by T. R. Cupak
The Shadow has a name.
“Hunter Knight,” he adds.
Dear god, the name goes with the Adonis it belongs to.
“I’m Jordan, but you already know that.” He’s completely unhinged me and I’m a complete moron. The longer I lie here, the more my nerves are starting to get the best of me, again. I’m going to be a deranged lunatic if I don’t get some space.
“I can see that I’ve thrown you off and I want to apologize. As you have come to notice, patience is something I need to work on.”
“You think?”
“Jordan, I want nothing more than to fuck you until you can’t run away.”
“Oh, ok.” What else was I supposed to say? Even though it wasn’t discussed, I’m sure he plans on paying for my time tonight.
Hunter continues, “I don’t want to stop what we have already started, but I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to.”
“You’re already touching me.” I wanted to add “In more ways than one” but I knew better. I don’t deserve any more of this man than the paid time we have together. I’m broken, tainted, and saying I’m fucked up in the head is an understatement. Hell, I don’t even think I could ever really give myself to someone entirely. I have nothing to offer except my body, because the Demons of Life Past already own my mind.
“Precious, I’m going to kiss you and then I’m going to fuck you,” and that is all he says before positioning himself between my legs, his heart-shaped lips just a breath away, before connecting to mine.
I didn’t want to close my eyes. I wanted to take in all of Hunter, because now I feel like I was being punished all these years, deprived of seeing the handsome man above me.
“Hunter, wait.” He freezes; not really pulling away, but not moving his mouth anymore either. His eyes open; I didn’t mean to suck in my breath, but when you aren’t used to seeing haunted eyes looking back at you, it is an uncontrollable reaction. “Will you switch with me?” I quickly continue, before he gets the wrong idea.
“Why?” He pulls himself up just enough to gaze down without having the cyclops thing going on, you know, when you’re too close to someone and two eyes become one.
“You have an advantage. You have seen me plenty and this is the first time I’ve seen you.” Regret is all I feel after opening my stupid mouth. “If I have overstepped my boundaries I am more than happy stay where I am, Sir.”
You’re so stupid, J.
Hunter
I want to give her what she’s asking for. She deserves what she’s asking for, but my own insecurities won’t allow her that simple request. In time, yes, just not right now.
Now the vexing questions are; do I keep the path we are on and fuck her six ways from Sunday? Do I keep her naked and vulnerable while I confess who I am and what my intentions were and what they are now? Do I put a stop to what we have begun, because the more I get into my own head the more fucked up I realize this will be if I fuck her and then drop the bomb on her? That last question really messes with my mind. I want to have her, because in reality, this could be the last time I get to touch my Precious.
Jordan moves beneath me and I realize I’ve been too caught up with my scattered thoughts to answer her. God, she looks beautiful with her brown hair fanned out around her head and the curious cerulean eyes staring back up at me, studying my face, waiting for me to say or do something.
“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” I ask.
Her head slowly moves left to right. Her eyes never leaving my face, taking in all I’m allowing her to see; committing it to her memory.
“I wasn’t lying when I’ve told you in the past.”
“I couldn’t see your eyes to know you were being truthful,” her statement is as honest as it could be. I’m such a prick.
“Precious, I’m not going to blindfold you ever again, that is, unless you ask,” I tell her. I don’t want her to think I will keep her in the dark any longer. Her lips curl up at the ends and I can’t help my own smile.
“Hunter, are you going to fuck me now?” She’s getting restless beneath my body, pressing her hips up to drive the point home.
“Stay put, gorgeous.” Remembering that the condoms are in my suit coat on the breakfast bar, I reluctantly pull away, already missing the feel of her body pressed against mine.
“Nice ass,” she purrs out.
I stop at the door because her comment catches me off guard. I’m not used to hearing her comment about any of my physical features. I glance over my shoulder and she has this vibrant aura around her. It doesn’t go unnoticed that I bring this sense of calm to her. Jordan is usually shrouded by a dark cloud that never fully disappears. This is the first time I’ve ever seen her… happy.
