It’s distracting. Nice.
The day I was brought in, a member of my team was with me every moment. Even when I went in for surgery, one of them scrubbed and stood armed inside the door.
During the days that followed, a battered Hyde said not one word to me but checked the ID’s of every doctor, nurse, or orderly who so much as peeked into my room in the ICU then the private room I was moved to after my condition was considered stable.
My attackers had taken Hyde out first with a tranquilizer dart. Given his size, it hadn’t kept him out long but when he’d regained consciousness, he’d been bound and gagged ten feet from my body.
I have no memory of what happened in that storage shed but Hyde had been forced to witness every degrading deed. They’d beaten him savagely first; killing time and hoping I’d wake up. When I didn’t, they didn’t let that spoil their fun.
After they’d finished with me, they took turns beating him again. Much of it was in payback for their first meeting with him. He had broken ribs, a shattered cheek that had to be rebuilt, and a severe concussion from where they’d hit him with a shovel. The fools thought they’d killed him.
Once again, idiots. It would take more than a shovel to kill Hyde.
The police and paramedics hadn’t seen him at first. It was the park landscaping supervisor who’d noted the various tools scattered around; then the blood trail that led to Hyde’s bound and gagged body tied to a tractor and covered with a tarp.
The moment they cut him loose, Hyde had collapsed beside me and refused all treatment until I was safely in the ambulance, surrounded by other members of my team.
Knowing Hyde had seen what happened to me was another reason I stayed in the hospital instead of going home. I knew my parents would never allow me to stay in my own place disguised as a guest house on their estate. They would want me in the main house with them.
I also knew the rest of my protection team would know the circumstances of my attack and I couldn’t face them on a daily basis. Not yet.
I’d seen them, of course, but only in short visits.
When Hyde insisted on sleeping in a chair that converted to a bed in the corner of my room, I’d barely been able to bear it. He had the same trouble, a look of constant rage on his face I’d never seen on any person in all my life.
One morning, I woke up and he was gone.
I wondered if he’d come back. The thought that I might not ever see him again hurt me more than I could admit to anyone.
So I spent my time reading and writing notes for my third book. The days passed slowly but I avoided trying to piece together what had happened to me or dwelling on Hyde’s absence.
Even though it felt like I was still bleeding on the inside.
Seven weeks after the attack, my primary doctor entered my room and closed the door on the two heavily armed men I didn’t recognize flanking it. They were the daytime detail. They tried to stop her but she had a spine of steel.
“I don’t care who the fuck you are, this is private between doctor and patient. Back off.”
Dr. Theresa Spellman was flown in from Boston to oversee my case. My parents offered her a new lab to make the move permanently but she refused. I’d met her several times when I was younger and we’d always had lovely conversations. We worked together on multiple charities.
Right now, her normally lovely latte skin was pale and the skin was drawn tight around her eyes and mouth.
I gave her a smile. Small but genuine. “Just tell me, Theresa. Best to just get it out. Do I have an STD that’s going to haunt me for the rest of my life?”
Clearing her throat carefully, she said, “No, no disease of any kind though you’re still anemic from the blood loss you suffered. Your progress is coming along well because you were so healthy before your attack.”
Folding her hands in front of her, I watched as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I’ve waited to tell you something because I can’t imagine all the shit you’re dealing with and my main priority has been stabilizing you. I can’t wait any longer.” She met my gaze and said calmly, “Ellie honey, you’re pregnant.”
Chapter Two
As the statement hung in the suddenly heavy air between us, the enormity of what she’d said reached me like a sharp slap.
Theresa’s voice was incredibly kind. “Listen to me, Ellie. I can take care of this and no one, not even your parents, will ever know about it. I know how deeply you love them and they will never need to know this happened to you. I will take your confidence to the grave.”
I stared out the window for a long time. The heat vapor coming off the roof below my floor held me mesmerized as I rolled the shocking news around in my mind. I’d always been pro-choice and I always would be.
Still, I saw the emptiness of my life stretch out in front of me and wondered if this was the one gentle take-away from my ordeal.
Part of me recoiled in terror, in disgust, knowing the seed of one of those men had taken in my womb. That part of me wanted desperately to vomit.
Another part of me thought about all the children in violent homes or waiting to be adopted. Kids who came from flawed circumstances through no fault of their own. They hadn’t asked to be born drug-dependent or physically disabled or at the wrong time in someone’s life.
With my eyes closed I examined who I was and who I tried to be. This was a decision that would affect the rest of my life. It might hurt my mother and father.
Finally, it was Preston who made up my mind.
I met her gaze with as much certainty as I could muster. “I can’t, Theresa. My parents tried for twenty-five years to have children. I have no family, no real friends who aren’t paid to spend time with me, and one day my mom and dad will be gone.”
Just the thought made my hand press firmly against my heart.
“It’s unlikely that I’ll ever marry or have the chance for a relationship or children in a normal situation. The legacy from my parents, the love they’ve given me…I can give that generously to a baby no one else would want. My own small family.”
Truth. I could feel it inside myself. “Do you understand?”
