by CORY CYR
Quinn was huddled in a deep conversation with Shea as I came into the living room. It was difficult because natural instinct would dictate that we hug each other. Shea looked up as I sat on the sofa, his eyes wide with concern. Trina refilled my coffee cup and handed it to me. The room was filled with awkward silence and sadness. I felt like there was a hole in my chest, like I might not survive this.
“I think we should go,” Quinn said, standing up. “Trina, you take Ryan. Andrew, I’ll drive us.”
I heard Shea get up and grumble and I hung my head, staring into my coffee cup.
“Come on, Ryan, let’s go,” Trina prodded gently, putting her arm through mine to help me up. I really did feel like a zombie, going through the motions even though I was dead.
Trina and I walked out to her car and drove in silence to the hospital. Maybe I didn’t want to know. Would it be better if I ran away and prayed that I could forget about the last four months? My mind was being bombarded with a hundred thoughts. If I’d never come back, I’d have never known. My dad’s indiscretion with the neighbor would have died with him. He had planned this; hell, even if I’d stayed in New York, I would have found out via the trust and the damn attorney. But then, it wouldn’t really matter, not like it does now. Because I fell in love with him. I loved Shea. How in the fuck was I going to handle this?
We arrived at hospital ten minutes later. Quinn and Shea parked next to us. It was a quiet trip for all four of us as we ventured into the hospital and confirmed that the laboratory was on the sixth floor.
“You guys take the elevator. I want to take the stairs,” I said as I began walking to the corridor that was marked Stairs.
Shea came after me. “I’ll walk with you.”
“No, I want to be by myself,” I said, avoiding his gaze. It was too hard to be this close to him without falling apart. I wanted so much to touch him and kiss him, but the reality of today’s purpose was stifling my emotions. I saw him out of the corner of my eye as I opened the door to the stairway, and he looked rejected, crushed. I heard the elevator door close as I began my journey up six flights of stairs.
They were waiting for me as I exited the stairwell. We were a morose looking bunch as we found the lab and entered the waiting room.
I watched a burly man in a lab coat approach us. “Mr. James?” he asked, looking at Quinn.
“Yes—you must be Dr. Adams,” Quinn said, shaking his hand.
“I understand that this is a special circumstance issue. Normally a Buccal test takes at least five days, but we’re going to rush it, so we’ll try our best to have the results within seventy-two hours. I’ll assume that’s acceptable?” Dr. Adams inquired as he handed a clipboard to Quinn.
Quinn just nodded his head. “If that’s the best you can do, then it appears that we are at your mercy.”
“I’ll need general information about the two alleged siblings.”
Quinn turned, handing the clipboard to me. I took a seat against the far wall and began filling out the form. My eyes were so strained from crying and lack of sleep that I could hardly see the questions. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. My lips trembled as I watched Shea fill out his paperwork.
How could I have not known? If I thought about it and tried to fit all the puzzle pieces together, had I had any inkling? Had I, on some subconscious level, ignored blatant red flags? God, I didn’t want to be here, and I didn’t want to know. I lifted my head and watched Shea as he continued to write. He too was agitated, and I could see his jaw ticking. When he was done, he handed the clipboard back to the doctor, passing a glance over to me. He gave a half-hearted smile, causing me to look away.
A nurse came out to get me and led me into another room. My feet dragged as I followed her.
“Say ‘ah.’ This will only take a second,” she said as she swabbed the inside my cheek with what looked like a cotton swab. I watched her put the swab into a glass tube and seal it. I returned to the waiting room and watched as the same nurse led Shea away. A few minutes later, he came out.
“See? Not so bad, was it? We’ll start the testing right away. I’ll call you when we have the results,” Dr. Adams informed us and headed back into the lab.
As we started to leave, another nurse showed up and stopped us at the door.
“I need to talk to you,” she said, her eyes darting between Trina and Shea. “There are things you need to know.” Her eyes drifted back to the lab. “We can’t talk right now; it’s too complicated and I could lose my job. You’re coming back, right?” the nurse asked. She was clearly nervous when she spoke.
