“Where? Why? How long?” Ava asked meekly.
“I’m booked on a flight first thing tomorrow morning. I’m not sure when I’ll be back. It could be a while.”
When Ava’s face dropped, Tyler’s heart sunk with it. As much as she was trying to hide it and remain calm, Tyler could read the devastation in her eyes. Her once beautiful, sparkling eyes were brimming with tears and she was biting down so hard on her bottom lip that Tyler was worried she’d pierce the skin. He had to get out of there and quick. He couldn’t stomach seeing her in that much pain…not when he knew he had caused it.
“Oh,” Ava bumbled as she scooted away from him as far as the sofa would allow.
“Ava…”
“Don’t! Please, Tyler. Just don’t.”
She might have wanted to appear tough and unshakable but as she swiped away at the errant tears, Tyler knew he’d broken her.
Staggering to his feet, Tyler started towards the door before turning back towards Ava, who was still cowering on the couch, a cushion in her lap. She was squeezing the stuffing out of it. He could feel his own tears threatening to overcome him and Tyler knew it was time to go.
“I’m sorry, Ava. So sorry,” he apologised as he pulled open the door. As he went to step through the opening and back into the hallway he would have sworn he heard Ava whisper, “Me too.”
He barely made it to the car before he fell apart. The tears came unashamedly in a heavy stream over his cheeks before landing on his shirt, leaving it sticky. But he had no place to complain. He had no right to ask for pity. He was the one who’d done this. He’d broken Ava. His beautiful Ava. And not just Ava. He mightn’t have been ready to promise forever, but she hadn’t deserved this. Speeding through the streets, Tyler got back to his empty apartment as quick as he could and he started stuffing clothes into his rucksack. He couldn’t stay there a minute longer than he had to. Ava was everywhere. Tyler felt the walls closing in on him as he struggled to breathe.
A matter of minutes later he was back in his car, rushing towards the hotel at the airport. The thought of spending another night alone in his bed with the pillow smelling like Ava’s apple scented shampoo was too much for him. He couldn’t bear it. He’d rather check into a sleazy motel and sleep in the unfamiliar, uncomfortable bed.
Not nearly enough hours later, Tyler crammed his long limbs into the too small economy class seat and settled in for the long flight. No matter how many times he wished he’d fired Jonathan, when the shit hit the fan and Tyler really needed his help, Jonathan never failed. Right now, thanks to Jonathan, Tyler was fleeing the country, leaving his problems behind. His problems and Ava. It was a complete chicken shit move and Tyler was well aware of that, but as he tightened the buckle across his waist he knew he couldn’t change his mind. Not now. It might hurt like hell but it was better to hurt her now rather than let her get invested then pull the rug out from under her later.
“Sir, we’re about to take off. Can you please put your seat in the upright position?” a tiny pixie of a hostess asked him in a high pitched voice that reminded Tyler of fingernails being dragged across a chalk board.
“I’m fine,” Tyler replied gruffly, dragging his hand across his stubble covered chin and pulling his battered baseball cap even lower. The last thing he needed was for someone to recognise him or decide it sounds like a good idea to make conversation.
As the pixie shuffled off to undoubtedly chastise another passenger, Tyler righted his seat and shut his eyes. He might have been stuck in cattle class, but at least Jonathan had been generous enough to buy two seats so he didn’t have to endure the incessant chatter of an overzealous seat mate. Slipping his earbuds in, Tyler turned up the music and shut out the world.
Chapter 22
Ava
For a long time Ava just sat, staring at the door. She wasn’t sure whether she wanted Tyler to come back, wearing a smile and carrying the mother of all apologies or if she was relieved to have a moment to herself. Beneath her breast, Ava knew her heart was broken and she’d expected tears, but they never came. She was devastated. Numb. Not knowing what she could do, Ava just sat on the sofa, a montage of moments replaying through her head. Even though it hurt like a bitch Ava knew she wouldn’t take back a minute of the time they’d spent together. Tyler Andrews was the dream. Her dream. And for a moment, she’d been lucky enough to live the dream. Even if it was only for a brief moment in time, it was more than she’d ever imagined possible.