Theresa sat on the edge of the bed and took my un-casted hand in hers. “Are you sure, Ellie? If you change your mind within the next few weeks, you need only tell me.” I nodded and squeezed her hand as tears poured down my face. I rested my head against the pillow and cried myself to sleep.
When I woke up a long time later Theresa was gone. My door was open and I could see the edge of the black tactical gear my guards wore on either side of the door. Mrs. Geldin sat in her wheelchair beside the bed. I told her hello with a smile.
“Hello, dear. You’re looking better each day. How are you feeling?” Her hands were warped from arthritis and her skin was like rice paper, pale and fragile. She held my hand gently in hers.
“I’m fine, Mrs. Geldin. How is your hip? And Mr. Geldin?”
With a delicate snort, the old woman’s eyes twinkled. “My hip is on the mend. I hate not being able to get around at more than a crawl. My Richard spends almost all of his time here. Says I’ll run off with a young orderly if he doesn’t keep an eye out. I’d divorce him for his raging jealous streak but we love each other too much. Besides, if that nurse from the night shift doesn’t stop flirting with my darling, she’ll learn how bad I am about sharing.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. A movement by the door drew my attention and I was happy to see my parents. “Mom, Dad…you remember Mrs. Geldin? My parents, Monica and Samuel.”
Mom swept in to take the elderly woman’s hand and inquire after all manner of things. This told me my parents had checked out every person currently residing or working on this floor.
My mother is an Amazon warrior when it comes to me. The rest of the world sees her as a pocket Venus. Small, perfect, still achingly lovely in her late sixties. Barely five feet tall with blond hair and violet eyes, my father towers over her at six-two.
They are determin
ed to live forever so I’m always protected. It’s my hope, too. That they’ll live forever…not that they’ll always have to protect me. My father still looks as though he could take up a weapon to defend me. Dark brown hair and green eyes. Leanly muscled.
I’m a blend of my parents. Five-six, dark brown hair with a tendency to gain blond highlights during the summer. My violet eyes are darker than my mother’s. I’ve always been athletic like Dad, possessed of a gentle way with others like Mom.
I’ve always liked the description of ‘coltish’ that my parent’s friends have applied to me. Built for speed and endurance, stronger than I look with a love of running and a hint of wildness. It fits me.
My father approached the bed and sat beside me. “How are you feeling, pretty princess?” I love my father’s hands. They’re large and warm, more calloused than people would expect for a man of means.
“I’m good, Dad. Are you both here to try to talk me into coming home again?”
A gentle smile touched his face. “No. Ellie, we’re taking you home. There won’t be any discussion.” From the corner of my eye, I watched as my mother touched cheeks with Mrs. Geldin and held the door wide as she left. Then she closed and locked it, turning to me with a resolute expression on her face.
“I…I think I should finish recovering here…” Watching their eyes, my voice trailed off as understanding hit me. “You know.” I glanced around and noted the IPod speaker system they’d placed in my room when I’d been admitted. “You’ve been bugging the room this entire time.” I closed my eyes with embarrassment and more than a little worry.
I felt my mother sit on the other side of my bed. “Ellie. Look at me, love.” The tears were falling before my lids fully lifted. “The casts come off in three weeks. I found a positively evil physical therapist to come and work with you five days a week to get you back to full mobility. Theresa and her team promise that’s possible and will continue monitoring you from home.”
“Thank you.”
Dad stroked my cheek. “Why are you alone so much, Ellie?”
I gave a small shrug, “I hate the not knowing.” Dad’s face told me he understood what I meant. “If I were the heiress to millions that would be one thing. To be an heiress to billions, even if money isn’t important to me, I just never know.”
Both of my parents opened their mouths to dispute this simple fact but I smiled. “No matter how you vet them, you can’t know the inner workings of someone’s mind. If that was possible, all seven of those men would have disappeared at the bottom of a rock quarry covered in lime…and I would have been holding one of the scoops to sprinkle the bodies.”
“Ellie…”
“No, Mom. I know I was the one who pled for mercy. I asked you to give them a chance. I asked you to spare them because they were young and I thought they could change. I was painfully naïve, I realize that now. I…I punished Hyde as horribly as I punished myself.”
Mom stood and began to pace, suddenly crying out, “Ellie, he was not raped! No one should ever experience what you went through! What you’re going to go through!” She slapped her hand over her mouth.
“I…I’m so sorry, baby. Men rarely know what it means to be raped. Physical torture is bad enough. Rape goes deeper than the physical. It is a rape of the mind, of the emotions. Women…we go through our entire lives protecting our bodies but it is our minds that suffer most.”
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I am horrified by what Hyde endured. Absolutely horrified. But no one was more brutalized than you, Elliana.”
“Don’t, Mom. Don’t think about it.”
“Hyde would give his life for yours. You cannot torture yourself over what happened.”
“Is it so difficult to understand that I don’t want someone to give their life for mine, Mom? My protection detail, the employees I’ve grown up with, and the two of you and your friends…that is the extent of the people I have to talk to. The only friends and family I have.” I hated the lump in my throat.