“Are you going to stand there gawking or are you going to grab a condom and have your wicked way with me?” she teases.
“I thought you wanted to see all of me?” I challenge back.
“Oh, I will,” she adds playfully.
Taking the few short steps down her hallway I grab my jacket from the breakfast bar and search for the condoms in the inside pocket. My fingers touch the syringes first, causing me to cringe. They distract me from the task at hand. I begin to look around her closet-size apartment, really taking my surroundings; seeing the second hand, well, everything. Those fuckers took away her life as she knew it.
Jordan went from wealthy to near poverty in the blink of an eye; from going to a prestigious private school to getting a G.E.D.; driving a top of the line Mercedes to public transportation; a mansion to a tiny ass apartment; high end restaurants to drug and alcohol addiction; stable to clinically depressed and unstable. My insides coil knowing all the darkness she has endured and here I am, lying to her. I’m no better than those bastards. I could have befriended her like a normal human being and then told her who I was a long time ago. I could have been giving her the life she left behind instead of keeping her in this shithole. What the fuck am I really doing? Better yet, what the fuck am I going to do? I can’t seem to get out of my own crazy head.
“Hunter?”
“Sweet Jesus, woman!” I startle us both with my sudden outburst and quick spin to face her. “You scared the piss out of me.”
“I’m sorry, Sir. It’s just that you were taking a while and I, well, I don’t know what I thought considering your clothes are still on my bedroom floor,” her voice is meek, her eyes are downcast. The playful Jordan has gone just as quickly as she appeared.
Fuck.
Stepping towards her, I tilt her head up and see the ghosts that haunt her. My heart constricts knowing damn well that I may never be able to rid her of those evil predators. How does one fix a broken soul?
“Precious, please, for the love of all things holy, stop calling me Sir. My name is Hunter. That is the only name that I want to hear fall from that perfect mouth of yours, ok?”
She nods her understanding, her bottom lip caught between her teeth as her eyes begin to drift downward, not in a shy or “I’m in trouble” manner, but in a “Please let me see all of you” manner.
Her hand slowly begins to reach out, but she immediately drops it back to her side. I’ve caused this conflicting reaction from her. She’s second guessing everything she is doing all because I told her she couldn’t see me…yet.
“Do you want to touch me, Jordan?”
She nods.
I fucking hate myself.
Chapter Five
Jordan
Hunter is lying on my bed while I straddle his muscular midsection, admiring one of the most exquisite sights a girl could ever see. He wasn’t going to allow me to have my time just yet, but something changed when he was retrieving the condom from his suit pocket. The look he gave me when I reached out to touch him, but then thought better of the idea, was sullen. What could he have possibly been thinking at that moment? Of course, I have no right to ask, so I don’t.
After our brief interaction in my living area, he finally conceded, allowing me to
see all of him. So, for the past twenty plus minutes I have been lazily tracing the lines that I’ve traced blindly for years; each line that defines his biceps, chest, and steel-like abs. Even though I have felt these lines on many occasions it excites me in a different way now that I get to see what each one leads to. Hunter has squirmed a few times under my touch and I’m thankful he hasn’t stopped me from appreciating, him. My eyes want to consume all of him, but I will take as much in as he’ll allow.
Leaning down, I rest my forearms across his chest to study his face more closely. He doesn’t move or flinch; he just stays put, hands resting upon my hips. Hunter has faint freckles that cross the bridge of his nose that continue to his cheeks, just below his eyes, but that’s where they stop. Not that freckles are a bad thing, because he definitely makes freckles sexy as hell, but the rest of his face is as flawless as a face can be. It’s like someone pieced together the perfect man who is Hunter Knight.
Each time our eyes meet, his dick twitches from where it rests between our bodies; not fully hard but not soft by any means. I don’t want to stop admiring the man who makes my heart flutter and insides crave with a greedy need to be owned by this man, but I have only taken in the vision of Hunter’s torso up to his face. I still have the lower half of his body to visually explore, but God be damned if I’m not ready to be fucked, six ways from Sunday. I believe that was the phrase he used earlier and that last twitch rubbed right against my clit, setting my body on fire. By the look on his face, he knows I’m ready for him and he’s more than ready for me. I will have to admire the rest of the grand view later.
