live here. Sure, they might be the sort of people to live in a building that should be condemned. But they aren’t ghosts, they aren’t monsters.
I cast a glance over my shoulder, peering past the rain-streaked glass of the front door. M
y red Honda is hardly visible in the middle of the parking lot, barely more than a red smudge under the cloak of night. My heart flutters in my chest. I can’t see him, but I know my angel is looking right at me, watching me. He wanted to accompany me, but the last few minutes I bask in the memory of my sister must be done alone.
Drawing a deep breath, I ascend the staircase.
Pausing at the top of the stairs, I realize that I’m sweating and my heart is rattling in my ribcage at an unpleasant pace. It doesn’t make sense that I feel this nervous in a place I’ve been before. It’s an emotional moment for me, but there is a pit in my stomach that I’ve all but forgotten the sensation of the last two days.
Emptiness. It’s that hollow, gnawing emptiness that comes from a lifetime of loneliness. I haven’t missed that sensation. It’s an ugly feeling I didn’t know smothered me until I was free of it.
Is this what being away from Gideon feels like? Is that why I’ve always felt a part of me was always missing?
It feels like a new weight has settled in on that invisible thread between us, a thread I never really noticed before I knew what it was.
Hurry.
The word echoes through my mind, the fresh memory of Gideon whispering to me with dizzying urgency pushes me forward to the suite 207.
When I was here last I had shoved most of my feelings about my sister to the periphery of my mind. I was in investigation mode, forcing myself to focus. Maybe it was that sort of razor-sharp focus that had me dialing the mysterious phone number stuffed into a romance novel before I even realized what I was doing.
That sort of confidence never comes naturally for me, ever. I force it, I fake it, I pretend that it’s something familiar to me. Gideon makes me feel more like the person I want to be, the person I need to be.
My mind is so caught up in my angel, Elise, the last 48 hours, our move to Portland…that I don’t notice that the door jam to apartment 207 has been kicked open and left slightly ajar until my hand is already grasping the door handle.
Claimed by my Dark Angel: A Forbidden Paranormal Romance (Saints to Sinners Book 1) Page 13