Dad petted my hair, “No, Ellie. Don’t cry, please don’t cry.”
I hated being lonely but even more, I hated that I could lose my only friends to violence. “I…I want something of my own. I’m keeping this child. Others might consider this child an abomination. I consider it an unexpected bright side.”
Mom nodded and came back to perch on my bed, stroking the hair on the other side of my head. “Then keep it you shall. Your baby, our grandchild, will never know a life without love.”
“Thank you, thank you for understanding. I doubt there could be a stupider mother-to-be but I’ll learn.”
Her fingertips on my cheek, Mom whispered, “You were always amazing with Preston, Ellie. He adored you; you could do no wrong with that little boy.”
Fresh tears started as I thought of the little boy I’d met at a charity function for the Boys & Girls Club in the summer of my sophomore year of college. A little boy caught in the system who was half-black, half-white and HIV positive. He was also crack-addicted and had been beaten by his crack-head mother until permanent brain damage had rendered him mentally disabled. He was only six and everything that could have gone wrong in his life certainly had.
Something made him gravitate to me, made him walk up and slip his small hand into mine, and I’d fallen instantly in love with him. I found every reason possible to visit him and see how he was doing. I organized huge outings with every child at the center where he lived to spend time in his company.
Anything to make his life easier, a little more bearable.
He died in his sleep from HIV complications and an undetected blood clot that had been waiting quietly since the final beating he’d received two years before. He was found within the hour, a little smile on his face. Preston was still clutching the stuffed turtle I’d bought him during a zoo trip for the center.
That little boy’s death had hit me harder than those close to me could understand. I had him buried in our family cemetery and I put the stuffed animal in the coffin with him.
“Preston was easy to be good to, Mom. He…he asked for nothing and loved every single moment. I wanted to adopt him. I’d already talked to the attorneys about it. And then he was just…gone.” I took a deep breath, unable to meet my parent’s eyes.
“I’m stuck in stasis; unable to move forward or back. If not for the charitable work I do for you both, I would have no purpose, no direction. Now…now I’ll have the stigma of this. I’m nothing more than a story. Like a sideshow attraction.”
The fury I felt, though not shouted, must have bled into my expression. I was clenching my jaw and my good hand so tightly the joints ached.
My father’s rage matched my own and, just like me, he kept his voice controlled and even. “Hyde and Si have taken out one of the three men, Ellie.”
I flicked my eyes to his green ones and silently asked him the question I wanted the answer to. It was something I thought about at night and it should have shamed me. I thought myself civilized, kind, sometimes too influenced by the gentler emotions.
My need for blood did not shame me.
He understood and answered honestly. “He went hard. Every minute of your time in that building was repaid. His body will never be found.”
Shockingly, I felt a smile curve my lips before I caught myself and bit my lip. My mother took my cheeks in her hands. “Don’t you dare feel bad about wanting their blood, about wanting them to scream.”
I held her small pale hand in my larger, tanned one. “If only their deaths assured no one would remember.” My tears were unexpected and the accompanying sobs more so. My parents held me and did what they could to soothe me.
After a long time, I calmed myself and leaned back to give my parents the closest thing to a smile I could manage. As subtly as I could, I asked, “Do…do you think Hyde will come back to work after he finds them?”
My mother stared at me intently and I had the strange feeling she could see into my soul and knew all the secrets I h
eld there. “I think, short of death, you will find it impossible to peel Hyde from your side for the rest of your days, Ellie.”
I nodded, picking pretend lint from the blanket over my lap. “Elliana, if you ever found someone to love, someone who loved you, we would welcome that person with open arms without questions or conditions. I hope you know that.”
I took my time answering. “I won’t ever find love like that. It’s just…there are so few people I…I care for, that I can trust, and whose company I can be easy in. When I lost Sensei Pendragon, I felt it deeply. He’d been my instructor for so many years. The people around me, who protect me and take care of me, I forget they’re paid. I forget they’re with me because I’m an assignment, a job. I try to forget.”
Lost in thought, I cleared my throat and admitted, “I have a pretend world. Bianca is my older sister who is more world-traveled and confident than me. If I have a question about something I overhear or see, I can ask her without feeling like she thinks I’m stupid. She’s so pretty, like a Valkyrie. Fierce and feminine.” I added quietly, “If I could choose a sister, it would be her.”
I glanced out the window with a smile, “Si taught me to cook and laughs with me when I mess up. When I accomplished the oh-so-delicate Crème Brule, he bought me a pastry torch of my own. It was engraved with my name and the date I’d gotten it right. Did I ever tell you that?” My parents shook their heads but didn’t speak. I was glad they didn’t.
“When I wanted to learn to ride a motorcycle, to feel what it was like to ride in open air instead of behind bulletproof glass, Fiaaz brought his own bike to a closed track. He put me in every piece of safety equipment he could find and spent all day showing me.” I laughed, remembering how many serious scratches I’d raked across his paint. “I caused a lot of damage but he thought it was funny.”
Obsession (Endurance) Page 2