Just to prove the point, Hunter hands me the condom he’s been holding onto since coming back into my bedroom. I didn’t even have to ask. My body gives everything away. At least with him giving me the condom to put on, it’s a small reward that offers me the chance to see the cock he’s been fucking me with.
My initial reaction is holy hell; even his dick is perfection. Honestly, I’m beginning to feel inadequate to even be fucking someone like Hunter. Once my eyes had a chance to roam shamelessly over all of his godlike manliness I make a mental note that I will definitely need to take my time admiring every inch of him later. Right now, I want to watch as our two bodies become one.
Without wasting any more time, I tear the gold packet open with my teeth, discarding the wrapper onto the floor. Gripping his well-endowed package with one hand, I pinch the tip of the condom with my other hand, rolling it down his shaft. Once our thin layer of latex protection is securely in place, I bring myself over him, still holding his cock with one hand while positioning him at my entrance. Our eyes lock and that’s when I seat myself all the way down to the base. I wait a few seconds before moving my hips, giving myself a little time to adjust to having Hunter inside me.
My other two clients that I’m paid to sleep with aren’t as blessed in the male appendage department. If anything, they just barely meet the standard average. Oh, I’m not complaining. Where they lack in size they both make up for it in other ways. One has a tongue that will make your toes curl while the other is an expert in Tantra and Kama Sutra. Thank god I’m limber or every inch of me would be hurting after having my body twisted into various positions.
“Precious, start moving those hips or I’m taking over,” Hunter’s voice cuts through my indecent thoughts about my other two clients. How could my mind even drift from the man whose cock is currently taking up residence in my pussy?
Stop squirreling, J.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Is someone aching for a release?”
As soon as the last word leaves my lips, I reward Hunter with the rock of my hips; forward and back, forward and back, savoring how he feels inside me. I keep my hands anchored to his broad shoulders to control my movements. Seeing our bodies connected for the first time wakes something up inside me; something I have no business feeling, but it’s too strong to ignore.
If Hunter wanted me to come all he would have to do is command it. He knows it too. When it comes to him, it definitely doesn’t take much for me to spiral into a sated state.
“Are you taunting me, Jordan?” Looking down, I notice the crystal blue eyes I have recently become acquainted with are now a deep blue, like the Caribbean Sea on a stormy afternoon.
The death grip he has on my hips is borderline painful, but tolerable. I know he’s bruising my pale skin. This wouldn’t be the first time, and I hope it won’t be the last time he marks me. Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure he’s left some kind of mark on me almost every encounter we’ve had; hand prints on my ass, bite marks on my shoulders or inner thigh, bruises on my hips from his tight hold on me, and I may have even seen small hickeys a time or two. Is he marking his territory?
“That’s it,” is all he says before I’m flipped onto my back, again. “You had your chance, doll.”
Dammit.
Hunter wastes no time. My bed cries out with each thrust of his hips as he pounds me into the mattress. The springs are unforgiving, bouncing my body in an unflattering way.
“You’re going to come when I come, do you understand?” The question is huffed out between gritted teeth.
“Yes, Si-” he captures my mouth; tongue, teeth, lips and all, before the name he no longer wants to hear is mistakenly said.
“Goddamn, you feel way too good and it’s been far too long since I’ve been inside you.” His pace picks up and the top half of his body pulls away, planting one hand on my obnoxious bed, trying to steady the inconsistent bouncing, and the other hand finds my throat, choking me just enough to make me tighten down on his dick, relishing the feel of my life in his hand. “Precious,” he huffs out. My eyes snap open, meeting his stormy blues. “Come—now,” Hunter demands. And with that, my insides explode in the most magnificent way. My entire apartment complex would have known Hunter’s name, but the hand wrapped around my throat muted any sound or words that wanted to escape me.