With sunlight streaming in the small square window, Ava sat up and stretched her aching body. At some point through her heart destroying, nostalgic trip down memory lane she’d fallen into a dreamless sleep on the sofa and was now suffering the consequences; a crick in her neck, pins and needles in her arm, and an overwhelming exhaustion she couldn’t describe.
“Shit!” she swore as she stumbled to her feet, only to be overcome with dizziness, causing black spots to dance in her vision. As quickly as she stood, she fell back into her seat.
For a few moments Ava just sat there concentrating on her breathing in an attempt to get her dizziness under control. Sea sick would have been the best description for what she was battling; the pounding headache, the nausea, and the general crushing feeling of blah. It took a while before she was game enough to try to move again. With one hand draped protectively across her stomach, Ava shuffled towards her kitchen and filled a glass with orange juice before sliding down the cupboards onto the cool tiled floor. After a few gulps, Ava started to once again feel human.
After brushing her teeth and a hot shower, Ava was almost back. Everything still hurt. Not from the night on the sofa either, but from Tyler’s words, which she couldn’t escape. Ava wasn’t naïve enough to believe there was anything she could do about them no matter how much she wanted. One glance at the clock on the wall was all it took for reality to kick in and the realisation that Tyler was probably already on a flight halfway around the world. Running. Away from her. All that was left for Ava to do was wonder what she’d done wrong.
Pulling on her pyjamas, Ava couldn’t care that it was eleven in the morning. Time didn’t matter anymore. Nothing did. So Ava did the only thing she could think of. Switching on her laptop, Ava grabbed a bottle of water, dropped into her computer chair, and struck the keys ferociously.
A knock at the door broke Ava’s focus and as she pushed back on her chair, the wheels collected the edge of the rug, sending her tumbling to the floor.
“Fuck me!” Ava growled as she rolled onto her hands and knees.
“Ava! Fuck, Ava! Are you okay?” the voice came through the door in the same moment that a key rattled in the lock.
Before Ava had a chance to explain, Amanda burst through the door, worry stamped all over her face. “Seriously, Ava…what the fuck?” Amanda gasped before exploding in a fit of laughter.
“Stop laughing, bitch, and help me up.”
Clutching her side, Amanda dropped her handbag on the floor, reached out, and took Ava’s outstretched hand before yanking her up. “What the fuck are you doing on the floor?” Amanda snickered as Ava wobbled to her feet. “And what the hell are you wearing?”
“Umm…”
“It’s okay. Take your time, princess. I can wait.”
“Shut it! I’m wearing pyjamas. Is that all right with you?”
“Absolutely…just one more question. Why?”
“Why what?” Ava huffed, exasperated.
Stalking into the kitchen, Amanda helped herself to a bottle of water and tossed one at Ava. “Why do you have your pyjamas on at three o’clock in the afternoon?”
“I…I…I’m not sure.” Unexpected tears blurred Ava’s vision and she discreetly wiped them away with the back of her hand.
“Go have a shower. By the looks of your hair I can’t be sure when the last time was you had one. Everything will look better once you’ve freshened up.” Amanda shrugged.
As Ava turned and headed down the hallway, she glanced back and watched Amanda
moving about her tiny kitchen with confidence. She’d been there enough times to know where everything was kept and help herself. However it was the look on Amanda’s face that unbalanced Ava, causing her to trip over her own feet and crash into the wall. Ava knew Amanda had more she wanted to say and for the first time since they’d become friends she was holding it in. It was intriguing. She couldn’t remember a time when Amanda had bitten her tongue and held back. It was unsettling to try. Ava just couldn’t understand why now, of all the moments, she’d chosen to keep her mouth shut. Stepping into the bathroom, she glimpsed her reflection in the mirror and instantly recognised the problem. She looked like death. Like an empty shell of a person. Like someone had hollowed her out. Like there was nothing left. No life. No substance. No happiness. No light. Even Ava was caught off guard by how far she’d fallen.