“Yes, we’ll be back in three days. What’s this about?” Quinn asked, cautiously pushing Trina behind him.
The nurse stopped him as she handed Quinn a card. “My name is Celia. Please contact me because I need to talk to both of you about your mom and dad. I need to get back to work now—please call.” She was emphatic as she continued to stare at Trina and Shea. When she walked down the hall, Trina looked at Quinn.
“What the hell was that?” she asked, snatching the card out of Quinn’s grasp.
“I have no idea,” Quinn replied looking very confused as he opened the door for us to leave, Trina looked at me, shrugging her shoulders, and her eyes filled with sadness.
In the past few days, my life had been turned upside down, first with the lawyer stating that I had a brother, then with my dad who evidently had an affair with my best friend’s mother, and now a mysterious nurse who spoke cryptically.
I didn’t think I could take anymore; the only positive thing was that the nurse had directed her conversation to Trina and Shea. What she had to say did not involve me. I could hear Shea arguing with Quinn as we went to the parking lot. He didn’t want to leave me. Just before we got to Trina’s car, I stopped and walked over to where Shea was standing.
“I’ll see you in three days. You need to let Quinn take you home,” I said as my eyes lingered on his, and they were wet as well as unhappy. He was going to my house, which was supposed to be our home. I wrapped my arms around my waist as Shea caught a stray hair of mine in his hand, moving close enough to me so I could scent his aftershave. My body didn’t care if we were related, heat traveled into every part of me. I felt like we hadn’t been together in months, and I was so hungry for his touch, his everything. Regardless of how my body was reacting, the thought of us being related and everything we had done made me nauseous.
“Please, just go,” I begged, as I stepped back and dropped into Trina’s car. We drove away, with Quinn following us until we came to the intersection. I watched as Quinn’s car turned on Cresson Street to take Shea to my house.
“Just three days, Ryan, then we’ll know the truth,” Trina said, reaching over to pat my hand.
“Then what, what do I do with the knowledge that the man I’m in love with is my brother? What happens then?”
Trina didn’t say anything and I knew it was because there was no answer. As soon as we got back to her condo, I bolted for the guest bedroom. All I wanted to do was sleep. It was the only time when my thoughts weren’t blasted with the pain of not knowing the truth. In my dreams, I was with Shea. We were making love and laughing, and we were happy. Every time I woke up, I was faced with the possibility that having the man I would love forever would only happen in my dreams.
Why had my father kept the identity of my sibling a secret? How could he have let all the abuse Shea went through happen? Why had he never stepped in and claimed his child? My dad would have never guessed in a million years that Shea and I would have ended up together, so why couldn’t he just tell me or even write me about it. Okay, I would have been freaked out. My dad . . . he had been the most conservative person I’d ever known. It was hard to fathom him having a fling with a woman, let alone getting her pregnant. I guess he wasn’t as perfect as he showed the world. It seemed we both had secrets. But if Shea was my brother, then my dad was with Evie when I was a teenager. Why didn’t I suspect him? How had I not been aware? My reality was that my self
ishness had been a great part of me for many years—from my teenage years to the suffering in my present situation. Maybe if I had bothered to have a conversation with him, or any kind of relationship, he would have bared his soul, but I had pushed him away. I tried to think back to when I was thirteen, hoping to remember a clue, anything that was out of the norm. Nothing came to me. If he hadn’t died, I probably wouldn’t know about this, I had no idea if Evie would have held on to her secret or eventually had told him. One thing I knew for sure was that if I had known, I wouldn’t have come back here . . . I wouldn’t have fallen in love with Shea. Just that thought started me on another downhill spiral of grief and tears. He had told me that he would gladly repeat every trauma he suffered in his past if it led to me. Could I say the same?
I had never felt such a deep connection to anyone. Being with him had changed me inside and out. I couldn’t imagine living without him. Shea was my reason for existence.