In the wake of my orgasm, there’s a tingling sensation from my scalp to the tips of my toes. He’s made me come plenty of times before, but this was somehow different. He’s different and I don’t know if it’s because I’ve finally seen him or because we are in my space.
What’s different? I can’t put my finger on it.
Hunter has flipped us so I’m back on top of him. I don’t think he wants to break our connection since he hasn’t bothered pulling out yet; he’s still semi-hard and has a tight hold on me. I can feel his heart rapidly beating. It’s elevated like it would be if we were still having sex. My heart rate has calmed and because his is still pumping heavily has put my crazy mind back into freak out mode.
Maybe he wanted one last fuck. Maybe he really was planning on ending our arrangement this whole time. Maybe he is married and regrets taking off my blindfold because he’s made this more intimate. Maybe he’s, fuck, I don’t know. All these maybes are starting to repeat like a broken record. The anxious feelings that plagued me before he arrived are back. I need to get up. I need space. I need clothes. I need a fucking drink and my meds.
“I’ll be right back,” I tell Hunter, trying to pull out of his hold.
“Where are you going?” he queries, holding me even tighter than before.
“Bathroom.” He releases me and before I walk out I ask, “Can I get you something to drink first?”
“Extra dirty vodka martini. Thanks, Precious.”
Huh, he knows my go-to drink. Monte must have told him because whenever we’re together we only drink wine or champagne.
Grabbing my robe from my packed closet I pad down the mini hallway to the kitchen first, because let’s face it; I’m taking my medication with my drink. Before making the martini’s, I take a swig of the chilled vodka I pulled from the freezer. There’s a sense of embarrassment after preparing the martinis. Hunter has money and here I am serving him a martini with sub-par vodka in a water-spotted pint glass. He’s used to martini glasses and snifters and I don’t have either. Then again, why bother? It all tastes the same
, right? At least to me it doesn’t matter the brand of vodka or the style of barware. I quickly steal one more shot of vodka before putting it back where I got it from and head back to the bedroom to give Hunter his glass.
He’s already dressed. Shit.
“Here.” I half smile as I hand him his drink. Just when I turn to walk away he grabs my free hand before I can leave the room so I can lock myself in my bathroom and cry.
This is it. This is where he tells me he’s done. This is when he leaves my apartment and I never see him again.
“Hey. Stop. I wasn’t lying when I said I’m not ending this, whatever this is between us.” Hunter gestures between the two of us; his eyes telling me he’s being truthful.
Space, I still need space.
“Ok,” I respond with a shrug from my shoulders before I finally get to lock myself in the bathroom. I turn on the sink faucet and let my tears fall. The girl staring back at me in the mirror is hopeless and pathetic.
Hunter
Those sad eyes cut through me like a knife through soften butter. There is so much more to Jordan that she keeps guarded, hidden away so no one will pity her. A part of me wishes I never knew my father’s dirty secret. This woman has consumed my life without even knowing it. She’s broken and all I want to do is take the pain away, fix it; fix her.
When I sit my now empty glass down on her nightstand I spot a journal and pen. Curiosity killed the cat; thank fuck I’m not a cat.
Opening the notebook is one more mistake I can add to my growing list. Jordan remembers everything from that night. She relives those wicked memories every day. That’s hell. No, that’s pure fucking torture.
Turning page after page; glancing through her private thoughts, her reoccurring nightmares, sketches of faceless men, poems, and memories of our time together, has my stomach in knots. The journal entry I hone in on is one where she has given me, another faceless man in her life, a nickname, The Shadow. Another reason I’m no better than her attackers. My heart stutters a moment when I read an entry that states that she trusts me, a man she meets with on occasion and has never “seen” before today. I make her feel safe. I give her something to look forward to. At least these are words that I’m reading. Her reaction to me on numerous occasions says something different. She can be skittish, hesitant and unsure, but that could be her defense mechanism, or the drugs.