In the shower Ava took her time. She brushed her teeth four times before she was satisfied that there wasn’t a furry forest growing there. She washed and conditioned her ratty hair, exfoliated her face, and shaved her legs, leaving a trail of bleeding cuts in her wake.
Wrapping herself in a towel, Ava risked another look in the mirror. The moment she did she regretted it. She looked washed out. Drained of color, well, except for the dark black circles under her eyes. Tipping her head upside down, Ava dried her hair roughly before piling it up with a gigantic alligator clip. No need to try, it was only Amanda. Slipping from the bathroom, she darted across the hall into her bedroom, slamming the door shut. After pulling on some stained grey sweat pants and a sweater that she’d stolen from Tyler, Ava knew she couldn’t hide for a moment longer. It was time to face the music. Amanda was waiting and she wouldn’t wait forever,
“Hi,” Ava sighed as she made her way back out to the kitchen and plopped down on one of the stools at the bench.
“Nope. Not going to do that. Instead, let’s try this. What the fuck happened?”
“Amanda…”
“Out with it. Now. And the truth, thanks.”
For ten minutes Ava spoke uninterrupted. She told her everything she knew and everything she didn’t.
“Okay I get all that, and let me just say that boy needs his butt kicked for such a chicken shit move, but the one thing I don’t understand is what happened. What happened to change his mind so dramatically? I mean come on…one day he’s on national television going all caveman telling the whole world you’re taken and then a few days later he’s boarding a plane to the other side of the world. Seriously, what the fuck?”
“Honestly? I have no idea,” Ava sighed, resting her head on the cool counter top. Her head was pounding and she didn’t want to have this conversation right now, if ever. For twenty-four hours all she’d done is replay Tyler’s words over and over and over again. Then she’d typed until her fingers cramped, then she typed some more. The moment she opened her mouth, her stomach chose to grumble rudely.
“Eat this,” Amanda instructed, leaving no room for argument as she pushed a bowl of thick, creamy chicken noodle soup in front of Ava.
“How’d you know?”
“Seriously?” Amanda huffed, offended. “I show up here, you look like shit, you stink, and now you appear wearing the biggest sweater you can find, which makes me think it’s not actually yours. Not to mention that sad, pathetic, someone-just-ran-over-my-puppy look plastered across your face. You forget, Ava, I know you. And the first thing you do when you’re falling apart is hole up in your crappy apartment, pretend the world doesn’t exist, and write until your fingers bleed.”
“They did not bleed!” Ava snapped defensively.
“Yet! Now shut up and eat your soup.”
Lifting the spoon with her trembling hand, Ava spilled the broth down her chin but managed to catch it before it dribbled on her chest. Forcing herself to concentrate on the task at hand, Ava ate greedily. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched as Amanda focused all her attention on the mobile phone in her hand. Before long it was going off like a bird on meth.
“Who is that?”
“No one.”
“Amanda…”
“Fine. It’s Katie.”
“Katie? As in Tyler’s sister?” Ava was shocked. Really shocked. A slight breeze could have knocked her on her ass had she not been sitting down.
“Ah ha.” Amanda’s confession sunk Ava. If it was at all possible for Ava to feel worse, then Amanda had just found a way.
“What…what’s she saying?” Ava recognised the indecision on Amanda’s face. She knew her friend well. Too well. “Come on, Amanda, just tell me. Please.”
“Ava I don’t think…”
“Then don’t. Just give me the damn phone!”
Amanda dropped her phone into Ava’s outstretched fingers. Nervously, Ava turned the phone over and saw the messages.
Amanda: Any idea what happened with Tyler & Ava???
Katie: Not really.
Amanda: Come on. He fled the country like his ass was on fire.
Katie: Yeah.
Amanda: I’m with Ava now.