Chapter THIRTY-ONE
The next seventy-two hours felt like a lifetime. Shea sent me at least a dozen text messages a day. He was just as miserable as I was. Well, maybe not, because he refused to believe that it was true, and he just naturally assumed our love would conquer all.
Quinn got the call Wednesday night—the results were back. I went to bed early, tossing and turning, and as if Shea knew, he called me at eleven.
“Baby, God, I miss you so damn much.” I could hear his voice cracking.
“I’ll be seeing you in another ten hours,” I replied shakily.
He made a choking sound and I knew he was crying, and that knowledge broke my heart. I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I tried to swallow back a sob.
“Shea,” I breathed.
“I need you, baby, so much. I’m so lost without you.” I worried that he was going to crumble. I was already in pieces. “Tell me you still love me,” Shea whispered into the phone.
I started sobbing loudly, trying to smother my cries with my hand because I didn’t want to wake up Trina and Quinn.
“I’m sorry . . . please, don’t cry . . . please, baby.”
“I’ll always love you Shea, always—but . . .”
“But,” I could hear his voice shake as he repeated the word.
“I have to go, Shea, please. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I disconnected and turned off my phone. I lay looking up at the ceiling, my body clamoring with silent screams. There would be no sleep for me tonight.
As I predicted, I tossed and turned the rest of the night. I finally got up and showered at five in the morning. I felt drained, exhausted. I found Quinn and Trina in the kitchen drinking coffee.
“You didn’t sleep?” Trina asked as she handed me a cup of coffee. I shook my head as I took a sip.
“It will be alright, Ryan, somehow you’ll get through this,” Quinn said supportively, rinsing out his coffee cup. “What’s going on appears to be extremely complicated, and I have to admit I’m even mystified. I called and spoke to Celia that nurse, and she’s meeting with all of us after the test results. I have no idea what this is about, but frankly I am intrigued.”
I had to admit I was wondering about that nurse too. If she had any information regarding what was going on, I wanted to know. This time, Quinn stopped by my house and picked up Shea so we could all go in one car. Trina and I sat in the back of Quinn’s Mercedes and Shea sat up front with him. As he got into the car, I noticed he looked as ragged as I did, his face was pale and unshaven, and he looked exhausted. I wondered if he was shaking inside as I was.
In the next thirty minutes, I would find out the results and the truth would be revealed. I had always thought not telling Shea about Garrison was the biggest deception there was, but what my dad and Evie had done far surpassed this. Evie had an excuse—she was mentally unstable, but my father, and his deceit, would demolish lives across the board.
We pulled into the hospital parking lot in silence. Snow littered the ground as I stepped out of the car, hugging myself more due to fear than cold. I took the stairs once again by myself, stopping half way, pressing my body up against the walls. I didn’t want to know the truth, and my flight instincts were kicking in so much that I desperately just wanted to run away. I didn’t want to know. Maybe this was my retribution for living a lie with Garrison, leaving my dad and for loving the kid I used to babysit. My body slid down the wall, and I felt a crushing pain in my chest as panic began to takeover. I couldn’t get air, I couldn’t breathe.
I heard my name called as I felt a rushing in my ears. I closed my eyes, praying for the darkness to take me.
“Baby.”
My eyes snapped open as Shea scooped me up in his arms. He stood there, cradled me in his arms, and his face filled with all the same pain I felt.
“Did you find her?” I heard Trina yell down the stairwell.
“Yeah, she’s okay. I have her,” Shea called out as he held me close.
“Ryan,” he murmured as he carried me up the stairs. “When you didn’t meet us at the elevator, I knew something was wrong.” His hand swept my hair away from my forehead. “Everything will be okay—I’m here baby, always.” Shea pressed a kiss to my forehead. I shivered from the first contact I’d had from him in a week. Quinn held the door open as Shea walked through it, carrying me to where Trina was, and set me down gently.
“Are you okay, Ryan?” Trina asked, putting her arm around me. My shoulders slumped in reply, as my eyes glazed over. Trina guided me to the laboratory, followed by Shea and Quinn. Dr. Adams was waiting for us, and my eyes lifted to his, hoping I could see any sign of what the results were.