Katie: &???
Amanda: She’s a DISASTER!!!
Katie: Shit!
Katie: I told him this would happen.
Amanda: WTF???
Katie: Just leave it for now.
Katie: & look after her.
Frustration bubbled up and swallowed Ava whole. Katie had inadvertently confirmed Ava’s worst fear. Something had happened but she had no idea what. Unable to restrain herself, Ava typed out her own reply.
Ava: Katie its Ava. Where is he???
There was a long pause and Ava was afraid Katie had disappeared. Or worse, she wasn’t going to give her any answers either. Like her brother.
Katie: Ava—Not sure. Just give him some space to get his head out of his ass.
Ava: Do you know what happened?
Ava: What I did wrong?
Katie: Nothing. Nothing at all. It’s all Tyler. He’s gone to training in Switzerland for a month. Give him time & talk to him when he gets home.
Ava’s heart sank. She’d already been worried she wasn’t enough and now her worst fears had been confirmed. Tyler had fled the country, leaving her standing alone with a broken heart.
Ava: OK.
Katie: Hang in there. It will all work out. I’m sure.
Katie: & if you need anything, I’m still here.
Ava: :(
Ava: But thanks.
The phone clattered to the bench closely followed by Ava’s long forgotten spoon.
After a few moments, Amanda stepped forward and scooped up her phone, locked the screen, and stuffed it into the back pocket of her jeans, scowling at it like it was offensive.
“Thanks for…everything. But I think I need some sleep. We’ve got work tomorrow.”
“Ava?”
“Don’t. Just don’t. Please,” Ava begged, tears balancing precariously on the edge of her eyelashes.
“Okay. Fine. I’ll leave it. For now.”
“Thanks.”
“Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning,” Amanda offered a sad, defeated smile as she pulled open the door. “Ava, can you do me one favor, though? Try to take care of yourself.”
Ava’s head quirked up. “What?”
“There’s no point in Tyler coming home, if you’re not here to come home to.”
“I’ll be fine,” Ava assured her with all the confidence she could muster.
With a sad sigh, Amanda murmured, “Night,” before she disappeared, leaving Ava alone in a hauntingly silent apartment.
Chapter 23
Tyler
Tyler dived into the icy cold water, determined to fight off the jet lag hanging heavily over his head. Every muscle in his body screamed in agony as he lapped up and down the lanes but he craved the burn. Physical pain was preferable to the emotional. At least if he burnt all his energy off he’d be too exhausted to even think about the mess he’d left behind.
By the time he’d arrived at the hotel he had a phone full
of abusive texts from his sister. She’d called him everything under the sun and as much as he wanted to put her back in her place, he knew she was right. Every word. Instead of facing his problems, he’d run away with his tail between his legs. So, Tyler did what any other guy in his situation would. He’d switched it off and left it in his hotel room.
“You right there, son?” the old man asked as Tyler found his feet. His chest was heaving and he was sucking air in desperately.
Tyler didn’t have an answer. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say. But he felt like he was about to explode. Instead of taking his frustrations out on his temporary coach, he pushed off the wall and ducked his head under the water and forced his focus on the task at hand, hoping it would calm him. It didn’t. Not even a little.
Hours later Tyler collapsed on the lounge of his hotel room, drained of the will to live. After finishing up his pool session, Tyler had stuffed himself on fresh fruit salad, yoghurt, and muesli before taking a hike through the hills behind the hotel. He knew he needed a shower but he couldn’t summon the energy to crawl to the bathroom. Grabbing the phone from the table near his head, Tyler called and ordered himself room service.
For almost a week, this was Tyler’s sad routine. Every day the same. Swim, eat, hike, swim, room service, pass out, then repeat. Strangely, one day Tyler had the compulsion to rejoin the world. Unplugging his phone from beside the bed, Tyler clicked the message icon and noticed the barrage of unanswered messages.
On Dry Land (Swimming Upstream #3) Page 12