“Miss Chase, you want to come with me?” I stood there with a blank expression, knowing I heard the words but not knowing how to answer. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that nurse, Celia. Something in her expression comforted me. She gave me a slight smile then gathered up some files and exited the lab.
“No, just tell me—right here,” I croaked as my stomach lurched with nausea. I felt dizzy as sweat prickled my skin. Dr. Adams put a chair under me, sensing my distress. I sat down, my knuckles turning white as I gripped the sides of the chair with the knowledge that, within minutes, my life would be shattered.
“Mr. Michaels, do you want privacy or can I assume that it’s acceptable for everyone to hear the results?”
Shea look irritated. “Just get on with it,” he muttered, frowning with annoyance.
Everyone watched as Dr. Adams opened a file folder and removed its contents. Trina sat down next to me, gripping one of my hands.
“The test results reveal that there is a 99.9 percent probability that Mr. Michaels and Miss Chase are not related.”
Trina gripped my hand tighter, hearing the results. I was positive I hadn’t heard correctly. They must have gotten the test wrong. The estate clearly named Shea as my sibling. I could hear talking and laughing around me, but I was too powerless to respond. I could see Quinn shaking Shea’s hand and Trina hugging Shea. Shea moved over to me and kneeled down to my eye level, balancing his hands on my thighs.
“Baby, it’s over,” he said as he stood up, pulling me into his arms. His scent enveloped me as I held onto him. I was so overwhelmed with emotion, I couldn’t speak. As I fisted his sweater, I began to cry.
Shea tipped my chin up with his finger. “It’s alright, Ryan, the fucking nightmare is over,” he bent down and whispered into my ear.
“I knew it had to be a mistake. Wow, someone really screwed up,” Trina chimed in. She threw her arms around both Shea and me, exhaling a sigh of relief.
“I think someone needs to have a little chat with that estate lawyer. He really caused a lot of chaos with his presumptions,” Quinn exclaimed, flustered. Trina walked back over to Quinn and put her hand in his.
“At least it wasn’t true, let’s be grateful for that,” Trina said, yawning. “I don’t think I could have handled any more drama.”
Shea pulled out of our embrace and sat me back in the chair.
“It doesn
’t make sense. I read the estate documents, I mean, shit, it was all there.” Shea was running his hands through his hair, his blue eyes filled with confusion. “It clearly listed me as Ryan’s sibling. My actual name was on the paper—it doesn’t make sense.”
“Then someone messed up, maybe a clerical error . . . that’s it, somehow,” Trina speculated, trying to comfort her brother.
I stood up and looked at Shea, “But you said you didn’t believe it was true.”
“No baby, the fact is I had no idea if it was true, but I needed to be strong for you. I honestly didn’t know for sure. All I do know is that now it’s over and all I care about is spending the rest of my life with the woman I love.”
“Let’s get out of here, we’ll figure this out after we’ve had some lunch,” Quinn said, squeezing Trina’s hand. For some reason, the reality of the truth hadn’t sunk in. I had been preparing for the worst, and now I was having difficulty accepting the fact that Shea and I were not related.
“Wait, aren’t we supposed to talk to that nurse?” I asked Quinn. I really was interested in hearing what she had to say and why she had been so cryptic a few days ago.
Quinn nodded as we watched the nurse coming down the hall.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you my story over the phone, but it’s a story that needs to be told face to face,” Celia said, holding file folders in one hand and directing us to another office door. Once inside it appeared to be a meeting room of some sort. There was a long table with at least ten chairs. A pitcher and glasses were set in the middle of the table. On one wall were three x-ray film viewers, and on the counter a large video player.
“We hold family consultations here,” Celia explained as she locked the door and pulled the blinds. “Please sit down.”
Reluctantly we all sat down. Shea pulled his chair close to mind so he could hold my hand. As we sat there, I felt the pad of his thumb as it rubbed the inside of my palm. It was a comforting motion, and for the first time in a week, I almost let myself exhale.
